>Dear Diary desu ~
I’ve just woke from a terrible dream (I had a natural drive to say malodious even though I have now been informed that that is not a word and I am a cunt) At my bus stop, thinking about the rather good events of the last day. The gril who sits in front of me in-front of me in my last class had smiled at one of my stupid jokes. (She is not single, but we talk often and have the same interests. This gives me casus belli to dream of railing her sylvan guts into mush before I punch out her Chertish little teeth with my cumshot.) I looked over to the seat next to me and saw a woman shivering (Frumpy, hook nosed but in an Italian way rather than a yahoodi one. I know a lot of people hate the Jews but I hate Italians more. All together not great.) It was rather cold and she had not worn a jacket. I offered her mine. Some time passed and she did not respond. I became aware of the fact that I could for some reason not pull back the hand holding out my jacket. She looked at me and I dreaded the idea of her asking “Why is your hand out“ and in so asking imply that I had some malicious intent. But, no, she just started incoherently screeching, sweating, lactating, whooping, and crying all at the same time. I smiled and no one else noticed. Yet more time went by and I thought “where is our bus.“ I was still unable to move my arm and she was still wailing about. Eventually the bus came and her and I got up at the exact same time and walked in tandem on the bus. The ride went on, neither of us able to stop the things we were doing (both of which seemed absolutely disgusting to me), and the bus stopped at her apartment complex. We got out our pair continued on and once we reached her door she stopped, said thank you, took my jacket, and went inside. My arm fell limp and I thought to myself that I really need a cigarette. I went for my pocket and of course my pocket and my jacket were both gone. I could not believe that I would ave given away my cigarettes so I decided that this must be a dream and began to walk to the drugstore to buy more.
Should I white about this in more depth or is the idea shit? Also I know that the writing is shit and there was a lot I left out. Pls no bully.
More pls
>>9042897
Holy...
>>9044242
What did you think of it?
>>9044928
I want more.
>>9044953
For real tho, Ima give it to you straight.
See this sentence:
>My arm fell limp and I thought to myself that I really need a cigarette
Nigger, it's first person. You don't need to say that you think to yourself. Who the fuck else are you going to be thinking to?
You repeat similar shit like this a lot and stuff like that is a pitfall for inexperienced writers who try to use first person. Also some of the sentences simply don't work grammatically.
Other than that, what the fuck are you trying to say. I feel like I'm being falling victim to an epic troll. Also post in the critique thread.
>>9044967
Thank you for the advice.
I am not trolling. Though, I don't know what I was trying to say. It was just exactly what dreamed and for some reason I felt a need to write it.
>>9044967
Also, Sorry for not remembering the critique thread.
>>9042897
I thought that this was legit humorous in an absurdist kinda way. I do find your use of parentheses a bit weird, but its fine when its just for a short text like this. It also feels a bit like rambling, but again, it fits the style and is fine for short stuff like this. I think it could definitely be expanded upon.
Wouldn't read it unless you fixed the formatting though.
This is a good story and I need more!
>>9045011
The parentheses whether ironic or not are the best part. A lot like what Dostojewski did with Notes
>>9046155
(A bad witticism, but I won’t cross it out. I wrote it thinking it would come out very witty; but now, seeing for myself that I simply had a vile wish to swagger – I purposely won’t cross it out!)
Came here to read some more diary desu.
>>9046155
yup
>>9042897
'Malodious' is a word - in the sense you're obv thinking of 'malodorous'. Reads kind of low-IQ-y.