openers? i feel mine is a little clunky what about you guyses

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>>9033738
I always liked white noises opening (ignore the annotations)

>>9033781
die

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>>9033786
Someone never went to college

>>9033815
yeah cuz im in high school

underageb&

>I plodded up the steps into the bright lights of the television showroom and explained myself to a national audience.
I don't know your story but this is probably infinitely better.

>>9033830
its not

"good" try tho

>>9033842
It's far better than your turgid nonsense. There's no green room in show business where guests have to walk through a lightless hallway to get to the stage. How the fuck can a showroom even be "brisk" in the first place? Cameramen are also typically not the ones to query the guest - that's the task of the host.

>>9033738
Start with "The man holding the camera begged me..."

>>9033863
you aint gotta clue booboobear

youre good at this

>>9033870
>I feel mine is a little clunky
>Okay, here's how it's clunky...
>FUCK YOU, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY GENIUS REEEEEEEEEEEE
How pathetic

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>>9033872
caught a big one today boys

>>9033863
also i just read what you wrote here, and i was basing the whole ordeal off of the wack packers of howard stern, where the cameraman does perform a little interview of the little goofballs in the hallway as they walk. the character isnt in a lightless hallway either he has shit dick eyesight. its a little less obvious than the plastic wrapped sex manga youre always sticking your nose into.

>>9033738
bro...that's straight up garbage.

i say that not as an asshole but as kindly as possible.

if that's really the best introduction to your story you could come up with...it doesn't bode well for the rest of it

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>>9035034

Why has every poster in /lit/ critique threads adopted this sort of dreary, forced, snarky whimsy in what they write? Is this about aping pomo or some shit? Every contribution without fail is some tongue-in-cheek nonsense about some irreverent self-insert in a vague modern setting, and every single sentence will contains some weird, faggy witticism.