Thread replies: 8
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1
Anonymous
Can I have a chance of ever writing anything good? 2017-01-25 09:14:36 Post No. 9019456
[Report] Image search: [Google]
Can I have a chance of ever writing anything good? 2017-01-25 09:14:36 Post No. 9019456
[Report] Image search: [Google]
File: images.jpg (6KB, 276x183px) Image search:
[Google]
6KB, 276x183px
Can I have a chance of ever writing anything good?
Anonymous
2017-01-25 09:14:36
Post No. 9019456
[Report]
Critique required.
In the green vineyards of my heart
Where there is a facade of peaceful clime
There lie the dusty cellars of the past
Where a vintage grows bitter with time
Those fools, the wise men, what do they know
Of paradoxes, confusing and vexing?
When in the same vessel love and hate do they sow
They will find their wisdom is increasing
O my love, long have I wished for relief
An end to this torture, pain, you and me
And yet I dare not end this miserable life brief
For fear that when I forget all, I will remember thee
And though my hate grows strong, do know this
My love is my soul, my life, my curse, my bliss
>>
>>9019456
how about u dont selfishly start a new thread for each of your shitty prose OP, how about that
this one would land a decent grade in a high school poem class but
dont use archaic language when there is also modern language sprinkled throughout
i liked the comparison in the wine to the old men but then you jumped to typical romantic bs and you dont even repeat the wine/vineyard motif in the last half, rendering it pointless.
like i want to know as a reader why it is set at a vineyard and what is the importance to this is towards the poets feelings of love
its ok at as a very quick first draft
>>
>>9019473
Thank you for taking the time.
>>
>>9019456
Read more senpai
>>
>>9019456
Why are you writing in an affected romantic style? Is it because you think it's "poetic?" This stuff was getting old in the 1820s.
Why would you pretend to be Shelley when we've got the real thing?
>>
>>9019636
What? I'm just expressing myself. Cliched writing shouldn't be a worry at this stage
>>
I wrote this 15 minutes ago about myself and the guy beside me on the train. I feels good to type something out, even if it rarely's anything but shit.
Restless drumming of fingers
The traveler is writing his farewell e-mail. Somehow the keyboard won't agree. He seeks inspiration in the window, but they're passing through a tunnel and all he's faced with is himself. A reflection? Cliche!
He tosses the thought away.
This train was supposed to make him original.
>>
>>9020555
Well, I like the fact that you just wrote one spontaneously. However it's not very poetical at all.
Thread posts: 8
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1