Write what's on your mind

>>8991236
I am easily moved to tears.

I don't know if I should go back again.

I'm going to write every single word that comes to mind and try to make something readable (oh sure) out of it, starting now:

The yeast is ridden in the garment. Yeast retains their rancid funneling which makes me think I need more food in my tummy. Gabriel tried funneling through the yeast yet Yuri was escalated towards radioactive gangrene. Humbly I said, "For you, I see, for me I wanted friends!", shrieking, I stumbled and gave him a blowjob. "Fuck, for me it is yeast!", he said. I never went back.

>>8991236
i'm wasting all my parents money because of my bad health, i'm afraid i'll never be able to pay it back

>>8991384
pay it back with obedience and love

I don't know what I am doing with my life. I am 26. I didn't like college so I dropped out and worked with a friend doing odd jobs until he wanted to get a "real job" where he didn't have to think about anything, I guess. I couldn't continue it because I don't have a vehicle and can't get one, and that also limits my ability to get a "real job" since everything is so far away from everything else in America and public transport is non-existent in my town. I have been a NEET for two years.

My interests change all the time too, so I can never really settle on something I might want to do. I know I want to work for myself but not do something shitty like programming that I have tried and just can't grasp.

I don't really know what to do, and I feel stuck. I think that even if I did know what to do I wouldn't do it because change is hard for me.

/lit/ really seems to like these threads

>>8991236
I hope that the washing machine doesn't disturb my neighbors, but I need a pair of clean socks for tomorrow morning

>>8991414
I hope you impress your interviewer or gf or something

>>8991236
What should I wear tomorrow? The same jacket and a different white T shirt I put on everyday?

>>8991436
Fry?

>>8991439
?

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I have for some time now unsuccessfully tried to fathom and recreate the exact state of mind of Thomas Bernhard in this picture.

>>8991451
Pro tip: You can't.

>>8991458
That's not a pro tip at all.

>>8991462
Pro tip: You can't unprotip this pro tip.

I should get on a diet but I can't stop eating bread with something ;-;

>>8991236
Recently I've been feeling lonelier and lonelier and think about suicide a lot. When I'm not thinking about that I'm thinking about robbing people and this girl I like. She likes somebody else and I hear there going on a date soon so hopefully that doesn't work.

>>8991403
Move to a city in some third world country and get a job there.
At the very least, you'll be able to walk places. Your neet money will last longer. You'll learn a new language.

>>8991470
Then start eating bread without anything.

>>8991467
Well fuck you, buddy, we'll see who's having the last laugh. We've had quite a bit of ice and snow here lately, so I'll go buy a hat and maybe a respiratory illness, too.

>>8991478
Feels dry when I eat bread alone. Also it doesn't matter since I eat around 4 daily

>>8991421
Since I work in a very dirty and cold place so winter socks are a must-have.
This work gives me only weekends or nights for washing things, sadly i've overused every pair of socks in my possession, tonight all are smelly as hell. Apparence is not required in my job but i don't want to surpass the border between lazyness and became stinky/start rumors

>>8991236
Getting busy

For some reason I can't concentrate at all today and am agitated at the slightest thing. I wish it was tomorrow already. I made a batch of homemade hummus and it's pretty good. I would probably feel better if I cleaned. I wish I lived on my own so I only had to take care and be responsible for my own trash and squalor instead of others who either don't recognize my efforts or worse: realize them but don't care at all. I would go on a walk, but I hate walking in the city; trash on the sidewalk disgusts me and I can see the pollution in the air. People aren't meant to live this close to eac other, especially ones that never communicate.

Most people you meet will have nothing to offer. The chances are, you have nothing to offer me, and I have nothing to offer you. You're wasting your time. I'm wasting your time. I'm wasting my time. Those times are different. This is totally not my place. I'm going to sleep. You're all /r9k/posters with better vocabularies. Settle for less.

I hate women. I finally said it. My mom used to beat me and I would shut down and have never been able to communicate well with them and I have hatred for them. Its a long chain of cause and effect and I do have a part, Im not just a victim, and Im trying to change but the pain involved in that struggle to change brings up my hatred often.

Over the years Ive learned how to get into womens pants and have been slutting it up. This is the opposite of what I actually want which is a meaningful relationship.

Thats where Im at. I hate women

>>8991663
I won't settle for anything less than you, senpai.

>>8991236
Nothing i have read has changed my life
It's just a temporary catharsis that makes me feel better for a couple of days or so.
Maybe i am narrow minded or just a brainlet

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Mainly concern that my beer is almost empty.

I like reading and shit but I have learnt nothing from them. Yeh the shy girl but a slut when she is clubbing.

>>8991236
I should be reading.

Reminder that if you sincerely post in these threads you need to eat a bullet

>>8991774
Are you sincere about that?

>>8991774
Nice post-irony there, champ.

>>8991236
I wish I was happy

>>8991406
any chance you get to write, might as well take it

>>8991716
That's because only first person experience can change your life.

>>8991476

I would prefer not to.

The stranger was actually more funny than depressing

How did I get so depressed?

300 days off social contact and alienating all of my friends i condemned myself to become a hermit.
The plan was to improve myself, find a job and rebuild self-esteem by following Maslow's actualization ponzi scheme.
Spending energy to construct lies, appearances of being busy, wealthy and sought after failure of a writer have taken its toll. Realization that being dependent on friend mocking your case caused, counter intuitively, more anguish and anxiety than relief of not being in touch. Ditching shemale porn in the process and abstaining from masturbation was the only straw to grasp in my 38 year old mess of an existence.
Slowly realizing that in order to redeem myself in a biblical manner and not completely decompose in the abyss of crippling depression, hopelessness, despair and misery i had to do something - quick.

"I don't care what you have to say!" I only heard the second time around over street noise.
Supposedly this life coach was the best. After worthless masters degree i took out one final loan, the last plunge (not to mention the hit i took because i had to buy bitcoins) to get educated by the best deepest darknet has to offer.
Pressing my phone harder against my ear not to miss any of this $800/hr para psychological advice i tried to find a quiet spot.

>>8991236
im horny af

idk if i should get an associates degree in physical therapy assistance or not
what if i suck at it
guess it's better than messing with computer stuff though

>>8991475
High school is tough, for sure.

>>8991541
Seriously, just move out of the city.

>>8991720
Take this shit to facebook

>>8991790
Best wishes anon

>>8991857
Could be a variety of reasons

>>8991663
>>8991666
lol

I have the ugliest fucking teeth but I have no money and courage to fix it.

>>8991929
Japanese ppl love that shit

>>8991955
[citation needed]

I need to use accutane once again. This makes me terribly sad .

I am motivated to study hard this semester. I am finally taking control of my life

>>8992143
Good for you anon, what are you studying?

>>8992147
Calc 3
Physics Optics and Magnetism
Engineering

I seem to be physically incapable of crying unless I'm talking to my mom on the phone, in which case I have to hold back tears no matter what we're talking about. I have an interview for the radio station in a couple hours. I am tempted to get extremely drunk when that's finished. People much younger than me are more successful at what I do than I will likely ever be. I am old for my place in life. People don't like me in the city I moved to, either because I have mentally begun to slip during the interim or because there is some demographic difference from home. I feel isolated from the people around me in every way I can think of. I hope that nothing horrific happens and shifts my perspective to a worse one. I hope I'm not alone.

I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe wait. I love her, but I somehow know she does not. This is really eating me up. Maybe I should stop being this close to her.

>>8992264
Tell her then, if she does not just move on

Just have to keep myself occupied with puzzles and literature and music so I don't start to dwell on how much I dislike myself. It's working today at least. I also want to become more ascetic. I don't even know why, just seems like something I want to do. But masturbation and junk food and alcohol are too pleasurable. Whenever I try to quit I slip within a few days.

>>8992159
Don't slack off on your problem sets. You'll make it anon. Don't forget to get a dose of pure math in there when your applied courses drag on.

I have had two weeks of vacation time, which is about to come to a close, (un)fortunately in the midst of a snowy winter sheltered at home so there have been no exciting outdoors adventures for any notable amount of time.

What this period has given me is time to recreate some mindful habits including daily meditation and journal exercises as well as completing a hefty amount of reading, writing, and studying. I never enjoyed a prescribed lesson plan and thus never bothered with post secondary education opting for a more hands on career that fits my lifestyle; an allowance for a deep need of free time (one of the things I value most in the world). I am at heart an ardent autodidact. I get joy from knowledge and thus I keep learning but have no desire to flush vast amounts of cash down the drain when everything is so readily available for pennies. I want to be a writer anyhow, which to me if I make it is no job at all it is a passion I continue to do for free until I die.

All of this free time has given way to contemplation on other interests too and will require me to bend my own rules. I want to shore up my knowledge on mathematics and logic so I think I am going to either hire a reputable tutor or go to some relatively cheap but effective classes to get the basics down despite spending money on either option. Math and logic are languages I want to learn quite badly, so I can start studying STEM subjects on my own, but find myself fumbling with far too often so I will concede and seek external help.

>>8991666
teach me to get in their pants sensei

>>8992293
I have told her. In the past. I was rejected. I stopped talking to her but somehow she is back in my life and is closer than ever.

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I have scammed of $9000 by someone overseas. But I know I can find that fucker and make him pay for betraying my trust. When I find him I will get another $9000, convert them into rupees and make him swallow it all! But I dont know. Maybe I am or my subconscious is drowning me in thoughts of revenge so I can mask my stupidity from my sane self. I have never been a capable person so I always took risks, always trusted wrong people and expected good outcomes to come. I don't know any other way to get success and money. Hard work and moving in small steps seem so futile, so consuming. It is the sanest option, but I am too addicted to this.

I have no idea if she is interested in me or if I am simply misreading her friendliness

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>>8991236
I've never been a proud man.

The black shoes scissor-swaying across the pavement below me have always been those of a person, nobody in particular. Many people give off the impression that beneath their deceptively singular human visage lies a sleeping Ulysses. This mute tragic hero can never be seen, least of all by the one putting on the guise, as nothing would kill Hamlet faster than the knowledge that he is a dream. However, it's not like these personas lie completely dormant. They apparate subtly in a tone of voice or a certain geometry of the body. Like Caesar's ghost descending from a bedroom closet your closest friend announces his plan to head to the liquor store, his every word another rhetorical swish of Cicero's tongue. He dances out the door like a consul on parade and returns to his own private last supper of Pabst and Kraft Dinner.

What a world that must be, to become Christ one minute then betray him as Iscariot the next, to be a slave to history and time. What a blessing to inhabit the beautiful paradox of being something which strives to become nothing at all.

Yet wherever I look, I can't help but see.

I've been dreaming lately so I think we're coming close to the end. I can already feel mythology creeping up on me. I've already been there, on mescaline in McDonalds, beheading my father with my own blade before ignobly penetrating the overweight cashier I knew to be my own mother, yet providence drove me onwards and outwards and onwards again.

I birthed myself and awoke to find I had a craving for a peanut butter, banana and bacon sandwich, humming 'Blue Suede Shoes' as I readied the pan.

>>8992363
You're just lonely.

We saw galaxies form
And heard black holes collide
We glimpsed endlessness
Shut our eyes and ears
And dreamed of ourselves

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>tfw to intelligent for /lit/

My friends hate each other and there's nothing I can do.

I have the speaking skills of a cat with Tourette Syndrome, nothing I do is meaningful to others, and my eyes hurt. Other than that I'm having a perfectly nice day.

>>8991406
Better than the fucking bookshelf or new purchases threads
>look what i just got
>did i do good, /lit/?
>does literally anyone have better taste than me?

I hate college and have no job. I want a career already, but I'm struggling of bordem.
I recently spent $1600 from working seasonal ($3400 in total but Supreme, ASSC, Palace came into my life and yes im """""fuccboi""""")
I should just do things my way and just do what makes me happy.

Taxi Driver is one of the funniest movies of all time. Those 70s dramatic sound effects. When he takes her on a "date" to the porn theater. It's halfway between Psycho and the Rodge manifesto.

Hope I get accepted into the school I want to for my masters.

Life is actually quite nice right now

>>8991859
was the couch worth it and did you find them on a market or what would one have to search on grams? Good luck and honestly mindfulness helps I've found

why delete the zizek thread?

>>8992658
i just laughed out loud remembering that scene

>>8992254
Absolutely no relation to my experiences, but I feel the most sympathy for this one.

I feel betrayed by myself. It's as if I swam through acres of delusion for something outright unrequited anyway. Leaning on love as a crutch will only prolong the search for more crutches as each splinters and rots.

>>8991236

It is a source of wonder and vonfusion to me that I haven't yet had it in me to simply walk away, to throw in the towel. To quit. This laborious path of treading a worthless existence, condemned to mediocrity and the constant anguishing sensation of insufficiency. If only they knew, how much I envy how easy it must be for them to simply go with the flow. I imagine this must be what it would feel like to be stranded and alone in a foreign land where there were nobody around capable of talking to you. What's worse is these foreigners to me do speak the same tongue as I, and yet still I am incapable of reaching out.

I get by, if it means to barely stay afloat down this stream of self-doubt and pity, just barely scraping up enough from the bottom of the brook of despair for me to sustain one more day.

Drifting on my back in this current toward the inevitable waterfall I face by the end of this, I reflect on the one star to whom my gaze always fixates. I've seen many and loved many but none quite so much as this, yet unfortunately, she is as distant as she seems cold through this length of distance from me to her. She has her secrets, and so do I. I too, am obscured and hidden, sentenced to be hidden; and though none that know her might ever know my name, I know her better than any other, even herself. Her secrets I keep, even if it means until I crash, plummeting on the jagged rocks that await me underneath. Reaching up for that faint hint of warmth is what had kept me from drifting beneath the surface before my true fall comes.

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I've been wondering for a while if logic or science is even worthwile.
If mental illness is the price of intelligence and ignorance really is bliss, why read or think at all?
I've not committed suicide because I'm waiting for that final click, that realization that makes everything fall into place and lets me know how to live my life, so I can move forward a complete man.
It feels like having x-ray vision so strong that I see through everything and so self-absorbed nothing. Can't really think of another way to describe it, sorry. I should be asleep right now.
It bothers me that I feel like my soul is unrested but there's no way I can prove it.
I feel like if God came down and told us the meaning of life written in the clouds, people still wouldn't believe it.
What's the use of all this brainpower if you're not satisfied with your life?

There seems to be this inner need of mine to represent something more than I am. I don't mean this in the sense I feel inadequate as an individual, but more so that I feel discontent with the hobbies I choose.
I feel so out of touch with the reality of what I choose to do, feel as if I lack the knowledge about the subject. It drives me to insanity, drives me to even converse about the things I do enjoy for fear that I myself will realize the mediocrity of myself.

maybe all these so called symptoms of postmodernity and the age of information for us humans; narcissism and hardline cynicism, hyper-subjectivity etc. are the way things always have been and what we are looking at is a discrepancy in the way the history of human interaction has been recorded.

I'm writing a character analysis piece on a video game character and I have no fucking clue how to properly structure such an essay. I want to make it into a youtube video but I don't have a model on youtube to compare, to see if I am doing it right. I haven't read enough character analysis pieces that I considered to be good for me to have a good grasp on how to write one of my own.
I'm just left with nothing but my intuition on how it should be done and what I want in a character piece, but I don't think it's enough. The quagmire of this is that the character in question is deeply Nietzschean in nature and espouses Nietzschean philosophy, but I don't want to talk specifically about his philosophy, but the character in question, in relation to Nietzsche. There are many elements that I am forced to talk about concerning Nietzsche, such as the value of conflict, master slave morality, Apollonian and Dionysian dichotomy found in the game itself and in life, Eternal Recurrence in the medium itself, among other things, but I do not want to bring Nietzsche even though he is the primary source of the character's worldview.

It's complicated and I don't have anyone who knows enough about Nietzsche to talk to so that they might give me pointer. I feel like I am powerless to form a coherent structure because of this lack of knowledge and of help. I am walking in uncharted territories and I feel lost.

>>8992848
It belongs on /his

>>8991451
There's a smug sense of accomplishment portrayed by Bernhard in this image.

>>8991236
I'm tired and am finally realizing the Marine Corps isn't what I expected to be like. Honestly I don't even remember what I expected it to be like. I also realized leadership roles are a pain in the ass. I'm worried I'll wear myself out with trying to be squared away before being squared away actually matters. I'm glad I joined however and did somthing with my life because a lot of the kids I went to high school with didn't do anything and never will

>>8992254
I got the job at the radio station

>>8991236
I'm not fine.

>>8995084
why not

>>8995096
Ever since my girlfriend(also my best friend) and I broke up without any obvious reason couple of months ago, I haven't felt happy. Everything seems so bland and not worth an effort. I just can't get a hold of my life. I miss her terribly

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>>8995060
congrats bro

have some ass

>>8995133
That's a nice ass

>>8995108
There must have been some reasons. This is why you felt this way. You can't get over this story if you can't find the reason.

I feel like there's an air bubble creating massive pressure in the right side of my head extending into my right eye

i turn 27 this year and I've never had a job and I've never studied at university, i'd like to study at a good university but i'm too stupid to succeed and i don't even know what i'd like to study in the first place. I don't have a reasion or desire to get out of bed in the morning and physical ailments have made it impossible to pursue my interests.

>>8992807

It wasn't. Some stuff i knew already, some were beyond my scope to get it.
There is no end game.
Being present in the moment (what mindfulness is all about actually) is one and only option you have a man. Everything else is a lie.

>>8995183
Try community college. It changed my life for the better. It isn´t as bad as you probably think. It opened my mind to a lot of new things, I learned a lot there and made lifelong friends. Plus it is much cheaper and more accessible than a university. I´m a high school dropout and I never would have made it to a good school if it weren´t for CC.

I'm ugly

>>8995413
I'm skinny fat even though I exercise.

http://pastebin.com/A989vVZY

>>8995593
Exercising for a week is not going to remove your body fat. Eat clean

>>8995612
More like eat clen

>>8995612
I do. But I was always a skelly my whole life so I have been eating a surplus of calories.

>>8991774
Modernist cynics post-ironically need to eat a bullet

I'm happy that I can finally read without feeling remorse or obligated to do it in a certain guy and just get the sole satisfaction from the act of reading and appreciating the story that unfolds in front of me.
Fuck my parents, they hit me until there was virtually nothing left.

>>8991236
I'm in love

Love is a lost cause. but loving gives my soul a cause. i will love her until my soul fades away, or her's. i am ready to part ways, but i will refuse to until the last second. may the devil take me before i surrender

>>8991236
I'm not.

>>8995670
lucky you

>>8995670
gtfo normie

>>8995698
I wouldn't bet on it. I guess I'm lucky for being in love, but falling in love with your best friend in a moment of a lot of emotional tension for the both of us isn't what I would define as "lucky".

One way or the other, I'll ask him to go out tomorrow and I just can't get "Heartache Tonight" from my head

>>8995670
She will crush your soul, just like every other girl.

>>8995728
She is a girl.

>>8995741
Point stands.

I am not cute or endearing in any way or even interesting or entertaining. And I am in a very bad place. And I don't really want to die, but I deserve it.

>>8995741
lol

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did I accidentally click on /r9k/? pull yourselves together you buncha girls

>>8995801
calm down dude...

>>8995762

Now that I know that I'm going to die, I don't know whether to continue to write wholly unconvincing truths in my journal, that all contradict each other and have no value to anyone, or to just start bullshitting it in order to make something that's at least slightly amusing, aesthetic, or has a narrative.

Maybe it's trite, but last night while listening to Bob Dylan I was totally struck with the line
>he not busy being born is busy dying
I've heard the same line a million times before, but this time it really seemed to mean something, more than just the pleasant intonation of Dylan as a vocalist. I cannot settle for merely Being; I must be in perpetual state of Becoming. No more complacency. Easier said than done of course. But at lest I'm feeling optimistic right now.

>>8995801
Right now she is sucking some other guy that didn't put her on a pedestal.

>>8991236
Why is guy in fantastic beasts always avoiding eye contact

>>8995927
?

>>8995875
It's hard to share Bob Dylan songs on the internet but there's this song on one of his demo albums called Guess I'm Doin' Fine that hits me the same way. The stance he takes isn't even one I agree with but it makes me feel like everything is going to be alright.

>>8991384
Take the half of it and put it in a peace of cloth to wear it on your chest

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>>8995935
you know the harry potter spin off. Im watching the movie and this guys mannerisms are just strange and I don't mean jack sparrow strange

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If I don't find a creative outlet soon I am going to implode. I get depressed when I don't write and the depression keeps me from writing, a vicious cycle that keeps me tumbling down and I'm not sure where the bottom is. I feel numb.

>>8995728
See >>8995741
Guess you should tell him that

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>>8991476
>you'll be able to walk places.
¡JAJAJAJAJAJA!
Ah, ¿es en serio?
¡JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA!

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>>8991236
I am so mentally broken i cant even cry. While reading some stuff on zen i've promised myself i will never ever become angry or fall into negative feelings again. I didnt and im glab about that. It is what it is and i will let the negativity of others flow through me. ... Ive made a lot of bad decisions in life even though im only 20, i dont regret them, but i would really like to have a second go at it. ... the frequency of the idea that i should just leave everything, move somewhere and start a new life, is growing daily. But im so afraid to nake such step.

>>8991236
I don't like any of the CPC candidates for leadership

Come on guys. Cheer up. We all gonna die someday!

I shower 3 times a day, shave and so on but I always feel disgusted with myself.

>>8996776
>I don't like any of the candidates for leadership
fify fellow Canadian

Walking in a direction towards someone you think you're cordial with and expecting to say "hi". Then watching them avoid eye contact and bow their head a little to seem completely unaware of you. You do not know when it’s ok to smile at someone. It is embarrassing to smile at uninterested faces. How can people be so friendly inside of the classroom and forget who you are on campus. Am I supposed to care about that type of thing? I may be frustrated out of a self-importance not being validated. I think. I’m not sure. Are they like this with everyone? Should I be expecting to become estranged to the same people who I’ve made my acquaintance for an hour and a half every other day of the week. I have not made there acquaintance at all. I did not know we were just pretending. I did not realize that I was.

>>8991286
Weeping tears or just welling tears?

>>8997002
I do this because I think people think I'm boring, all the friendliness inside the class is just forced and they actually want nothing to do with me.
I just avoid eye contact all together to avoid that awkward moment when I greet someone with eye contact and they don't reciprocate.

>>8991859
Reconsider the truths of your life and, I assure you, near half will have been constructed by you.

I want to start writing but I can't seem to do it. Every time I think about writing something I start to overthink it and go into obscure details and create obstacles for myself until I don't feel like writing anymore.

I think most of it is just me trying to save myself the embarrassment of writing shit, because I know that I'm not that good. But this shouldn't be a problem, since I never plan on sharing my writing with anyone. I think it would just be a good pastime for me, maybe even a little therapeutic.

Should I even bother trying?

>>8997002
I think the same things. I genuinely don't know how people make friends in college. I'm in my second semester (transfer, not 18) and I haven't met a single person on my own. No one seems to want to leave their group, or they think I'm scary or something. I rarely even have small talk with people unless it's at a bar or something.

>>8991236
Buttercup, buttercup. give me a dish, how many swishes do I wish? I've been scratching my nose all day, how do people not have allergies? dust everywhere even here at home. I go out and the cold humid air buckels my books so I close the dooor, really heavy so I have to lean into it, only true exercise I'll get today. Tomorrow The Trumpening and the weekend. Some weed, who knows maybe some video games with the guys and we'll go eat some place nice. Why do I have to go to three birthdays in one month? that's a lot of money.

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Currently in my Junior year in college I have little to no friends I recently picked back up writing and started back reading more. So far I'm content with being a lone at this point I'm sure it will be this way for a long time.

>>8998023

you are me

>>8998023
hey im also a junior in college with no friends
i was excited to be alone at first but I can't take isolation like i could when I was younger. I would say it gets better but it hasn't actually gotten better at all. I feel like I'm going insane. maybe it's because im 22, or poor, or weird, or any other thing. anyway good luck.

>>8998023
Join your local chapter of socialist alternative. The girls there are pretty loose, if you know what I mean

I am a genuine Christian. I honestly do believe in God and the teachings of the Church. Sometimes I feel more sure of God's existence than I do that the sun will rise.

I feel like that is part of the reason why I seem to see through some of the bullshit that my friends get caught up in. Ideologies, mantras, silly little life-waves and such. Doesn't Zizek say something about this, about using one ideology to critique the rest? I feel like my own ideology allows me to see the others more clearly. Or, I suppose, it's a gift from God. The Truth, and all that.

>>8991403
I'm 28 and in a similar situation. Forever unsettled, eclectic interests, bad parenting, etc... I haven't been NEET in the technical sense, but I've been surviving off like 8k a year for the last 2 years since I graduated.I'm just at that point now where I feel like shit because I have nothing to show for myself.

I'm getting my water operator license... Not the dream job or anything, but in Canada it doesn't take long to get and the wage is respectable.

Anyway, I know how your feeling -- at least I think I do. Best of luck.

>>8997002
Yeah, I've got you beat. Girl I was in a class with last semester. Talked to her for an hour and a half one day after a meeting for a group project. Two days ago she didn't even acknowledge me while we pretty much brushed shoulders with each other on the sidewalk. No idea what kind of games people are playing. Only explanation is that she hated me the whole time or something. Oh well. I've thought on this shit for too much time as it is.

the sun turns deep purple, and the world of dreams grows faintly visible
as a layer upon our own, faint whispers of a sonic periphery
what is that smell, not quite the ocean, but something like it
the salt of foreign electricity
swimming before my eyes like dust in the fading curtain of daylight
but radiant and unique
the underwater world
emerged the characters of these particles
each their own daydream, and woven about all things
hovering above plants
penetrating brains
in and out of focus as the angle aligns with that dark sun
to receive the wonder of my expectant vision
"decipherable overlay", it cries amid the turbulent dreamsea
no possession of the truth in this fog
catastrophe of the rational mind
a graveyard for old models of expectation
mirrored on the stormy surface of possibility
bounding over it, flaming stags, untethered
as heat surely burns away all limits

>>8995958
keep writing about how desperately depressed you are and create characters that are different aspects of your depression arguing with each other and exchanging blows

>>8998023
here, have a quote from Nikola Tesla:

“Be alone, that is the secret of invention; be alone, that is when ideas are born.”

>>8998749
good

anyone else think its pretty comfy reading a second hand book that has underlined passages and notes?

Please, comrade-rival, don't consume the delicate garbage that tempts you with its intricate metal pail encrusted with gold, for your grace will fall faster than an anvil in a Bugs Bunny cartoon! The disparities between me and you are great -- but that is simply a greater void to fill, a void that will be treated not as a great heaving wall to hurdle over but as a canvas, one which we can paint our delusions and false expectations on and never rip to shreds in the name of art. When the bizarre object that is the world's differences starts to gaze back not as a mangled pile of flesh but as an it, a singularity, not a them, a plurality, you will be the first both to perish and to deliver us from perishment once you return the vengeful glare.

I'm tucked in bed suffering from a terrible disease. The disease called Life.

I'll never have the suave, look, nor the balls to fuck my hot house mate.

>>8998749
8/10

>>8997002
>Then watching them avoid eye contact and bow their head a little to seem completely unaware of you

This really pisses me off. If someone you think of as a friend or acquaintance can't lower him/herself to even feign the slightest sign of affection in situations like these, he/she doesn't deserve your attention.

I'm incredibly excited about Trump winning and the prospect of a total leftist genocide. It's what the world has been crying out for for decades; nay, centuries.

>>8999095
Congrats, you are a manchild.

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>>8999099
Admit it: which one are you?

>>8999102
None, because I'm neither American nor leftist.

I was just trying to devise a way to explain how art can be objectively good and objectively bad. I started off by using an anecdote about my own experience drawing, saying that when you've experienced what it's like to make artwork, you realize that certain art becomes more difficult to make as your skill level goes up, and you're also able to express more as you develop techniques.

Then I realized I was falling into the trap of Jordan Peterson, who says that modern art is basically a disassembling of technique in exchange of no talent hacks who think slopping poop on a canvas is the equivalent of a work of Michelangelo. This is a trap because a work of minimal effort can also evoke the same or more emotions than a work of tremendous mind blowing skill. The same is true of music, I listen to a lot of music that is very lo fi, wasn't made by someone particularly skilled at crafting difficult arrangements on their instrument. I like lo fi music and art.

Then I tried to see if I could make a value judgment, basing values off of objective and subjective. Then I realize that this too would be an error, because a person's values in no way reflect the quality of their art. This is why I listen to music that may be made by literal nazis, in very rare scenarios, but I still listen to it; and would also listen to a book by someone regardless of their political affiliation; because artwork doesn't have anything to do with how another person expresses their values, it has to do with how you reflect on yourself.

The separating of intention from the artwork itself is also something to be aware of. Artwork by nature is open to different interpretations, though it often can be very political in nature. This further tears me, and leads me further down the path of having to deal with inherent contradictions and paradoxes inherent in my own mind. If we can't judge art based on our own values, then what can we judge? Making value judgments is something that everyone does, but those judgments can never be inherently weighed as "better" than other values, relative to any objective, non-arbitrary basis.

So making these value judgments, it reminds me a bit of the end of siddhartha. At the end of siddhartha he talks about how in every truth, there's an opposite side, a contradiction. It moved me to tears yesterday reading the last several pages of siddhartha. Everything is everything. It's both good and bad, all of the elements of the world are contained in art, just as all the elements of the world are contained in everything.

I tried to meditate and everything kept making noise. I eventually got frustrated and make a small fire then watched it die. My mind was wandering whilst I stared into the flames so it was a pretty shit meditation session.

I just wanted to clear my mind.

>>8995622
well, eating a surplus will increase your muscle mass (if you are lifting), but wont remove your fat at the same time. Cutting that fat away is something you can do after a fair amount of muscle has been gained.

>>8999318
won't that cut muscle as well?

>>8991929
Me too man

I'm always right. Why is that so?

Just last night, I met the one. A girl who wasn't too beautiful, too intelligent, too kind, too out of reach... She was perfect. I was in love. She loved me too. What I had previously thought of as love, in its unrequited form, showed itself to be but a pale shadow of the real thing. To love someone was one thing, but to love and be loved in return was like stumbling upon the meaning of life. That night, I learned the only things that mattered in the world:

Her smile.

Her laugh.

Her hand seeking mine.

Never before had I felt the charged connection I felt with anyone, where every time I looked at her my heart raced for her and I had to wonder if I was dreaming and when I would wake up.

And sure enough, that's what happened.

The morning after, as I sat on the bed coming to terms with the fact that I'd been in love with a fleeting dream, and that I was still in love with her (and that I had lost her forever), was also a new emotion I'd never felt before.

>>8991236
one day i'll become a successful star wars porn fan fiction copypasta writer

No one else was in the house and wouldn't be for the rest of the day so I sat on my computer continuously masturbating to women over sixty for a total of four hours without ejaculating. My dick and balls began to hurt near the end and I figured I should probably come soon because I couldn't edge any longer. I ended up stroking my dick for another half hour because I couldn't find the right video to come to after already putting four and a half hours of effort into the project. I needed a granny with large breasts but not enormous because grandmas with breasts that are too large usually don't ride dick as well. My balls were really starting to hurt and a (related?) nausea was making its way up my gut. (I was probably hungry also.)

Finally find the right video and jerk to completion. A gallon and a half of semen comes out; I can't even catch it all (about half an hour after this I was using my mouse pad and noticed my hand and the mousepad were sticky). It feels like my balls are completely drained and my balls have continued to hurt. When I looked outside it was late afternoon and I realised I'd spent an entire day masturbating to mature women.

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>>8991236
I am sad because I have all the talent and skill to write and be successful, but lack any sort of discipline. I drink all day every day and play video games and watch movies. I don't see a way out, anons.

Also, pic related is the consumer of today.

I want to make babies with these girls.

http://www.vlive.tv/video/19578

>>8999481
Post something you wrote

what's on your mind

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I sit here reading your texts, and I want to respond, but all I can think to say is "Oh why can't she be you?" I dare not say it, I shouldn't even think it. I'm still hung up on her for some god damn awful reason. I don't even want her back, but I miss her voice, the smell of her hair, I miss the way she'd laugh at my jokes at 3 in the morning. Now here I am, wishing you were someone else and I'm probably going to hurt both of us in the end once this finally blows up and I realize what I lost after we're done. All because I'm still hung up on her. But this is how she left me, caught up on someone else in her past, now I'm stuck much the same. Now, here I am back reading your texts and the thought of hurting you just makes this all hurt even worse.

>>8991236
my toe hurts because of an ingrown toenail, and i pick at it. i nearly ripped off all my nails, fingers and toes, because i hate that they emerge from under my skin. i wish it was just smooth. nails, cuticles, all that feels 'unfinished' in a way. same with teeth protruding from gums. it makes me cringe thinking about it. i overbrush and damage my gums because it irks me knowing that smothing is sticking out of my gums that connects to my skeleton. my mouth feels dry. i abuse sleeping pills and dry mouth is a side effect i notice. im sure thats bad for oral hygiene as well.

>>8991236
Fuckin help me cunt

>>8999874
It's not that I don't want to, but how can I help you if I can't even help myself?

I'm uncharacteristically distracted today. I have a hard time focusing.
I'm scared that I'm not strong enough for higher law enforcement and I'm scared not to try. Sometimes I feel like I'm not moving ahead fast enough even if I'm working towards my ambitions. I don't want another girlfriend, I want the relationship I threw away.

>>8999892
A-are you me?

I don't if it was something I eat, but my farts are smelling like a dead animal today.

>>8999481
Try to give yourself no option but discipline. Or read on discipline.

>>8999797
I don't know the situation but you will probably grow to resent that girl. Or be like me and resent her and leave her only to realize how much better she was than the girl you put before her. Take a break at most and decide, but don't break her heart in a moment of weakness.

>>8999898
That's just your body slowly dying from the inside. Don't worry.

>>8999892
Seriously, right now I'm trying to study the 2016 Global Terrorism Index, and I'm usually able to lock down and focus, but today all I can do is think about her. All I can do is think back about studying with her in the library or her apartment. I want the girl that is texting me right now to be her. I need to focus on my studies and get through this GTI but I just fucking cant. And, god damn it, the rain sure as shit isn't helping.

I have noticed by talking to many students, that there is a large sense of alienation that many feel amongst others on campus. People feel as though they do not build genuine connections with their peers and settle into friend groups only for the sake of not being alone. Those who feel alienated by the normies which they try to socialize have a very simple problem. They are failed normies and must stop trying to integrate with that world. They must stop looking for friends at frat parties and bars and start looking towards people who share their interests and experiences. You will not build a bond with the person you hang around just to give yourself the impression you are not alone. In fact, by surrounding yourselves with these dispensable people, you will only feel more alone. It is a terrible feeling and there is no clear solution. Simply due to the fact that there’s no clear place to find real friends. You can find hook ups through dating apps and companions at a party. But if you seek true connections and feel that your personality deviates so heavily from the norm that you cannot build real friendships with those who do not at least hold a similar head to yours. Then you must resign interest from normie life. Become reticent if you must, and begin a slower journey towards finding true friendship. Do not tolerate people, do not settle. One most only invest time in those who do not cause them anxieties and make them feel unsatisfied with their social life. These alien students are wandering around campus all of the time looking for someone to be real with. And you will just have to wander around until you bump into one.

I'm not fine.

>>8999901
I know, I'm still trying to feel the situation out. And she had me at pre-med with talking about continuing. But later she started discussing what to focus on in case she decides not to continue for her PhD... I don't know all of a sudden I just started to feel different.

Aside from everything I posted in my post above and aside from the physical attraction, god damn, the thing I was most attracted to about my ex was her ambition. Her ambition to get her PhD in psychobiology. Her ambition and intelligence were intoxicating.

And this new girl is great, but I'm afraid if she loses her ambition and drive then my attraction to her will be lost as well. It won't be that I think of her any less, but ambition is so damn sexy.

>>8999912
Neither mate

>>8999879
You helped by responding

>>8999912
You are among friends here

>>8999904
I have an history of intestine cancer in my family, I guess that's that then. I always wanted to kill myself anyway.

>>8999905
If you have a gym nearby or a place you can run or lift, it's a good bit of catharsis to do that. Don't use that girl as a crutch. If she loves you, she'll probably let you, and it's not healthy.

>>8991380

I think this could be a yeast meme.

>>8999931
Thanks anon. You're right. I'm going to go hit the gym on my way home from work tonight. Or at least go run a trail at the very minimum.

I kind of think I'd like to get into boxing, but I wouldn't even know where to start, and maybe I'm too old to start.

The only thing I have ever been good at is burning bridges.

f

>>8999990
and apparently awful at getting digits

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>>8999992
tsuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

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Unhappiness is to not belong. The liminal spirit is a damned one. Years of vacillation have taught me nothing but weariness.

>>9000030
I don't feel like I belong anywhere

>>8999919
That's complicated then. Girl I used to be hung up on lost hers and we broke up. But she really wasn't worth it, she became bitter. And someone worth your time can also be inspired by your ambition. Some people lose their way. Sorry, was driving to work. Just make sure you think before you tell her anything. And say it out loud.

>>8998749
Cool shit Anon, 7/10

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for most of my life ive felt a sharp uncertainty
just to call the doctor seems daunting

>>8999990
I know how you feel.

It's come to my realisation that I'm extremely self-absorbed. I can no longer come up with new ideas for writing and it's also had a major impact on my relationships with other people. Feels something like, I can't accept the fallibility of my pointless opinions and thus I don't want to emote either my personal feelings or explain my points of view to people. It's something that's developed in the past few years since graduating from university and seems to be linked with depression.

I feel like getting into poetry or maybe even songwriting just to help me open up myself a bit more.

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>>8991236
http://pastebin.com/Upa3NFTy

>>8991286
I bet you laugh easy too, just like my dad.
I wish i was you.
Sometimes i feel hardly moved by anything...

>>9000206
I'll trade you. I want off this roller coaster.

Beard look like shit and patchy. Shaved I have a baby face. Kill me.

>>8997194

Go on.

>>9000270
Welcome to the club.

I really like her, but my jealousy is getting out of control. Besides me she's being pestered by other guy, more attractive than me. She did told me I was special to her... and that I made her feel fulfilled. Every time I tell her something nice she responds a bit cold? like she's okay with what I tell her, but she almost never is the one to compliment me first. Maybe I did fucked up at some point, but I really don't know how or when. Maybe she finally realized that other guy, who doesn't pay much attention to her, is altogether better than me. I shouldn't text her anymore, for fucks sake.

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>>9000270
>numale problems

>>9000307
Huh?

>>9000270
I'm sorry you can't grow a full beard, but have you tried beard balm/wax? As well as a beard shampoo/conditioner? It does a lot more to thicken you beard than beard oil.

>>9000322
Where do you buy this?

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>>9000163
I read what you wrote anon. Impressive history, you're finally becoming a man (meaning you don't want to hurt her). BUT I'd say 4 or 5 days is a very short period of time, you need to take it easy, you're thinking too far ahead. What you can do atm is just keep talking to her, maybe consider a ldr is not so bad after all? You already half joked about meeting during the summer, and she works so you have lots of chances to actually meet her and transcend the snapchat sphere. Just keep talking to her, be honest, get to know her better. She seems quite understanding and that's precious and rare, don't fuck it up.

Some days I just want to give up on it all and end it. But then I think of my family and I feel like I'm being selfish. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just don't want to be here.

>>9000113
iktf

>>9000433
Thank you so much. You don't know how much I appreciate you taking interest in helping me. I really care about her and I just want her to be happy.

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I'm reading Pippi Longstockings and drinking Oettinger Pils.

That's all.

>>9000163
Read it after I saw the first response, it really didn't stick out much here. You care about her and that's great. If something does happen, have the maturity to understand if you're ready for a relationship.

The other person shouldn't complete you, you should already be whole. Many people use relationships to have to deal with themselves and their problems.
The Christianity part came out fuzzy, but if you're not satisfied in Christianity, you're doing something wrong/it's not for you. Hope you read the Bible and understand it, as it can be a powerful blueprint for life.

>>9000598
To not have to*

Man am I sleepy today.

>>9000598
Thanks man. Yeah your right I've struck gold. Im going to take it slow though and just go with the flow. That's what she said to me.

>>8995670
Enjoy it, but don't be consumed by it.

>>8995060
>>8992254
I'm glad I read your post, because now that's what I'm thinking about and I get to write about that instead of what's actually on my mind. Your post would make a good Lorrie Moore short story. I think I need to eat because I just had to correct two cases of "you're" instead of "your" and also "know" instead of "now", which is shameful.

Już od kilku dni zachowywałem wstrzęmięźliwość seksualną. Im więcej czasu mineło od ostatniej masturbacji, tym bardziej sie zmieniałem – z cynicznej i chłodnej istoty, na cyniczną i chłodną bestie, wiedziony iście zwierzęcym instynktem. Ta prymitywna, brutalna siła seksualnie głodnego młodego mężczyzny, poniosła moje krzywe stopy w strone pomieszczenia, gdzie miały sie właśnie odbywać zajęcia edukacji seksualnej. Nie wiem co sobie myślałem, chyba miałem jakąś nikłą nadzieje spotkania równie niewyżytej samicy. Może nie tyle nadzieja, co ślepa żądza, nieznająca zdrowego rozsądku, a tym bardziej wstydu, mnie tam powiodła. Szatan, zwykły szatan, nic więcej. Gdy tylko do sali weszła kobieta, deklarująca sie jako feministka, będąca nauczycielką, oraz samozwańczą przewodniczącą triumfującej kobiecości, już wtedy mogłem sie domyśleć, że czekają mnie poważne kłopoty. Miałem pewne przeczucia, ale mimo to postanowiłem zostać. Główną przyczyną dla której podjąłem to ryzyko, była kobieta obok której siedziałem w ławce. Nie była co prawda zbyt atrakcyjna, była anorektycznie chuda, a jej twarz miała nieco chłopięco, ale miała w sobie coś, co natychmiastowo przyciągneło moją uwage. Jakieś mignięcie pewności siebie, jaką znają tylko kobiety w przyjającym środowisku, ale nie pod kloszem, jakby cały świat mogła schować do kieszeni, albo zmiażdżyć w swojej delikatnej rączce. Musiała mieć władczy charakter, a w dzieciństwie na pewno była rozchwytywana w piaskownicy, a przynajmniej przypominała taką właśnie dziewczyne, którą kiedyś znałem. Słowem, siedziałem przyklejony, jak magnez do lodówki, i spoglądałem na nią ukradkiem, nie mogłem sie ruszyć. Tak byłem nią zafascynowany, że nie zauważyłem nawet, jak prowadząca zacząła rozdawać przyrządy, nastał czas na przeprowadzenie pierwszych ćwiczeń. Nie bez powodu kobiety siedziały w parach z mężczyznami, płeć grała ważną role w tym ćwiczeniu. Przyrządem był cieniutki składany pręt, zakończony niewidoczną gołym okiem kamerą. Zanim przydały sie do czegoś, byliśmy zmuszeni wysłuchać wstępnej przemowy nauczycielki. Była piękna, to trzeba jej przyznać. Pełna wzniosłych słów, ważkich terminów, a jej tematem był rak cewki moczowej. Trzeba z nim bowiem walczyć, wszystkimi siłami jakie posiadamy, a pierwszym krokiem do zwycięstwa z ewentualnym przeciwnikiem, jest oczywiście zdanie sobie sprawy z jego istnienia. Właśnie do rozpoznania pierwszych zmian chorobowych wykorzystuje sie ten pręt, zakończony miniaturkową kamerą. "Dziś macie szanse na zapisanie sie w historii, jako dzielny uczestnik walki z chorobą, oraz z otaczającą ją aurą ignorancji. Zapamiętajcie, że wcześnie wykryty nowotwór, ma duże szanse na wyleczenie!" - tak mniej więcej mówiła, podniesionym tonem, jak ksiądz na kazaniu.

>>8999040
damn dude no it's the worst. it's like if you were at a cinema and a stranger kept on leaning over your shoulder and whispering 'that was a great line, really good.'

>>9000691
google translate says this about becoming volcel because all women are satan. are you ok man?

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>>9000701
It's comfy to me because it gives me a strange sense of connection and I fell less lonely.

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>>8991403
are you me?

>>8991403
start writing

>>8992613
>tfw too intelligent for /life/

>>9000688
Oh hey, that is really nice of you, I think. Thank you. Good luck on your writing.

I've put on 4 stone in 2 years, I can feel the fat on my face.

>>9000287
I spent some long months last year, eleven-or-so of them, in a deep depression. I relocated away from my friends and everyone in my old life to a place I tried to give a chance but can't help hating. In depression I found that all my cognitive and social ability declined and I could not focus on more than one thing at a time; since I was depressed I tended to focus on the bad things. I initially I started rationalising things. "Why can't you just fucking reply like a normal person without having to think about why you can't reply?" "Oh, well I spend so much time alone I'm just trapped in my own stream of consciousness and have to struggle to break out of inhibition."
I actually believed this and, thought of my inhibitions as actual physical neural barriers. I didn't believe it because it was logical but because it made me feel good in a pathetic kind of way; I was merely a victim of my own mind, the thing which was my master, and I could not be held to blame. Really the barrier was more created by my compartmentalization, and, during more intense periods, my disassociation*. Yet these too are nothing more real than the other pseudings of my own design. *I also believed that my mind was disconnected from my body; some people say that they are dead inside, well, I was dead on the outside and, screaming for mercy within. Months of this creation of fake truths continued and slowly, bit by bit, I sank deeper into a false world. The thing that brought me out was a complete turn to physicalism (which may be a disappointment as there isn't a grand ideology behind all this. Just yet that is), I pretty much ate foods which are damn near anti-depressants and spent all my spare time studying maths, science, history, unraveling the mystery that all started with a big bang. But really, taking some time to be mindful, and not focus on the good, the bad but instead: the real.
These are all my own conclusions but recently I've been hearing these thoughts backed up by DFW in This is Water, and I've never read Nietzsche but his work seems like (from what I can see posted on lit) something I'd be interested in, and maybe you as well. Perhaps we're doomed for a hard existence, eternally teetering, arms flailing, around the edge of depression and never being able to just catch our balance and walk away, but maybe we get a rush from the vertigo of peaking down that deep, grim, dark hole.

So Gabe the Dog died. I didn't want to take away from it and draw attention to myself, but honestly every time I wrote a 'rest in peace' post I felt empty. I cried a lot too. Bros, I experienced what the complete death of happiness feels like.

Before you assume I'm a complete autist - I've been miserable for a long time now. I don't have anyone close, I don't talk to people much, I find some excitement only in studying and hoping that if I achieve my goal I'll be satisfied with myself. Other than that, days usually just pass by and it doesn't matter because every day is the same day. However, every time I'd see that dogs face or listen to some dumb meme mix I'd feel completely happy. Just warm, smiling, appreciating. I knew he was old, I knew it was going to happen, but I never knew just how much that dog I've never seen meant to me.

I will choose to believe in heaven, just this once. Sleep tight, pupper.

>>8999197
peterson is himself a hack

>>8999431
gay

love is nice but it doesnt solve any of your current problems

>>9000786
and good luck with your job man, hope you start to feel less alienated. (and I would, actually. also recommend Lorrie Moore, maybe Birds of America)

Fuck it!

Too much salt. Trying to accomplish all that I am allotted in the time she is away. Absorbing more than I am producing.

>>9000715

Yeah, I like it too. Though I can't help but feel a bit self-conscious whenever I loan books that are annotated or highlighted to other people .

Oh well.

>>8991439
Phillip?

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Holy shit this board is bad now.

I write shitty books and my last name is Green

I will soon run out of money and don't have a job. In addition, I am too proud to access the easily available welfare my country provides.

>>8992330
I think we'd get on well, anon.

>>8999197
Just a banal use of 457 words

I don't think they are, but I really hope the people that tell me I'll get to see her again when I die are right.

My whole life can be summarized in a faint, weak and whispered "I don't know".

Dad is not such a bad person. I used to think he was a monster when I was a kid.
Although I wish he were more loving and less violent.

>>8996701
que te haces siome ni debes salir de palermo vos cheto boton

Hear my plea, love my voice. The farther I go the less I fight.
Perhaps I should take arms and act as if I truly want to love you.
Yet the sounds of the soft summer breeze drag me down to my own solitude.
To all of the girls I've felt attracted to or fell in love with; I want to show you that I cared. Care.
Something.
A little.
Nothing.
A lot.
But I did.
And I do.

And I will never forget the oversweetened words that came out of my mouth but made no sound. Those desperated yells I emited that came out as only whispers. Those silences that were camouflaged verbiages.
They were for you. And they are still are.
M.
L.
I'm a virgin polygamous. And a coward warrior.
Forgive me (and this is for myself too), you'll never know the offenses I commited, mostly because they don't exist. But that's what I want you to forgive. How I killed those beatiful thoughts without giving them the chance to fail.

It's my own desire, it's my own remorse: Help me to decide and help me make the most of this. Of this freedom and of this pleasure.
Nothing ever lasts forever.
Everybody wants to rule the world

If you live under the assumption that no one is going to like you, no one is going to know you.

>>9002444
are you okay, anon?
here's a hug.

>>9002526
t-thanks mum

I was the one to first start these threads.

>>9000000

Still breathing, looks like another day again huh.

Right now you're probably drunk and crying in bed. I want to kiss those tears away.

>>9002723
fuccckckckk iktf at this exact moment

let me love you Jen

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In three weeks from the moment of my posting, I will have been 25 years old for about twenty minutes.

Barring any accidents, I feel I've a well enough shot at hitting triple-digits before experiencing a natural death. Optimistically I have lived through a quarter of what will be the story of my life. I fear it won't be a good story. When I graduated high school seven years ago I had ambitions. I was going to learn violin, and piano. I would write a book. I would travel the world, experience humanity. Learn to draw, speak languages, earn a degree in... something. Didn't really matter what.

I've done none of what I wanted as of today. I still want to do it all, and more. I could always start tomorrow.
Thankfully tomorrow never comes; if it ever had I would have to actually act on my ambitions.

I don't have an excuse. Not really.

I promised myself I would never commit suicide. If it ever came down to it I would run away instead. Start fresh somewhere. Might as well give that a shot before I gave myself one. Maybe running away would be the kick I need to stop being afraid of achieving my dreams.

>>9002723
You're only a third correct.
I am drunk.
I am not in bed.
I don't think I can cry anymore.

>>9001144

Anon from earlier in our stream of thought mentioned mindfulness. I immediately rushed to read about it and in only about 3 days i am seeing improvement. Convincing your mind (brain) to be momentarily immersed, present was by far best sensation i felt in a while. In the mean time i read sex god method and stopped browsing /pol/ (about 8 days now) and this also has proven beneficial.
On the list now is:
marcus aurelius meditations
random self help title (power of now or ifluence friends or similar)
Then self-assessment again, and perhaps starting writing about this feelings in regular organized way to keep actual track of mental state, mood and prospects.

>>9002995
I too write down my thoughts but as I'm no longer depressed I don't have to worry about structure, I just keep a diary desu near most of the time and whenever a thought comes along I pick up a pen and either jot it down or work my way through it. It's very entertaining.

>>9002528
meh
ill live

>>8997886
They go to bars, anon. Or join clubs. Or actually ask people to out/to outings.

You can't put it all on other people, especially if they're already content.

>>8999253
You're going about it all wrong. Listen to the noise. Focus entirely on it. Therein lies the clearance of mind.

The stupidity and entitlement of some people makes me actually wish we went full fascist.

My roommate has a bag of frosted flakes left on the kitchen table. I have very little food of my own, and I'm tempted to take some. However, I recently got in trouble by playing games on his system without asking first. I don't want things to get more tense, but the idea of a sugary cereal really appeals to me at the moment.

>>8991236
how did they took the photo? i mean normally you see the reflections on water but there is no camera...

I tried to write but I was a liar the whole time. I never liked reading and writing, that's why everything I write sounds so corny and hollow, even this. It's amazing how bad it is, I can't even say anything and it's a suffocating feeling. even the subliterate retards who go straight to the point are better to read than this stuff. I just wanted something, but I didn't even want it. Cuase what is it next to music or living or anything of the world? nothing much. all this time and I still haven't even started yet. I 'm not even on level zero, I'm not even beginning to be there. I guess I'm lucky but in that respect I'm not even beginning to be there.

what kind of a world is this where almost everyone can find love but only one in a hundred million can write to save their life? why do we pretend we still care? what do I even care about any more?

no matter what I do I can't make it alive and its dead and hollow

>>8991541
welll put

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> tfw the book you want translated hasn't been published in 70 years

Feels bad man.

>>8991716
nothing I read has changed my life even on a temporary basis

>>8991790
Goodluck Johnathan

>>8991868
computers pay more

>>8995060
nice!

>>8992294
no reason to dislike yourself, you are yourself. either love or improve...

>>8994255
more self-love than otherlove in this one I think

>>8995637
I'm sorry anon. I'm glad you can enjoy reading

>>8995762
the belief that you deserve to die is the observe of the ugly belief that you ought to arbitrate over matters of life and death. who sent the fox to guard the henhouse?

>>8996771
you don't have that much to lose anon. HAVE FAITH, MAN

>>8997796
the perfect is the enemy of the good. many of the greats have streaks of godawfulness running through their ouvre. they just didn't care. they did what they wanted above all, and that's what brought them brilliance, ok?

>>8999390
lold

>>8999431
too direct, too true!!

>>8999461
don't do it again

>>8999481
>I have all the talent and skill to write and be successful

I thought this, and I was gravely wrong. You have to wnt to do it, anon.

>>8999858
you're fucking insane dude

>>8999936
>I'm too old to start.
it's possible to pick up something as a hobby man... no need for this all or nothing absolutism.

>>9000121
go, begin!

>>9000304
above all you must ACT!

>>9000565
good shit

>>9001512
all dogs go to heaven, anon

>>9002301
>yurofag problems
just get on the dole m8

>>9002403
remember what you were and remain in the first place: a subjectivity experiencing the world. a system external to that can't negate that or cancel its ineffable mystery

>>9002723
what a feel

>>9004886
ask

I spent 3-4 hours this morning laying in bed and thinking about sex

wet, hot and pink
it smells like shrimp
no longer limp
but hard like my drink
air still thick with its stink
makes me think
of the stain on bed sheet
ruin by the undoing of my meat
speaking of which, why eat out when one can go down
like a syndrome and deeper than a catacomb
underground in her cave of wonders
so I wear her legs like a crown
since before my birth, I called it home
now I roam around town
letting loose my sperm count
at peace with lost fluid
done in ritual magic with my staff like a druid
it's been perpetual and habitual
sex consensual
her body a playground
but this naked individual is no longer a noun
she's just a thing, for me to pound
just for a one night fling, my wallet well endowed
to pay her pimp
but for now, we howl as I plow away
the wet, hot, pink, beef curtain hallway
of her squeeze box, I opened like Pandora's
let's tip our fedoras at my poems
I wrote about sex, let's hope it was complex
enough, for /lit/'s sake, to reflect
on the subjects of these passages
built by my words so perfect
a construal masterpiece, erect by the greatest of architects
shaped to affect and effect thy introspect
we die in the end
before that I must pen
my memoirs of the collective PEN15
a.k.a the friend of all men
it hangs with us until we fulfill
our duty to slay booty
let them be beauties, cuties
I'll even take some fatties
no matter the number
exploit the issues with her father
we'll berry our dicks in her flower
far enough in her muff
that we all may all be coronated King Arthur

I wish I was high right now

I HAVE TRIED TO DENY IT SO BADLY
but it doesn't ever ever go away
fuck
please kill me

time just doesn't stop

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>>9005707
4.5/10

I know what I want to do with my life, but I'm so afraid of failing that I keep doing things that push me further and further from it because it's safer.

>>9006528
beautiful Pepe

>>9006533
dont do that man. do anything but that. failure isn't that bad, I swear. what you're doing is truly bad, truly triple red flag aids bad. DON'T do it.

I've been looking for my purpose for a minute and I would jump at it if I found it.

chase it man, I swear. life is long

>>8991286
I was like that from 21 to 23. At 25, my eyes will still get watery, but I don't cry as easily.

>>9000206
>Sometimes i feel hardly moved by anything...

I was like that too when I smoked weed regularly or drank regularly. I know that contradicts what everyone says about weed, but it was true for me. When I stopped, my brain readjusted over a couple weeks, and then all of a sudden I started laughing at stuff I was watching again, which I never did while regularly smoking. My suggestion to you is to try sobriety.

>>8991236
I have been working on a Transformers story since 2012, but I'm losing my passion for it, because I'm questioning whether transforming robots fit my story. The story has boy-girl type of relationships, and I am starting to think it's too silly to do that with robots.

>>8991384
That's tough, kid. What's the story?

im starting to think that growing up mostly without a mom has made me too detached and apathetic

im sort of at that point in life where i dont know what my future holds, making things worse

i should be reading more

>>9000113
In my case, calling a doctor was a big problem, because it meant I was accepting that I had a problem, which has the terrifying effect of making the problem more real and worse, but once I'm actually on the phone with the doctor, I relax a little bit, because I am getting help.

Get on top of your insurance, and get yourself some help. It feels good.

Also, for your doctor calling anxiety, see a psychologist/therapist. It's fun. You go and talk about yourself for an hour and get some good advice.

i gotta go to church in a few hours but i got no sleep. i would consider not going but i didn't go last week also due to lack of sleep and i don't wanna miss 2 weeks in a row because i worry they'll worry about me and my life outside sunday mornings. i've been going for a year now as sort of a way to make sure i remember my divinity and don't backslide into degenerate bullshit like lurking 4chan.

>>8992042
Do you?

Back when I thought I had to use accutane, I didn't realize that whey, cheese, corn, and vegetable oil were supercharging my acne.

>>9007345
Bro, if you have trouble getting ~8 hours of sleep, you need to make an appointment with a doctor.

I've barely eaten anything in a week, and I feel weak and disoriented.

I feel like the fantasy of abandonment, of leaving society, severing my ties, is like a black hole, slowly pulling me towards it.
The things people tell me linger in my mind long after they said, deteriorating, rotting, twisted by unconscious forces until I can't recognise what I see.
I don't know how much I want to keep trying, and even that sentiment, I'm not sure whether that's a symptom of my physical condition, or of a deeper, almost spiritual weariness.
idk, but who does

>>9007400
why? depression?

>>8998736
They must know you are there, because you are the center of the universe. So, if they don't make eye contact with you, the only explanation is that they are deliberately avoiding you!!! But that makes no sense. Why would people want to avoid the center of the universe?

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>>9007473
Let's all calm down.

I CAN'T STAND ALL THESE INTERACTIONS

Someone tried repeatedly to rape me in a hostel last night and I managed not to even lose any sleep. I just slept with a knife and every time he was about to rip the blankets off my bed and tackle me I sat up and brandished the knife. I don't even feel concerned about it after the fact. In fact, it was probably the most fun I've had in a while. Human beings are such a degenerate species and it was nice to be reminded of that.

>>9007497
Brilliant concept for a short story right here.

>>8999431
I have those dreams about once per year. They are the best dreams.

>>8994419
>I'm just left with nothing but my intuition on how it should be done

That's all you need, bro. Now write it and wait a couple weeks. If there's a better way to do it, you will know what it is when you reread what you wrote weeks earlier.

>>9007369
i don't have trouble with that. it's just a bad sleeping schedule thing. after church i'll crash out for a good 8 at least.

attended the weekly protest against president park for the first time because of the 1000th day anniversary of the sewol ship sinking.

Now that the public's anger and fury at a feeble president and a greedy oligarchy is at its full swing, I really didn't contribute much in this campaign.

I attended the protests because I wanted to do something and this was the easiest way to do it.

I only cry in funerals, sometimes even in ones where I was distant from the deceased but when I was walking past the candle lit bouyancy jackets representing the hundreds of high schoolers and other civilians killed due to blind greed, I couldn't help but cry.

As I kept wiping my tears away, I couldn't help but feel pride, belonging and hope for my nation and society.

Sure, the world seems more vain than before, partly due to the internet but hundreds of thousands of people taking the time and energy to protest against an apathetic ruling class was something I felt really proud about.

The strictly peaceful protest contrasted a lot to the 60-80s but still just as powerful because it showed discipline, temperance and maturity of our society.

>>9008038
That's great, anon. I'd love to see young people get into politics as mature as you.

I don't want him here, I don't want anybody here, just myself

>>8992346
knife skins from le csgo? nigerian prince from india? tech support from linux?
>>8992613
boo hoo, smarty pants. blog it.
>>8994261
>If mental illness is the price of intelligence and ignorance really is bliss, why read or think at all?
you'll miss out on the good memes tho
>final click
I liked the first click, i dont think a second or final one is coming
>I feel like if God came down and told us the meaning of life written in the clouds, people still wouldn't believe it.
Thats why he doesn't, niggah
>>8995060
Oh cool! I've always wanted to work at a radio station, especially if they let me do whatever the fuck, like a college radio station. Interviews with Salads and Who can Get the Angriest?
>>8995216
Can confirm, CC is cheap and is good time.
>>8995615
naisu!
>>8995670
Now im a believer and I couldn't leave her if I tried....

Me? Feeling good. Playing EDF with a friendo who is not a faggot, learning cool shit in CC, and listening to the river flow by my place of residence.

>>8991236
i am low iq.Literally in the 80 range. How do i cope with this?

I have a feeling, an intense feeling, a real feeling, that nothing exists outside of this little bathroom.

I am in a box, floating through space, taking a shit.

>>8994419
Is this game Kotor 2 by any chance?

My back hurts and I have nothing to say to anyone