Putting "substance" into my writing

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Earlier, I thought my problem was descriptions, which kind of remains a problem. But the actual problem is deeper.

Here's a demonstration. I have a story to tell. Let's say its a detective who is woken up with a call about a murder.

>He was woken up by a phone call at dawn. It was still raining outside. He got up and started getting dressed. His wife, still half-asleep, asked him what happened. He told her that the hairdresser had been found dead.

So this is very amateurish, and I thought that my problem is that I am not making the scene vivid by inserting description.

Take two:

>Raindrops pattered on the roof obscuring the low, rhythmic hum of the cellphone vibrating on the bedstand. It moved slowly across the table as it rand and stopped and rang again, the caller dialing back relentlessly. The phone crawled over the edge of the bedstand and fell over. There was a shuffling under the covers and a hand emerged from the warmth of the blankets, probing the floor for the cellphone.

>He put it to his ear and listened silently.

> “It isn’t dawn yet,” his wife said, half-asleep, as he put it down without having spoken a word.
> He got up and mechanically puts on his navy blue trousers and light blue shirt, the lapels say Police.

> “Somebody died,” he says nonchalantly.

>“Who?”

>"The barber," he replied.

Now I look back at it and its worse.

So obviously, what I'm lacking is not "description" but substance.

How do I explain this? My story is very barebones. The characters and setting do not seem alive. They do not appear like real people or real settings.

I've seen this mistake in a lot of amateur writers on places like wattpad too. Its like this happens then that happens and then there's this thing and that lying around, and she picks it up and does this with this....

How do I get out of this amateurish trap? If a professional writer would've done the above scene, you would've felt you're there in that bedroom, like you know the couple. Like you can feel the wife's frustration and the husband-cop's weariness from his job, etc. How do I do those things?

(I cooked up this example for the purpose of this post, btw. It isnt my story).