ITT: post funny things that you've written!

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"SHOP AT WALGREENS"

Every day a man walks into the Walgreens holding a piece of poster board under his jacket which has a single letter on it. He holds the sign up to the security camera for about an hour and then leaves without buying anything.

One day these guys with guns come in saying "we are gonna rob this Walgreens!" and they see this man holding something under his jacket, and they shoot him. Then the boss guy gets his friends to pick up the man's bleeding body and take it to the getaway car.

The police officer assigned to the case is hard nosed and 100% by the book. but she harbors pain from hard times earlier in her life. She views the Walgreens security footage for the day of the robbery and sees that a man was shot. On a whim she looks at the other security footage and the man has been holding up a series of signs which together spell "M-A-R-I-E I S-T-I-L-L L-O-V-E Y-O-U".

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Her heart melts: she still loves him back, but she doesn't know if she is ready to forgive him especially with everything else which is happening. An anonymous tip lets her know the location of the burglar hideout. When she shows up with a SWAT team, though, it is just the man, holding a bouquet of flowers and saying he loves her.

"I can't do this," she says. "Not with all these other people here." She tells the SWAT team to take the man into custody, but the man says "If you believe in love, you have to let me go. I've committed no crime." The SWAT guys decide that they may not understand what exactly was happening, but love is the most important thing in this sometimes dark and terrifying world and they let the man go.

As the man runs into an alley, still bleeding a little bit from his bullet wound, Marie realizes his passion is what made her fall in love with him in the first place. She finds him and they get married. As they lie in bed together marie says to the man, "I love you and everything, but what was the deal with those robbers who shot you in the Walgreens?"

And he says, "I was the anonymous tip. The robbers were worried I would reveal their identities, until I told the robbers that I held nothing against them and that I only cared about telling you how much I loved you. One of these guys bought me that bouquet of flowers, and I somehow got you to fall back in love with me."

"Sorry," she says, pulling away and becoming angry. "You knowingly withheld information leading to the arrest of criminals? And that bouquet was basically compensation for that act of aiding and abetting. That's a felony."

Marie cuffs her husband and takes him in to the police station on the spot, saying that he had committed a felony. Marie, ashamed over her perceived lapse in judgement, decides to move to another city and join a different police force, while the man sits in jail pining after Marie.

The man explain the whole situation to the judge. "It will be a cold day in hell before I make love a crime," the judge says, and the man is ultimately let off easy with six months probation, and without a felony on his record.

When the six months of probation are up, the man calls up the SWAT officers from before. They all remember him and are friendly, inviting him out for drinks. After a few rounds one of the officers tells the man the city to which Marie has moved.

He drives to the city and finds a Walgreens. He approaches the store. Everything fades to black except for the red and white "Walgreens" sign.

Text appears beneath the sign- it says "SHOP AT WALGREENS".

Am I white?
Not really
I am kinda beige, rosy in parts

Am I racist?
Lol, nah
My friends, my family
My world
Is multicolored

Mom and dad
Marched for civil rights
Went to jail
And stuff

We grew up
All us multi kids
With sushi
And greens
And tacos
And cornbread
And Sunday roasts
And red beans and rice

Black is brown is tan
We all rolled together
Like puppies

And now you tell me
I am less?
I oppress
You
?

I never met you
I know my people
We are
All colors
We are
Love
And dancing
And good food
And music

And we fight
Together
Against oppression
We don't separate by color
Or privilege
Cuz I help you
And you help me
And we climb together
To enlightenment

>>8942384
Well my peenus weenus of course :D
>funny things I have written
My peenus weenus haha!

>>8944257
I actually did laugh at this.

>>8944243
lol this best be satire boy

blacks don't care if you're racist or not, they want the moral power and control that comes with forcing every white person into the racist category

if you're called racist by a black these days theres a 9/10 chance u aint racist.

but, if youre burning a cross too, u prolly rayciss nigga

>>8944327
Actually it was sincere, but hey.

I can't into that shit when all my people are all different colors

Privilege?

Yeah, maybe in this society.

But this society is just a bunch of hooey, and we know that anyhow.