write what is on your mind

A whore

>>8937605
Tell me more

I miss her. Though, I suppose I wouldn't really want her back. Only as to win her back to break her this time. I'm angry at myself, but she takes the brunt of it. She's a manipulator and a liar, she admits it too, but I still stew over this and wish for things to seem as though they once appeared to be. Reality be damned. I just want my dreams. Now it all comes down to this. I blame myself. I blame myself for drinking and laying it all out there, laying it all down in front of her, everything I had known and suspected deep down. It turned out I was right, but I guess it never really feels good to be right. You win an argument, but you lose a piece of yourself, and sometimes someone else in the process. Well, I've been driving myself mad, drinking, though I swore it off. I have no shame. I've been stewing on this, blaming myself. But for what? For being right or finally having the guts and the decency to lay it all out on the line and finally get some honesty from her, and hell even a little honesty to myself about what I was believing to be true. God damn it! I'm done with the truth. I'll never ask another whore for the truth and I'll never lay it all out on the line in front of a whore. I'd rather be naive and ignorant than to be right.

I'm just gonna flat out ask if she wants to fuck

Good idea, friends?

>>8937747
Always.

>>8937599
One blank day later, he settled on "I'll start tomorrow." You waste your life dreaming of a better one.

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>>8937754
Let's start today!

>>8937747
The worst that can happen is she says no

I have obsessive castration anxiety thoughts lately

>>8937780
......You... what?

>>8937599
fuck you fbi you aint getting shit

To uczucie trudnego do zidentyfikowania, egzystenjonalnego cierpienia, nachodzi mnie znowu tej nocy, gdy płacze pod wpływem pewnej substancji, skurczam sie do wielkości kłębka nici, a mój brzuch jest głośną, zindustrualizowaną fabryką, wysyłającą fale wibracji dokoła, energi ciepłej i przyprawiającej o łaskotki. Wyobrażam sie w tej chwili jako dekadencka kupa zgnilizny, kawał mięsa rozkładający sie w porze upału. Rozmyślania ponure i niejasne, ustępują nagłym przyrostem zainteresowania na punkcie wszystkiego co cielesne. Czuje sie jak głowny bohater rubasznej powieści sowizdrzalskiej, no albo barokowej, rozdzierany i pogłebiany przez wszystkie obrzydliwości ich fizjologii. Do hipnozy doprowadza mnie pornografia, (nietypowa jak na moje gusta, bo dekadencka i straszna, nakręcona w kamerach hd, nadających połysk złotych pomieszczeń, i dążacą do ukazania gorzkiej, przeklętej rozkoszy. Zwykle byłem zwolennikiem amatorów, i ich naturalnym seksem na materacach, nagrywanym kamerą w telefonie.) czuje sie złączony i całkowicie pogodzony z fizjologią, swoją miłość do natury kończe w annałach gumowej rękawiczki, orgazmem chemicznie przedłużonym i wyczerpującym. To fascynujące że świat rozpoczyna sie zawsze od tych dwóch pojęć, będących na skrajnych końcach tego samego spektrum: Bóg i fizjologia. Bez różnicy na kulture, język, miejsce zamieszkania. Te kwestie mogą całkiem sie od siebie różnić, ale można być pewnym że u najbardziej różniących sie ludów świata, odnajdziemy spoiwa łączące człowieka z człowiekiem. Jaskinie opuszczone od tysięcy lat, kamienne krypty, zimne i zagrożone napadami dzikich zwierząt, i wściekłością pierwotnego człowieka, co można w nich znaleźć, jeśli nie prymitywne ołtarze do składania ofiar, oraz rubaszne i bardzo jednoznaczne napisy na ścianach? Arystofanes? Chaucer? Biblia? Seks i nieczystości, Bóg i religia, to wszystko spaja ze sobą, syntezuje największych geniuszów światowej literatury i sztuki. Czuje sensacje w okolicach krocza, która przyspiesza bicie serca i odwraca uwage od wszystkiego co złe, odwraca w strone krocza rozpieranego uczuciem.

Styxhexenhammer is sexy because he has exactly the right balance of autism where everything he does is very genuine and thoughtful and he doesn't care about people thinking it's weird, he only cares about it being real

Someone should write a book about how autists can make women find them charming, by learning to pitch this balance

I'm drinking myself to death and I'm scared

>>8937795
Orgazm sam jest wstrząsany własnym orgazmem, a ja jestem wstrząsany szokiem i zdziwieniem, gdy ciecz, której wyczekuję nie wytryska. Nadal czuje rozpierające, bardzo znane i pierwotne uczucie, już chyba od pełnej minuty je czuje, jestem onieśmielony rozkoszą, troche nawet zakłopotany, i nie wiem co zrobić: iść do toalety czy czekać. Tkwiąc nieruchomo w rozkoszy, jak Odyseusz słuchający pieśni syren gdy był przywiązany do masztu, oddaje sie refleksji na tematy nurtujące największe umysły. W obliczu brudnej wydzieliny i brudnej rozkoszy, jestem na nowo połączony z tą zbiorową świadomością wieków. Po wszystkim, nagi wyszedłem z łóżka, owinąłem się ręcznikiem i powoli, na nogach glinianego giganta, ruszyłem w strone łazienki. Zwykła woda nie zmaże moich przewinień, jestem przeklęty. Nie wiem co jest złego w rozkoszy, w samej w sobie, ale czuje że coś jest nie tak, że porzuciłem odwieczne dzieło ludzkości, wieki starań do znalezienia antidotum na cierpienia wyrządzone przez demiurga. Tym lekiem miała być cnota, i wiedza, i dobre postępowanie. Nie jestem żadnym dzikusem, wiem to wszystko, ale mimo to , z pełną świadomościa postanawiam zostać bestią. Jestem bestią śmierdzącą, z mojego brzucha dochodzą miniatury eksplozji z czasów hiroszimy, palcami dotykam własnych ust, a ciepły strumien wody przynosi przyjemność dziecinną, prostacką i odrażającą. Puuu-puuu, peee-peee – myśle. Wyobrażam siebie jako współczesną wersje Gargantuy, ale wiem że to wszystko minie , z chwilą gdy wyzdrowieje, z chwilą gdy perystaltyka jelit wróci do normalnego funkcjonowania, i absolutnie nic już nie będzie stało mi na drodze, by wziąć sprawy w swoje ręce. Nic, poza lenistem i niechęcią. Ściana moich lęków i urojeń (przedstawiających zły świat, ludzi szczerzących zębiska) była cienka jak papier, ale na myśl mi nie przeszło by ją przerwać. Czułem sie swobodnie i komfortowo w swojej klatce z pajęczyn.

>>8937747
Probably not but >>8937763 ain't wrong

>>8937801
It's okay, anon. I'll drink with you.

My mind is ajar. I now like weird nipples. Used to hate them, but now normal nips are boring. I like the ones that look like melted Hersey kisses.

>>8937801
Whatcha drinkin for friendo?

>>8937783
I have intrusive thoughts about castration or damage between the legs. I don't derive pleasure from them, on the contrary I'm disturbed and scared.

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>god this music is so fucking loud in this cafe! How annoying.
>and the light is so bright
>and those people: so pretentious. Ugh
>even this expensive coffee isn't actually hot
>people are so fucking annoying
>and my boyfriend this morning! What an idiotic argu_ wait.
>Wait. What the fuck? Why am I feeling so bitchy? I'm usually the one looking on the brightside & being told I'm annoyingly cheerful??
>oh
>oh
>shit, what's the date?
>oh. I guess it's pms

I have work tomorrow, but I don't have any feelings towards it. I sit here on 4chan, I try to figure out what I am thinking so that I can type it out but my mind draws a blank. I can't think of anything interesting so instead I describe my lack of inspiration. I won't bother trying to be verbose in this paragraph because that sounds stupid and I am better than you for typing in a frank manner and maybe if I acknowledge that this is the way I feel, then these feelings won't make me such a bad person, deep down I know I am though, and that we're all trying our hardest.

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When I was a kid I was told I could be anything. I wanted to be an astronaut. When I became a youth, I was then told to choose something "practical". After all, tomorrow's astronauts were already learning advanced physics and math at elite private schools in between athletics classes, while my school was only notorious for teens pregnancies and I couldn't even tie a pair of running shoes, but if I wanted to be, I could become a mechanic or a carpenter and carve out a comfortable life for myself.

But my hands were clumsy, and shook when I attempted anything with the slightest degree of delicacy. My eyesight would fail me as soon as I got too close to anything, and it quickly became clear that I was too physically malformed to ever accomplish any success as a tinkerer.

Work harder, I'd be told, but rather than actually motivate me to any sort of substantial action, it only took the joy of idleness I'd had as a child, of sleeping in the sunlight and collecting odd bugs from the nearby river, and transformed it into an unease at the pit of my stomach that turned even the most banal moment of relaxation into an anxious and guilty chore.

So after I graduated highschool, faced with a life of impoverished mediocrity, I decided to try my hand as a plumber. For those who've never plumbed before, it's an extremely boring and unsatisfactory job. What's more, my work constantly left me with a deep feeling, incubated no doubt by years of snide comments on the profession by the future astronauts and lawyers and doctors of the world, of shame and failure, that even when I'd felt I'd overcome it, would always sneak up on me in the middle of the night, to perch on my bed and whisper horrible things in my ear.

No matter where I turned, I found myself at the foot of the massive wall of my incompetence, and for all the self help books, motivational speeches, and NIKE adds of the world, I've never been able to sustain the immense passion and willpower necessary for scaling that wall. In fact, the only sustainable emotion I've ever been able to find in myself is a deep nausea whenever I happen to glance my reflection in a passing window (I don't keep mirrors in my home), and the vague notion that it would be best to throw myself from the window of the tallest building I can find, and put an end to this deplorable business of life once and for all. Some children were born to be astronauts, but most were simply born to sputter about like a wind up toy until death. And me? I can't even find the energy to wind myself up in the morning.

i wish i had the willpower to introduce drastic changes to my life, as always

>>8937926

You mistake class opression for individual incompetence. You consider that being born rich is a merit.
You're a school case of neomarxist analysis. America is def fucked up.

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>>8937599
I have to accept that I will never accomplish anything of great significance in my life, I'll never be a great writer, screenwriter, philisopher or historian. If history tells me anything 8t is that I will fall back into my almost offensive mediocre ways.
The question now is how do I force to myself accept this. I used to believe that I could become immortal in a way by making sure I had a legacy, something people would remember me for, even if it was just minor.
Now I feel as if my life is of no consequence to anyone, I don't enjoy it and I don't see why I should keep on living.

I've got a disgusting fucking hangover, but I had a philly earlier and that made it good. More good. I think I need some vitamin C or sunlight more. It's too cold.

>>8937926
you dont work at creating complex set of green pipes and joining them by heavy, hot machine? I thought that what plumber do

>>8937833
lmao

I really want to start drinking, but I really must decide whether or not to eat left over pizza and drink now or go out to pick up something else and abstain from drinking until I return.

>>8937933
I'm not trying to discuss class at all. More the American protestant ideology of "work harder than 99% of people so you won't be a failure".

The character is neither competent nor incompetent, just overly passive in his life and unable to summon the willpower to climb a ladder that's never been provided to him.

why are bubbles buried in this jungle.

>>8938056
Bubbles are buried in every jungle, flora and concrete alike.

my way of living life turned my young soul into an old hopless and incompletet completion. whenever i try to get started, absurdity and trifle overcome me. i am the only failure in this world, that is what i think every day, every hour and the worst about all this is that i have the feeling i am the only one who can't change, develope, i feel like i will stay simple-minded for the rest of my life and will be left behind (not literally)

I live with people I hate. It wasn't always this way, but our intimacy has turned me sour. Ever y annoyance has become magnified to the point where I'm annoyed before an annoyance is committed as I can see it coming, which is annoying in itself. I feel imprisoned. It's like I'm sitting a a cell and except the guard coming in to served three ,meals a day, I'm beng served these three annoyances. I know they're coming so when I'm not being annoyed I am stewing in wait to be annoyed. And it's not just three times a day, it's the perpetuity of days of three annoyanes that suffocates me.

I want to fuck

>>8938123
I want to >>8938069

>>8938123
God gave you perfectly good hands.

>>8938069
Rest assured that if you were simple of the mind, these thoughts would not be of occurrence to you.

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>>8937599
Thinking about the girl I have loved for so long, I can barely behold her blooming womanhood, and what she brings to the whole of the world, and of her essence in the light of my days.

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>>8938137
I am trapped in a glass-box, I can see what everyone achieves, but I never will

just finished infinite jest

wat

Intelligence is an interesting subject to ponder about, if you want to fill time pondering something. We can describe intelligence in a large number of ways. It would be easy to write off intelligence as "how smart you are," of "how much you have read." This does not take into account, however, the problem of some common exceptions to these ideas. What about savants, those who hold genius levels of strength in one, but only one singular skill? How do you even test "intelligence"? An African villager might not know advanced calculus, but pit him against an urbanite European or American genius in a competition of hunting, fishing, herding or survival, and see who is most "intelligent". The theory of multiple intelligences is an interesting theory, but not without flaws. This theory details that we have various "fields" of intelligence (spatial intelligence, logical intelligence, naturalist intelligence, et cetera.) This seems to be a fairly solid explanation, but it also seems to be an easy, quick solution to a difficult question. It's almost too easy, isn't it, that the solution to this question is like your stats in a video game? However, it is logical enough that any person could probably draw some kind of personal anecdotal evidence out of it. I know for a fact that in grade school and middle school, the people I knew who were skilled at maths were not very good at or interested in literature and art, while I was the opposite case. This theory is the best we have for now, and although it seems to be on somewhat unsure footing, it is solid enough as a theory that we can at least hold ontonit for now.

>>8938151
First off, you don't know that. Secondly, you are not a man of simple mind. A man of simple mind does not think such thoughts. He has no need for worry or reflection of actions or consciousness. You are both gifted and cursed. Your struggle, however, is not unique and is faced by many. But hold yourself to be a more intelligent better man, if however bitter and worrisome. A simple man could not dream such thoughts.

I'm so fucking tired of agents and editors not "connecting" with my work, it's fucking infuriating. They seem to be the only people on Earth that don't like it. I've had smart people, stupid people, and everyone in between read my work and like it.

I feel like maybe there's just something about what and how I write that turns off people in publishing.

>>8938171
But what do i have from knowing that I am sitting in boiling water, if i have no arms and legs to crawl out of it. my intention is not to sound as if i have no notion of finding anoter way out, i have the fear i won't find a way out. i think i need some kind of master like narcissus was, but i am not to convident about (in?) encountering someone like that

You want to fuck an ass, and then you fuck that ass, and then you think that ass isn't as appeasing as it first was but you still fuck it because why not, but see you another ass and now that's a fuckable ass you think, so you ditch your current ass and fuck this brand new sparkling ass that jiggles in a way and curves in a way that you've never seen before so you love fucking it and you fucking love it like no other ass for awhile but then you realize that the ass doesn't sparkle or curve or jiggle like it used to or maybe it still does but you're used to it, and you look for an even better ass but there is no better ass but you still want one, cause you need one and you need to fuck that ass, yes you need to fuck that ass

donald trump is gonna trump the trump out of us

>>8937599
The politics at my school have produced a test that I believe was unfair to the students and I was forced to give it to them which has left me feeling wrong. My mom has come down to visit me, at the same time, for a month because she plans to move down here this summer in her own apartment about an hour away. I'm torn between honoring thy mother and father and feeling resentful of the damage her demand for divorce brought on the family. I want to be a moral cornerstone for the kids I teach but I can't unless I learn to forgive her and treat her better instead of icing her out. I'm torn.

I love you, Underground-man.

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I think I'm definitely an alcoholic at this point. I'm only 20, that's terribly pathetic and stupid and kind of silly.
I'm gonna start working on a short story next week. I already feel like it's just gonna be a copy of something very Thomas Mann/ Kafka-like.
We can be heroes, for ever and ever.
I'm drinking red wine I stole from my grandmother.
When I think of my future life, I think of the movie It's a Wonderful Life.
I wish I wouldn't hate my father.
I wish I could act less rude/ grumpy towards my relatives.
I wish I wasn't such an anxious scared little fuck.
I wish I didn't have an underbite.
I'm in love with Francie Nolan from A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.
I love Christmas.
I agree with everything Schopenhauer ever said but I live my life exactly opposite of his philosophy and still it feels like the right thing to do.
We can be heroes.

>>8938474
No you don't. How could you say such a thing? Do you know what it is you are loving? By god, good sir, I don't think that it could possible be that you do! How can anyone, anyone at all love such a wretched vile soul? I'll tell you now, that not even a man underground could love their-selves and if so however they could not love themselves then by no means can another love an underground man. No, its absurd. "How do I know such things" you might be asking me, gentleman. But now is not the time to explain, for it would be vile and wretched of me to justify any of this to you, to me for that matter.

>>8938497
We can all be alchies together

I want to join the Orthodox Church because I am drawn to the mysticism within that faith tradition but my beliefs tend to fall onto the agnostic and in some cases gnostic side and I can't reconcile these beliefs at all, but I really want to.

My mind tells that a lot of problems in Christianity can't be answered logically without rejecting the faith. When I do feel that I can accept divinity I have trouble reconciling YHWH with Christ (leading to some gnostic tendencies that I am not entirely proud of.)

I feel like my views change every six months. I feel like a bitch.

What will be left of my life after I am gone? The author of Ecclesiastes notes that the only way to give this finite life meaning is to live for the infinite. How do I wholeheartedly believe in God?

>>8938210
A way out of what? You're going to die eventually anyway numbnuts. There's no way out. Stop taking life so seriously.

>>8938524
Okay man. What are you reading currently?

I'm working myself through Kafka's Castle.

It's very enjoyable, but I gotta say, from what I've read so far, I prefer The Trial and even more Amerika.

i feel mad when i can't proof people are saying shit, still the only way i can do it is by finding flaws in their arguments, not with my arguments
i wonder if i should stop reading literature and start studying the numbers and statistics and economy and history and philosophy

And I saw in that moment how the days poured into one another in an unbroken stream, and how every day was the same. And I saw how dreams existed to hide this from our sight, because if we saw it all at once it would be too much. And I knew all at once that living was terrible, and that the unbroken cycle of day after day after day was too much for my brain to handle. And so I went back to sleep.
But I could not sleep. I felt now that a protective mucus had been peeled from my brain, and that now it was stuck to the wall of my skull like a chewed up wad of gum, cold and still and dry. I could not sleep because it could not sleep. And I knew now that I would never sleep again, and the days would stretch before me like an endless desert. And that would be fine for a while, until the sand seeps into my eyes, my throat, my lungs, and my body dries up entirely, and my corpse is devoured by ants, and then I am nothing.
>r8 my prose

The trivial pursuits of day-to-day life are dual in nature, they give me reason to keep existing, yet drain from what would give genuine purpose to life, on a spiraling descent with the second death as the only possible conclusion to the nightmare of mediocrity.

I just realized I have the white fever. It's disappointing.

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I went on a date tonight and dissociated so much that I started to count the number of times I made her laugh vs. the number of times I even felt anything like interest in what she was saying.

I don't like when they try to pretend you're equals. We're not equals. I'm doing an unpleasant audition for four hours, and you're getting the equivalent a stoner comedy and a half worth of jokes. I'd prefer that they be brutally cynical about this than that they keep pretending we're just BUDS! Gettin' dinner is fun!

No it isn't.

>>8939297
What she was saying? And what you were saying to her?

>>8939297
yeah, if you're not proactive, bye bye

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am i a transsexual? am i a transexual? am i transexual? i'm a transexual...ami a transexual. am i a fucking transgender fucker

>>8939297
in my 2X years of life i've found only one single woman who had interesting things to say and that wasn't so full of herself that would actually listen

she had some deep issues with depression, i've tried my best to help her but at that time i couldn't do much
eventually life separated us

the thing is all the rest have nothing to offer, nothing but their pussies, their pretty faces, their bodies
i always think "what if this girl was a boy? would i still talk with him?" and the answer is always "i wouldn't talk with him"

>>8939333
get out of the shame cube nigger

you have to taste the pussy before jumping to this kind of conclusions

>>8939193
pls r8

>>8937599
what is on

your mind

I should have said I'm not available.

I think I hurt my arms while lifting, hope not. I can't wait to get my laptop back from Best Buy, I feel naked without it. I wamna read. I'm gonna read.

I had my first story published like 2 months ago, it was a big moment for me I was real fucking happy.

Since then I can't write and can hardly read, my brain is empty and without motivation but my small success after so long of the grind (been writing shitty stories for like 4 years) felt like a step forward and now I'm fucked.

>>8939561
Just keep forcing shit out. Even if it's incomplete and total fucking garbage it is better than not writing at all.

I miss my mom.

>>8939579

Thanks mate I know I can do it, it's all I've been doing this whole time this just feels so much worse than usual

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hate white ppl who virtue signal about self-hate and white guilt, abt how we all need to be more inclusive and less oppressive to the other, all the while maintaining a disgusting level of self-righteousness and moral high ground. it's repulsive to me. i want to stomp it out with a boot. we should all be proud of who we are. (if we are good people...)

>>8939193
Good.

>>8939356
sad, but true.

donuts are better than pussy
my theet are full of caries

>>8939561
how old you are? Asking because i am searching for reason to not kill myself

>>8940866
thanks senpai

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I literary look like this. Kill me.

>>8937599
poop peep poop I am sitting at my desk writing until i hit word limit i forget where that is exactly, something like 4000 or something? I guess its not word limit anyways its character limit otherwise some faggot would probably just copy the longest word possible and paste it 10000 times. Now my heaad is blank now i'm hungry now i'm wondering why the fuck i'm writing this autistically, im going to eat some Quaker now.

>The depths of will-power on display.

>>8940883
Aren't you fat? Just brush your teeth after every donut you eat

>>8937639
"Reality be dammed, I just want my dreams."
That alone speaks louder then the whole paragraph you spoke.

>>8938458
p.good. sadly, i once met the ass of the asses.

Well, here it goes again, I guess. I'm a broken man. Is there a future for me? What is future at all? Is it even real, what is real? All I know what's going on in this moment, that's all there is I guess. I can only guess, true knowledge is not real, you can't know anything, you can only believe in knowing something... I know nothing.

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>>8937599

>freshman in university going into second semester
>first semester was p. rough, not a fan of a lot of the ideological stuff but in general the lecturers are alright and I had a seminar tutor who was decently well-read and informed
>find out who my tutor for my seminar is going to be
>might as well google her to see what to expect
>oh fucking christ
>how millenial can one woman be
>feminist is the first word of her twitter bio
>she tweets complaining that brexit has made her literally ill
>every second tweet is about trump and
>she has a blog
>specifically dedicated to review books by women
>not books by women like Austen or Woolf
>shitty contemporary self-help with all-white covers written by middle class women
>it has a quote by lena dunham as its bio
>"There is nothing gutsier to me than a person announcing that their story is one that deserves to be told, especially if that person is a woman."
>this is the person who will mark the essays I hand in until the summer
Fucking end it i'm ready to drop out

I wasn't supposed to make it this far. My kidney became tumorous and I almost didn't make it to two years old. Finally old enough, they removed it. I often wish they hadn't. My great grandfather committed suicide due to depression. My grandmother attempted it multiple time in her childhood and teens, when she became an adult she developed schizophrenia. My father has severe depression and schizophrenia, my sister does too. Genetically I am not meant to be. I was cursed at birth. No matter how hard I try I will always be depressed. If I was to ever have children they'd be cursed too. The only reason I continue to struggle on is to prove to myself I am greater than my afflictions.

>>8941470
I feel like I'm not living my life the right way, but I also don't think there's a right way to live one's life. I have absolutely no interest in anything, but I still feel like, deep down, I'm not doing what I really want to be doing.

I don't know how to fix this.

Oxford is going to turn down my application and I wont be able to post that copypasta and feel a sense of rightness because it was actually true

>>8941480
>>8941470
didn't mean to reply :^)

>>8941375
demand to change tutors. we whitey get what we want right?

>>8941375
It'll be fine. Just remember that the person you're dealing with isn't the construct of a Teacher, but really just a student three or four years ahead of you, and basically the female equivalent of an edgelord. Take it with good humour, whatever bullshit she wants to talk about. Why should you get mad?

You should be more worried about your fellow undergrads. You're more likely to hear things from them that will rustle your jimmies.

Oh, and your papers will be fine so long as you motivate yourself to actually spend time on them. The bar is set pretty low

>>8941496

I don't know about this last point so much man. I've had problems with university markers in the past year asking I put more political stuff in my essays. I don't want to be putting myself at a disadvantage and having to work more than everyone else, but I'm not going to lie about what I believe (which by the way is not /pol/-tier-I come from a socialist background and broadly don't have problems with traditional leftist ideas-but there is also a lot of stuff that would be perceived as "problematic" by the academic bubble.) Is this an unjustified fear?

>>8941543
You dont go to university to learn or challenge things, just get a good grade

>>8941551
But I can get good grades with my eyes shut. It's an English degree for christsakes. If I wanted heaving good grades to be the point of my course, I would have applied to do a better degree

>>8941543
>I've had problems with university markers in the past year asking I put more political stuff in my essays.
Ugh, that's awful. I can only imagine how well I would have responded to that.

I honestly hope this turns out better than you're expecting. Just concentrate on doing good work, I guess - you don't want to feel like you wasted your time pandering to anyone.

>>8937599
I should address the topic while I'm here.

Since I can't seem to manage any lasting change, I'm starting to think I should concentrate on working with what I've got: save up for a year, put all my things in storage except for notes, rent a cabin for however long I can someplace like Morocco out of season; and if come out of it with nothing but a raw penis and a couple hundred more pages on 'I will' and 'I am' - in other words, just duplicating previous efforts - then I should just give up. Concentrate on other things. Like opiates, maybe

>>8937599
So, what now? I have lived the better half of my twenties with a feeling of being sedated. Looking back, it seems like I have done a lot, but why do I get the feeling like I've been stuck in one place? Time is moving quickly and I think I probably missed my chance to do anything extraordinary. That was the feeling I had and still have, even though I have moved on. I left my old life behind in order to study for the priesthood. It all seemed to click when I left home and began my studies. And at first, I was happy, studying philosophy and living with a purpose. But now, feelings of depression have crept in and I often find myself wondering 'what could be?' What if I am missing out on a wife, kids, a job, riches, or experiencing the world in all of its splendour? Is my mind just playing tricks on me, or did I mess up and fail once again? Maybe I am just scared of commitment and success? Maybe I should just get out of my own head and live..

>>8937599
I wrote a novel and either a novella or a small novel between August-November last year. Now, I have not written a damn thing in just over a month. This bothers me, also I need to call about seeing how my Military application is going. On the bright side though, I got another sale recently, and I haven't attempted to shill my books in possibly over a month so that certainly put a little spring in my step. Still, I just seem to have somewhat lost motivation to write, even though I love writing. I have several ideas, even some starts, and also need to make a 2nd Edition of my first book due to some errors, but... I don't know. I guess I'm just becoming even MORE of a lazy fuck-nugget.

>>8941888
Oh, and I have a sequel something like perhaps 2/3 finished from months ago but I don't know if I went in the right direction with it so might end up completely starting over. Also, sweet trips.

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>Need experience to get your 1st job
>Want to get my 1st job
>Can't get my 1st job because I have no prior experience
>Need experience to get your 1st job
>Want to get my 1st job
>Can't get my 1st job because I have no prior experience
>Need experience to get your 1st job
>Want to get my 1st job
>Can't get my 1st job because I have no prior experience
>Need experience to get your 1st job
>Want to get my 1st job
>Can't get my 1st job because I have no prior experience
>Need experience to get your 1st job
>Want to get my 1st job
>Can't get my 1st job because I have no prior experience

I can't stop thinking about cocks, they look so delicious.

>>8941926
Just go to McDonald's or some shit. They'll take anyone as long as you're not tattoo'd on your fucking hands and face like some angsty little attention-seeker. Also, fuck ear gauges.

>>8941926
I would but I have a mister meaner

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>>8941938
>>8941949

Oh, did I forgot to say that I have a master's degree in engineering from a top non Anglo university?

>>8941938
>>8941949
Meant to reply to you lol not myself.

>>8941950
Wait what? I am confused.

>>8941888
Why are you joining the military?

>>8941962
Yes, I can't find a job (outside of my shit country, even though the uni is good) and have a master's in engineering.

Decent grade too.

>>8941977
Which country

>>8941968
Because I'm fucking sick of construction, and I've wanted to join the Military for literally about 5-6 years. Tried once before in 2013 or so when I was in the best shape of my fucking life, but I was going to College at the time and was only trying for Reserves. Now I'm going for full time. Also, I fucking love firearms, and have already reached 300m, with confidence that if you gave me a rifle tomorrow I could reach 400m. With training, I could EASILY reach 500m, and it's been on my bucket list for probably almost a decade to reach 1km (1000m) with a rifle round. Not magnum, not anti-material, just something like .303, 7.62x54r, .308, etc. I really think I could manage to become a designated marksman if I could just get my fat ass back in shape. I've become something of an alcoholic, and have stopped working out. To give you an idea of how bad it's gotten, I'm 'down' to around 260-265lb. As of typing this, I haven't eaten in 16 hours, and might just go the rest of the day without eating, we'll see. I've been having 1-2 meals a day, quite consistently, for around a month or two. Well, except for around the holidays...

>>8941986
Spain

>>8942034
Primero tienes que encontrar un trabajo con un salario terrible pero que sea en relación a tu carrera. De seguro estás apuntando muy alto es por eso aún ni tienes trabajo luego migras a la Alemania

>>8942010
Which branch? Start working out again and don't starve yourself or you'll do more damage. Just focus on consuming less than you burn while still eating a balanced amount. If you really like firearms that much, you might enjoy aspects of the military. What about the tediousness of life, strict schedule, and ass kissing that goes on? Not to mention you aren't going to be surrounded by the brightest or most virtuous people.

>>8942054
I know I need a shitty job 1st, like an internship or something but how can I go to Germany if I don't speak a word of German?

Today I saw the most handsome dude I've ever seen, jacked, tattoos and a manly face. How can I compete.

>>8937599
LOOK AT THIS D00D

I think computers fried my brain

>>8942064
Lo aprendes. Si ya sabes inglés no se te va a hacer difícil el alemán. En Alemania actualmente se están necesitando a trabajadores de tu tipo pero se necesita tener una experiencia mínima. Sé infeliz en tu trabajo pero haz un buen trabajo, como sea y te vas. Tengo familia en Alemania y están ganando un buen dinero. Viel Glück! :)

>>8937599
the most recent page of my 965 page magnum opus

extrovert
they think this
i want them to think this so i do this

introvert
they do this so i think this
i think this so i do this

introvert
they do this
i want them to do this so i do this

>>8937599
I need to stop wasting my time with politics and focus on literature again.

>>8937599
Wagner wasn't "appropriated" by the nazis you retarded fucks. Wagner was an anti-semite and a disciple of Schopenhauer (which he himself influenced Hitler a lot).

>>8937599
I have been a rabbit riding on a ghost for quiet some time now; and the ghost has past through light, i did not.

>>8942375
drop the "i" replace it with "rabbit":

I have been a rabbit riding on a ghost for quiet some time now; and the ghost has past through light, the rabbit did not.

>>8942387
Don't tell me how to write

>>8942403
You are free to write this on your book.

>>8937613
let's explore

>>8942413
What I am writing transcends "books", I am beyond that at this point. I see no need to publish as books are just words on a page and my writing is so much more than that.

I write better when I'm sober. Alcohol brings me sanity and clarity of mind.

>>8942449
all i am saying is that your next level writing might use a better sense of structure.

>>8942472
I don't think you comprehend where I am and what I am doing. I have no interest in books or in words. I am beyond that at this point. My writing is fine.

>>8942499
I have been there, done that; zero regards to who you are.

>>8942534
Have you transcended?

>>8942547
none of your business, but this is not the first time i am blowing air into a zeplin.

>>8937762
Sitting round at home
Sitting round at home
Sitting round at home
Watching the pictures go!

>>8942558

It may not be my business, but it is my concern. It's all mad and pointless, anyhow, but that is something you obviously already know. People like us will let the ship sink, every damn time because we've left the ship a long time ago. If it's not your first time around, I hope that doesn't discourage you from continuing.

Doing nothing
Going nowhere kid became a gone nowhere man
Bills behind
Bills late as fuck
No wife. No kids. No fuck cheap thrill in years...
Got enough in the account to silence the waves forever
One bang. One big mess.
But i want the music.
I cannot stop thinking about the music.
I pray to God to give me a sign of hope
Holding on to threads of prophecy and light.
But there's no clarity in this tunnel
And I want to end it, man.

>>8942603
that is true, i don't even qualify for welfare. I am a homeless person living in a charity home. Bare footed with second hand clothing.

My grandfather used to map terrains for the government.

>>8937599
empty bottle of
chateau d’issan -
two fifty
for a third growth is
highway robbery

frisch weht der wind der
the gucci store
baby /
is where you’ll find me
but sweet sweet baby
50 bones is 2 steep
for a mink

you know what they say:
they say ’05s
the best vintage /
but this is your studio
not the left bank
babe
and it’s just
us

>>8942644
Things are going to change. Keep on going.

>>8942714
thank you for soft cushioning me. I hope you do well in beyond.

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Finally, the magazine at my university has responded to my submission - I'm going to be published! This is unbearably exciting. It's only a student publication, but a fair few people read it. It's an antidote to my sense of voicelessness. So I'm at least good enough for a bunch of earnest students.
Then again, I can resent my need for validation. I see that I gain meaning/purpose by affecting the worldviews of others, but sometimes the hole prevents me from creating, because I don't know if it's good enough. Praise from friends and family mean next to nothing.

>>8942058
Going for just Infantry, even though the Interview and Aptitude Test or whatever had them saying I was "too smart" for the Infantry but I know I'll regret it if I don't at least START with the Infantry. Also, I'm not American, so the people I'll be dealing with probably won't be as asshole-ish as, say, USMC. There'll be lots to learn, different trades I can apply for, and well I've worked jobs before where I had to wake up at 5AM, even had one that I had to get up for at about 3 or 4AM. Ass-kissing? Well, it's my nation's Military for whom I have great pride and respect for. For most people, I don't do well with disrespect, but I can put up with some shit for those who have earned the right to give some. It's all for my betterment after all. Also, while I intend to start in the Infantry, I'd like to try other trades as well. I'm not exactly a teenager anymore and they even SAID that "you'll be the oldest person joining the Infantry", which kind of hurt, but none the less I'm determined.

>>8937959
What Kind of legacy were you Shooting for? I'm sorry I can't be much help I've never been known to hold the right words but I wanna help you in some way. Are you okay?

happiness is a birthright

people born on the fringe stay in the fringe
modern day nobles with good genetics and strong communities will not let you into their happiness bubble unless you offer something of value.

Everyone else is trapped and forbidden from entering their paradise.

Further, outsiders are looked down upon and crushed when they make efforts to join the tribe.

>>8938547
God will reconcile them for you. You are not meant to become the perfect apostle today or tomorrow. Surrender to Him, and you will find what you're looking for.

Write what's on your mind

>>8937599
i really like rum

>>8942838
You sorry fool, you could not be the chosen one.

This thread is turning into /r/books, and it's not because of holiday fags, because those are over. Half of the posts here are either DAE RUPI KAUR SUCKS!! threads or I READ BOOKS LOOK AT WHAT I READ AREN'T I SMART stack threads. The people posting at the moment are some of the laziest and pretentious people I've had the pleasure of not seeing in real life.

sometimes
you bust
a nut
sometimes
the nut
busts you

-rupi kaur

>>8943132
>pretentious

Lit has been pretentious for years bro. Calm down.

>>8943132
what is wrong with being pretentious?

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I'm at some point in life in which I would do what I do right now forever.
There is going to be one day, about 1 year and a few months from now, when the people will go on their ways and the magic will die.
I will cherish the memories and the time that I still have, but it still scares me.
Anyone who lost close friends along the way, either from moving apart or something else?

>>8943132
I'm sorry you are so unhappy, and I'm sorry for whatever it is that is causing your fit. I don't think that this thread is the issue here. We're all just writing what is on our minds and it is merely collective chaos, but we aren't the issue that has you so troubled.

>>8939653
God bless.

>>8943220
if peoples and something so trivial like losing "friends" is makijg you unhappy you should kills yourself

>>8941926
Quite.. Kafkaesque

>>8943220
You form new friends and move on.

Often times the people who are left behind in the past are still there in one measure or another, even if not for the same reasons as in the past. The best thing you can do to keep that connection is move on and not show yourself as some hanger on, because once they see that you're moving on too, it won't grieve them with negative energy or friction.

>>8937599
One of my exes. The best sex I've ever had in my life. She was such a girl; cute, fun, and terribly immature. The problem was, the moment I started wanting a relationship, she lost interest. How trivial a narrative, but she only wanted what she couldn't have. When I started hooking up with another girl – then we fucked again. I only really miss the sex, emotionally she was pretty unavailable.

>>8937837
>when anon's try to write from the female perspective.

>>8937837
Lol same but I actually just cry over those days

>>8937926
>No matter where I turned, I found myself at the foot of the massive wall of my incompetence, and for all the self help books, motivational speeches, and NIKE adds of the world, I've never been able to sustain the immense passion and willpower necessary for scaling that wall. In fact, the only sustainable emotion I've ever been able to find in myself is a deep nausea whenever I happen to glance my reflection in a passing window (I don't keep mirrors in my home), and the vague notion that it would be best to throw myself from the window of the tallest building I can find, and put an end to this deplorable business of life once and for all. Some children were born to be astronauts, but most were simply born to sputter about like a wind up toy until death. And me? I can't even find the energy to wind myself up in the morning.

Sounds like Notes from the Underground

>>8943885
that's called a slut dude.

>>8938167
"There is inequality in the manifestations of intelligence, according to the greater or lesser energy communicated to the intelligence by the will for discovering and combining new relations;
but there is no hierarchy of intellectual capacity." Jacques Ranciere, The Ignorant Schoolmaster

Wiesz chyba zapewne przyjacielu ze w tych czasach nie przepadam za rozdrspywaniem ran, i zajmowaniem sie tymi wszystkimi "waznymi", a niezmiernie bolesnymi sprawami, jak bog, honor, rodzina ojczyzna. Dzisiaj pisze lezac w hamaku, i w przerwach obserwuje zachód słonca z kolorowym drinkiem w ręce, prosto z wakacji na hawajach, albo na jakies wyspie wiecznej szczesliwosci. Przy tym chciabym, bys potraktowal slowa "hawaje, wakacje" w znaczeniu jedynie metaforycznym, jak "mentalne wakacje" Zreszta slowo "wieczne" tez mozesz potraktowac tak samo. Plytkie szczescie bedzie trwac do rana, do momentu gdy od wnetrza mnie rozerwie, od tych wszystkich substancji które płyną w moich żyłach. Ale pomijając ten jeden mały szkopuł to czuje sie wyjątkowo dobrze, a przynajmniej do wczoraj, do momentu który pobudził mnie tak mocno że musiałem chwycić odlatującą mewe i popociągać ją troche za piora.

>>8943906
>but there is no hierarchy of intellectual capacity.
wtf
that's completely wrong.

>>8943885
She's naive. She had feelings but she could not cope with the responsibility or commitment to a fully devoted relationship.

So many are lost to this. They go on and on through life spiraling through their combustible mixture of emotions. Usually they divert the futility of their madness to men and become deluded feminists. Not that feminism is a problem in itself, but it is when the problems come to feminism...

I just realized that by making my gamer tag PositiVibes back in highschool, I've created the perfect troll account. If I'm doing bad or my team is doing bad, I can get all pissed at everyone and be a dick but at the end of it all claim that I'm being ironic. But if I don't care about the game or it's going well, I can be nice and people tend to be more grateful. Total silver lining.

Also, does 'breathlessly' and 'recipes' rhyme? If I'm asking, does it mean it's probably a stretch anyway? Cuz when I sound it out it rhymes, but I'm not 100% if that's because I desperately want that word pairing.

>>8943926
Part of Ranciere's whole argument is an attack on pedagogy of education (enlightened schoolmaster > ignorant student), and the structures that arise from this pedagogy. If you understand this point within his larger arguments (just read the book), it would make more sense.
>>8943928
You're right, and we've both moved on. I miss the sex though sometimes, it really was 10/10. Currently I'm paralyzed by another girl that I've really fallen for but she lives all the way across the country.

>>8943951
Oh, I know that feeling... I wish you luck. At the very least you show go out there and have yourself an adventure.

It just started snowing, the first of the year. I’m in my apartment, alone, and it’s all I can think about. I’m staring out my window, looking at the little white storm. It’s not the peaceful kind, the kind that would be better to write about, that would pair nicely with my point, but it’s there, coming down hard.

All I can think about is how much I want someone to be here with me. Not to be in love, not to joke around or be dramatic, just someone who can look out this window and see the showers with me. We don’t need to talk, just acknowledge that it exists. It is strange the moments and places that make you feel alone, stuck in the city, surrounded by people, but I’m just in my little cubicle. I know there are people around me. I hear whispers of them, through the walls a laugh hints at a good time, a chair screeches above me somewhere, a group of boys yell down the hallway.

I am in my apartment; it protects me from them. It protects me from the snow, too. I think back to the time I spent once in the wilderness, when it began to snow. I was afraid I might freeze, but I still had to spend a couple hours to watch the snow blanket the valley from my perch on top the mountain. I was alone then too, but I never felt alone. I only feel alone in the city. Man is meant to be alone in the mountains, I figure, but here, loneliness stalks me. I’ve been afraid out there, of wild beasts, of acts of God, of dark shadows, but I’ve never been so afraid out there as I’ve been here. All fear stems from death but my fear stems from having not lived.

It’s hard these days to get a moment to yourself, with all the entertainment we have. I don’t hate how connected the world is, rather I quite enjoy it, but still I have a deep fondness for those moments when you can get away. Those moments on top the mountain when the little snowflakes fall so slowly on the great little fields below. When you are alone, but sharing a memory with the whole human race, a memory of God. Then you have moments like these, that just hit you in the brief moments after you turned off your television, where you just look out your window and watch the snow fall swiftly down on the road and the surrounding buildings, the occasional passerby hurrying to get out of the storm your only reminder that other people exist, and you could not feel more alone.

Living in Brazil is hell, a literal hell in January.

>>8944209
What about February

>>8944238
A little less because of Carnival.

>>8940891

23

>>8937801
I'm in a same situation, guess what? Trying to prolong life is a meme/spook.
Not really,Or is it? I dont know?We are fucked anyway.
Watch all seasons of the series Six Feet Under and have a cathartic experience(It was amazing for me,I hope its the same for you,honestly).

I ruin every relationship I try to build up, and ostracize myself from friends and family for no good reason. Why do I do this?

porque es mejor aguantarse y no morirse, porque es mejor aguantarselo y no morirse.

porque es mejor vivir que morir?

porque vale la pena levantarse? para que uno vive, para que uno estudia, para que uno aprende si la vida se reduce a dinero. para que perder el tiempo con libros si todo al final es instinto. todo es vanidad

para que la vida, para que.

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>>8944926

Because you are afraid of other people discovering all of the flaws that you perceive, even just subconsciously, in yourself.

You should take steps to improve your self-perception, or if it is a deep enough problem, see a psychiatrist.

I have a few exercises we can go through, but the easiest route (but also hardest roadblock) is realizing that you are worth being loved. If something ever tells you otherwise don't listen to it, once you get over this mental hurdle, your relationships with others will improve. I promise you.

>>8944969
Thank you. What are the exercises?

>>8944938
>para que la vida, para que.

para ninguno objectivo hermano, la vida simplesmiente és
sorry about the bad spanish (i'm brazilian)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzBJIm3jOF8

>>8944972
Most of them are well-known but people disregard them for being silly or sentimental.

One of my favorites is, and you have to get over how silly it is at the start, is when you wake up, looking at yourself in the mirror and saying out loud positive qualities about yourself. The problem is that they have to be things that you truly believe. For now, the list may be small, but as you grow you may find yourself more comfortable with more positive qualities.

If that is too silly for you, another good one is to write down a couple of positive experiences that occurred to you each day. Since you browse /lit/ I assume you like to write, so have fun with it, be very descriptive, whatever makes you most comfortable.

One of the best ways is to set a list of small goals for you each day, easy things that you can complete, like say, I will only use stairs today, or I will take a mile after lunch, or I will shoot five free throws in a row. They don't have to be physical, just easy to complete, also you have to actually complete them. The catch is that for this to really work you have to plan out your goals before you leave the house.

Human beings are like any other animals in that our brains are wired for survival. However, humans have brains that are too advanced for our own good, and the social aspect of our species, in some people cause these survival aspects to backfire.

I don't know you, but I have met a lot of people who have described similar situations to me, and almost always the problem is that their mind has convinced them that they are not worth anything as a person. Now the brain is wired for survival and so it will naturally try to avoid any situation in which it sees itself being hurt. In modern society, emotional damage is more common than physical damage, but what we don't realize is that our subconscious is also affected by this, it tries to avoid any situation where it sees itself being hurt. This is true for all people, but it's only a problem for some, like you. Your brain has convinced itself that you are incapable of being liked, so it sees every relationship as a threat. It's that part of you that tries to see flaws in people you are starting to like and the part of you that seems weirdly relieved when your relationship falls through.

The purpose of these exercises, although they seem silly (and honestly they are very silly) is that they "train" your subconscious to be more positive. For example, now you look at a nice person of whatever gender you prefer and think "that person will never like me because I have a big nose" or whatever, what you should be thinking is "this person will like me because they are impressed that I can play the piano or write beautiful poetry or have a nice smile".

You know your own positive qualities, you need to get the rest of your brain up to speed on it.

>>8937926
Yikes hits too close to home

Why fucking do anything
I wanna throw a brick at a wall but that would take too much effort. Hell, just writing these 3 sentences took enough out of me. See that's the problem. I think I love ideas too much. All these ideas. I wanna x, y, z. Ill start all and finish none. Every time the idea is better than the actual thing. Why. Is it because I was raised by TV. Commercials. People growing up telling me sweet nothings. Whatever. Ill settle. "This is good enough." pretend to be proud of whatever little I've created and laugh at myself later. When does the game against myself end. No idea what the next step is

>>8944938
Erras al pensar que debes conformarte a la realidad de los demàs y perseguir lo mismo que ellos. Busca aquello que te inspire y que te llene: así encontarás las respuestas a tus preguntas. Cada uno de nosotros tiene respuestas a por que y para que estamos aqui y muchos comparten opiniones similares. Sin embargo, no existe una respuesta absoluta y definitiva, ni la certeza de que algún día lleguemos a obtener una. A pesar de ello cada uno elige creer su respuesta personal y asi le dan significado a sus dias. Sigue buscando y no desvanezcas, las respuestas que buscas están allá fuera esperando con paciencia a ser encontradas.

>>8945052
Not him, but thank you for writing this.

>The purpose of these exercises, although they seem silly (and honestly they are very silly) is that they "train" your subconscious to be more positive.

I tend to already do this, but my problem is that I have trouble maintaining them. When I'm alone or smoke weed (whoa maaaan) I'll get introspective and think about how I'm not the piece of shit I think I am. Unfortunately I have trouble holding onto those feelings when I'm with other people, particularly in a high-level social environment. Would you recommend just keep doing these exercises, or seek help?

>>8937599
The subconscious is odd.

Every living sentient thing in our history, mostly men or offshoots of such, have at some point believed in forces greater than their control. The most primitive ones give them faces and names and call them gods. Some keep them mysterious and enshrouded, call it the Tao, or karma. Either way, we feel that there's both great terror and tender beauty beyond our profane understanding.

I had a dream last night. I was a carpenter in a small Italian village, making some furniture here and there. In my spare time, I made wooden dolls and puppets, and would sell them to entertainers and jesters.

I was working on a doll for months. It was a little girl, life-sized, about 4 or 5 years old. I painted her with the finest paints, I spent any money I made on fine silk for her dress, I let my wife grow her hair long so I could cut it and use it for the doll.

My doll was finished. I set it on the table, but it slumped over and looked cheap, so I took it in my lap and had her sit in there as though she were my daughter.

She began to grow warmer. I thought it was the fireplace, but then I saw her chest begin to rise and fall. I rubbed my eyes beneath my spectacles. I'm getting tired.

Her eyes, flat and painted on, closed their lids and blinked. The glue that held my wife's hair to her head had melted and became a part of her. Her mouth, a simple smile with painted cheeks, grew slender lips that parted slightly, and her face blushed pink, and I could hear her breathe.

She raised her head and looked at me.

I was terrified.

She lifted her arms, and hugged me and buried her face into my chest.

"Thank you," She said. Her voice was quivering and hollow, but there was something there, something tangible, something alive.

I woke up with tears in my eyes. It was the first time I've cried in years.

Do our minds produce these inexplicably touching moments, just byproducts of our imaginations? Or is there really something universally divine and touching that is present in every living thing?

Emotions are confusing. I wish I was a lizard.

im really upset, i tried to play some shmup games but i keep dying

>>8945136
Don't worry anon, this is very normal. Again these fears stem from being around other people in the first place, so it makes sense that they are most dangerous when you are around them. The worst thing is that when you fail in these situations, or even think you failed, it can undo a lot of the work you put in to get to that stage.

I know that I have never hated myself more than after I embarrassed myself publicly, and it can really bring out the nastiest things self-criticism too, bringing up all different aspects of yourself even if they were not related to your faux pas.

There is not much I can tell you to help you there beyond what you already know, but it does help to reinforce.

These situations are the hardest for people with these conditions to deal with, so try to build up to them. For example, make small talk with a stranger. It's easy and if you do mess up, you'll never meet them again. Smile at people, make eye contact while walking down the street. Remember that most people (if you're american like me) want to talk to others, they'll blabber on forever with the slightest provocation and then love you for asking. Another important thing to remember is that if someone is dismissive of you, it typically isn't because of any aspect of you. They just don't like talking to others or perhaps are having a bad day themselves. A lot of the times when you have a bad social experience, it isn't your fault at all. Most people are good at heart and wouldn't do anything to make someone else feel bad knowingly. Regardless, it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.

Again, just explaining this doesn't change anything, but it is very good to remind yourself of this. Social skills are like any other skills and require work. So, you didn't get quite the understanding you should have when you were a child. That doesn't matter. It's never too late to hone them. And of course it's always good to remember that all people have these feelings, even the ones who are seemingly always comfortable. People are typically to caught up worrying about themselves to care about your shortcomings.

On whether you should seek professional help, I can't make that call for you or even really advise you. If you can afford it and think it would help then by all means I would tell you to do it, but you don't need a Doctor, you can do this on your own if you have to. I will just say that even if you can't afford it, just talking to anyone about your problems can really help, and if you think there is absolutely no one in the world who will listen to you, I promise you there is at least one. :)

Sometimes I think I'm neurodiverse but I probably behave like a retarde just because I didn't had the best if childhoods.

I want to get into lucid dreaming. And meditation.

I'm thinking about how news are really stupid and serve no point whatsoever. What are some books (or articles, or whatever) that discuss the overabundance of information in the world and its meaninglessness?

>>8937799
you should tell him this. I agree.

>>8945751
this isn't exactly what you wanted but check this out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCdsKcDY1gQ

I'm going to meet my girlfriend today.
I think (again) that she is going to break up with me. I don't want this.

i got no friends I got no job I spend all my time on the internet, even though I hate it, I hate all the shitty, easy, rote, disposable opinions everybody posts ceaselessly, I hate how seriously everybody takes themselves and their shitty, negative opinions. I hate how easy it is for people to be shit to other people, I hate how automatic their thoughts and subsequent ejaculations are, how easy it is for them to spew poisonous vitriol day in day out

>>8937799
>Someone should write a book about how autists can make women find them charming, by learning to pitch this balance
>implying every oscar bait movie since Good Will Hunting doesn't feature a charming super genius aspie

>>8937599
I'm going to the Alma-Tadema exhibition in Leeuwarden (The Netherlands) next week.

I dropped out of college last semester because i realized it was a dead end scam and that I'd be 30 before i made any money from the "correct path".

Thinking about writing a piece about the balance between objectivity and subjectivity of risk and the state of the modern financial industry where I was going to enter after graduating.

Cant imagine anybody would be interested so im just sitting on my hands

>>8937599
I wish I were a knight in medieval France.

If I kill myself, who is going to take care of my parents?

Me van a hacer un electro-encefalograma. Si resultase que descubriesen algo y saltase a la fama, no me vendría mal tener una ocupación redituable y vivir en una zona de judíos aquí en México. A veces pienso que no me voy a poder ligar a judía alguna (además de mi ineptitud, casi no las encuentro).

Ni la ubicó, ni hallo oportunidad con la de la clínica.

>>8946207
>>8946216
Matarte, maricón.

>>8945845
I think the same as you. Everyone is so off the rails with anger, agressive or judgamental.
Why there can't be peace?

I'm ready to get back to university. Sitting here idly over the break only permits my thoughts to sway from their healthier state. I'm worried the haze will fall over me once again and I will be wading through that dark, swampy atmosphere of depression memory recalls. Memoirs of him, and her, are the last things I'd like brought back to conscious -- a story only recently brought to conclusion a few months prior. Move faster, time.

>>8937959
Paint a pennis in the statue of liberty

i wanted to use today well. first part of the day was good. studied, it felt pretty good. mkaing a lot of awesome progress in my faith, and i'm so happy about that. i don't have anything i want to tell you guys. i want to express myself on here for some reason. self-expression is really interesting. it seems pretty purposeless sometimes, but it might be pretty essential. it's hard to make my thoughts unfiltered when i'm considering the responses of people on 4chan, which is usually pretty judgmental and insulting, albeit in a way that is often tongue in cheek. speaking of feeling filtered based on the fear of what people might think, i've been making progress with that in my art. i want to make art like a child. i want to be playful with it. i don't have to worryu about what's "good" when i'm just doing things i like. it's cool too, because i feel like this mindset is being provided by my faith, too. like the lord is bringing all my paths in my life into one single path, which is just following Him. That psalm says "where the spirit of the lord is, there is liberty.". I'm really finding that to be true. This is a really sweet, kind idea; making a thread where people are asked to simply share their thoughts. It's a really nice sense of community, and it breaks down a lot of the natural walls that are up in real life for a lot of people, and lets people just know the close essence of people from a distance without any fear involved. i really want that to be a part of my life as well: i want there to be no walls in social interaction. i want to meet people and be able to let them feel like they don't have to hide anything from me, and to feel the same to them. i can't wait to read all of your posts on here. when i was younger, around 16 or 17, i would have been analyzing these thoughts out of self-consciousness, and correcting them and being more anxious about them. i used to write diary entries similar to this, which would be stream-of-consciousness expression. i had a hard time with it, becasue, even in the privacy of a diary, i couldn't get away from the thought that someone might read it eventually. so odd how self-consciousness can affect our thoughts in a way that makes us think so iullogically. maybe just me, i don't know. this is getting less interesting than it was in the beginning for me. i took too long to type out something i don't care about i think haha. i want to say "i hope this doesn't come off as narcissistic", but i don't think i want to. i don't care if it does, i think. reading the bible and following the lord has been so exciting and interesting for me. i hope you guys can find it someday too. more specifically than "following the lord", though, is i've been growing in faith. i just believe the bible more thsn i used to. the more you believe that jesus' words are true, the more they affect your life. if i truly believe that when jesus says to never worry about your life, then i can't worry, because i'm trusting Him.

It's a cold day today; almost below freezing. The snow that's left on the ground is slowly turning to ice due to the consistent rain the past few days. I went on a walk with my girlfriend to get breakfast to a diner a few blocks down. She passed out waiting in line. Now she's in the ER with a misplaced iud waiting on pregnancy test results. It's been a pretty rough day. I tried reading after I dropped her off and warmed up at home, but I'm too sick with worry to do much else but lay in bed and shitpost on /lit/

>>8937753
>>8937763
>>8937804
No response, lads

>>8949045
Why did you listen to /lit/ you poor guy.

>>8949055
You know I'm kind of glad I got it off my chest anyway.

>>8949065
You probably should have eased into the sex thing. She might have been into it. Bravo on you for having the guts to go all out though.

>>8949087
I've been talking to her for weeks anyway and it didn't really seem like it was going anywhere aside from some nice conversations. At least with this I made my intentions clear and set things up to either progress or come to a conclusion.

>>8937959
Create something generic and derivative, and see how many fans you can get of it.

You only feel alone because you're on this stupid fucking website, and not getting to know people who actually "made it".

Don't waste your writing muse's energy on paragraphs on fucking 4chan. Push that shit into a notepad file and direct it towards anything.

A girl getting a cup of coffee. A guy tired of being a cuck. A dinosaur wanting to learn how to dig a hole, birds shitting, teeth gritting, a bad girl with a big dick, anything.

File: Cunt.jpg (74KB, 714x960px) Image search: [Google]

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Well of course I want to destroy the world, because she IS my world.

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i've been putting off life since about 2008, or since i'm cognisant that life is something that might gain direction through your individual decisions; which, as a rule, i avoid, decisions, that is; or action in the broader sense, anything that has the most minute level of risk attached to it.

i don't like risk. i don't like responsibility. i don't like the possibility of things that might disturb my sense of safety and blissfull idiocy.

i get up and go to bed. i keep the blinds closed and go to the gas station only after 2AM for groceries.

i truly, completely, hate myself, but it is's a loathing, suffering hatred that brings no sense of urgency with it.

>>8938069
You're not the only one, I feel the same way

>>8949285
I like your picture

>>8949201

She's wearing quite a lot of makeup. Is she one of those "Goth" teenagers that shoots up schools and worships Satan?

File: viola.jpg (28KB, 640x449px) Image search: [Google]

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>two years of work to completely master all the material needed to write this one philosophy article
>finally ready to finish it and submit it for peer review
>article itself and thought behind it are the basis for five more articles in a monograph I could write in one year, with 1/10th the intensity of work
>mfw all my weird obsessions, inspirations, and detours, that none of my professors cared about or supported, actually paid off

>>8950156
it's from melancholia, great film visually and otherwise imo

>>8937799
Autism was God's answer to postmodernism.