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Anonymous
What are you working on? 2017-01-05 11:02:23 Post No. 8933462
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What are you working on? 2017-01-05 11:02:23 Post No. 8933462
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I was here several months ago, asking advice from you superiors. I didn't accept anything any of you had to say except for the compliments. After writing 40,000 words, I realized it was shit, and started over with your advises in mind. I ceased all writing and spent a month drafting a literary schematic. Now I have 50,000 words written. I am satisfied with it, as are several of my professors. I am, however, struggling to structure my two opening paragraphs. I hope some of you can critique it. Here is a draft of what I have planned.
I want this to be perfect, as my uncle said he'd publish it and give me 40% profit.
http://pastebin.com/6FqymZv6
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I have a hard time discerning what is good and terrible. I have schizophrenia. I have tried to contextualize my mind's gibberish in an understandable way, but I'd appreciate feedback.
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>>8933462
I barely skimmed it, I'm not really in a reading mood, but I can tell you that as far as your narrative diction it needs polishing. it feels like its propped up on a thesaurus and that may be because the narrative tone is contrived.
I'd loosen it up a bit, refrain from sounding "writerly' and make it a bit more authentic in its voice(were you influenced by Notes from Underground?) because it sounds more like an ostentatious imitation of a distraught character than actual psychological distress.
that's all I can really critique, I just skimmed the first few paragraphs. Good luck
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I am also writing a sequel. I work on it when I feel the urge, but I'd like a collaborator; the cowriter of the initial book doesn't want to continue. I'd prefer a Christian, for the protagonist transitions from an amoral man to one that seeks morality. Pic related
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>>8933495
No, I have not read that yet, although I have been told such.
And the bloated diction is not intentional obfuscation, but is meant to be indicative of his intelligence.
I am attempting to find a balance between readability and realistic description of insanity.
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Fuck me, Jimmy :^) I apologize for uploading such large images.
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>>8933495
I forgot to mention that the complexity of diction correlates to his state of mind. He becomes less verbose when we is aggressive, more articulate when he is docile and in sound mind, etc.
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>>8933462
This is a gorgeous cover Anon, I'd buy it for the artwork alone. What typeface have you used?
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>>8933607
I couldn't tell you, my fiance drafted it for me, and the AI document is on her computer.
Thank you.
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I shall also mention that this is merely a rough schematic. It is very loose and unsubstantiated currently. I normally work like this: write freely, then inject substantial content whilst cutting the bloating content.
I am requesting aid in how I should substantiate it.
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