Write what's on your mind

>>8906751
i want to die

I want >>8906777 to die

The chilly weather is getting to the gnats around the house. While in the bathroom just now, I attempted my usual cat-like reflex to jab at one resting on the counter. He was agile enough to avoid my halfhearted insecticide and sluggishly landed on my hand for a second before sputtering off. He was going so slowly I was able to grab him mid-flight in my closed palm. I took him over to the corner where Spidermang set up shop, and flung the gnat into his web. His body language was hilarious. Stunned but elated, like "Fuck yeah! Dinner!" It amused me.

>>8906777
Aw, lucky sevens!

>>8906832
Don't you have a husband

I became so accustomed to a regimented schedule, my vacation has been a spiral of lethargy. I want to get laid, but I don't want to be around anyone. I'm stalled with anhedonia. Everything is boring.

>>8906880
Now why would I be up to doin' such a daft thing?
I'd accept a woman, or women, only as mate.

>>8906884
I feel ya. Don't let boredom get you though. It's self inflicted

>>8906751
I want to kill myself anon. I have not stopped wanting to kill myself since I was a small child and I doubt I ever will. Glimpses of happiness are found in fragments of things I can't control and are immediately followed by torrents of emptiness and sadness. Just tantalus stuff

Sometimes I bend over and let my imaginary friend take the wheel, and as he rams his dictum into my phenomenological spirit I weep with sweet desire. My tears of pain are supplemented with his life sustaining nectar, of which I am eager to be forcefed, as I have become accustomed to its bitter taste. I want nothing more in the world but for these roles to be reversed-- for me to be an imaginary playtoy for Anon to tinker with. I will exist, temporarily, as a tool to ease the sexual anxieties that come natural to a young man his age. Our moments together will be the most special moments of his life; when he is much older, he will remember them and crack a smile. Eventually my entire existence will be relegated to a memory, and I will die with him

I do not know what love is but it seems so nice

That short story REALLY needs rewriting and revisions but I can't be assed to do it

>>8906751
How do I not forget my epiphanies? How to I keep them in mind? Why do I constantly have to reassess what is going on around me just to maintain some level of emotional stability? Writing them down doesn't help much.

>>8907025
Love comes from you.
Not even being corny.

>>8906884
Same
I told myself I'd read all the classics, get through Crime and Punishment and all and read a hell of a lot more, but I've really just done nothing and slept in until 1 or 2 in the afternoon, just to go to bed late and repeat the cycle

Does she like me? I feel like she might but maybe she's just really friendly or doesn't know how to express herself all the way in English. Maybe I should learn Swedish for her. I don't know, maybe that would be really dorky and desperate, I'm bad at reading these things. Maybe I'm not ready for another relationship after the last one.

I just sharted no joke

>>8907025
There's love and there's "love"

"Love," what most people will experience, can happen as long as there's a baseline of mutual attraction or even mutual toleration. This is the kind of "love" literally anybody can have, what most normalfag relationships consist in. It's basically like a drug addiction that's split into three phases.

The first phase (6~ months / honeymoon period) is like discovering MDMA and constantly wanting to do it because holy shit it's just the best thing ever. You're not physically addicted yet, so like, if a doctor told you that you have quit, you could do it pretty easily. The reason you do it isn't yet the addiction - it's that it's just so damn great, so why would you stop? But if it vanished, you wouldn't be in horrific pain or anything, just disappointed.

The second phase (first several years, after the 6mo period) is like a heroin addiction that's stopped being new. You are now officially just doing heroin constantly because you are addicted to heroin, and not for the euphoria. It's just the requirement for you to be baseline. There are still nice things about it, like getting all comfy on Saturday night and shooting up, but the thought of quitting is basically unfathomable. If you WERE forced to quit, or it were taken away from you, you would suffer horrific withdrawals, break down, and maybe lose your fucking mind.

The third phase (several years in, on into the long term) is like a 20-year cigarette and coffee addiction combined. You've now built up enough resentment and boredom for this person that the idea of breaking up with them is no longer world-destroying, and it even crosses your mind fairly regularly. But they're so integrated into your daily life that you still wouldn't even know where to begin, that you'd likely relapse anyway, and that they're like a permanent companion, so it's always easier to just keep doing what you've always done. And there are still the little high moments of lighting up and enjoying it. This is most marriages - the lust and novelty are gone completely, but you've grown together with this person, even if you kind of hate them and regret bonding your life with theirs.

REAL love, true love, is still subject to all three phases, but with the transformative, additional aspect that the person is your best friend in the entire universe and you never get tired of them. They will still become familiar and even boring in a sense, the novelty and thrill of the first phase will still wear out. But you never get tired of them - it's never ONLY the addiction holding you together. It's a supercharged addiction with none of the bad sides. It's like a BFF you can get infinitely closer to than you could ever get with a platonic male BFF, it's having a BFF you can soul-bond with. It opens up completely unique experiences like living for and through another person, self-sacrifice, feeling someone else's soul as part of yours, melding into each other in a joy spiral.

>>8907084
Are certain people just not made for love

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>>8907084
really made me sad reading this

i'm ok all alone

>>8907084
t. Soarin Kierkegaard

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I'm spending New Year's Eve at home, because I'm a pretentious and spiteful person.
I should probably make it a resolution to work on that next year. Or I'll finally take that big trip to Spain or Russia I've been promising myself for a while now.

>>8907025
I think it was Spinoza who wrote that love is merely a feeling of joy with the idea of an outer cause

Been depressed all day. Awful day