POETRY!!!!

there's nothing but face value here. "words we would like to be" is a terrible phrase.

How is this poetry, again? Remove the needless line breaks and it reads like prose. There's no meter, rhyme, imagery, or use of a metaphor. It's also written like a "deep" facebook slogan

>>8876068
>>8876063
OP here
yeah that's what I figured. someone sent me that, and i couldn't help but take it for face value hahaha

>>8876075
you're a bitch if this is your work and you're lying

>>8876085
>If
Anon...we all know

I hate the "centered text" format people do for poetry- it looks like ass.

>>8876440

this really isn't bad at all. there's something here. that second stanza needs more. we need more information on who the characters are here, for example are the knicks on the speakers knuckles? the readers? the night owls? who is the we? the speaker and the night owl? if it's all going to come back to whatever that night owl represents, we need more. it might be helpful to make a chart of the pronouns and the actions, things like "night owl : turn away, we : fall asleep, etc."

>>8876440

also I noticed that fragrant is a weak word. i would give these flowers some action instead of simply telling that they are fragrant, like you did by making the rays splinter and so on. pollen-seething is good but doesn't exactly convey scent to me.

>>8876458
>>8876460
Thank you very much for your advice.


I just got so frustrated with this one, I keep on returning and cutting lines but it never seems to go where I want it to go.