Summarize the plot of that story you're working on.

>>8875464
im working on feeling entitled that people will confirm my narcissism, it's a hyper-modern meta-text compiled from late night text messages and wordpad documents, chronicling my decline into ever more absurd delusions to support the notion that I am in my own way God, because aren't we all now

>france, 80s
>man has steady but slightly boring life
>one day, he can't fall asleep
>it lasts for days
>he eventually understands he can only fall asleep in movie theaters
>it works for a bit but he stops seeing his friends
>loneliness and lack of sleep make him feel like shit
>he slowly dives into madness
>the movie theater won't accept him anymore
>stops going to work
>stops leaving his flat
>completely loses his mind
>the novels ends with the character, alone, on a chair, contemplating his messy flat and messy life

I'm not sure about the ending.

>>8875479
i dig it and agree with you, but that ending could work. write anon

>>8875479
desu famalam, I would read that.

Mine,
>Set in Australia in a big city
>Centers around five youths as they enter adulthood
>shows how they deal with drifting away from childhood friends and having to deal with the real world

>One of them deals with the realization that she has a bright future, unlike the others. She's going to have to leave them all behind.

>One of them refuses to let go of his childlike sense of exploration, refusing to stagnate, he chases fulfillment in sex and drugs.

>One of them has to face the fact that her happy childhood, full of love and care is a false representation of real life. In real life, people lie, die, cheat and hurt.

>One of them learns that you can't always have control. More often than not, you have to be the bitch, you have to be the scum. She learns that despite what she thought, she's not special, and that in the grand scheme of things, she has no worth.

>One of them realises that he'd just been coasting along with the group his whole life, never making any real connections. He's never had a true friend that would go to the lengths he does for others.

>>8875479
he could sell all his stuff and open a movie theater

Pure insanity

>>8875479
>/lit/ considers this riveting

This is why nobody gives a shit about this board. This is objectively the one board on this site devoid of all talent.

>>8875669
>shitposting
>I'm also a shitposter
>here's a (((You)) i can make you happy babe

>>8875669
It's more original than half of the /lit/ posters pet projects would be.

Fuck off.

>>8875675
>It's more original than half of the /lit/ posters pet projects would be.

My point exactly.

>>8875670
This response is as clever as your "fake" plotline.

Sad!

>>8875669
>>8875670
>>8875675
>>8875678
>>8875683

Lads, instead of shitposting, how about you summarize your works plot and give some rates.


Plz rate mine desu >>8875633

>>8875683
It's not even my plotline honeybunch. I'd fuck you though

>>8875688
Now this is a plotline I can get behind.

a/s/l?

>>8875633
Not enough conflict. These are all representations of growing up but that doesn't make it deep.

To have true character development it has to feel real and to do that you have to hide realizations through conflict.

Or it ends up gay as fuck.

>>8875695
You think you're such hot shit. post a dick pic faggot

>>8875669
Reminds me of Yoko Tawada's The Naked Eye. I'd read it.

>>8875633
Good character arcs, but can you tell me the focus? What is it that ties these young people together? Some event, for instance, that prompts these narratives to begin?

Mine:
>world where tanks are sexy girls and tank commanders their pseudo-husbands
>follows two Chinese tanks, the "Gongchen" tank, first tank of the PLA, and the Type 59 from the famous Tank Man picture of 1989, as they flee their tedious Beijing museum lives and meet with a writer trying to compile a book of the stories of various tanks in history
>switches between the modern Chinese setting and several different historical ones, for example a Churchill tank in Tunisia in 1943, a Soviet tank in Manchuria in 1945, Vietnam, the Gulf War, etc., in a combination of erotica and serious war stories but with sexy tank girls
>ends with both Chinese tanks back in Beijing, because they can't change their nature

>>8875700
>so gay he wants to see my dick

Get over yourself man. My dick is only for talented eyes only. You got no soul in your fingers. No lenses in your irises. And no prose in your mouth.

Git gud

>>8875703
your story is shit and your taste is shit

>guy working on railroad travelling west through Oklahoma, working on it in a modified box car with all of his other mates
>town they build to has a cult
>cult is based around lucid dreaming
>thinks it's just bullshit, but is slightly interested and takes a pamphlet
>guy tries it out
>it works
>finds it fun to escape from his troubles but eventually grows tired of it
>finds that he can't stop lucid dreaming
>just wants to dream again
>everyday becomes stitched together without the ability to dream
>moral of the story is sometimes less control is better

thats as far as i got

>>8875724
inception

>guy is the teacher of a girl and has secret crush on her
>girl gets raped
>The girl doesn't know and her dad wants her to never find out.
>teacher kills the guy that raped the girl
>A shady businessman sees him do it.
>Businessman blackmails teacher to hide his embezzled cash for him
> Girl goes off to college and finds a BF
>Teacher becomes despondent over having killed for this girl that will now leave his life for ever.
>Teacher decides to spend all the money in one hedonistic rush before the businessman gets released and kills him for spending the money
>lots of drugs, parties, buys cars, he also buys a woman that looks like the girl he taught.
>Teacher begins to dissociate from reality, can no longer keep track of time
>Months later he's spent nearly all the money and gets invited to the girl's wedding.
>She asks him for money to save herself from gambling debt she has incurred
>He's flat broke, and begins to just laugh.
>He eventually finds out the businessman got shivved in prison and died.

ayy lmao yolo amirite?

>>8875758
inception but a western

clairvoyant girl is raised by mountain goats

>>8875464
Group of Scotsman set out to hunt the last Moriori cannibal of New Zealand in the early colonial period after a 12 yr old girl is found flayed and partially eaten
Would anybody read this? the amount of research i have to do is tremendous

>>8875787
as long as it turns into predator and the white guy outsmarting the cannibal

>>8875464
>Son of immigrants in fictional tropical island in the 80s
>Goes to university, best friends are a drug addict and some classmates, his worst enemy is a rich jew
>Chapters narrated by some of these characters
>Also chapter narrated by a terrorist who is a member of communist grouo like the baader meinhof
>Life keeps going in the uni, some plot about drug dealing, meanwhile the terrorist plot an attack over the king-dictator of the island
>King gets killed, it is revealed that the terrorist is indeed the protagonist
>Civil war happens after this
>Protagonist kills, tortures and rapes during the whole civil war
>He is killed in action weeks before the guerrilla wins
>He is remembered as a hero by everyone despite his barbaric acts

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In an alternate Earth an ancient human super civilization comes into contact with an alien microscopic sentient lifeform; this results into latter absorbing the collective karma or unconscious of humanity, and the other evolving into a race of hypertechnological colossi in order to not be assimilated. Fast forward a couple millenia after the ensuing cataclym and reshaping of the world, and now humans have advanced enough again so that they can travel the world easily. Now the runaway prince of a colonial empire participates into an archeological expedition to some newfound ruins in the new world and gets captured by the seemingly primitive natives, to be presented to their golden god as the inheritor to its almighty body.

Well, that's the bare, initial setup for the first part. I'm not going to go into the characters or the commentary on culture and history or the whole bunch of other developments or what-have-you. Overcomplicating things even further would defeat the purpose of the whole book really, but then that's the whole ordeal of it.

>>8875825
it turns out the cuck dies first and the smartass dies second, while the third becomes a monster in order to think like one, who is killed by the paranoid fourth one after he freaks out. then he has to defeat the cannibal in single combat afterwards. but since he gets lost in the wilderness and he is too wounded to hunt, he forces himself to eat the flesh of his kill to survive, completing the cycle.

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>..
>dragons
>tails
>?

small time criminal gets in over his head when he steals the wrong thing, flees off planet by joining a raider crew, several months and several raids later the ship gets jumped by a naval cruiser, they get boarded, him being a cheeky cunt goes and locks himself in a cell where they usually keep people for ransom, convinces the military blokes that he is a captured merchant, and im not sure what ill do next. maybe have him join the navy (in space!) or something like that.

It's a bildungsroman divided in 4 parts, named Childhood, Youth, Maturity and """"Old Age"""" (sounds better in my native language). I've only written part 1. Part 2 is at about 25% of development. I do have an overall idea of the whole story though.

Part 1
>18 year old attractive yet not handsome guy hates his boring and repetitive life
>he's really good at drawing landscapes and people
>obsessed with the idea of defining "art" and "artist"
>trying to have valid arguments about how he is a true artist as his idol Rafael Sanzio and many others
>trying to change his life, he steals money from his "uneducated" parents and leaves his home one night, goes to live with his alcoholic uncle in a small, dirty flat in a 150 year old building in the center of the city
>by the way, he struggles with the love he still feels for his ex girlfriend and their tormentous relationship
>to get money, he starts making drawings in parks and sells them
>tries to hard to be "an artist"
>starts doing weird/stupid things because that's what artists do
>ends up fucking up, uncle kicks him out, loses the girl and his money

Part 2
>friend let's him stay in his apartment for some weeks until he gets a job/goes to uni
>friend spends most days partying, brings girls every night, fucks them, takes drugs
>principal character gets depressed
>realizes how naive he was, what an idiot he was, etc
>too late to get his gf back
>doesn't want to get job, doesn't want to go to uni
>too tired every day, no reason to live, his friend's happiness makes him feel worse
>literally no money no gf faggot
>starts walking around every morning, notices a small bookstore next to an artesanal soap shop
>book store clerk is this tall black haired blue eye stupidly handsome guy
>soap shop is run by equally beautiful blonde with blue eyes
>they're siblings
>start making friends with them, pretty interesting people
>become good friends and starts hitting on soap girl, starts to go out with them, etc
>book store guy is quite intelligent. he also paints
>asks him if he can paint him, naked, proceed to make great painting
>life is good now, get a job, get a flat, new friends
>fuck up again and lose everything

^^ don't know what to do, pls help me fix part 2

in the end he gets money, works doing what he loves, has girls, everything he ever wanted but feels empty, because he has no love/life has no meaning.

Dont know if he should kill himself or keep going on in the end

>>8875856
Haha something like this or similar to this seems too obvious, it would rather focus on the Moriori genocide and early New Zealand life, i would like to steer it away from the moral compass if thats possible.
But you better believe thats theres gona be an extended metaphor about the extinct birds of New Zealand ;)

>>8875464
>Charlton Heston if he played Lawrence of Arabia joins a Lizard Princess, his Lizard friends and a sexbot to take down the oppressive Gen. Plague and his chicken bots.
>Over the course of the story he turns more and more into a fucked up human being by getting off to destruction while the Princess develops a crush on him, his best friend develops a crush on the sexbot who is still bound to her original Master, and later in the story turns into a Pop singer.
>Society in the story is completely fucking degenerate, other than the whole multi genderqueerism getting out of control the humans love to fuck the lizards, despite in the end not producing any off-spring or do they?

>>8875759
>girl gets raped
>girl doesnt know
What?

Mouse ignores the itch. Parasites grow into crabs. Murdered by pinching. Cancer.

>>8875669
Pewdiepie plz go.

A Star Wars inspired take on the Cold War

>>8875633
>She

Dropped

Mine is about a scientist who used a time machine to go back and witnessed the genocide of the neanderthals at the hands of early humans now trying to lobby for a memorial to be made for those dead.

>>8875464
It's about a hippie living in a post apocalyptic world. There is need of high level brain activity to survive. They found a way to make plants stimulate brain growth and synapses multiplication, but it only affect prepubescent children, in adults it gives a slight buzz. So it's the hippies' drug of choice.

This hippie is walking through an old abandoned reptilian park. All the exhibits are empty except the alligator exhibit. They city broke all the interconnected walls in the exhibit to give the alligators free reign behind the cages.

Hippie thought it was funny to throw the brain stimulating mushrooms to the alligators and see them roll over on their backs, walk into trees, thrash on the ground like in a epileptic fit.

This goes on for months.
>alligators become self aware
>gain the concept of not eating everything in front of them
>kidnap the hippie and force him to work for them
>hi-jinx ensues

Thinking of calling it "All I gotta eat"

>>8876580
Really interesting. Will you connect it to more "modern" genocides, like the Holocaust or the Armenian Genocide?

>>8876595
I don't really get your point here. Is it a comedy? Or just a joke about the pic OP posted?

>>8876389
>le funny woman-hate maymay

>>8876609
I'll make a few comparisons, yes, though I think it might be to emphasize that the victims are not alive today, so the genocide was successful.

A bunch of interwoven narratives.

One is about a Chinese former Nike sweatshop worker child dying of starvation –draining in the desert sun and meditating on the nature of consciousness/existence.

Another is from the perspective of ultra-elite billionaires investing in Olympians and their coaches.

Another yet is from the perspective of one of those Olympians, a talented swimmer, scouted by professionals in his youth. The entire focus of her life has been on training for the event, only because of external influences. Then there's some philosophizing about that.

I don't know what I'm trying to achieve but this is the story as it exists in my mind and note fragments right now.

>>8876746
In some sense I feel this is a reaction to the recent anti-globalism movement

>>8876746
Sounds like a huge pity party.

>a lonely nerd has a extremely pretty naked white girl delivered to his doorstep.
>turns out she's a runaway mutant from a weapons project who can use telekinesis to kill people.
>he begins to fall in love with her and they develop feelings for each other as they fight against the agents of the weapons program
>however, the story isn't about these two fuckers
>it's about the male character's actual girlfriend, who just watched this mutant bitch move in on her man and he completely forgot he even had a girlfriend at all.
>She's not pretty at all, especially compared to this new white meat. She's chubby and normal, and the mutant is lithe and willowy, and there's no competing in the attractiveness department. She's watching the boy she fell in love with fall in love with somebody far more interesting and far more attractive.
>She sacrifices time out of her life to help the mutant girl stay safe, and try to prove her worthiness. Her boyfriend rewards her...by fucking the mutant girl and getting her pregnant, and demoting her to "best friend".
>She is stuck at a crossroad of homocide and suicide. Should she kill the girl who took her life away, or kill herself out of shame?

>>8875464
>Fantasy future version of North America
>Post-apocalyptic, most farm animals and crops have been wiped out
>Labrador/EastGreenland/HudsonBay currents are now warm, Norwegian/Medditeranian currents are now cold, so Canada becomes temperate and Europe becomes a frozen wasteland
>Magic system revolves around the concept of the soul, kind of like the Millennium Ring in Yu-Gi-Oh!
>Story takes place in Alaska

That's about as far as I've got, I'm still developing the setting, but I feel like I could do a really good story with this.

>>8877038
This sounds like a mixture between
Stranger Things and a Disney fairytale

>>Devout Roman Catholic adult male struggling with loneliness and sexual temptation from before his conversion is trying to overcome his writer's block
>>Meets a beautiful woman who is married with kids that is bored with her life and takes a liking to him. She becomes his work spouse and the lines of platonic friendship become blurred
>>The man frequently gets visits from Jesus and the Devil under the guise of bystanders and questions his intentions and sanity as he begins succumbing to temptations.
>>He concludes his only salvation is to get over his writers block and work his ass off to stay productive
>>Cries out to God his long complaints and frustrations but gets no answer

Not sure how to end the story.

>>8877737
It seems great. I don't know how you should end it either, but you definitively have to find something.

>>8875486
>>8875633
thanks guys

>>8875651
he's kind of poor and way too fucked up to do anything at that point.

>>8875479
too much focus on narrative. up to him going crazy was good but everything that follows is fucking retarded and the whole psychological descent thing has been done a million times. less often does someone write about an avid moviegoer (The Moviegoer aside)

>>8877992
That's a solid advice, thanks man. I was just telling the narrative but some of the key elements will be the relationship between him and his boss (a boring, old, fat polish immigrant) and his discovering of cinema (he doesn't care at all about movies at first).

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Pic related except without the home kingdom being in a civil war, and also there won't be any awkward wrestling.

Sun goes out and humanity has to live underground in bunkers heated by the nuclear reactors of the Old World after the atmosphere itself freezes and condenses, a la A Pail of Air

Going up to the surface is one part spacewalk, one part post-apoc survival vidya, and one part Mad Max because your options are walking, being powerful enough to have your own surface-capable vehicle, or hitching up with a caravan. Convoys and vehicles need protection from banditry. Walking is discreet and less expensive but takes longer and if something goes wrong you are pepsi max

Plot's nothing special, basically a youngun born after the sun went out, an old world electrician, and a surface guardian that lost his caravan quest to try to bring back the sun

Th-that, or alternate history old west w-with, uh, dinosaurs

>>8875787
>>8875856
I can dig it

>>8875464
I'm working on a way to make the description of dreams not just bad writing but something at the core of a story. Here's the jist of it:

At the beginning of the novel wake and sleep are separated and well defined. The mc dreams every night an alternative version of what he has done during the day. In his dreams he's the more successful and brave version of himself he would like to be but can't. But as the nights and days passes, the borders between dreams and reality starts being blurred. After a while it becomes impossible to establish which version of the facts described is actually true and which one is the dream. Maybe more than two versions of the same day can be present. After some more chapters, the distinction between what's "better" and what's "worse" falls apart. E.g: in one version he finds the courage to ask the girl he loves out, but she turns out to be manipulative and steals his money. Or: for a series of days he chooses not to go to work and gets fired, but walking aimlessly in the streets during his workhours he keeps finding money on the street, way more than he would earn by working. In the final chapter, the story is given a conclusion, and many different hints are given that allow a dedicated reader to determine which chapters actually happened and which ones were just dreams.

>>8877691
is that a good thing?

>>8879029
Not him, but first thing that came to my mind when you said psychic government experiment grill was that Animu with the girl with the psychic kill tentacles or something

S-sorry

I think where I find myself getting stuck in this is the disconnect between death mutant action and this grill being suicidal because she got cucked

Why read the story about a TRUE AND HONEST gentlewoman not being appreciated by some manslut, when there's the story about a telekinetic death mutant?

I don't really see an aspect of subversion, which is what would really be the draw for me to read a story that doesn't focus on the obvious story

>>8876199
>what is the perks of being a wallflower

>>8875787
Moriori aren't a pre-Maori culture (as you seem to be implying) and still exist.

>>8875787
Also, Moriori didn't practice cannibalism.

>>8875905
I would read it

>>8877038
Stop watching anime

>>8876595
>greatest story of our age
>no one praising it
Shows how much you guys know

>A bunch of short stories revolving around a small town in the West of Ireland during an Alien Invasion.

Angered toll both operator seeks revenge on his enemies; a bus driver and a balding and sterile man child. The tollman's fish, Ignatius, a playwrite, is hurdled into an existential crisis and creative goldmine after being flushed down the toilet.

>>8875703
>this again
The fact that nobody gave two shits about your tank hentai fantasy the first time should be a clear indicator that you should stop flaunting it in such threads.

>>8875703
>>8881222
Also confirmed by my trips.

>>8875905
I haven't heard the word 'bildungsroman' since my mum was my literature teacher. Also:
>principal character
>artesanal soap
Are you Romanian by any chance?

>setting is near future, where the protag is a depressed, nihilistic philosophy of neuroscience teaching assistant with imposter syndrome
>augments are commonplace, learning can be implanted into minds without having to go through the manual process
>his university is an anachronistic institution where kids of rich families go to acculturate themselves in tradition, hence practical technical skills are not taught, except for some courses taught in the old fashion as "sociology of science"
>he refuses to get augments because he'll no longer have an excuse for mediocrity, and will never be as brilliant as the professors he works with
>he claims he is paranoid of mind control in order to deceive himself of his deeper motivations
>gets paid barely a step above minimum wage, with his income supplemented by participating in experiments where he is the baseline human control group
>protag is frequently left out of discussions and he suspects the only friends he has is because he's pitied upon
>goes into a huge rant in the middle of a drinking session about how they can stop being so politically correct and just call him a pathetic primitive man stuck in the past. is met with pity while his outburst is filed away as an idiosyncrasy for which he cannot be held responsible
>he is ordered to pay for property damage however, but realizes he is unable to afford it. his friends pay for him, which shames him further
>he writes a novel about his experiences, but no one bothers to read it because stories are redundant when near total recall is commonplace and philosophy and ethics have reached its apex thanks to ai singularity, rendering the search for "meaning" irrelevant since one can have faith in the machine gods instead

>>8878788
Sounds rather boring senpai. I mean, what's the point of focusing on the MC if all he ever does is be a passive observer of the events around him? Do we even get to read about the way he helps out in the civil war? And what is the point of using the monkey priestess woman as a plot device if she doesn't help the MC get anywhere or evolve as a character?
Would not read/10
unless, of course, the sex scenes are very good,though I doubt it.

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>>8877038
Hey Anon, this is (You) from the future. I come bearing great news. Basically what happened is your book was such a tremendous hit that they made an animu after it!
I hope that revealing this information will not alter the timeline in any way that will get us unpublished or something but yeah. Keep at it! ^^;

>>8881265
Sounds edgy, but it is hard not to be a little pessimistic when thinking about super ai / singularity.

If we can create an AI that is capable of learning and programming smarter AI's, we are going to reach a point where we are going to know TOO much. Like, they will be able to distil human behavior into such a basic algorithm that they will know what we are going to do before we consciously know.

>>8875787
Would've been publishable in the late 19th century, nowadays publishers won't touch a "white man hunts down the native savage" story with a 39 1/2 foot pole.

Aliens come down and teach humans a thing or two about racism

The allies lost world War 2, Europe and Asian are fully in axis hands. It's set in the present day in which the US has lied to its citizens for 70 years about the outcome of the war, the outcome that we're familiar with. When you go on trips to other countries, you're actually sent on guided tours of facsimile towns in the plains of Canada. Therefore everything we know about Belgium, France, Germany etc is based on these Disney Land style representations

>>8881308
>>8879062
Hold up.
You're telling me this shit's already been done?

>>8881849
Very nearly

The anime referred to by>>8879062
Is called Elfen Lied

Some shit about mutants who can kill shit with invisible rape tentacles and one of the ends up with your average anime protagonist while the gubmint tried to kill her

Never watched it though so can't comment on possible cucking

>>8875479
consider writing from the perspective of someone else; maybe a close friend, just to show the way this would affect everyone around him

american beauty with substance abuse and gay incest

>the novels begins with the character, alone, on a chair, contemplating his messy flat and messy life
>completely loses his mind
>stops leaving his flat
>stops going to work
>the movie theater won't accept him anymore
>he slowly dives into madness
>loneliness and lack of sleep make him feel like shit
>it works for a bit but he stops seeing his friends
>he eventually understands he can only fall asleep in movie theaters
>it lasts for days
>one day, he can't fall asleep
>man has steady but slightly boring life
>france, 80s

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>>8882792
>le four chán, ze eighties

A mathematician sits in a musty room with only the stale air, the mildew, 5 French construction workers and his wife accompanying him. She is the only one smiling, her grin revealing a set of eroded brownish teeth. Annoyed, her husband removes his only shoe and begins to clobber her savagely. Acknowledged to be the smartest person in the room, the construction workers follow his lead. Amidst this cacaphony of justice, the wife becomes a man just before dying, prompting laughter from the beatdown brigade.
"Who could have predicted such tragedy?" asks one of the Frenchman. The mathematician mutters something and the last page is black.

Rate my novella, kinsmen.

>>8878882
Arx Fatalis?

>>8875464
Man wakes up in what seems an RPG. He does not remember himself getting strapped to VR
Creates a character. Gets a high-level paladin guy as a guide (being a newb guide is a quest for him). Pal is a wisecracking smartass, but he admits that MC ain't that bad and invites him into his constant party of colorful characters
There is a counter in many areas that is at 0.00<number>, and steadily but slowly grows
Other players have more limited perception (less tactile, no smell, menues bit different). Gets explained that he must be in a new advanced VR (has pros and cons)
They have wacky adventures together in different worlds/times, and MC grows stronger
Then his sister from IRL finds him and tells him that he was hit by a car and is in a coma, strapped to neuro-VR set. She has IRL job and does not enjoy VR that much.They see each other from time to time
More adventures, harder challenges.MC becomes pro player, enters competitive play to earn money and pay for VR and treatment, so his parents don't have to
A week later he finds a memorial in his honor within a game for "A player who died while playing"
Turns out his real body died, yet he stays within the game
His perception becomes more and more real, as well as pain and some gamplay mechanics start working differently.
He starts noticing some weird shit that implies for this world to not be just a game (Too much stuff that other players do not percept is being simulated)
He also meets a character he really likes, but he is unsure whether she is real or an NPC, they go out.
The kicker: The game world is "real". Evil forces tried to erase it, by altering past that lead to its existence
His perception becomes more and more real, as well as pain and some gamplay mechanics start working differently
He starts noticing some weird shit that implies for this world to not be just a game (Too much stuff that other players do not percept is being simulated)
The kicker: The game world is "real". Evil forces tried to erase it, by altering past that lead to its existence. The world stays as long as there is someone to perceive it from the outside. Main goddess of local religion stays outside of the world, so it kinda exists, but that's not enough.
While not perceived by anyone, inhabitants perception and emotions get dulled, as they become less and less "real", until they become mindless beings performing a function. They are awate of that. His GF tells him about it.
Players are an outsiders that inhabit artificial temporary bodies, and they can perceive world and inhabitants to keep them real.
Quests in other worlds are attempts to recreate world's past and reinforce it in reality.
MC becomes unsure whether his GF likes him, or is it just because his presence makes her more real (he starts getting hints that she actually hates him)
Quite a lot of other stuff going on, MC gets involved in /real/ events. GF likes him, but hates that she is nothing without him.
Counter reaches 1. World becomes real.

>>8882792
pretty sure dull books like this have been written 1000 times before

>>8875464
Jimmy Gatz joins an army garrison, and becomes enraptured by a captured traitor. But the captured traitor isn't truly a traitor; he's a spy, sent to root out revolutionaries within Jimmy's battalion. But he is a traitor. He takes to Jimmy, who wants to rebel, and condemns the rest of Jimmy's loyal battalion as collaborative traitors. They are executed.

Jimmy works for the state for the revolution.

Hijinks ensue. The caste is assembled; first the traitor's adoptive daughter, whom he prostitutes. A mad engineer obsessed with immortality. A tranny, who's found escape through disguise. And finally, his own adoptive daughter, kept secret from the others.

At last it all falls to pieces. The traitor has become a big man in the government; Spy-master General! He has been ruthless, brutally oppressive, all to provoke a revolution. Now that it's come, Jimmy must kill him. He must absolve the revolutionary state of its old spy's sins. After all, says the traitor, it's the only way they'll let Jimmy live.

The tranny snaps and betrays them all to the state. The engineer is captured; Jimmy kills him, in order to avoid torturing him. The prostitute burns herself to death while hugging the tranny. Jimmy slits the burning tranny's throat. His daughter runs away.

Five years later in a city in the jungle, Jimmy sees his friends again. He sinks into a surreal fantasy where he rights all the wrongs he made, and tries to give himself a happy ending. Eventually he commits suicide, in order to prevent a war which would make himself into an immortal God which would create heaven which resurrected his friends and travelled back in time in order to force him to start the war which would turn himself into an immortal God okay this sounds stupid

Dude stuck in a room by himself talking to a non-existent audience.

>>8883429
Not enough detail. What's he talking about?

>>8883450
Having faith is inescapable.

>>8883462
Yah senpai how? How does he express this? How do you express his expressing this?

>>8883463
Basically, all change you experience results from having faith in something. He is speaking, aloud, in a room. It's spoken in past tense.

>>8875479
Been watching Taxi Driver?

>>8882722
Well fuck me. I was just trying to write something like Carrie.

I don't have any tentacley arms, loli torture porn, or "i murdered your family because I love you" romance going on, so is it safe to write?

What should I change?

>>8883266
You've got an Act I and Act II running but what is the main promise of the story? Its an interesting concept but there is no obvious answer to the many "Whys" the events produce.

>>8883967
Because writing out all in detail would take more than 1 post.

I understand that it is basically "Ender's game: LitRPG edition"

Initially it came from an idea for an actual videogame, where every technical aspect of its RPG system was explained from in-universe perspective.

For example "Lum", being a local point of magical energy measurement, is defined as "minimal ammount of magical energy a wizard can excert with 15% accuracy margin". Wizard can cast a spell and put a 100 Lum into it, but that would be 99.85-100.15 Lum in practice. If he tries to excert less than 1 Lum, accuracy degrades and he can get 0.01-1.15 instead. This margin is one of that world's universal constants.

"Hit Points" are there because players inhabit temporary magical bodies that exist thanks to magic. Temp Bodies spend magic on regeneration, but the supply is limited. Once that supply is over, body ceases to function and player's consciousness is recalled. HP equals ammount of Vita-type Lum left in a body.

Experience is Players draining energy from fallen enemies to feed into special magical circuits boud to their souls. Those circuits teach it's user combat skills, extracted from heroes of the ancient times (and since players travel through time, they can meet those heroes).

etc.

Since making a MMO would require a team of developers, and I obviously do not have that, I decided for a concept to not go to waste and write a book about it instead.

Original language is not english though, as it is not my native. I may consider rewriting in english If I get anybody, that is actually proficient in it, interested in being my editor.


>>8882722
>>8883900
Elfen Lied is total crap. Writer obviousley went for whatever he deemed edgier and angstier instead of for what made sense. It gained its status because it was one of the first mixes of moeshit with gorefest.

>>8883266
>wakes up in what seems an RPG
stopped reading there

>>8884129
incredibly short attention span you have there

>>8883409
On the twelfth day of Christmas my faggots gave to me:

Fucking nothing.

gimme r8s reeeeeeeeee
>>8884054
Looks great. Keep it up anon! I truly believe you could write the next Elemental Masters.
>>8883266
Looks extremely shit. I am very disappointed in you. You can do better. Think less about the plot; your plot is cluttered in the extreme. It feels like a lot of chaff is in here -- chaff that doesn't do anything. I could be wrong, you could be able to justify it, but it doesn't seem likely.

At least make the GF *really* hate him.

>>8884339
Actually that gf thing is probably the only thing that really got me interested. If I were to write your story, I'd centre it on that. The reality thing -- when better developed (right now it's 14-year-old-tier) -- could be a nice lens to filter it through.

>>8875464
Autistic persons life in a asylum and his only way of escaping is vivid lucid dreaming

>>8875464
it's a story about a crystal ball that can only view racist moments in history. some dream imhad, i dunno. i think i was dreaming about a tv. but it'd be fun to play with the current perception of social politics.

>>8884367
No. It wouldn't.

Society and politics are literally the most plebby themes you can have.

>>8883409
So hold on is this a medieval fantasy story or modern military story or what

So, Jimmy prostitutes his daughter out and has an adoptive daughter that he doesn't? or hold on. Who is who?

>>8884843
>So hold on is this a medieval fantasy story or modern military story or what
Yes. It goes from the renaissance to the 1980s, mild cyberpunk.

The Traitor prostitutes his adoptive daughter out. Jimmy falls in love with this prostitute daughter, though I forgot to put that in. Jimmy also, later, finds a hiding child of a lynched magistrate, and adopts her in secret.

>>8875464
Ok here it goes...

Main character is successful accountant with beautiful wife.
Wife gets murdered while cheating on husband by a hitman for an unknown reason.
Main character is blamed and sent to prison.
While in prison as lots of difficulties.
Becomes the prison wardens friend and is trusted to do accounting work for the warden.
Warden is corrupt and is stealing money.
Main character steals all the money and creates a new identity in jail.
Escapes jail and crawls through shitpipe leaving prison and criminal past behind.
Lives a happy life.

What do u all think?

A private detective and his dope dealer/girlfriend track down an aids themed serial killer with help from two stoned hitmen and a rapping cop.

So, thinly veiled autobiography and wanky sci-fi all around, then?

Oh, and Coupland ripoffs.

>>8886528
>he cares about the plot
What a pleb.

Although in this thread we really should've seen it coming.

A goat and a priest have sex. My novella details the awkward events of the morning after.

>>8886505
Wait isn't that Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption?

>>8886513
>AIDS themed serial killer
Like serious AIDS or silly AIDS?

>>8887140
Does the goat talk?

>>8884367
Is it a humor piece or a shame piece? I don't think shame pieces will sell anymore due to the botched equality movement of 2016.

You guys are really bad at writing synopses.

>>8875464
>implying

A group of immigrants encounter contempt and despair at the final port of their supposedly idyllic journey towards a new shot at life.

>>8875905
Does this go anywhere?

>realizes how naive he was, what an idiot he was, etc
>too late to get his gf back

This is the part I would end. Dude realizes he was an ass, grows up.

one lonely December night, a broken man in a dive bar is forced to face what he's been running from for so long.

I don't have a lot of it figured out, but I think it has a lot of potential if I do it right

File: ▄█▀ █▬█ █ ▀█▀.jpg (2KB, 125x109px) Image search: [Google]

2KB, 125x109px

>guy manages to leave hood and get Bachelors in Sociology

>gets mediocre job, credit fucked, mom dies, gf leaves him cause "growing apart"

>he moves into dead moms house in the hood

>soon realizes that next door neighbor (a gang member) is a single dad who abuses his daughter

>knocks on guys door to confront him about his continuous abuse, ends up getting shot, nearly dies
>loses house, moves to new apartment and begins to lament his past relationship in which he wanted a little girl (his late mom wanted a grandaughter as well)

>monitors his old hood daily, soonafter kidnaps gang members daughter while he's out doing gang shit

>missing child report filed but the girls black so no one really gives that much of a fuck

>the guy tries his best to force a father-daughter relationship that eventually only halfway works since he gives her whatever she wants at his own expense

>eventually daughter makes it to a good highschool and has a black, female middle school teacher as a mentor who helped her realize potential when she was in mid. school

>schoolteacher gets romantically involved with the guy, the daughter being an impetus

>teacher discovers one night that the daughter was kidnapped, makes an escape by telling the guy to go buy some condoms after she secretly disposes of the ones he already had

>as she makes it to the car with the girl she runs into they guy, who forgot his wallet

>car chase ensues, ending with the guy shooting the teacher in the head thru the window and the girl shrieking (think a black Chinatown)

>guy is arrested and jailed for life, girl reunited with abusive dad

>girl finds it hard readjusting to the poor education in the hood along with her fathers abuse plus the loss of her guardian and mentor

>one day she spazzes out and breaks a girls nose at school with a plastic lunch tray after being lightly teased by a threat to open her "heavy ass" backpack

>gets expelled

>father comes in to congratulate his daughter for showing that she has his hardcore genetics

>proceeds to rape her

>it is revealed that before the schoolteacher died she told the girl to reach under the seat and open a locked case using a code

>flash back to the present where the girl reaches into the bag, delicately putting the code into the lockbox while being raped

>pulls out gun that was originally intended to protect the teacher and the girl from the guy

>shoots father in side, then in the head

>gang members overhear this and come to aid

>they figure someone came in and killed the father leaving the daughter alive

>as they ponder this, she shoots both of them, killing them

>tosses gun in river

>calls police and waits, knowing itll take them awhile to arrive


Don't know how flashbacks are handled in writing but hopefully it's possible.

>anon that was shit

But its my shit.

>>8889269

AYY YO
>SMACKS LIPS
YUH BE SAYIN
>PULLS UP SAGGING PANTS

>>8889304
ahaha.

>>8889269
not bad..

but if you want some serious advice: make them latino, not black.

It's easier for white consumers to relate to spics than to nigs.

It also fits in to the zeitgeist of the moment.

unless you yourself are black in which case by all means

>>8888619
Whats he been running from

>>8889367
idk, haven't truly thought all of the parts through yet, right now It's just an idea