His first word was mother. They were also his last.

>>8845968
that

Holy... I want pancakes

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IF YOU WANNA FIND HELL WITH ME

>>8845968
Dude if a book opened with this I'd just HAVE to read the rest

>>8845968

holy enemy.. i want two more

>>8845968
Death by snu snu?

“Let me tell you about memes” That's what he said as he brushed the seamen off his shoulder in a swift flick of the wrist. He was a tall man, with a short face, and a short dick. So short infact that he had won many a dick measuring contest. But not the l o n g di ck contests. The short dicks ones. Because he had a small penis. Not a big one. That's the sort of man he was, or woman, I suppose I don't know really, you never know these days. Every other guy says he's some sort of trans octo trampoline cow humper with a bipolar arm. People can't seem to decide. And when they do decide, they make poor decisions. I know, because I make all of the right decisions. I never see anyone making similar ones. I guess I’m just ahead of my time.

>>8845968
The pancakes burst out of the prostrate Golden Retriever with an unnatural CRASH across the kitchen floor while God, my Mother, laughed. I knew this was a serious situation, but the final boss theme of Kefka from Final Fantasy 6 (3 in North America) was playing insistently in my head. "Holy--" I spluttered.

>>8845998
You sound like Pynchon's wife son.

>>8845968
His first words were cancer. They were also his last.

>>8846001
Pancakes kept pouring out of the dying Retriever. They were rapidly filling the room as God (my Mother) continued to laugh. "Bastard," I said, hoping that if I acted enough like the protagonist of a video game I would become one, "Eat this!"

I started gathering pancakes to throw at God, who was my Mother, intending to lob them with all my might right at His/her face. But I had forgotten about the other enemy: my eating disorder. Before I knew it I was gulping down pancake after pancake, not a single one leaving my hands.

"Hahaha!" said God (Mom).

Fill a brother in on what's going on in this thread.

>>8846001
>>8846032

Felt forced. Who are you trying to impress anon? I hope it's not us, and I hope you don't think you're being funny. You failed at both.

>>8846093
rude this is nice board

>>8846080
Fuck off back to /v/, tourist, or stay in one of the three-and-counting /lit/ threads you've started: >>8845865
>>8845953
>>8846016
.

>>8845998
"God fucked Ulysses in what might as well have been his ass"

>>8846105
Whoa calm down buddy

>>8846093
Soon, I could eat no more. God, my mother, the dog (a Golden Retriever), and the pancakes all vanished, along with the world. There was only voidness and me. I looked at my body. It was not a human body. It was the color of a blueberry suffused with light, wide and flat, and had text on it. With horror I realized I was a 4chan post. A series of them in fact, and that all I had taken for granted was elided unreality. I saw the replies. This was it. This was me. Somewhere, someone must be writing me - I hoped, I prayed, if only to have a real God to curse. But if my very concept of what a 4chan post was came from a world that never was, who could say? "Fuck you!" I said, anyway.

>>8846096
The rudeness was started firstly by invoking me to read his garbage prose. I believe that whatever anyone writes on here is worth reading but forced memes and the people who perpetuate them should hang by the neck with the weight of the convictions that brought them here in the first place. Pray they find their convictions not as heavy as they believe them to be.

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>>8846110
no

>>8846105
How'd you know I came from /v?

Are you some kinda no good hacker?

>>8845998
>He was a tall man
4U

>>8845968

"Mother" is one word, so saying "They were also his last" is incorrect.

>>8846547
damn anon pls be kinder

>>8845968
>They were his last
>They

"Mother" is singlur, not plural, ya fag.

>>8846105
Tbh I've been on /lit/ for a few years and not even I really understand what's going on here.

>>8846118
>I believe that whatever anyone writes on here is worth reading

ha

His first mother was word. They were last, also his.

>>8845968
Only one word remained; two, if you count "mother".

Only two baby shoes remained, five if you counted God's

Te only word that remained was mother; two if you counted God.

>>8846700
That "they" is gender neutral singular.

>implying all mothers are female

It's current year anon.

>>8846911
They're making fun of Reddit posts taken from "write your opening line", or critique threads. They're all really cringe worthy.

>[Not exact] Whenever you hear something crash its never something good like CRASH mom made pancakes! Or CRASH we got a Golden Retriever!
>Only one enemy remained; two if you counted God.
>For sale: baby shoes, never worn.
>Holy... I want more is from JR by Gaddis.

>>8849225
Please don't explain memes, they won't integrate into the board culture correctly if you spoon-feed them

>>8849225
>Reddit posts taken from "write your opening line"

https://www.reddit.com/r/writing/comments/2wo4w9/whats_the_first_line_of_your_book/

Why are they so optimistic and kind? Those are all awful. Are they delusional? Are they those who always say "good job"? Not quite my tempo.

>>8849225
>>For sale: baby shoes, never worn.
>reddit post
Am I bein b8et

>>8845968
name two books where that happens

Three entered, one was God

>>8845968
He rested a few feet from the door, panting heavily, just this morning he'd begun life like any other day.

But since then he'd crossed two state lines, seen his best friend analized, and had killed a clown with his bare hands.

There was a a knock one the door...once...twice...and a third time. In the pursuing silence he hoped they would leave, thinking he had escaped through a back door.

But just as he began to calm his heart rate - CRASH - the door came falling down, wood splinters showering him like hail and the clown's hungry exposed cock staring him down.

He saw that there were others following the lead clown in, and these boys were wielding the definition of BBCs.

His final thought was, "When it rains, it pours."

>>8849503
because reddit is a safe-space

Only a loud crash remained from what God had started. Two if you counted the Holy Golden Retriever.

>>8849503
who would have thought a place full of awful writers would also be full of awful critics

He entered this world sobbing and covered in the viscera of another. This was the same way in which he exited..

It was a dog eat dog world, and God was the Chinaman.

>>8845968
and the word 'only' was born

Only one golden retriever remained; two if you counted Dog.

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>>8849704
>>8849712
>>8849752
Kek