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I posted this in the poetry critique thread, but the majority of the comments were ppl joking and posting bad rap verses.
I hope I can get some real criticism to improve my poetry writing skill.
Thanks!
Here it is:
I heard all my heroes sing out from their graves
I heard you were nearer to death and decay
I heard the tall trees start to tremble and quake
While I laid here alone in my cabin today
I heard the group grumbling about what they made
I heard you knew something you couldn't quite say
I heard a loon yearning on top of the lake
While I laid here alone in this sad and dull place
There is no religion that could see through these eyes.
A small paper pigeon and seventeen lies
flew out from your sleeve like a funeral fire.
I do not know why you say that you try
I heard the guns clicking on top of the tower
I heard the dumb townsfolk take time by the hour
I heard the sun glistening inside the hill's flowers
While I lay here alone with you wrapped in lace
>>
Pls respond.........
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>>8809692
Yo
My name is Jeb and I'll initiate
the plea of the best presidential candidate
unlike I, my rhymes are energetic
my guacamole mind is telekinetic
You should vote for me 'cuz of my bruddah
and my son has a midget shitskin muddah
the hispanic vote I will receive
cuz hispanic kids my wife conceived
unlike my speeches, this won't make you tired
you'll be clapping with no requests required
Within these rhymes, I be tellin' you
if you vote for Trump, you hate the jews
The chaos candidate will end up losing
Albeit newest polls suggest hes cruisin'
My name is Jeb and I'm number one
now vote for me until I've won!
>>
No idea bro, im pleb, but I will bump.
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>>8810028
Uh
Hyeh, bad Jyeb!
Ah must contest
your attempt to overcome me in this quest
So I'll prove Ahm best
by beating your jest
of ever not putting audiences to rest!
Yo
Hyeh, Ahm Tyeh Cruz
And ah'll end this ruse
That I should not be the one to choose
So take a snooze
If ya listen ta Jeb!
Your awareness ll be bruised
If you don't eject!
Cuz Ahm the best!
And the real Tex
So please Jeb just neveh come bacK!!!
>>
>>8810081
Thanks for the bump I appreciate it and I appreciate you
>>
>>8809658
that was really dull
didn't sound good
yawn
>>
i hate people who try writing "rap" lyrics on 4chan.
they have no meter, they have no flow. their rhymes are shoehorned- I think they know.
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