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Anonymous
Working on a new book; what do you think of the start? 2016-12-07 01:48:43 Post No. 8809648
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Working on a new book; what do you think of the start? 2016-12-07 01:48:43 Post No. 8809648
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Working on a new book; what do you think of the start?
Anonymous
2016-12-07 01:48:43
Post No. 8809648
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With a grunt of annoyance, he lay himself down on the ridge of a cliff, left arm reaching forward for the smooth wooden stock of his decades-old rifle to rest on. Cli-click, click-click-click… click. A distant scream, high-pitched, had ruined the pleasant day he’d been having. A bright blue-sapphire eye peered through the ring of an aperture rear sight, focusing on the tip of the front sight a couple feet away from it, and one final click switched off the safety. A good 200m or so, he wagered. Down in a valley slightly off to the right of where his lookout faced, he aimed for the side-long silhouette of a man’s head. A dreadfully difficult shot to be sure, but not impossible. It was the man who had her upper body pinned down, the man who’d ripped her shirt open, the one who laughed and grinned as his pal presently forced himself on her.
WHOCK! Breathing heavily, the second man’s laughing and grunting stopped, his long greasy hair framing a fat and harshly scarred face waved about as he looked around, panic setting in quite quickly, needless to say. The skinnier of the two crumpled over a little to the side, part of his body landing on the exposed female. A modest entry wound under one shoulder, with a terrifying exist wound under the other.
“Two-fifty, maybe…” he grunted, steadying the front sight on the easier target. Perhaps three hundred if the bullet dropped THAT much more than expected… really got to figure out a better way of judging distance. Once again, the man was felled before the victim even heard the shots. Pushing the stinking, unwashed rapist off of her, screaming in panic as the blood oozing from his chest smeared on her pale flesh, she ran. Something was picked up off the grass as she went, and he did not stop her. She clutched her ripped, ragged clothing to her body, wishing to keep covered even on the escape. Fall WAS pushing into Winter after all.
One of the casing of .30-06 had ejected from the semi-auto rifle just over to the side, rolling down to a dip in the rocky surface. The other had likely ended up tossing itself off the edge of the cliff. Fuck it. Following a brief trail through the woods, he pocketed the incredibly light NAS3 casing. Shell Shock Technologies sure did make a mint off their new design once it started getting accepted by Militaries. Couldn’t make enough of them! Too bad everything had to go to shit. Taking a left once meeting a wooden cabin that had been serving as his home, the blonde stranger headed on down to the scene of the crime, trudging along trees and rocks that were all too familiar.
Kneeling down at the two corpses, his nose wrinkled. Hadn’t even been dead for an hour yet and they already stink to high Hell. The hefty rifle slung over his back, safety having been engaged before he’d even gotten up from his prone position on the ridge, wiggled and shook as he began searching their pockets. A wallet with no money, not that it’d be any good if there WAS any.
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>>8809648
sounds like you're describing a movie scene rather than telling a story directly.
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>>8809648
>Shell Shock Technologies
>THAT
>WAS
>WAS
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>>8809648
Needs more enemies. At least one would work, but maybe two if you counted god.
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>>8809652
The story hasn't even really started yet, but yeah, I like to include lots of detail and show things from various perspectives.
>>8809657
They made a new casing, and I think it just might replace brass casings in the near future. If it's both lighter AND cheaper, without sacrificing reliability, then it seems inevitable to me. I also hear it can be reloaded FAR more times than brass casings.
>/k/ommando here
>>8809662
Fair enough.
>>8809695
There'll be more enemies, I've already got a good few ideas lined up. Here's some more. Admittedly though, a lot of this book is going to be gun porn, but I'll still include character development, twists, and a story to go along with the action.
“Keep it, Jimmy.” The crocodile-skin wallet was tossed on the skinny one’s back, his long-expired ID giving him the last name of Taylor. A couple rounds of 9x19 was pocketed, yet no side arm was present on him. Moving over to fatso, a Beretta 92 was found holstered. Finish heavily worn, one of the grip panels were either deeply scratched or cracked, some rust developing on the slide, and he imagined the rifling, and likely bore in general, was not in a very fit state. Into the right pocket of his jacket it went. Pockets, one spare mag, though no ammo in it, and it was also developing a little bit of rust. No wallet, though there was a wad of cash. Plastic bills; not much good for starting fires he figured, so tossed that to the grass. 5s, 10s, 20s, 50s, and even the occasional 100 dollar bill lifted and drifted about as the occasional small breeze graced the valley.
Aside from a second wad, this one being various clippings as well as startlingly amateur-looking photos of nude women, not all of whom appear ‘legal’, the larger of the two had nothing on him either. The shooter’s eyebrows ruffled; it wasn’t unheard of for people to wander around these parts, but still, it was certainly not common. The nudie girls danced along with the money as he picked up the AR that fatty was so kind to bring with him, and then the Ruger 10/22 of skinny-mini. Then something caught his eye. A single piece of lined paper.
Leaving the firearms to fall to the grass, the buttstock of the Ruger clunking against its owner’s head, a couple long strides brought him to the unfolding sheet of loose-leaf. Gingerly lifting his boot to pick it up, ignoring the slight grass stains left over, his previously generally uninterested features took a distinctly interested turn. He grasped the rifle and riflette, then headed for his shack in a jog.
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>>8809729
lol the 'one enemy, two if you counted god' is a /lit/ meme but I am glad you have such an in depth plan for your novel.
Also I could tell you were /k/ by simply by your portrayal of guns haha. I used to lurk there a while back.
Overall I like it. The prose is fun to read and your beginning made me want to read more. Keep writing and get it published my guy.
Also get off /lit/. This place is cancer, especially for literary advice. I just come here to shitpost memes as is apparent with
>>8809695
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>Cli-click, click-click-click... click, Mom made pancakes
What did OP mean by this?
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>>8809738
Fair enough. To be fair though, this has been basically the ONE time I've enjoyed a thread on /lit/. Thanks for the words of encouragement, I'll keep at it, and if I think it good enough, maybe work on getting it ACTUALLY published instead of going the landfill route with self publishing. It'll be my third publication though so at least I'm still working at it. The tough part is getting reviews; been trying to figure out Goodreads but it's still a big mystery to me. Just feels good to be writing again though.
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>>8809758
Well since the distance was guessed at about 200m or whatever, he was adjusting the elevation on the rear sight. I figure that last one was from having set it a bit higher than 200m, so turned the dial to correct it. I guess I should specify, because not everyone realizes that some iron sights cause clicks when adjusting, even people who are into firearms.
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