I CREATED A THING

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>>8804630
Is this you?

>>8804734
nah senpai

>>8804747
So you don't know anything about Tamagotchis?

Oh and the game was fun.

holy.... i want more...

>>8804780
Thanks man, appreciate it. And no, I know nothing. But if you are referring to if I am the creator, then yes.

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I agree with your approach of keeping the pace fast, but you're being too strict with yourself; you're collaborating with the reader to build this cool fantastical world of desert planets, fish space captains and chimeras, so you should give them more description, the seed of something cool to picture in their head. Without that the writing will seem almost madlibsey, dry and formulaic. Pic related.

You should have more faith in your ideas' ability to hold the reader's interest.

Like if it's the lawless space desert version of a truck stop, that's really cool describe it.

"Even from orbit you can see the small glinting archipelagos of settlements scattered across the rust-red sea of sand. Refueling depots, the searing-pink neon signs of strip clubs, and the inexplicably profitable karaoke bars, huddled together against the scouring winds.

I hope this helps. I'm not a good writer myself. This is just what I wanted from this.

>>8804916
Oh shit, thanks man. I've been wondering about this too, but felt it would become draining on the readers. Like I said, people don't pay attention. But a little more description wouldn't hurt. Thanks man

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>>8804931
No problem. I'll keep your game bookmarked so i can check it out again.

Just posting again because there's this thing where after you make a choice that sends you back to the same decision, like with dialogue or something, it repeats the same scene-setting exposition from before, except in a new context where it's a complete non sequitur. Pic related.

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>>8805191
I actually don't think there's much I can do about that in particular. I'm thinking maybe seperating the dialogue from the 'it's quiet, she orders some water. So do you.' That's a start, but not much. Maybe creating a whole separate page for the options. I will do my best to work around this, man

>>8805229
>>8805191
I'm stuck talking to melissa and i'm okay with that OP.