Have you ever emailed a writer you admire and did they write

>>8802747
this morning I emailed a girl who had said she was infatuated with me

>>8802747
I can't delude myself into believing they'd give a shit about what I had to say

Also, I only read dead white males

>>8802747
I emailed Junot Diaz once and he responded in broken English.

>>8802747
Haha wow, that really happened, OP? That sounds shitty.

I wrote Robin Sloan once when I was in high school and he responded in a pretty nice way.

>>8802747
Why not post the email/extracts from here? Remove your name and let us judge whether or not you are a worryingly delusional person or if JSF is just a cunt (or both).

>>8802751
Go on. I had a weird true love dream a couple of days back and am feeling soppy.

>>8802747
i emailed james joyce asking about masturbation tips and he responded the next day with an expletive-laden message telling to fuck off for disturbing his sleep

>>8802769
JSF is a notorious troll and doxxer

>>8802769
For what it's worth, he sounds like a cunt already. But it would be nice to have the confirmation. Writing is hard and staring into the camera from a stone bench being a smug litfuck who shits on other people looking for literary advice does not bode well for the man's case.

>>8802769
copy + pasted from my sent items:


Dear Mr. Safran-Foer / Jonathan, Please don't continue beyond this sentence if you are busy or otherwise distracted with more pressing matters. You kept reading? Great! Well first for introductions. My name's [my name] and I've read your first two books. Everything Is Illuminated wasn't great in my opinion but Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close really was a gripping read. I digress. The reason for my writing you today is to inquire as to whether you could provide for me any advice that you would have given to yourself at a younger age when you were writing your first novel and no-doubt dreaming of literary (and other) success? Wow, still haven't introduced myself, huh. Well, here's the slim. I'm 23 years old and I recently graduated from university with a degree in English Literature. Suffice to say I've struggled to find a job but I have in the time I have been unemployed written a novel that I am confident will have a major effect on the literary world should it find a publisher willing to give it a chance. Here's when you come in, Jon (do you mind me calling you that?). I have discovered your address via legal means online and I am wondering whether you would be willing to receive my manuscript in its entirety, along with a synopsis (I'll even throw in my author photo for free!) and first of all give me your feedback on it and then, providing you enjoy it to pass it on to your friends in the publishing world (I know how well-connected you folks are) so that I can avoid the dreaded slush pile of doom! Anyways, so let me know asap and I can have the manuscript on your straw 'Welcome' mat by the end of the week. If you'd rather I hand it to you in person and take some time to discuss our respective views on literature contemporary and otherwise I would love to visit your office at [his university address] and spend a few hours shooting the lit (see what I did there?). So let me know Jon and we can then discuss the next step of our correspondence. Thanking you again and again, [my name].

>>8802809
one time i wrote a story about a russian ant having a duel and i tried to look it up to see if it had been done before, but all i could find was this russian guy who used dead ants in little cute scenes of them building stuff and really kidcentric stuff, and i figured what the hell and sent him the story, he responded after a few days saying he liked it, and suggested that the ants would have shot him with his ass instead of a pistol. it was pretty cool.

>>8802758
kek
>>8802809
you don't come across as lovably zany, you just sound like a cunt. have some dignity, authors like being treated with respect as much as anyone else. also nice b8 m8

>>8802758
I always imagined Oscar Wao as the rapper AFRO even though I'm pretty sure he's supposed to be Asian or soomething

>>8802814
Did you even read the book?

>>8802809
Impressive autism there

>>8802810
didnt mean that as a reply to your autism. sorry.

>>8802777
I'm just an autist and so is she, it's pathetic.

>>8802810
What's his name?

>>8802809
Ok. So what did he write you back? That's what we want to know.

you don't sound worryingly delusional to me anon. you sound like an excited guy who is 23 who has not yet had the wonderful experience of being sneered at by preening fuckface academics

anyways thanks for sharing, post JFS response

>>8802811
doesn't sound like a cunt to me. and who says authors are worthy of respect? he's asking for writing advice ffs. maybe a little unpolished but who cares.

a polite response would have been fine. calling someone 'worrying delusional' is cunty to the max. JFS doesn't give a flying fuck about this anon, so there's no need to worry. and he's not delusional, he's just fucking raw. ease up on that edge trigger

>>8802809
Too autistic to be real/10

>>8802827
andrey pavlov

>>8802809
You sound like an overexcited teenage girl, it's kind of endearing.

>>8802835
oh wow, apparently the ants are alive, i hadn't realized that. now i feel like such a jerk since the story ended sadly.

>>8802824
Even better. If you don't want to that's fine.

here was the story (exceedingly short, so not too much of a hassle to read in 5 minutes)
http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?82106-The-Ant&highlight=

Hey, Anon!
I'm impressed!
Poor, poor AntOn!
Probably he had to shoot not with pistol, but with ant acid from ass (as ants usually do)

Kind regards

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>>8802778

>>8802862
If you want something vaguely spoopy e-mail the Heaven's Gate guys.
http://gizmodo.com/the-online-legacy-of-a-suicide-cult-and-the-webmasters-1617403237

I sent Alain de Benoist a quick link to a forgotten article about some academic he was in a spat with and he emailed me back at the weekend thanking me. Wasn't expecting that

I wrote Brian Jacques back in the 90's when I was a kid but all I got was an application form for the Redwall newsletter. Still signed up for it though

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>>8802848
No, no.
I met her ~a month ago, briefly, in a /lit/-affiliated Skype chat.
We talked (in text) well for a day or so and I was so glad to meet someone who knew the same books and the same anime, especially since I never talk to anyone at all. And she said she was lonely too.
And then she dropped out of all contact for more than a week and I was in despair.
But when she messaged me again, apologizing, saying it was because of her anxiety, and we talked on video for three or so hours and fuck she's so so cute and she thinks the same of me and gods my heart was beating so fast and by the end we were blushing and, I quote,
i keep thinking about you and my heart keeps going crazy
i’m so infatuated with you i could puke
<3 <3 <3
But after that she hasn't really spoken to me since, blaming her anxiety, insisting that she's not upset with me. She said she'd message me this weekend, but she didn't.
So I emailed her this morning, since she had said that email might be less anxiety-inducing for her.
Another problem is ei sunt anni XVI, sed mihi IXX
Kill me I'm so embarrassed.
And I hope she doesn't see this, for obvious reasons.

I emailed Kenji Siratori to ask what books were included in some compilation thing.
He replied "Don't know sorry thank you" or thereabouts.
Swell guy

>>8802888
I had a similar age dynamic in a relationship at your age. If you pursue it, it'll probably be shit but you'll learn a lot. Mostly to only date 21+s.

>>8802888
What kind of age difference is that even? Nothing.

Obviously though if you recognize her posting you have to report her. It's also XIX.

>>8802888
hahahahaha FUCK

>>8802747
Really? What a crazy piece of shit

>>8802778
>emailing james joyce
>not asking about face-fart and smells fetish

>>8802809
its almost like you want to be endearing but you're actually just autistic

>>8802809
awful bait

>>8802747
I donated some money to Peter Watts to thank him for putting his works on his website, and he wrote me a nice email thanking me back.

>>8802810
That sounds awesome

>>8802747
>Foer
If I wanted to email a talent-less hack, I'd address it to my diary desu.

>>8802961
True but that's essentially every word ever written on reddit. Its cringey but thats bascially your average late teens early twenties millenial. So, you have to be tolerant of it...

'shooting the lit (see what I did there)' made me lol, its just pure reddit:)

>>8802888
w-what are you doing here, a-anon-kun? dont talk to me ever again!

>>8802809
This is bait, right?

I refuse to believe you sent this and that you're 23.

>>8802860
I like the irl tale between you and the ant man, and your little story was nice too.

Good on you anon

>>8802809

Creepy AF

>>8802747
I wrote to Schiller but he didn't write back desu

>>8803276
ah, sweet vindication.

>>8803341
should have written dialectically to hegel desu

in the end you will always get a response

I wrote to myself (from my diary fame) and then put the letters in a book which I call my diary desu

>>8802809
you should write a pomo novel about writing to safran-foer

I wrote to the author of a Kant study guide regarding Kant's annoying conception of time.

He got back to me and explained it. That's about it.

>>8803430
unironically this 100%

genius anon

>>8803430
call it letters to foer-chan

I think I snail mailed Gary Paulsen (YA author of Hatchet) when I was like 12.

>>8803658
Forgot to mention: I got no response

>>8802809
I think this is the perfect example how how not to email a writer.

>>8803499
>not calling it Noted from Undergrad

>>8802809
gr8 b8 OP
let me toss another (You) in your hat

>>8802809
Fits how I always pictured safran-foerfags.

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Not that you patricians care, but I've interacted with Terry Brooks a handful of times.

>>8802809

holy shit this can't actually be real

nobody is this autistic

>>8802888
It's XIX

>>8803401

underrated post

>>8802747
I emailed Kevin Wilson once about his short story collection. This was pre-Family Fang, so I don't think he was getting too many emails at that point, so he actually sent me a very sweet email. He was very excited somebody liked his collection, and we exchanged a few more emails after that.
Otherwise I haven't emailed writers I didn't already know IRL.

I'm friends with Don Delillo and he comes over from time to time to watch CNN.

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>>8802809
Dear [Mr./Mrs.] [writer's family name]/[writer's first name], Please don't continue beyond this sentence if you are busy or otherwise distracted with more pressing matters. You kept reading? Great! Well first for introductions. My name's [my name] and I've read two books of yours. [book title #1] wasn't great in my opinion but [book title #2] really was a gripping read. I digress. The reason for my writing you today is to inquire as to whether you could provide for me any advice that you would have given to yourself at a younger age when you were writing your first novel and no-doubt dreaming of literary (and other) success? Wow, still haven't introduced myself, huh. Well, here's the slim. I'm [age] years old and I recently graduated from university with a degree in English Literature. Suffice to say I've struggled to find a job but I have in the time I have been unemployed written a novel that I am confident will have a major effect on the literary world should it find a publisher willing to give it a chance. Here's when you come in, [writer's nickname or first name] (do you mind me calling you that?). I have discovered your address via legal means online and I am wondering whether you would be willing to receive my manuscript in its entirety, along with a synopsis (I'll even throw in my author photo for free!) and first of all give me your feedback on it and then, providing you enjoy it to pass it on to your friends in the publishing world (I know how well-connected you folks are) so that I can avoid the dreaded slush pile of doom! Anyways, so let me know asap and I can have the manuscript on your straw 'Welcome' mat by the end of the week. If you'd rather I hand it to you in person and take some time to discuss our respective views on literature contemporary and otherwise I would love to visit your office at [writer's location] and spend a few hours shooting the lit (see what I did there?). So let me know [writer's nickname or first name] and we can then discuss the next step of our correspondence. Thanking you again and again, [my name].

>>8802879
Same. T_T

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>>8802747
>worryingly delusional
I really am looking forward to reading this letter you wrote.

>>8803919
Here: >>8802809

delicious guts getting stuffed with tender orange slices and suet mingled with nutmeg.

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>>8802747
>Jewish author has high opinion of himself
whoda thought

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>worryingly delusional
>adverb
what a hack

More /co/ related than /lit/ but Robert Kirkman answered one of my questions in one of the issues of The Walking Dead last year.

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>>8802809

>>8804002
participle, breuh.

an "ly" doesn't automatically mean adverb. you hack.

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i emailed christopher hitchens a couple of months before he died and he responded

Sir,
The idea of your service awes me (and does me too much credit). I can only tell you what you already know - about the extraordinary calibre of the people you will meet.
On a micro scale, I am honored to have introduced you to some of those authors and feel gratified that you met this. There are more minor Orwell triumphs in store.
Sincerely
Christopher H

>>8804101
That's pretty neat dude. What was the initial email about?

>>8804133
thanking him for helping me argue myself out of libertarianism, opening my eyes to the muslims, getting me into literature, etc

>>8804092
adverbs can modify adjectives

>>8803079
>you have to be tolerant
No. You guys lost, deal with it.

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>>8804101
>tfw read it in his voice

>>8802809
He merely saw himself reflected back OP, no sweat.
http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/07/natalie-portmans-emails-to-jonathan-safran-foer.html

Also, was it his hotmail?

>>8802809

>and spend a few hours shooting the lit

My spine snapped between from the cringe.

>>8802747
Entered a competition Michael J Sullivan hosted. Got a write back saying he'd review my submission and send me constructive criticism.

NO REPLY

>>8802888
>muh anxiety
She is shit, get a real girl.

>>8802747
ITT: We write Johnathon Safran Foer an email one words at a time

>Hi

>>8804239

>As you may recall, it has long been rumored that Foer developed a whopping unrequited crush on Portman after she decided to adapt one of his books. Portman allegedly rebuffed him, but not before Foer told his wife, Nicole Krauss, about it (oops!), leading to the dissolution of the literary power-couple’s marriage back in 2014.

lmao how much more beta can you get

>>8804299

>CRASH!

>>8804300
Most guys could probably get away with a cheeky "phwoar, Natalie Portman" etc etc too. Holy shit.

>>8804263
same, I'm crippled now

>>8804306
>Only

>>8804310

>One

>>8804317
>enemy

>>8804334
>CRASH!

>>8804338
Hello

>>8804338
>CRASH!

>>8804338
>remained

>>8804341
Bandicoot

>>8802747
8 year old me sent fan mail to a guy who wrote ghost stories. I asked if he had ever seen or believed in ghosts and he said no, and that's how I learned adults are fucking boring.

>>8804350
What if he sent you back a picture of Stirner and said, "I've seen a lot of spooks, but I try not to believe in them."?

THIS GUY is probably the same troll who wrote the opened a thread because his mother found his manifesto

https://yuki.la/lit/8296503

>Newfags, there is a poster who constantly creates really elaborate schemes to mess with people by getting them to feel sympathy for his character and then slowly dissolve into autism, it usually always begins with calling himself a genius (I've noticed this pattern) he used to joke about his 6 volume memoir or this time that he paid a publisher to publish his book and he scheduled a book signing at a barnes and noble where only his mom came and bought 3 copies of the book. He does this because he's admitted he has nothing else in life and gets some sort of pleasure out of it, anyway, he had me going for a little bit until I saw him descend into cunty autism but the nail in the coffin is this quote that he always uses when people ask to see his writing in these threads (because it's pretty good but it comes from an archived post from years ago back when warosu was up, someone else found that one out, he usually takes any written material from past critique threads but almost always this one):

>>8804342
Two

>>8804351
Well anon, I was 8 so I probably would have thought "who the fuck is Stirner?"

one time i got drunk and yelled at george szirtes on twitter to finish translating another krasznahorkai

>>8803435
really it's what anyone would do

if you think about it

>>8804369
And so it would begin.

>>8804361
>, if

I have never shown anyone anything I've ever written, let alone sent anything to a writer.

A student I taught last year had sent a short to Stephen King when she was about 12 and he edited it for her and returned it. Pretty rad. Girl really is a terrific writer, I just hope she gets more into better literature and more mature writing soon.

>>8804391
(You)

>>8804359
Memoirguy is pure kino. His pizza delivery scheme is a classic.

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>>8802747
I emailed this young adult fantasy writer named T.A. Barron and he replied to me within a week or so. I was teaching one of his books and he gave me a ton of free swag.

It was really enriching desu.

>>8804454
>His pizza delivery scheme is a classic.
I don't know that one.
Post it.

>>8802809
If this is a joke, it's pretty good

>>8802809
Christ

>>8802747

>be me
>favorite author is awkward
>write to them
>tell them their writing is nice
>waiting.gif
>get letter back in mail
>open the letter
>'y-you too'
>mfw

>>8804462
Unfortunately I don't have the screencaps anymore, my laptop with all my dank memes was stolen.

>>8804486
This feels like a ruse now.

>>8802809
This sounds like the kind of delusional thing I would have written when I was 17.

I'm 18 now

>>8802747
>Jonathan Safran Foer

Literally, who?

>>8804567
What is native advertising

>>8804486
What was it about then?

>>8804404
count

>>8804815
GaWDDD

>>8802809
>Please don't continue
stopped reading right there

>>8802809
Kind of cringe, but also kind of cute

7/10 anon

>>8802888
it is natural for men like you to crave the validation of their existence and get depressed if they fail to feel relevant, responsible, dutiful.
The best way for a man to cater his need for approval is to serve some woman (and some of her children) through emotional&financial support, which he sees as ''a childish useless submissive woman'' [or whore and he feels betrayed by her]
Men are pleased to contribute to someone else life, to support their family.

Why women are a good way to feel relevant? Because women love to be provided for and each woman will always find a man ready to please her.
[for most men, the best feeling of feeling real is when the girl moans from your cock in her pussy, or for the most impotent, their tongue in the pussy]

THe problem for men is that they are disposable in the eyes of each woman, since all men wish to serve the few women who talk to them.
Men must thus invent several ways to please women, invention and creativity which strengthen their feeling of being worthy, relevant, in touch with reality.
Men are too impotent to find other way to feel real.
Once that the a woman replaces a man by another provider, the man gets very upset and depressed.
THis leads men to think that they are better than women, stronger, smarter and that they must built a life outside women. Some men manage to indeed built an empire, but they will always loose it for some women.
Women give meaning to men and betas, no matter how successful outside women, will always give up everything for some relationship with some woman who claim to fancy them.

OP here from yesterday.

I have to admit, I didn't really email Jonathan Safran-Foer. I just post threads like this from time to time for the sake of entertainment. And yes as somebody else has said I also posted the thread about the guy in his 30s who had written a novel which was published by a scam company, and the guy whose mommy found his manifesto, and the guy who was writing his debut six-part memoir, and the guy who attended Oxford and literally can't express how great it was, and the guy who live a good life at your expense, and the guy who went to live in his grandparents' cabin in Norway to write his novel, and more I can't remember right now. I usually wait until 100 posts have been reached and then give up the game.

>>8806544
You need a hobby anon

>>8806544
I don't like you

>>8806544
idk man, I think nobody believed you from the very first post of this thread.

>>8806544
I've seen this posted before. I don't think you're the OP. It may well be the same guy who posted all those things but I think this post is pasta.

>>8802810
Best response

I emailed Chomsky to ask him whether he thought this election cycle was particularly novel, at least in how the media was transparently cheerleading for one side, and he said nope pretty much same old shit

I emailed Dan Dennett once to ask him why altruism being the reason we have instinctive empathy means I shouldn't suppress my empathy and be a prick if I want to. He basically gave me a non-answer and then didn't reply when I said I appreciated his work.

>>8806544
I seriously hope you are not trying to ruin my fun

I emailed David Shields and he gave me a short curt response almost right away. It was sweet.

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I speak with Howard Bloom occasionally. Good prophesier.

>>8806792
those both sound like really bad questions

>>8808473

Did the Brontosaurus try to hit that boipussy?

>>8808473
holy shit, really? I like bloom, never seen anyone else post him here. what's he like?

>>8809043
this?

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I emailed Cormac McCarthy once, I thought it was pretty well-written and respectful, what do you guys think?
Dear Corncob Tortillas YeCarthy, Please don't continue beyond this sentence if you are harvesting maize or otherwise distracted with more pressing matters. You kept reading? Great! Well first for introductions. My name's Willy and I've read two books of yours. Blood Meme wasn't great in my opinion but No Country for old Memes really was a gripping read. I digress. The reason for my writing you today is to inquire as to whether you could provide for me any advice that you would have given to yourself at a younger age when you were writing your first novel and no-doubt dreaming of literary (and corn-based) success? Wow, still haven't introduced myself, huh. Well, here's the slim. I'm 47 years old and I recently graduated from community college with a certificate in General Studies. Suffice to say I've struggled to find a job but I have in the time I have been unemployed written a diary that I am confident will have a major effect on the literary world should it find a publisher willing to give it a chance. Here's when you come in, Ye (do you mind me calling you that?). I have discovered your address via hacking and I am wondering whether you would be willing to receive my diary desu in its entirety, along with a synopsis (I'll even throw in my author photo for free!) and first of all give me your feedback on it and then, providing you enjoy it to pass it on to your friends in the Santa Fe Institute (I know how scientific you folks are) so that I can avoid the dreaded slush pile of doom! Anyways, so let me know asap and I can have the manuscript on your straw 'workmans' hat by the end of the week. If you'd rather I hand it to you in person and take some time to discuss our respective views on tortillas contemporary and otherwise I would love to visit your office at The American Southwest and spend a few hours shooting the varmints (see what I did there?). So let me know [writer's nickname or first name] and we can then discuss the next step of our correspondence. Thanking you again and again, Willy.

>>8808980
You can ask him more questions, he doesn't always block you after 1.

>>8806544
You are creating a Borgesian world of memes and mirrors for us all to live and kek in, anon. I like you..

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>>8809150
> I'm 47 years old and I recently graduated from community college with a certificate in General Studies

oh i am laffin

>>8802809
Is this bait?

>>8804830
>HOLY

>>8802747
I wrote to Sofi Oksanen via her page to tell her I enjoyed Purge. She wrote back and said thanks. That felt good

>>8802860
Very, very nice! I like it!

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>>8806544

>>8806544
Somebody is going to get a decent book out of some variant of shitposting one of these days.

Just that list of scenarios puts me in mind of If on a winter's night a traveler

>>8804239
>falling in love with post-leon Neta-Lee Hershlag

pleb taste

>>8809637
What is this?

I emailed Chomsky back in 2011. I asked him why he shits on continental philosophy. He responded saying the same ol' trite things about it being obscurantist, but was taken aback by Adorno's Negative Dialectics. Said it was one of the few pieces of philosophy that he'd read that blew his hair back.

>>8809661
Nono, Beautiful Girls is the cut off.

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>>8810907
*notices ur bulge* OWO what's this?

>>8802747
I sent some poets to a contemporary german poet who won some awards after I got to briefly work with him at university. (I asked him beforehand if that was okay and he said I should go for it.)
This was almost exactly a year ago, and he basically replied with "I'm busy now, I'll check them out in January." No word of him since. Should I remind him of it now? I fear that would be too late or that he probably doesn't care at all. (Most people, /lit/ included, tell me my poems are preddy good, so it is not like I seek his approval or anything. I'm not even sure why I wrote him at all, I guess I was just curious.)

>>8810941
Don't bother. Just publish.
I did the same thing for a while. Its a waste of time.
Just publish.

>>8802809
Do people think this is real and unironic? I mean, it can't be? Right? The autism is too pure, too orchestrated, too perfect? R-Right guys?
Either way OP i love u

>>8810944
How do I publish? Do you mean, sending the poems to a publisher, or just do some self-publishing stuff?

I sent some poems to poetry contests but got no response either. (One of the contests stated that the poems can't be posted online, and I think most of them are in the /lit/ archive.)

>>8810951
Start with magazines. Get one or two things published. Some big names accept poetry, and there are resources online for where best to publish what, supposing you write niche poetry. If you can get involved with literary circles, sometimes that helps. Especially with academics, literary professors, writers, speakers, etc. It always helps to have "friends".
Contests are often hit or miss because they're often looking for something specific and know what they want to win. Even if your work is good it might not fit their bill. Magazines and journals on the other hand often publish whatever is good.
Above all don't over think it. Share your work wherever you can and just publish. Publishing is the number one thing, anything will do. The more you have out there even in small journals the better your portfolio looks to publishers.
It will likely take you a while to get an entire book of poetry published.
But don't give up. Keep reading, writing and improving and you'll succeed.

Oh, and self publishing is alright, but it helps when you already have a network or following. Gotta get your work out there into people's hands

>>8810988
Got it. Guess I will try that.

>>8811010
Please do. I was in. Situation like yours and procrastinated to the point where it almost destroyed me.
Learn from my mistakes. Act now.

>>8811051
Not him but I've had a bunch of stuff published in journals and zines and I'm not really sure where to go from there. What now?

>>8804172
>dear Chris lad thanks for setting them muzzies in their place. Don't you think it's really shit that we have MOSQUES in are country?? Anyway thanks and goodbye, anon