anon, write about yourself, tell me who you really are, seduce

>>8787080
I am over six feet tall, and white. I have played football (American). My IQ is as high as it goes, though I don't put stock in that nonsense. I have read all the books in the canon in chronological order and their original languages. I am already a published and celebrated author, as well as a multi-billionaire due to timely investments and a sizeable inheritance from my beloved parents. I have doctorate degrees in physics, philosophy, literature, and nine other subjects. When I played on my priceless Stradivarius a flawless rendition of a Mozart sonata, the audience, all masters of the instrument themselves, wept and several of them chose to thereafter retire. I am unparalleled when it comes to unarmed combat, having pioneered a syncretic martial art of my own that, if widely practiced, would far outshine those used in the top mixed style tournaments. By night, I don a suit of cutting-edge battle armor and emerge from my secret base to hunt thugs and ne'er-do-wells, manning an extremely fast vehicle I like to call the Batmobile.

>>8787080
fat
ugly
annoying
poor hygiene, poor diet, poor sleep cycle
as such, always sick

hi every1 im new!!!!!!! *holds up spork* my name is katy but u can
call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol...as u can see im very random!!!!
thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me ^_^... im 13 years old
(im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind
(im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its
SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random
ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol...neways i hope 2 make
alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!!

DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again ^_^ hehe...toodles!!!!!

>>8787080
im gay

>>8787080
Leonardo was such a qt, ffs I have to be bisexual for real.

>>8787128
kys biscum

im a borderline autistic stem student with such little personality that trying to describe it would be an overuse of the english language

>>8787134
no u

>>8787080
>seduce me

If you don't sleep with me you'll die a virgin desu

>>8787145
kill yourself, anonkun

>>8787080
>telling others about yourself
the normiest thing ever
fuck yourself

>>8787148
oh, so you never leave your basement?

>>8787147
fatalism kinda turns me on bb
slide in my PMs

>>8787158
I fucking hate you you normie
Probably not even a virgin

>>8787160
It was a joke. What a buzzkill, this is why your parents are disappointed with your choice of lifestyle.

>>8787156
I leave it everyday, but I don't talk about myself like a losers do. I talk about world.

ive been on 4chan for more years than you people would believe... you could say im a veteran of the internet. i know it well. i know all of the memes and jokes, most of which are dead and forgotten now. some so unlikely to arise again that when i do see them. even though i immediately ready my trusty arsenal of homophobic slurs. im privately thankful for the poster.

my mother died and i turned her (now my) basement into a fortress with the money. the upper floors of our mcmansion i rent out to who knows for significant sums. all i care is that they stay away from my domain and that the internet is fast. get food delivered to me by people i dont have to see. its all very convenient. i can no longer walk more than 100 meters unaided, but i dont need to.

im not an attractive man. but im an apprentice of countless anons on countless threads across dozens of boards. i know more of the world than most could dream knowable. music. literature. games. even sex. all without ever having to go outside or interact.

im a gentle lover. i promise. and the renumeration is handsome. kiss me!

>>8787178
You are literally a shit of a man. And I'm not even memeing or joking

>>8787178
Have you considered ending it all?

He was a handsome man, though historically crippled by the contradictory egomaniacal low self esteem common in alcoholics. Now in his thirties, with two college degrees, alone with no prospects. His defaulted college loans killed his credit so that a grocery store won't even hire him, and he burnt so many bridges with women that they no longer cared about his looks and large package.

He sat at home, working on his third novel. The first two having generated absolutely zero interest from publishers, which was funny because the concept of absolute zero wasn't supposed to exist in science. In his free time he beat off to porn, posted pics of his junk on craigslist M4M in sad plea for attention, and posted on /lit/, even though it's kind a shitty board now.

>>8787178
I adore this post. It should be copypasta forever

>>8787165
Fucking kill uourself I hate you so much

>>8787080
Endless self-improvement---the excuse of those who are too afraid to fail publicly, and so have chosen to fail privately.

i have multiple personalities on the internet

on real life i'm just a boring plain guy with no friends who can't really control the bad habits and keeps fucking everything up (specially my life and the life of people around me)

>>8787250
you posted in the other thread. Let us read your novel please.

>>8787641
well for one, no, I didn't post in another thread.

For another, fuck you, you'll read it if it ever gets published.

>>8787665
no we won't

>>8787115
Holy shit this is old pasta.

>>8787250
>>8787665
The fact that you can't keep your tense consistent over the course of one paragraph makes me think your novel is not likely to get published. You should show us.

Call me Ishmael. Some years ago—never mind how long precisely—having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the spleen, and regulating the circulation. Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off—then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the ocean with me.

>>8787744

Oh, sorry I don't put the amount of work into a time killing post on /lit/ that nobody cares about as I would into a novel.

If you're that fucking interested, here's the first two pages:
http://pastebin.com/ym5tts3r

Formatting doesn't really carry over, but whatever.

>>8787751
Sail. Tail pale whale. Fail.

>>8787751
huh?

>>8787178
this sounds like something gy!be would sample in a song, i like it

>>8787080
>tell me who you really are
>seduce me through your writing.
Pick one.

File: 678954_1313962733684_300_260.jpg (78KB, 300x260px) Image search: [Google]

78KB, 300x260px

>>8787128
very spankable in this movie here.