ITT: Post your short essays

oh fuck forgot the link
here: http://pastebin.com/LjF6Tinf

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Fuck you, you fucking stupid cunt.
sage

>>8718225
No need to be upset anon. Why don't you share your paper with the rest of the class. You wouldn't want to lose participation points would you?

https://mega.nz/#!ccEwzRYT!NxtxTtISSNRao7mBXwhxkO7t_JU5qiABRJ_0WRICf2w

I don't ever post on here but your Essay solitics a rare response; it is utter cowshit.

>>8718155
I don't dislike the idea of your "essay" (desu I think it's more like a prose soliloquy, and would probably do better in the mouth of a character than as your own words), but you need to work on your expression of these ideas. What's important is finding unique ways of expressing them, since these concepts have been worked through before with the same kinds of imagery you use (shepherds and flocks and "herds"). This freshness and newness will come with time as you develop your writing skills, so long as you read and read attentively the works of other writers.

>>8718150
Anyway, here's an essay wrote on Kanye West (Yeah I know) for my last year of high school. A lot of the ideas are pretty stupid in retrospect, but could I have some feedback on my writing style, because in terms of non-fiction at least it hasn't changed since writing this, and I'm not sure whether it's grating (as most personal writing is) or not (which I think is what makes essayists maybe the rarest breed of writers, that they can write purely egotistically without being grating or dull). Also keep in mind this was written for an audience with a presumed lack of knowledge of hip-hop, so if it seems a little spoonfeed-ish then that's why. Very long, so feel free to only read the first few paragraphs and skip ahead a bit to get a feel for the style:

http://pastebin.com/r6XsA54N

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>>8719198
My only disagreement with your writing style is (what I perceive to be) your requirement to substantiate analysis or premises with reference to an external source.

There's certainly instances where quotation of or mention about third-party material increases the effect of particular points, though the emphasis is somewhat lost by the frequency with which you make these referrals.

Basically what I'm calling you out for is name-dropping where unnecessary, though no one knows better than I how marks are rewarded for such behavior in high school. Certainly many of them are well-considered such as the opening quote and the discussion of various bands and artists to create a background for discussion of Yeezy, and I personally think mentions of Pynchon and other similar authors are accurate representations of their time period, however, basing analysis on Nietzsche and Don Quixote is overbearing and ultimately feels out of place next to the aforementioned.

Tl;dr Complex ideas welcome reference to third-party materials, while it is obvious when reference to certain complex third-party material is taking place of ideas

>>8719299
Thanks a lot for reading it man. Yeah, I understand what you mean, I guess I was just trying to convince the marker I was smart and "different" (I was still in high school, and had only been into /lit/ properly for a year or so).

I've always had a paranoia (which is probably quite common) that my ideas aren't good enough to stand on their own and that I need to point out that they've been said or hinted at before by other better thinkers than myself so as to "prove" their legitimacy. That's probably where the excessive name-dropping and referencing comes from, I think. It's a crutch for my insecurities and you're absolutely right that it's the main problem with my writing, something I really need to wean myself off.

Thanks again for reading and commenting on it.

>>8719375
I understand dude, but trust me, your ideas are strong enough to stand on their own. Belief in urself :)))