I have a short story based off of a weird, yet specific dream

I have never made a story before so don't hit me too hard with critiques please

>Live in small town in Massachusetts
>1692
>Been on Earth for maybe 20 years
>My name is Galil Wanheda
>I am young man, brown hair, maybe 5”11, 6”
>I can use magic
>Healing magic, lethal magic
>I only use it to help people
>Have best friend
>Her name is Daisy Garholde
>She is most amazing person ever
>Doesn’t tell anyone I can use magic
>She is the love of my life
>I am periodically taken over by an evil entity to do things I wouldn’t normally do
>Usually just tipping over an apple cart or something
>I always help pick it up because in any other eyes I did it on purpose
>Daisy understands my curse
>She helps me with it to make sure it doesn’t get too out of hand
>We live happy life together until
>Salem witch trials come
>Fuck
>I am identified as a witch
>Mobbed by angry horde, most of which I have healed in the past
>I am brought to the noose, about to be hung
>Evil entity takes over me
>I start attacking villagers with magic
>Stop immediately after being restrained
>Entity still in control of me
>3 seconds away from being hung
>Grow malicious smile, eyes go yellow, and next thing I know I’m looking at myself hanging from noose
>wut
>Look around
>am in the horde
>Did I teleport?
>No I see myself dangling there
>Evaluate the situation
>Truth hits me
>I’m Daisy
>Daisy is me
>Daisy was me
>Daisy is dead
>I killed Daisy
>The evil entity used my magic to switch our bodies so I lived
>Hits me hard
>I killed the love of my life
>Start furiously crying
>Run away
>Am immortal
>Have to live with this
>Wander my sins away
>Seal myself in a cave
>Use magic to put myself in deep sleep

>324 years later
>I am woken by loud noises
>Suddenly stops
>It is pitch black
>Don’t know where I am or who I am
>What happened?
>Follow wall until I see light
>Go into light
>Overlooking forest
>Wander over to forest
>Eventually see a road
>Don’t know what it is
>Follow it
>See a city
>Walk through it
>People giving me looks
>They are dressed differently
>I come across a building blocking the sidewalk I was walking on
>Scale the side that is beside a river
>Fall into river next to open window
>Get pulled out of river and into window
>See 2 people in room
>One slightly wet
>Other just staring
>They ask me what I was doing and why I am dressed like that
>I say I don’t know
>They ask me who I am
>I say I don’t know
>Amnesia? One of them says
>I ask who they are and what year it is
>They introduce themselves at Gail and Josh
>Gail says year is 2016
>Josh comments on my clothing looking like it’s from 1600s
>I say I don’t remember where I came from
>They look at me like I’m retarded
>Gail picks up phone and starts dialing 911
>Josh stops her and whispers to her
>”Do you think we could help her remember?”
>I overhear and ask “Remember what?”
>Josh says “Remember who you are and stuff”
>Gail says “How could we do that?”
>Josh says “You know damn well how we could”
>I am very confused, sitting in sopping wet clothing in the corner of the apartment room
>Josh breaks the silence “We’re going to try it and if it doesn’t work we can call 911 then, ok?”
>Gail nods
>Josh’s hand lights up with fire
>Fire is thrown at me
>I reflexively block it with my own fire
>They’re both stunned
>”You can use magic?!” Gail almost screamed
>Josh shushed her and repeated the question
>I say “I guess so…”
>They ask if I remember anything now
>I say no
>They’re interested in me now, they decide not to call 911
>They start asking me questions
>I can’t answer most of them
>I start trying other magic
>They’re amazed
>”You have some of the strongest magic I’ve ever seen!” Gail said
>I say “Is magic not rare?”
>Josh says “Magic is considered evil nowadays. Ever since 1692 people have feared it”
>I feel a strange feeling overcome me but brush it off
>Gail takes this opportunity to get me out of the wet clothes
>I comply, get changed into some clothes she's not very fond of
>Gail and Josh decide to keep me around for a bit to learn a little more about me
>They don't know much about magic themselves so that's probably why
>cont tomorrow

>>8698202
>>I am young man, brown hair, maybe 5”11, 6”
I don't think people were that tall back then

>>8698208
Honestly this sounds like a 15 year old's DeviantArt OC donut steel. Guess you could pull this off as a YA thing if it wasn't so generic.

File: 1466141708673.jpg (878KB, 2165x2095px) Image search: [Google]

878KB, 2165x2095px

>>8698208
>Josh’s hand lights up with fire
>Fire is thrown at me
>I reflexively block it with my own fire
>They’re both stunned
>”You can use magic?!” Gail almost screamed
>Josh shushed her and repeated the question
>I say “I guess so…”

>>8698208
Another thing, your character is from the fucking 17th century. She wouldn't be saying "I guess so".

Putting this on hold until I fix these things. I'm a pretty shitty writer, I know :p. Thanks for the criticism

>>8699680
Listen to my advice, anon. You gotta find your own voice as a writer. Even if you're writing YA stuff, you gotta make your story different from the million other magic and bodyswap stories out there. Find something about it that's unique to you. Work on that first and foremost.