best opening lines

>>8661444

I told you I was able to fit a cheerio around my penis.

>>8661444
I need to read this book.

>>8661444
>>8662295
Also, you reminded me how important it is to hook the audience in by those first few sentences. I'm probably going to have to change the whole first page of my first chapter, but it will be worth it. I completely went off tone with the type of story I'm trying to write.

>When I finally caught up with Abraham Trahearne, he was drinking beer with an alcoholic bulldog named Fireball Roberts in a ramshackle joint just outside of Sonoma, California, drinking the heart right out of a fine spring afternoon.

There was only one enemy remaining; two if you counted God.

>The sun shone, having no alternative, on the nothing new.

>>8661444
Holy.....I want more......

>Justice? -- You get justice in the next world. In this one you have the law

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>le epic reddit joke

>>8663358
Beckett's my nigga, shit.

>Now is the winter of our discontent
>made glorious summer by this son of York.

>>8663388
Richard III is based AF.

>Have no delight to pass away the time,
>Unless to spy my shadow in the sun

>He was born and named Ben

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>>8663376

>>8661444
Holy.....I want more.....

>>8663562
No love for Willy?

Only one enemy remained; two, if you counted the golden retriever.

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>>8661444
>I am a sick man.... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased.

Malcolm Ironfist, grasping his gun and staring down at the shivering criminal, said with vengeance in his voice, "I'll let you live if you tell me where Valcone is hiding."

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>>8662327
every time

>Call me Moby Dick, or The Whale by Herman Melville

Fugging really?

holy....

There was only one enemy remaining; two if you counted moOOt.

>>8662327
Holy....

>a weapon to surpass gravity's rainbow

What did slothrop mean by this?

>"When Gregor Samsa woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed into The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

A Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon came across the sky.

HOLY

A CRASHing comes across the sky.

holy...

>>8661444
holy...

>>8664156
Holy..... i want more......

>Heh, I bet your wondering where I got this katana

>You can be strong or weak. I chose to be neither

>>8664106
Who´s this guy m00t? I heard about him, was he somebody important?

>>8664188
You can't be this new

>>8664194
kys

>This summer I murdered an eleven year old boy.

The war is over! The war is finally over, and with it, a chapter of my life closes. The muddy journal I kept untill its’ end shall be put to the side for the words to age like fine wine, untill one day, when I can stomach to look at the artistic storm of apathy within, I shall publish it in its entirety

there was only 1 enemy remaining; 2 if you counted haemorrhoids

>It was a dark and stormy night when Elizabeth Monroe crosses the Chamberlain Street. Little did she know that it was I, Randell McHarold, who watched her. Little did she know, what a terrible fate had befallen her, as she, unknowingly, crossed my line of sight. It was a dark and stormy night when Elizabeth Monroe was first seen by her future murderer.

>>8662327

whatisthisfromthough?

>Fallen Stars. Broken Moons. Tonight the gods have spoken, and their words announced the end of all. A sparkle in the eye of a child. A weapon aimed at a head. It is August 31, the year is 1939. I Am Adolf.

>>8662327
I commented above about OP's opening sentence, and how I thought it was longish. Anonymous, your opening line is a superb example of not only being concise, but providing an awesome hook. A great opening line causes the reader to want to more. In this case, my immediate reaction was "why is god the enemy?" Great concept, with great contrast, and I would love to read more.
Great prose also has great flow-great rhythm. Again, yours is a perfect example. The cadence is so perfect. Sounds great and feels great.
My friends and clients know me as often being over critical. On the other hand, when I see greatness, I am equally blunt. Your opening line is nothing less than superb.

>Hey there, first of: Welcome to my head. Yup, this is my head you're watching into right now. For the next couple of hours, days or weeks, depending on how much time you invest into this, i will show, not tell, what it means to be me.It will be a thrilling and mindboggling ride. You don't believe me? Oh, you will. So fasten your seatbelt. Here we goooooooooooo

>Caracas, 2087. El Militar de dios patrols the street. There is no poverty to be seen, no noise to be heard, outside of the determined marsh of the god's militia. 2 Weeks ago the Government of Sandro Higeura has been replaced by El Commandare, the leader of the god's militia in a violent coup d'etat. In those 2 weeks they have cleaned up this rotten city. The last evidence of the brutality was washed away by last nights rain.. What remains is a silence filled with terror and grief. I didn't know it yet, but the future would show us that this was the day the rule of man had ended and the rule of the cyborgs had begun. My name is Salomo Diaz. I work for the CIA. After the fall of Higeura's regime only one enemy remained, the god's miliatia; two if you counted god

>>8664496
tfw determined marsh

>"Rain. The Godess of Purity.
>Night. Brother of Sin.
>Sun, Ruler of Death.
>Sky, Ocean of Lies.
>I summon you, give me your strength." said the wise witch Malreida, a two-thousand year old Axox, which are a species of reptilian-like humanoid people, living in the jungle of Elmox. These were her fateful words that changed the world forever. Yes Son, this is why all menn are naked and can no longer wear clothes, and thus at the whim of the female members of our species, who were allowed to preserve their dignity. This was her curse, her devilish revenge, that exposed our shame for all the species of Alang Thu'le and made us playtools of our matriarchal masters.

So I'm on my way to work and I stop to watch a pigeon fight a rat in the snow, and some fuckhead tries to mug me!

>>8664515
This made me actually vomit

Actually

There were only two math problems remaining. One if you counted subtraction.

>>8664153
good post

First of all, let me get this straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say 'diary' on it.

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster

Only eight enemies remained; nine if you counted wrong.

>>8664496
10/10

>Officious little prick

I was pretty disappoint they didn't work that into the film

A crash came across the sky. Two more, if you counted God and Me.
*freeze frame*
You're probably wondering who I am. Yep, that's me, with the katana, and the duster, but let's get back in the story.
*unfreeze frame*
The people spake : HOLY! I want no more!
I cut gOD in 100000 pieces.
"heh nothing personel, kid, i'm just to smart"
"you're a smart guy"
"for you."

>>8661444
There was only one enemy left, two if-CRASH! "I made pancakes!" yelped the golden retriever

He opened the door fastly

>>8664811
i laughed out loud

There is a saying in my hometown: Don't fight a mad cat. Well... when i was a child i was a stupid brat. I'm Rick Thunder, and this is my story.

This is not a book.

Killing a man is a crime they say, well i disagree. Killing a man is a thing far too pleasurable, far too lifting of the spirits, far too good on the soul, that it could ever deserve to be called a crime. At the worst it is a misunderstanding or an unlucky occurence. But a one-sided perspective on killing a man, is far from being fair or just. But to provide an example of my, i admit, somewhat radical claim, i will tell you of my latest murder. A murder that occured just a couple of hours ago. The Victim was a police name, whose name i don't know. And let me tell you, it was a cleansing experience. The thrill, the blood, the short and painful scream of the victim. It is more than pleasurable or good, it is a legitimate artform and i am an artist.

Rows of buildings framed a tragic scene that played out on the 21st of december in the year 2000 and 17. Hillary Clinton, the first female president of the United States, had been killed by an alt-right terrorist. The world was never the same after this day. And i was there. Yes, i was there on the scene. I stood there. I held the gun. I aimed it at there. And i shot her in the head. I watched as she fell to the ground, i saw her blood flowing. A lot of blood. I was scared and afraid. I couldn't think, i couldn't understand what i had just done. But i uttered one sentence, before terrified citizens threw themself on me and took away my gun. I said, with a tone of conviction that surprised me: "This... Is for Pepe."

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>Having read a fine line of prose -- of disasterous crashes, dogs, dishes and destroyed dreams -- I brazenly proclaimed to the Holiest One, 'I want more," not realizing yet that He was my enemy.

>>8664153
hhhhhhhhhhhhhh......
I want more.....

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>>8665375

I know this is actually just a meme thread but I figure I might as well post it here.
What do you guys think of this opening line "I had started that year a failure"

>>8661444

SOLVING THE FOLLOWING riddle will reveal the awful secret behind the universe, assuming you do not go utterly mad in the attempt.

>>8664515
> a two-thousand year old Axox, which are a species of reptilian-like humanoid people, living in the jungle of Elmox

god fantasy writers are so terrible. say what you will about Dune but though Herbert's prose is middling to bad, he completely avoids hideous exposition loredumps like this.

i'm not even responding to the rest of that weird sex fetish shit.

>>8666881
sounds like shit out of Diary of a Wimpy Kid or something

>>8666881
Cut had. idgaf if it's more grammatically correct, it makes u sound like a fucking nerd.

>>8666881
"I started that year a failure. I ended it a failure. It was a year like any other, yet one which contained a much more aesthetically complex style of failure which I then felt the need to communicate to the masses in this book that nobody will read."

That's where I'd take it 2bh.

>>8666929
I'll put this in the acknowledgements

>>8661444
Okay, but I can imagine CRASH we decided to adopt a golden retriever. Especially a young dog adopted by parents of a laybout adult offspring who likes to sleep in. There could very well be a lot of crashing to wake up to.

"So there I am, gettin' sucked off by Toothless Sam when some motherfucker blows his load straight up my asshole!"

Dawn broke, as it tends to do.

>>8661444
>Waking up to a huge CRASH always means something big is happening. It's never CRASH - bane destroyed your plane or CRASH - we decided to adopt a loyal hired gun.

>>8661444
Aujourd'hui maman a chuté dans les escaliers et est morte sur le coup -crash.

"Jessica. Jessica. Wake up. It's me. Jessica."
A dark cloud obscured the bright sun. A swarm of Kolibri-4 drones crossed the sky beneath it. They were on there way to Paris-2, bringing a present called devastation. "Jessica. Jessica!" Beneath the swarm Roddy the body cowered over a dead girl. The dead girl was his daughter.

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>>8664811

>>8664445
Chills. All over.

>There are two types of people in this world; people with guns and people without. I had a gun.

>The record scratched and the frame froze.
>"Yup, that's me," the narrator said, breaking the fourth wall. "You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation..."
>The question was rhetorical but the audience member couldn't help feel as if they were being pulled toward the screen. As if they were being pulled into the tale itself. Another dimension, maybe? A dimension in a different time and a different space where everything the audience member was about to witness were true. All of it.

Until a few years ago, Peter Kovach thought that he was among the coolest male specimens available on the market. Although, not a mature David Bowie or similar sort type of cool. Oh no, it was a basic case of as cool as an ordinary sucker can get...

>>8663376
would be a cool intro to judge dredd or something

>>8664916
fucking kek

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>>8664688

lohy...i ntwa remo

>>8663376
LMAO

>>8664470
>Memorizing the reddit post

Only one light remained ; two if you counted /lit/

>>8665352
Nice

>>8664447
some r/writing opening line post

>>8664758
great movie

>>8661444
Ilsebill added more salt.

>>8664916
actually laughed out loud, well done

There is an air of cosmic terror surrounding the Blackwood house.

>>8670753
I remember reading that when it happened, has it become a meme now?

>>8661444
>>8662327

found it
https://www.reddit.com/r/writing/comments/50zgb0/post_your_opening_sentence/

>>8667024
It's all very muddled since later there is apparently a golden retriever:
>My self-pity party was interrupted by a low growling behind me. No, it wasn’t that new Golden Retriever I talked about. When I turned around, I saw what looked like the result of crossbreeding an angry wolf with an even angrier lion. It was pitch black except for its blood-red eyes, boring into me so vehemently you’d think I had just said something rude about its mother.

I'm just generally confused by this whole bit here.

>>8664811
top fucking kek

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>>8671348
What the fuck these replies are peak reddit.
pic related.

>>8664811
this would legitimately be a good opening line

>It seems, once again, I've gone and shat in my pantaloons.

>>8671348
jesus christ I've never been on r/writing before but it seems it's all true, it's even worse than /lit/

>>8671348
>holy... i want more

i just laughed so fucking hard jesus christ

After my hands were amputated following a welding accident, I had two of my ribs removed so I could perform self-fellatio.

Since the dawn of time, he stretched his legs with no discernable talent.

"Hitler was right!" he shouted at the hook nosed, swindling kike rubbing his money grubbing hands together outside the gates of Dachau.

It was the afternoon of my eighty-first birthday, and I was in bed with my catamite when Ali announced that the archbishop had come to see me.

Stately, plump pancake came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather, on which a golden retriever and katana lay crossed.

I am seated in an office, surrounded by heads and bodies. My posture is consciously congruent to the shape of my hard chair. This is a cold room in University Administration, wood-walled, Remington-hung, double-windowed against the November heat, insulated from Administrative sounds by the reception area outside, at which Uncle Charles, Mr. deLint and I were lately received.

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>>8664811

>The building was on fire, and it wasn't my fault.

A memeing came across the sky.

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>>8661444
Als Gregor Samsa eines Morgens aus unruhigen Träumen erwachte, fand er sich in seinem Bett zu einem ungeheueren Ungeziefer verwandelt.

>>8671348
Whenever I imagine someone posting on reddit while thinking "oh boy, this post will be the SHIT. everyone will like it. I will get so many points that I will probably going to the top of the page, and people will all see me and admire me and perhaps this could be the defining moment between being a nobody to being a star. They could even let me in the golden reddit club when all the cool posters talk about important business. Oh boy, oh boy, I'm so excited. This is so funny, it cannot fail" and I get a little sad.

>>8673953
>I get a little sad
FTFM.

>>8666172
Reported to Secret Service

>>8672698
surely you jest

>>8661444

>corr that lolita burd, flamin' hell

>>8664471
Made me chuckle

>>8666172
>The day after the meme

>>8661444
>so I was there, naked in the middle of nowhere, jerking off to the half-dead body of my grandma. Truly an spectacle to be witnessed. Too little I knew about the consequences that would bring me in the future, but oh boy, I didn't care neither I regret it at all

>weidmann appeared before you in a five o'clock edition, his head swathed in white bands, a nun and yet a wounded pilot fallen into the rye one september day like the day when the world came to know the name of our lady of the flowers

>>8674056
Dude Weid Lmao

>>8664470
That's dedication mannn

At around 4am, my sleep was interrupted by the sound of Simeon yodelling, which he later attributed to him "dicking down a bitch in the basement".

>>8663756
this

>>8667195
keque

>Malachi, light of my life, fire of my loins. My luck, my lack. Ma-La-Chi: The meeting of lips then the tongue that slips between but for the trapping of teeth, taken back and caged against the roof of the mouth. Ma. La. Chi. He was Buck, plain Buck in the morning, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. He was Mulligan in his yellow dressing-gown. He was Bucky at school. He was Buckle in the boat-house. But in my arms he was always Malachi. Did he have a precursor? He did, indeed he did. In point of fact, there might have been no Malachi at all had I not loved, one summer, an initial Irishman. In a princedom by the snotgreen sea. Oh when? About as many years before Malachi was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a fart-fetishist for a fancy prose style.

>>8675005
>a real human spent time typing this

>>8664811
wouldn't it make sense to say a number smaller than 8? like 7? because one of the enemies could be small and easily missed but overcounting seems implausible

>>8675116
Shut the fuck up you cunt

>>8675005
beautiful

>>8665352
I read this one and I imagined some edgy katana-sheather trying to write in his "war diary" and he keeps getting interrupted by his irrepressibly bubbly sidekick, the golden retreiver, and I started chuckling and thinking "Y'know, that would make a half decent John Green novel". Then I realized my brain was now just a bunch of punchcards with memes on them so I came back here to warn you guys to get out before its too late.

im a big gay bitc

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>>8676595
Thanks for the warning anon. Have another punchcard

>>8663388
AND ALL THE CLOUDS THAT HAVE LOUR'D UPON OUR HOUSE IN THE DEEP BOSOM OF THE OCEAN BURIED

fkn goat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfaVYn1v4jM&list=PLSY02tIWGjTaUQucu9CeH4dAi4qB5RKT4&index=4

"Look at all these sheeple," I grumble to myself in my own head.

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>>8673953
To make reddit fun, just remove one word so it looks like this
>oh boy, this post will be SHIT. everyone will like it. I will get so many points that I will probably going to the top of the page, and people will all see me
And omit the rest. Then laugh at the absurdity of the place. This is how I cope as someone who has browsed reddit for over 7 years

>>8662311
I really need to re-read Crumley. I remember finding the earlier books amazing, but I was disappointed with the later ones, especially The Right Madness.

>>8677126
What do you think of r/Literature and r/AskLiteraryStudies?

When I was 13 I had a sister for 6 months.
She arrived one February morning, pale and shellshocked,
from past lives I could not imagine.
She was 3 years older than me,
but in no time we became friends.
We’d listen to her mix tapes;
Dead Can Dance, Felt, This Mortal Coil…
She introduced me to her favourite books,
gave me clothes, and my first cigarette.
Sometimes we would head down to Blackbirds moor
to watch the barges on Grand Union in the twilight.
She said “The water has no memory.”
For a few months everything about our lives was perfect.
It was only us, we were inseparable.
But gradually, she passed into another distant part of my memory,
until I could no longer remember her face, her voice, even her name.

>>8661444
>My purpose is to live and to die, but that could very well be a lie as my heart prefers to be eternal. For that reason my purpose is to seek a reason for existence so that I may add value acknowledged by myself.

October is the nicest month

>>8672756
Butcher please go.

>>8661444
>>8671348
from later on in the book:

My self-pity party was interrupted by a low growling behind me. No, it wasn’t that new Golden Retriever I talked about. When I turned around, I saw what looked like the result of crossbreeding an angry wolf with an even angrier lion. It was pitch black except for its blood-red eyes, boring into me so vehemently you’d think I had just said something rude about its mother.

>>8661456
underrated

>>8679069
What the fuck does this even mean

>>8681594
Nothing