God-tier opening lines

>My father's family name being Pirrip, and my Christian name Philip, my infant tongue could make of both names nothing longer or more explicit than Pip.

>>8659414
>he farted like no motherfucker has farted in the entire continent

>>8659414
i shat myself in public today

>>8659414

>Hi, my name is Moby Dick.

>The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to the Disney Channel.

>>8659435
>the whale died today, or maybe yesterday

>>8659442

I found this post very amusing.

>Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

>I am Ishmael

>It was bright and cold, and the bing-bongs of clocks were everywhere.

>>8659414

>*Record scratches, freeze-frame*. So, you might be wondering... Ishmael, how'd you land up squeezing the sperm with this crazy crew? Well, lemme let you in on a little secret, -- We all gotta squeeze ourselves universally into the milk and sperm of kidness sometime, kid. And this is how it happened...

>>8659414
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

>>8659414
"I want to poo poo on your pee pee pretty please" said detective Reginald J. Snork-Lichschter to his associate Ray Harold Poppycock, and so the story begins

>Why are we still here? Just to suffer? Every night, I can feel my leg... and my arm... even my fingers. The body I've lost... the comrades I've lost... won't stop hurting... It's like they're all still there. You feel it, too, don't you? I'm gonna make them give back our past.

>From a little after two o'clock until almost sundown of the long still hot weary dead September afternoon they sat in what Miss Coldfield still called the office because her father had called it that — a dim hot airless room with the blinds all closed and fastened for forty-three summers because when she was a girl someone had believed that light and moving air carried heat and that dark was always cooler, and which (as the sun shone fuller and fuller on that side of the house) became latticed with yellow slashes full of dust motes which Quentin thought of as being flecks of the dead old dried paint itself blown inward from the scaling blinds as wind might have blown them.

>>8659467
I am seated in an office, surrounded by heads and bodies and massive cauldrons of boiling whale blubber

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>>8660292
A whale comes across the sky.

>Y'all ready for this?

>There was only one enemy left in my way. Two if you counted God.

>Mamman died today

>>8660363

I kind of like that desu.

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>>8660363
Whale, light of my life, fire of my loins.

>Madman lay on the floor today. Or yesterday maybe, I don't know.

>Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita. Did she have a precursor? She did, indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no Lolita at all had I not loved, one summer, an initial girl-child. In a princedom by the sea. Oh when? About as many years before Lolita was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns.

>In Poland’s deepest autumn, a tall young man in an expensive overcoat, double-breasted
dinner jacket beneath it and—in the lapel of the dinner jacket—a large ornamental goldon-black-enamel
Hakenkreuz (swastika) emerged from a fashionable apartment building
in Straszewskiego Street, on the edge of the ancient center of Cracow, and saw his
chauffeur waiting with fuming breath by the open door of an enormous and, even in this
blackened world, lustrous Adler limousine.

>>8659870
>>8660292
>>8660363
>>8659467
>>8660529
>>8660693
ITT: stale as fuck memes

>>8660704
ITT: whale as fuck memes

> I consider it my good fortune that Fate designated Braunau on the Inn as the place of my birth. For this small town is situated on the border between those two German States, the reunion of which seems, at least to us of the younger generation, a task to be furthered with every means our lives long.

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>>8659429

>Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover whales.

April is the cruelest month.

>>8660699 lolita one is great

Here is Joyce
>Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo

>In the beginning was the logos, and the logos was in relation to god, and the logos was god. This logos was in the beginning in relation to god.

*CRASH*

>>8660699
Is the rest of the book as good as this opening paragraph? It's the best I've ever read.

only one whale remained. Two if you counted Ishmael

>>8660812
None of it quite reaches up to the whole "Lo in one sock, Lola in slacks, Dolly in school, Dolores" etc

But nah it's regarded as being the best precisely because it's literally just beautiful prose and almost nothing else

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>All men are born condemned, so the wise say. All suckle the breast of Death

>>8660779
This unironically

>>8660846
>tfw my dad died in april (not this year)
its at least pretty bitchy

>>8660732
Opening line of my dairy desu

>>8659414
>Vine a comala porque me dijeron que acá vivía mi padre, un tal Pedro Páramo...

>I came to comala because I had been told that my father, a man named Pedro Páramo, lived there...