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I feel like my life is falling apart. Everything is an illusion, my mind and body react to give impressions. I have no real drive. I have no desire to get to where others think I'm going. I like the emotions of social interactions, romantic connections, the feeling of working out, feeling alive, but these emotions are momentary, they do not motivate me enough. It might just be my structure, my predetermined genetic physiology, which somehow finds a way to not do anything. I want to stay home and die, be passive, read, but action, the thing that can bring happiness and fulfillment, is devoid of emotional fuel. It as if I've been already burned and I'm simply a dying ember who gets a whiff of wind once in a while. I can't wait for death. I can't wait for me doing nothing, yet nothing increases the feelings of despair. Life is a struggle, fighting through it brings rewards from character formation to an innate sense of well-being. Yet, even after experiencing it all, it still leaves me void. I may never get over it, I will passively keep going, maybe get a job, get my degree, engage and party, get married, and one day I will shake your hand. But only if you look past my eyes, smile and energetic personality, you will see my being wanting nothing but to end my existence.
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>>8652040
Just start with the greeks for crying out loud. And youre crying about the parts of life that aren't even sad.
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>>8652040
I know those feelings.
There's always a way. Even if you'd prefer there not to be one. You'll find it, anon.
Reading helped me. People who were, if not as miserable, at least able to articulate things in a way that I thought wasn't full of shit in a way that 99% of life sometimes is.
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>>8652040
I can relate to these feelings quite well. You put it nicely when you describe yourself as an ember catching an occasional draft...
I've been through the motions myself. I thought certain things would improve my self esteem. Nothing has made me happy. I get little enjoyment from things... And I'm always left in that void you speak of, looking for the next thing that promises to improve my life. it's hard to do anything when your not being neurologically rewarded to do so. That's depression. ADHD can be similar that way.
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There's nothing wrong with doing nothing, you little shit. Kill yourself, normie
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>>8652040
I know that feel. Sounds like you might have depression. See how you score on this screening test.
http://www.mdcalc.com/phq-9-patient-health-questionnaire-9/
>inb4: i wonder who could be behind this post...
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>>8653490
who?
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>>8653514
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>>8652040
Iktf.
I'm a 21st century welfare Oblomov now.
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>>8653490
I scored 19
I have been trying to quit taking my meds. Adderall is pretty sweet for depression and ADHD too. But my resting heart rate is 15 beats higher when I take it. I go from mid 50s to 65-75
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>>8652040
Read I Am a Strange Loop and some Alan Watts and snap out of it bruv.
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>>8654625
witch watts?
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>ven after experiencing it all, it still leaves me void. I may never get over it, I will passively keep going, maybe get a job, get my degree, engage and party, get married, and one day I will shake your hand. But only if you look past my eyes,
I see a diagonal line when I look slightly away from your three "get"
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There's a reason most good writers Aren't young
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>>8654690
The Book is good.
Also his main gig was speeches and radio stuff so he's worth giving a YouTube search.
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>>8652040
Read Ligotti.
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