Write what's on your mind

How good is my poetry?

>>8634067
Found out my younger brother watches anime. Debating whether I should beat him up

is Georges Bataille really weird? or am i?

Wanna keep shitposting on /lit/, but have to go to PTA meeting.

the fact that humanity will never be omniscient causes me great distress

jacked off to porn earlier today and still feel ashamed about it

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>>8634067

I have to shit. Going to fap soon. I like this song I am listening too. The peanuts make my mouth salty as shit. Half coffee half black tea is not that bad. I need to start making moves for my life but I am addicted to browsing the internet. I have no direction in life and I am not sure if I ever will. I am sick of my drunk parents who like to party all the time and keep me up. Thomas Pynchon is really good but I am not used too his style and I feel like an idiot for having to read slow, not exactly sure where V. is going 80 pages in, it seems really aimless which maybe I can kind of relate too. I feel unfortunate in a vague way but I should know better. I feel really stupid compared to a lot of people on /lit/ and I probably won't ever be as smart, but I feel very happy that I am not intellectually elitist enough to narrow my selection of books I am interested in. I am in a constant moral struggle between focusing purely on my own self or if I should worry about giving to society instead, I feel extremely guilty all the time and I can't help it.

The globalists really are on the retreat. We are winning, finally. With Trump we've got a shot to MAGA, just like 1776 again. I wish more people would wake up though. Still, I cant wait.

>no friends
>no job
>havent been keeping up with my studies because i dont want to succeed in life
>no libido
>no passions
>no drive or willpower
>feel no shame about this
>feel no anger
>feel no sadness
>i dont feel anything
>feel neither good or bad about it

feels ok desu

banned again

I don't even know the difference between pseudointellectuality and intellectuality anymore, it all just sounds like memes.

Can't wait until globalized apitalism finally falls after I'm long gone.

>>8634127
I lost that shamefulness when I realized I'm lightspeed ugly and the only girls that would fuck me are prostitutes.

>>8634166
This, desu.

Eu queria escrever sobre uma cena que está na minha cabeça mas estou muito cansado para isso.

I reactivated my Facebook to just check it out for a bit. I haven't talked to those people in years. Made me realize how socially out of touch I am.

time to drink another one

>>8634195
actually changed my mind

i want to kill myself

CLOSE TO THE EDGE
DOWN BY A RIVEEEEEEEEEEEERR
it doesnt fucking leave my mind

I feel like a hypocrite but I will probably live. But then again, god never gave me a command, I just made an inference. There's no reason to think it was sound. Still, I think it would have been a neat way to kill myself, and possibly left something of a legacy behind, albeit a very dubious one. I guess I will leave it in god's hands whether I follow through or not. I'm expecting the fire to hurt a lot, and I'm worried the black powder bomb won't go off. I'm very lonely, but my sense of meaning is largely derived from being alone. What a ridiculous paradox.

Wondering why she acts totally disinterested when texting me but seems to flirt in person all the time, and wondering whether I should still ask her out. Maybe she's just being friendly about rejecting me and further advances would annoy or bother her.

I really can't stand socialization.

>>8634067
I am a talentless hack. I'm too depressed to motivate myself to shave or shower, let alone read or improve myself. I feel guilty for thinking this self-indulgently, which only serves to worsen my plight. I think about killing myself every day, but I never follow through in the imagined hope of a black swan whisking me to a better life. I have nobody to talk to about this. Save for visits to the store for cigarettes and canned foods, I live in perfect isolation. Jail would afford me both a better quality and more interesting life. Were it not for the prison rape I would consider petty crime for the opportunity.
The highlight of my month has been a shitpost on /sci/ that was taken seriously. I'm a selfish degenerate who externalizes responsibility for my own faults. I have a nasty tendency of looking down on those who show me pity. I am unlovable.

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J.D Salinger is maybe my favorite writer, maybe.

I'll never publish a book by becoming more likely to stop the closer i get to completing as my life marches steadily to decline to death. I see a spider on the wall in my field of vision, but when i look it's gone and i realize that these things have been happening more frequently as of late. I don't wonder what it means because i constantly distract myself with trivialities to avoid the truth of who i am.

>>8634137
Same

>>8634644
Some people are just more comfortable communicating irl.

I will never fit in

but it feels good for right now.

I adore someone who probably thinks I hate them because I do everything I can to make it not seem obvious that I do.

I feel like postmodernism is everyone feeling really good for figuring out we can't really know anything for sure, but that's only my first impression

>>8634859
The poster above you is postmodernism.

On my mind currently is the hope that I can figure out how to rewire my thinking from 'shoulds' to 'wants' because I am coming to the realization that I never do anything I want.

what's on your mind

>>8634663
and yet so cognizant, now that you got your psych figured out what's the next step?

I feel annoyed at the suggestion that the Catholic Church's restrictions on behavior are somehow too much to ask of people. They all proceed logically from what's revealed in the Gospels. If you believe that the Church is a semi-divine institution, infused with the Holy Spirit, why wouldn't you follow its teachings? The bitching of lapsed Catholics sounds to me like the whinings of closet atheists.

>>8634963
Where do I go to learn more about postmodernism? How strongly is society influenced by postmodernism? Also, the trick is to make what you want to do what you should do. You need to want virtue more than pleasure, but pleasure is tempting

>>8634975
I will run away from myself. Change name, move countries -- again. Starting afresh is the only thing that gives me hope. There's fertile ground for me to land somewhere.
Thanks for asking

>>8634996
I'm already there, I'm a prisoner of my own moral code. It's miserable. There is no worse feeling than realizing that you invested so much research, thought and honest intentions into just becoming a drone. I've automated my moral and disciplinary processes to the point where it operates outside my conscious thought and my seat of consciousness is trying to do new things and meeting resistance of habit. I'm not a hedonist, I just don't have any complicated wants. Other than being rich and free I have basically no wants at all. My belief has always been that experience allows you to bend and modify the rules, so I'm at the point where I am proficient enough with my current moral code to take more risks.

Postmodernism is still breathing, so I guess study it in the wild. Look at macro social and cultural trends of art. Look at how people describe themselves as a part of culture. Try to figure out what was most significant about the current world and how it will impact our artists and what tools they will use to express this.

My opinion on it all is that we experience a tower of babel every couple months and linguistically things break apart like a school of fish and then recombine in a slightly different pattern. Things look stagnant because you're in the school of fish, but overall things are structurally very different. Postmodernism is the artifically driven illusion of simultaneous progress and sameness. We will probably have better words for it. Ignoring structure and movement and content completely, the thing we will extract the most value out of will be the literary theory. The new thing.

What is the point of life...
I know its really fucking cliche, but what is the purpose?
Do i become a wage slave? Waste my entire healthy life so i can enjoy my last 15 years?
Become a hermit? What would be the point?
The retarded notion of "you have to find your purpose in life", what if i have no purpose, what if i don't want my purpose in life is to find my purpose?
And if i just kill myself now... What's the point of that, was my fate just to live a quarter of life, then kill myself?
Perhaps i would have an easier life if i just ignored these thoughts, but then what's the point of running from the truth?

I went 71 days without masturbating, until yesterday. Tomorrow I will start a new streak.

I want the world or death.

kind of shame to buy that book on amazon but i want to read its full variant instead of the magazine version which i have and nobody pirated it yet...

I should raise the stakes.

I'm finally at the point in my life where I read the posts on this board—on any board—and have nothing but sympathy.

>>8635144
I fucking read this and I laugh at you. In my mind you are pathetic and small; an undignified write-off of a human being.

I haven't done the same in a decade, a marriage and a de facto.

>>8634067
bummed about recent feedback on my first thing. writing a second thing. am already 27. wonder if i should just an hero and go to business school or some shit.

>>8635159

Fuck you must be unhappy.

>>8635147

Realistically you'll probably never have what you imply with the first and don't have the selfishness to accomplish the second on your own, so I'll just give you the best advice I can think of for you: lower your expectations and be okay with the idea that mediocrity simply might be the best you can do.

>>8635126

To give and to get. Try new things and be happy. Have fun. Stop ruminating in circles and start doing, going, being and knowing. Lose regrets, grasp what's in front of you.

But really, any questions regarding the 'meaning of life' or 'purpose' or what have you are pretty, ironically, meaningless. It's a psychomasturbatory question for losers. Go make your saving grace, or die like a bitch.

>>8634968

You know you can try harder.

>>8634841

Don't conform to society, make society conform to you.

>>8634663

Hey man (or woman), don't be so scathingly self-recursively self-pityingly succulently self-indicting in extremis; it's silly, boring, overplayed, annoyingly dichotomous, and generally unbecoming.

>>8634117

Omniscience is an absolute ideal which by definition can never be attained by definitively limited beings such as humans, so stop being an idealist and start being a realist.

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>>8634067
I've chosen the wrong career, and while I make much more money than I need working remotely on my own hours, I'm wholly unfulfilled.

I did badly enough in college that grad school is a stretch. I don't know how to move forward, and I'm filled with despair.

what do

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That phrase "Ain't no rest for the wicked" is stuck in my head. I like relentlessly researching any topic I become interested in and it's amazing how easy horrible things are to do. Infiltrating computers, making explosives, identity theft and a myriad of other things are doable with no experience, little time and a low budget. It's amazing terrorists or other radicals haven't destroyed us yet.

When you know all of this is so easy to do, it's hard not to go through with it and slapping whatever cause you want on it. Whether you want to take credit for yourself or false flag a group you have something against, it doesn't matter. How easy it is to do is starting to keep me up at night.

Weirdly fitting that I heard six gunshots followed by the sound of a speeding car as I type this. I really like this city, it's too bad it's going to shit.

>>8635208
Stop whining, save your money and retire early.

And get a hobby or something.

>>8634067
I was going to complain about my life, but hearing >>8635208 complain about his much better life makes it feel like there's just no point.

stop thinking you have to think so much. the concept of thought slavery is a pretty simple one, it's basically when someone older tells you "you think too much" and when i was younger i thought fuck you i'm cool and i'm gonna do what i want.

then now that i'm at a pretty low spot and i went through this really weird phase of exploring meditation and all that other weird shit that i'm trying to undo the damage of, i realize that yea i am a slave to both my positive and negative thoughts if i just stopped thinking emotionally or exploring things that aren't worth thinking about i could actually think about shit i care about, do shit and enjoy life more.

>>8635330
actually fuck that older guy. i was probably thinking about something i cared about. fuck the entire positivity self-talk movement though.

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DUDE WEED LMAO

Recreating various lost outside crisis situations or not results in invisibility and speed,alters you and reality,personally affecting reality,your mind returning to the past,time travel,accidents.Mind control and connected minds communicating,senses thoughts,turning people into traitorous sex fiends by getting them to look at and/or sniff something,preparing you for what´s happening now and after(animalism).Surrounded by the future,the past and nightlights,barking dogs,cuts,abductions,popped people,suffocations,hungrily pulling and grabbing your sleeping genitals,draining energy,clones,people leaving this planet,what year are you from?.Being pulled towards the future or the past along with your iron coins and other materials your in contact with or surrounded by,people travelling back in time getting attacked,having accidents or sending messages.Nature´s etc,examples.Concluding the experiment and cleaning the cage.Being woken up over and over again and waking up in this place,picking,poking,prodding people at the top with medical instruments,reviving regular people and bringing them out to court,maybe they´ll reach through the screen and your reality show from this planet and their accusations about your past lives,your suspicious,stuck in this nest.

>>8635367
tl;dr
>>8635359

>>8634080
It's probably faggot tier.

>>8634117
Why? The more you know, the more miserable you get. Remember Adam and Eve?

>>8634084
Please beat the weaboo out of him.

>>8634197
Stop posting /b/ tier threads.

I want to fuck a nigger.

I am probably jumping to conclusions but I think the girl I love (because I am a retard) is dating someone else.

In my life nothing is really going right and I am constantly juggling feeling content to okay and then wanting to just shoot myself in the face. I was feeling okay for the past four days but then suicidal thoughts just hit me again. I don't have insurance or enough money to see a therapist or anything like that. I can barely talk to the people I know.

I am at a loss on what to do, and things keep staying the same which I reckon isn't too bad but when it's already bad I just feel like junk. I'm also trying not to swear as much, which is surprisingly harder than I thought.

I can't wait to finish my current short story. This isn't a new feeling, but typically I'll get bored by whatever I'm writing or feel like I'm forcing myself to write. This time I'm eagerly anticipating the outcome.

Yesterday I went to a trip with a few colleagues from uni and twelve people from the class below. I don't know whether I was pretending to be something I am not, or if I really am what I was yesterday. I don't know who I am, fewer people are getting my jokes, and I think I need to socialize more.

Why am I so angry for no reason? Oh, that's right, because nothing ever fucking works and I'm a fucking idiot cunt that should be put to death like the filthy dog that I am.

>>8635425
Stop watching interracial porn, you cuckold.

man fuck tim cook

>>8634127
stop jacking it to porn it will change your life

I think I just seen the most disgusting thing on all those years of browsing 4chan.

>>8635849
was it that brown cum?

>>8635851
Yes, I really hope it's not true.

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>>8635394
>Stop posting /b/ tier threads.

The hot pockets on spee went on a powertrip cuz I asked anons about their dick size lmao

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Is there a way you could have a system of ethics that is based on happiness, love, and self-fulfillment? Or do aspects of one cancel out aspects of another?

>>8636041
Every ethical system inevitably contradicts itself at some point.

>>8634084
Beat him unless its death note/jojo/berserk

Im going to blaze you , motherfucker, for you make me feel the feeling i can aways count on.

>>8634067
I desperately want Trump to win. He's the beacon of democracy. If he loses, I run away to the middle of nowhere and live like a heretic writing political dystopian books

What the fuck is wrong with people

>>8636239
Oh no you don't. Hillary needs young men to fight in the bank's wars. You're going to Russia.

>>8636062
How? This sounds really interesting, I'd like to hear an elaboration

>>8636382
Start with the Greeks

>>8636239
>dat cognitive dissonance

>>8637154
You have mental problems. You should go see a doctor immediately.

>>8634195
LOW TEST BETA MALE

>>8637191
>t.

dropped this anon

>>8635208
Save & invest. Be allergic to debt. And stuff. Live simply. In time you will have enough saved so that you no longer have to do anything you don't want to do. For now, use your time to get money. Later, use your money to buy time.

>>8635287
Making explosives is easy; planting explosives somewhere that you know will be highly populated whenever your explosives go off, but not populated when you plant them so you aren't made an obvious criminal, is why this doesn't happen that often.

Stop being delusional, because 'make explosives' doesn't even remotely mean 'make powerful explosives that will behave exactly how I want'.

Like, I can blow glass. That doesn't mean I can make an ornate vase even Croesus would feel is just 'too much' for his wealth.

>>8634067
Should I buy Battlefield 1? I'm leaning towards no.

I've never, in more than 3 years of browsing this board, created a thread.

This Terry Pratchett book is "Ingenious, Brilliant" BS... Laughable, yet laugh less. Painful in disjointed description, lacking a singular train of thought, and possessing a minimal variety of sentence structure. "But mah creative Landsape!!!". A disk. Atop 4 elephants. Resting on top a turtle... Childish only begins to describe how inept at creating novel scenarios Pratchett is. Truly this is fantasy book for children packaged as a foe novel.

Please don't get me started on the dialogue (or lack there of), or the use of fake words in an attempt at world building. Pratchett admits it himself that other authors have a better "mechanical" ability in world building. This fact biased me from the start.

Please tell me what it is his novels do well. I am curious and yearning to find a silver lining in this molten slag.

I'm known as "the smart one" amongst this group of guys I associate with in my area. At a bonfire recently, one said, prompted by my presence I assume, "I watch the news every day" as if it were an intellectual achievement.

>>8637685
Which only reinforces him as a sheep.

>>8637154
college is rough buddy

When a white man delegates his job to a female chink, i get fucked in the proccess.

>>8634067
A thread like this? Pretty chill, but not much to write.

Nothing can be on my mind, or your mind, because the mind is intangible.

>>8638195
What's mind?

graduating college terrifies me

>>8637227
You know how popular rotary drones are right? Shrapnel based pipe bombs or type 2 thermite firebombs are very simple. Make one or two, stick it to a $50 drone, and fly it into a crowd or installation from a distance. Some even let you control them with a phone app. You're just some asshole sitting outside at a Starbucks, and not a bomber.

My gums hurt. There's saliva everywhere and I can't go longer than a few minutes without having to get up and spit. I can't open my mouth and my cheeks feel like they're being pressed on. I want to work out again and I'm upset at how long my recovery will take. I don't know if I want to socialize with others or not. I have no friends, and in spite of being unable to see the appeal in having any, I can't help but feel incredibily lonely. Am I lonely? Or am I alone? Is there a difference between the two?

I don't believe in abortion even in cases of rape or incest. I may not even believe in it where health of the mother is concerned.

>>8637226
might do this desu, thanks boo.

>>8638225
it should, mate. 95% of adulthoods are a dreary amalgam of monotony, decay and the quiet death of dreams.

>>8638492
what makes human life so sacred? do you extend the same concern to animals whose awareness and capacity for suffering demonstrably exceeds that of a fetus?

You two-faced cancer of a woman. One of these days, (sooner rather than later, I think) you're going to realize that you'll die alone. When you cry and curse and gnash and wail and wonder why everyone you love left your side. I hope you remember this moment.

>>8634067
Why the fuck am I such a last minute idiot? I had all weekend to write my papers and complete my assignments but, just like everything else I do, I leave it til the absolute last minute and am now resorting to an all nighter to write this paper. Am I an idiot? Why do I do this to myself?

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I can't fucking stand anyone in my life. My birthday was Monday and I ignored every call, every text, I just want to hit reset on life and just find where I'm happy. I can't do anything about it now but once I can, I'll be off. At least I have my two friends whom I can feel comfortable around. They're the only reason I've not killed myself

i am in love with someone and i have her but i dont know if she actually wants to be with me
i wouldnt want to be with me
i look at her photos from a few years ago and she was healthier looking
when i say healthier looking i mean she has lost about 10 kilos in the last couple of years
i like the way she looks now
i realised how much i really like skinny girls
despite me being overweight
weird

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I'm just trying to fuck her, desu. It'll mean I'll have to take her out to lunch. But afterward, once I fuck her, I'll never talk to her again.

>>8638549
rude

>>8638549
sounds like a lot of unnecessary work for a little assisted wank.

>>8638545
have you asked her if it's the case?

>>8634843
are you a girl or something. fag

>>8634230
PRICE
CALCULATION
PROBLEM

I want the guy who';s running this simulation to reset the last 10 years because I fuckedup

>>8638451
Go see a dentist before it's a crisis cuz that would suck even more. And get a waterpik

>>8639217
What are you doing exactly

>>8638560
nope

Time was I could sit in a park with some overweight sixteen year old girls and one passable one drinking liqour and sharing one cigarette between three people at a time, and somehow I had hope and I was happy because I was very young and life was about to get good. Then it didn't. Then I told myself that it was for a reason and something might come of it, then eventually I came to terms with the reality that no there isn't and no it won't, and now I feel pretty clever and sensible but also completely utterly hopeless and miserable for the first extended period of my life and I can't imagine ever being happy with anything at all.

No matter where I go from here I know where I've been.

Writing is for fags.

>>8634195

>no job
>sleeps in a house

How do people do this?

suicide

I ran out of shaving cream and the the 2 grocery stores near my house are out of stock, so I look like a mugshot of a homeless man.

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>>8634624
Yes are such a fucking top band. Relayer is my personal favourite album. I've never read much into it but Gates of Delirium was supposedly inspired by War and Peace.

Today I procrastinated. I pretend everything is okay, but in reality venting my frustration into a laptop has already accomplished more to fuel my ego than writing an essay on literature, something I supposedly deeply enjoy. I dream of a day when I will be able to leave technology behind, and read instead, but I fear I may go mad, let alone bankrupt. I think this may be why I am drawn to vinyl LPs. To hear the scratch of the needle as it hits the plate, and to know nothing digital is entering my ears is lovely, but even this statement contains falsehoods. Am I a lost cause? Probably.

I'm listening to Madvillainy by Madvillain for the first time right now. I don't get it, I think. Sounds just like brain drippings and shit people who like to sit around in alleyways squatted down on their toes smoking god-knows-what would listen to. There's some neat moments thus far sure, but as far as what I was expecting, this is more disappointing than I thought it would be. I wonder when my brother's gonna get home, he's probably at play rehearsal. He'll probably be pissed off at Nintendo for the Switch deal that's going on, whatever, I'll just get the new Zelda on Wii U instead. Why has everything gone os, so far away?

James Brown really was the boss.

>>8639158
You obviously haven't read Notes From Underground. He needs to embrace his pains

I find myself in a difficult situation when I am ready to help and want, so desperately, to help, but help isn't wanted.

>>8637235
No, you shouldn't.

>>8640191
>I'm listening to Madvillainy by Madvillain for the first time right now. I don't get it
Stop. Breathe for a moment. Now really, carefully listen to one of the more stripped back tracks like Meat Grinder, or perhaps Figaro.

Notice the word play. Notice how it really lives up to that aim of poetry to turn recitation of words into an aesthetic experience. Certain phrases will hit you semantically and will conjure up an entertaining or amusing mental images. Other phrases or rhymes will simply hit you with an astounding auditory feeling. The selection and arrangement of the lyrics should evoke a variety of responses. Some like a well wrought metaphor, and others like a perfectly assembled examples of associative thought or stream-of-consciousness writing.

>>8639158
I'm recovering from a wisdom tooth extraction, Anon. I'll be A-OK.

>>8640305
audibly kek'd
thanks Anon

Why the fuck has it taken the postman an hour longer than normal to arrive? I have places to be damn it. I need that fucking letter.

>>8634644
Now she's responding very quickly and enthusiastically after ignoring a text for like two weeks.
Did she figure playing hard to get wouldn't work?
Women are retards aren't they?

>>8638510
Humans are created in the likeness and the image of God, and animals aren't.

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>>8634067
Kos, or some say Kosm, do you hear our prayers?


But in all seriousness, we really have come too far too fast. Our understanding and our technology has progressed far too quick. The day draws closer in which mankind, unadapted as it is, will collapse under the weight of its own achievements.

My holy guardian angel thinks self-immolation is a decision of questionable authenticity. Other entities say I suffer from hubris, that self-hatred is the opposite of humility in many ways, and that I need to accept myself and my place in life. So I guess the question is, is burning yourself to death compatible with accepting yourself and your place in the life?

>>8636035
You deserve your ban. Take your retardation to the red boards

>>8634067
nothing

>>8638539
Update: finished paper. It was pretty good

>>8640753
No

No one will ever make me happy but myself. And I'm a fucking scumbag who acquires educational degrees and positions in an attempt to gain happiness by displaying my worth via intellect.

>>8638531
Hella edgy. Unless you're talking abt ur mom, in that case just plain edgy

>>8640789
Sounds like you don't know how to make yourself happy, actually

>>8640605
Hate to break it to you, she's not retarded. She's just not interested. You're probably ugly and/or on the spectrum.

>>8640786

But everyone thinks I'm a dangerous monster that doesn't deserve to live. Yet they're too cowardly to own the implications of that and kill me.

>>8640813
Bro you talk to entities, you're probably just imagining that people are saying that shit about you

>>8640834

I got expelled from college for being mentally ill and potentially dangerous because I have blackouts and aren't always in control of myself. Then I got kicked out of where I was living for the same reason. I'm currently homeless. And there's a lot more to it, but it doesn't matter. The basic gist is that all I want in life is to be left alone, but people perceive my distance as threatening and construct threatening explanations for it. Either I am a monster, or I turn everyone else into monsters, which would still make me a monster.

>>8640811
She's going all out though.
Emojis, exclamation points, long messages and all.
Doesn't even take her 30 seconds to respond, even if I don't send her anything for 3 hours.
She also always greets me and says goodbye and all, which she doesn't do with her friends.

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these pretzels are making me THIRSTY

>>8634067
I'm thinking about the current state of global politics.

>>8640861
>admits he's mentally ill and potentially dangerous
that's why people perceive you as a threat not because you keep your distance

>>8640941

> admits
> taking the word of a mentally ill person

It's so hot in here that my ass-cheeks haven't been completely free of sweat for at least 4 days.

>>8640941

Well either way, I think it's hypocritical of them not to kill me, so I don't see how burning myself alive is inconsistent with accepting my place in the world.

A girl. She is extremely smart, attractive (to me), reads good books, watches good movies. Oh how I have fallen for her, fuck.

>>8640959
Accepting your place would be to wander the world like Cain; always an outcast but protected from harm by the mark of God

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I have no friends because I'm incredibly selfish and vein. photo is me.

>>8640963
and shit personality, innit

>tfw no qt lit gf

>>8640963
She'll cheat on you with someone more attractive anyway.

>>8641028
Actually no, she is a pretty cool human overall, quite graceful. She is someone I would just like to be around, regardless of attraction.

>>8641001
I see no veins.

>>8634067
Death's spear catches my right thigh, much like a vicious sea swallows its victim. I choke back pills and bite my tongue until they bleed any effect.
I wake again to follow the routine and break it only by crying under the harsh brightness of my Monitors.

-- I was walking home four days ago when a homeless man attacked me and stabbed me in my leg tearing a muscle so I can't walk properly. I'm just home alone now on a routine of meds and sleep.

>>8641065
get her before she realizes how beta you are m8

I've realized that I'm a socialist and am mildly annoyed that I have to keep that secret around most people and shelter that part of my life for fear of scorn. Going through life and seeing exploitation for what it is seems fatiguing. But I've read a ton on all sides and am thoroughly convinced. Bleh.

>>8635851
>>8635854

explain

>>8641188
You don't want to know.

>>8641138
She's actually the one who advanced on me, shit's great.

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I wouldn't mind if i died right now
not suicidal, I'm just content with what Ive done

I'm going to get an 80 ATAR

>>8634091
Georges Bataille is Nietzsche for grown-ups.

>>8635477
It's all chemicals. Wake up.

>>8637185
Not that kind of doctor.

>>8641001
You look like a fucboi

>>8641062
tru

>>8641001
How to stop being selfish and vain
1. Stop posting photos of yourself on the internet
2. Stop wearing v-necks

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>>8640749
Why did we ever leave the oceans?
To feel?

Evolution was a mistake.

>>8634067
A life regarded in hindsight seemed so far away
when you are in the moment

everything crumbels all the times
peices fall away and erode
everything is a crumb that you feed

grasping for words and connections
made by moonlight
what epic pointlessness
does it amount to
other than
the morning news cast
and the weather outside.
everything leads up to the morning news

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You know what I like about Anchorage? Despite having a disproportionately high rate of murder, rape and drug abuse, there's just something lovely about it.

It's 1:30 in the morning here and for the first time in a long time it's snowing. There's just something enchanting about the thick snow clouds reflecting the street lights and giving the sky a hellish shade.

In some cultures Hell is cold. The complete lack of sunlight, dark orange-brown sky, horribly low temperatures, and the faint sound of screaming in the distance makes this truly a unique place.

I'm finally in Hell.

I'm happy to be home.

>>8637185
So look at the mirror!!!

>>8641591
The fact that your feelings are chemicals doesn't stop you from feeling them

My chair is expensive and should be comfortable, yet it is not. I think I'm slowly losing touch with people who were once my closest friends. I feel like any attempt at reconnection would only come off as awkward and inconvenient- whether delivered casually or sincerely it wouldn't matter. I wonder whether or not this actually bothers me. Sad and clingy people keep repeating their spiels and stories and they bore me but I feel obliged to seem interested and guilty that deep inside I have no respect or care for them. An irony considering I really am not so different in the broken tediousness of my own attempts at communication. Am I to other people what they are to me? I think I want to own a van. I have strange fantasies about owning strings of warehouses across the country and living nomadically from one to the other. This is a good song. I'm making a 4chan post- this is a new low.

Instead of solving my Algebra Homework, I'm browsing 4chan. And I'm very happy, that I bought 10 Volumes of Prince Valiant for only $ 3!

If I ever find out my future wife is cheating on me, I'll murder her and feed her to the dogs.

The guy I like is way too quiet for me to become friends with and I barely get a chance to talk to him daily. My reading has been destroyed by my work and I'm luck if I get 150 pages a week.
Basically
>tfw no bf to cuddle with while reading

>>8634067
am i dumb? i probably am. reading a book should help? which book? nah

I find it odd that I haven't killed myself yet; not for a lack of trying.

I'm struggling with the dissonance of believing in the separation of mind and body but also with the knowledge that I can no longer justify or understand the decisions I made years ago when I was mentally ill

>>8635845
what should I masturbate to instead? pics of female classmates on facebook?

>>8644024
Use your mind.

I was really tired of the porn fetish creep where I need increasingly weirder things to get aroused so I gave up visual stimuli altogether. I just started so I can't really vouch for it that much, but it definitely gets easier after a few days. It's worth trying at least

I really need to brush my teeth before bed tonight

>>8644438
>so I gave up visual stimuli altogether
Even if I used my mind I would still imagine fucked up stuff

I'm at a crossroads, society and even basic logic tells me to go to college and try hard and become wealthy and give to tax deductible charity organizations and up until recently ive viewed that as the only real option but now I realize that i dont really care about wealth or material tings. im staring to think virtue is derived from something else entirely like literature and art and music and ive always loved the tales of the wise but poor peasants in the European myths. At this point i think my best option by far is to be poor and merry and wise leading a simple but rewarding life doing basic labor that leaves me time for the things i love but i think if i shoot for wealth now i could become poor later if i really felt like it but i could not pursue wealth after a certain point. also what if im not strong enough, so far i have lived a comfortable middle class life with no notable obstacle. im somewhat intelligent but i have a shit work ethic and i want to improve on it, i feel that work ethic is one of the most important parts of being virtuous even though i couldn't tell you why, and i fear this whole glorification of a simple life is just a reflection of my greatest vice and that following through on it would be my allowing my shit work ethic to overtake my life making me scum, the furthest thing possible from the virtuous existance i feel i most desire. it is late here and i am not in a clear mind so this may not be entirely coherent but it is how i feel and is my dilemma

How do I resolve this love triangle I'm in?

>>8644571
Give us details.

I don't even know what I'm doing in this board, I'm a mediocre and banal uni student who spends his time browsing the internet with some occasional desire to do something great, to find something worthy and meaningful. That's why I keep jumping from art to literature to music to philosophy without actually start and study them. Should I keep pursuing it until something (until I change) or should I just give up and free myself from this burden?

>>8644581
I love this woman who I thought was single. I confessed to her a few weeks ago and found out that she was, in fact, dating someone else. The problem is, I just can't stop loving her, no matter how hard I try. It bothers me to no end, and I've been riding a rollercoaster of depression ever since.

>>8644603
Love is weakness. Never love a woman, they cannot love you in return. Woman is only capable of loving her children, which she sees as extensions of herself. No matter what they say, it is not possible, you are but a tool for her.

>>8644612
That is not true, and equally not helpful to my situation. You're basically telling me to stop loving someone when I just told you that I've tried and can't.

>>8644595
stop romanticizing your indecision and veiled laziness. pick the most obvious thing (it's there, you're just scared it won't pan out) and stick with it ASAP. you are like every single person in their 20s atm.
it doesn't even matter if you fail most people don't even try, and even if you decide to something different later on you'd have gotten this magical ability called focus and that's worth its weight in gold.

>>8644622
Time will cure you, just cut off contact with her and you will eventually feel better. You are thinking with your dick, no rational man would fall in love.

>>8644627
You're quite right about me Anon, except that I am 100% a lazy spoiled shit and I don't know how to overcome it.

>>8641001
To think these are the people who disagree with me.

>>8644654
you know how to, you just need to do it. start off small, maybe 30 mins a day where you completely focus on whatever. just remember that it's all about momentum, it might feel impossible now but it gets easier and more enjoyable once you get the ball rolling.

I don't know what to say to her man

>>8644644
I am no rational man, for love is irrational, and I am its victim. The longer I am away, the worse I feel; these flames it seems are ones that may only be fanned. Every day my thoughts are of her, and they haunt me; they torture me.

>>8644701
Well thanks Anon I'll try changin my life a little bit everyday

it turns out this dysphoria is not going to go away and all i can think about is how badly i need to order some hrt.

>>8644644

Making only rational decisions will cause to you miss out on some of life's greatest pleasures.

>>8644737
That must be incredibly daunting. I hope you find relief from your dysphoria.

I really want to like 1Q84 but so far it is just not doing it for me.

>>8634067
my sister failed a subject this semester. shit i feel bad for her

why we get tired of things? I don't want to be a sensible creature anymore

>>8644713
I feel you. In fact, you can't do anything about it. Time doesn't exist, it will not cure you. The only thing that can save you is to find another woman that will make you forget about her. Someone better maybe. Now, you can only kill time. Write something about her, listen to music, read. Do something.
Another thing...when you said you loved her, what she said?

I don't know how to respond to compliments so I just keep to myself, which in turn makes me look arrogant

I feel alone. I'm losing who i thought was my best friend, i feel like she doesn't care about me anymore. I tried talking to her after 2 weeks, she responded in short texts and didn't even ask about how i was doing. I just cut it as i kept asking her things and she didn't care to give me long answers or further the conversation. She is basically the only person i can hang out with right now, as we moved to a new city. I don't know anyone here besides her. My social anxiety isn't going to help me meet new people either.
I wish i didn't put up with the shit people give me all the time just because i don't want to be alone. I want to claim i deserve respect and love but sometimes even i doubt that.

man up my friend. ive experienced ur situation a lot of times, at some point u just stop giving a fuck entirely. now im a happy man. im a happy hermit. i am happy not relying on someone else. i am alone, but i am happy. i am a happy loser.

>>8645277
>>8645314

>>8645314
yeah, i believe i'll end up alone and cutting ties with these people. a few months back i would have shut up and stood by them no matter how badly they treated me, now i'm starting to build more self-confidence and trying to be more assertive.
it's just i wish i could go grab a beer with someone and talk about how shitty our lives are. i guess it'll come on its own when i get better. and if it doesn't, at least i'll know how to live with it, eh. thank you, anon

>>8645387
then, do you want to come with me? the world is a very dark forest, i will be your 10000 lumens flashlight. also your waterproof jacket. and your trusty knife too. i will watch over you until you get out of this stupid forest nice and safe. i will go through the pain of giving birth to you. i will give you 4oz of milk warmed exactly 10 15 microwave settings every 2-4 hours. i will walk you around the neighborhood at night for a few hours until you start sleeping, and then sleep myself. after 15 minutes though, you will suddenly wake up and cry like you're getting stepped on. i will jerk back to being awake, walk your around the neighborhood until you sleep again. sometimes i'd want to just snap your neck and be done with it, but i will stop myself. i promised i will watch you until the end. you will start going to kindergarten after a few years, i will need to adjust my work time so i can drop you off and pick you up again after school. then here's puberty.

>>8645426
you're now at the shittiest age, the most pain in the ass time for the parents. you will steal some of my jewelries for drugs and other illegal shit, you come home very late, you will shout at me. you will even run away from home. but i will wait for you. i will still prepare food for the two of us even though you're gone, so you have something to eat in case you go back because you're hungry. then you will eventually come back. and we'll eat together. then you will apologize and promise to never do that again. time passes very quickly. now you're on college. i need to work extra hard for your tuition. i will definitely want to give up at some point, but i cant. i promised to watch over you. now you graduate. you're now a true adult.i will watch you grow until the very, very end. i wont avert my eyes even a second. some whore wont make you feel miserable again now. i will ask again. do you want to come with me? i will do anything for you anon.

>>8645429
of course anon, i could really use someone paying for my studies 2bh

Im a complete void of a human being
Its so wonder I have no friends or gf
My life is being wasted entirely and im not even present enough in it to care

Yesterday I broke up with my girlfriend, we've been in a relationship for a year and two months. I wonder what changed in me, or what changed in her, where's all her passive-agresiveness stemming from. If she doesn't feel about me the same anymore, then let it be, that's how I feel but I'll regret it for sure. At some point I guess you do get bored of someone, it's simply natural, even though I didn't and kept thinking about her every day but that's because I'm a simple countryside peasant. Even so, like I deal with all my problems I will deal with this one, and that is to let go.

Also "The Plague" by Albert Camus is pretty comfy so far, just started Part II.

>>8645144
She said that what I had wrote made her feel better about herself, but that she was dating someone and that she was loyal. I had written my confession in the form of a sonnet, just to clarify, and she responded in a meet up two days later.

I'm crippled by parurese, every day is a suffering at work.

>>8646947
paruresis*

Happy with yourself now? Ha. floor keeps moving
Persian rug Asian continuum moguls
Panic now for value and life

Coordinate
helicopters
now i am just reacting

When the trip drags on into and across
Your life
You are surrounded by men yelling nightmare nightmare nightmare
This only brings a moment of relief

Escape were it that easy
What is this consciousness looking for
And why should it even bother
Will i free you from this
for
another limitless of spectacles

I can sit here all day and wait
Sense of perspective on all this seems key
Zoom in zoom out zooms by another op lost

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This was based on a true story (of myself)

The amount of misunderstanding of various philosophers I see daily on 4chan makes me want to kill myself.

my belly hurts

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>>8647132
>taking people's opinions of philosophers which they have read a wikipedia article about seriously
kek

>>8647306
Problem is, those people are going to spread misinformation, and then such false knowledge will be regarded as something true by the layman, e.g. Hegel's dialectic implies that there is no objective or 'fixed' reality (aka you can't know noffin).

Last night was a good night. Did lines of blow and drank a fuckton of beer while erratically reading Tractatus, watching House of Cards, then listening to the album Opium by kmfdm

I am ambitious for the future

Watching Madoka Magica and reading about kakure and hanare kirishitan in the same month converted me to Christianity. I wish I were kidding.

I'm more enamored with the idea of making something great than actually making something great. This keeps me from making any real progress.

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>>8634067
Time to go to bed and fap about the girl of my dreams.

>>8647349
>Early KMFDM

Mein nigger

You people are my only friends.

I'm not sure if I'm gay or just desperate, but I really want to fuck a cute guy.

>>8647792
If you're a man, you're probably gay.

Once you go back, it's time to become black.

>>8634067

Xin Im so sorry for standing you up on that date today. I was there on time, at 3:30 waiting for you. I waited until 3:50 and left. Then you texted me and said you were arriving and looking for parking. By that point it was too late, I had already made up in my mind that I was leaving. I was way too hot and sweaty to go back and meet you at that point. I'm so sorry, you seemed awesome and I wish I could have met you. Good luck Xin.

>>8646911
You can wait for her. It's painful, but if you really want her, it's your only option.

I really don't give a shit about anything anymore. As long as I can stay busy enough to not put the shotgun in my mouth again I think I'll be alright. Other than that, I'm really not convinced anything is worth much.

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>>8649683
You're not alone.

I love you, Lance.

>>8649933
source?

>>8650024
It's from a Vice video about the suicide forest in Japan.

>>8642028
I know this feeling 100%. I lived in Northern Siberia for a long time, and no where I have been since has captured that disgusting, comfy feeling.

I will definitely go home soon.

my own imagination is infinitely better than whatever the real world has to offer

>>8651464
now that i've actually typed it out it seems obvious as fuck
but i just want to live in my own fantasy world forever and i'm not coming out

i love you and i know we don't automatically understand each other, but i want to work to understand you and i think we can make it. you're lovely

Eternity frightens me far more than death, but I cannot choose to die, and so I must pursue eternity.

The idea of a woman being attracted to and offering herself to me is so preposterous and unreal that I can't masturbate anymore.

It's not that I don't love you. Or maybe it is. We both got in this knowing that there was going to be a definite end. We even had the exact date. We gave it another shot, but how was I supposed to know that the only thing that made me able to handle it the first time was knowing that I had an easy way out?

>>8634067
i am battling selfishness right now
and figuring out what it means to be a good human, what is there to do?

i am in action a relatively harmless human, to my peers i think i am an ok guy
but i have come to the realization (honestly a joyous one) that i am a selfish asshole

in a really terrible metaselfish way

i am incredibly aware of and bound to how others perceive me, which means i often sit in inaction, b/c it is the path of least resistance. i do everything to please an external view of myself i hope others see. which i'm pretty sure no one actually sees.

i crave a sort of primordial selfishness where i can actually prioritize myself! instead of some social presence of self. i long to have first-order concerns, but it feels like all i have are second and third order concerns. i feel like a bullet casing with no load, empty container bent on never appearing empty but also hellishly fearful of actually becoming full.

this all seems good to observe, life was worse when i was less aware of this, but still, without a proper course of action i feel wasteful.

ME HUNGRY HNNNMGH!!!

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Is this board called /lit/ cuz' it's lit af?

My coffe is cold but I don't mind. Such a nice new cup. It's late and I have so much material to study, words to remember, lecture notes to rewrite. But I do not mind.

I am a monster, yes; but why was my life destroyed right as I began to recognize my faults and correct them? What am I always punished for what I have no fault in, but rewarded for my genuine evils?

I'm twisting my head with Plato, am I dumb? Because I sure feel like one, imagine the trouble I will have with modern philosophers.

>>8634166
>>8634492
fucking dolts lmao

>>8634843
I have the same problem. It makes me come off as a cunt to everybody.

>>8653962
90% of coffee I drink is cold senpai

My life has been a string of nonsensical events and storylines leading nowhere, without a clear theme, filled with embarassment and dissapointment

>>8654810
Isn't it weird that simple observation can reveal that the universe follows certain rules and has a specific order, yet decades of investigating life essentially reveals nothing?

I think the generic response to this sort of prompt is the whole "woe is me" type bullshit: I hate my job, I hate my life, I languish in constant existential crisis, etc.

Well I think that's kinda lame. What is this unwritten rule which dictates 'people must be inherently unsatisfied?' Biologically speaking, there's a very short checksheet of what it takes to be happy; food, sex, that sort of thing. But man's gotten ahead of himself and changed all of that. Will we find our new niche someday? Will human brains ever adapt to human surroundings and actually be in a place where they can find happiness?

Or did we just never need to adapt in the first place? Maybe we're perfectly able to be happy but people just love to whine.

>>8654831
Yeah it's pretty fucking tragic. As I grow older my expectations of life drop lower and lower

how do you stop the worst parts of you from growing when It hasn't stopped since childhood? and why is society so easy to be so fucking unlikable in so many ways? I understand the imperfect part but where the fuck did the despicable part come from?

>>8654837
>Biologically speaking
Maybe there's more to human suffering than biology.

I'm lying here naked posting on a Mongolian cave painting forum at 1:30 AM. My crotch is cold and I can't masturbate again for fear of my dick shrivelling to the size of an infant's.

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choices in life.

I feel nothing.

my feet hurt

>>8655619
Are you a grill?

>>8634067
This month was around the time 1 year ago when my relationship began to really fall apart... I can't stop thinking about her, so I drown my sorrows in alcohol and mix it with anything I can get my hands on to get my mind off it... Even if just for an hour or two.

And when I'm not drinking I try to write poetry like I used to, but's it's hard with little inspiration.

>>8655096
>cant feel anything
>cant tell if me acknowledging that is a subconcious desire to change that i cant admit

wew lad

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>>8634067
My life feels like The Trial. I do not have a good long term memory and everyone I talk to is negative/hostile towards me, whenever I talk to anyone about why I am being prosecuted like this I feel as though I am a character in a play doing a soliloquy. I chagrin most of the time at this.

My eyes hurt and I am nauseous

I wish I was a better writer. I wish my short attention span didn't stop me from constantly reading. I hope I get through all of nanowrimo this year.

>>8655902
I like this idea of getting really pissed and then jot down whats passing ya mind. just hard to write, probably better if you audio record it...

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>can't predict the future
>can't forget the past
>can't focus any longer, desperate to make this last.

as im typing this im watching a 50 part lets play of Sonic 06 on my other screen I have been doing this for some days now what the fuck

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>>8644563
>he thinks that being a poor laborer will give him the free time and money needed for hobbies and reading
Those are luxuries buddy, you don't need to be rich but being poor won't get you there.

Niggaz are thy money
money is thy flesh
mass electric chair genocide
drinking tea in earths crest

>>8634067
No more secrets no more lies,
Everything falls apart

>>8655923
People who self-dramatize their life are the worst. You're not writing your own tragedy, grow up and try to live.

I may be clean, but i feel the dirt within No i wasn't raped

>>8655907
STOOOOOOPPP to much to take in

>>8636068
I'd like to kick the shit out of you.

>>8656453
>>8656451
>>8656426
>>8656418
I don't work when i am at work

>>8656425
actually he is quite literally writing his own tragedy. framing it as such and not facing reality because doing so would destroy his fragile ego.

A prophet is never recognized in their home town.

I am a citizen of the world.

I am not recognized anywhere.

Therefore I am a prophet. QED.

>>8636068
>jojo
it mistakes levels of irony for actual depth and is shit

>>8656462
projecting

>>8656390
This needs to be lyrics to an ultra edgy all black black metal band, where the lead singers wear white face paint and play at night, in complete darkness so they are 2spook5me

They attempt to emulate real hood nigga rap whilst appealing to the blackest souls the world has ever known(ironically these black souls usually are middle aged white alcoholics with long greasy hair) with crushing satanic metal.

Gorgoroth? Burzum? Pussy ass wanna be niggas, the hood is about to put the black in black metal

Get spooked mate

I like the idea of Nihilism, but I dislike its people.
Nihilism is an interesting way of thinking, but its people only use it as shield for themselves, ignoring what it actually means.

I don't want to leave my comfort zone. I don't want to grow. I don't want to succeed.

This isn't "ok" nor is it "not ok". It just is.

>>8659023
What's nihilism?

I hate that all I can think of is the good times I had w my ex girlfriend. It truly felt like It was gonna work out. Fucking cruel bitch

>>8641652
i agree...
i see v necks i start hatin

Every morning he got up
Dreading each moment he had to be awake
He'd look at the floor, scribble on gum wrappers
He never found a better way to joke around
The clock would tick and time would slow
There wasn't anywhere he wouldn't go
To avoid having to see anyone
He'd sit in a chair and lean against a wall
But that didn't seem to matter much at all
But late at night he had a savior
In his sleep, in his dreams
She came to him and she said
"Poor you, poor you
No one understands you
Poor you, poor you"
And every word that everyone would say
Got mumbled up in his head
Like mumble-jumble and everywhere he went
It seemed like everyone was saying to him,
"Blah blah blah"
But late at night, he had a mistress
In his dreams, in his sleep
And she would say "poor you, poor you"
No one understands you
Poor you"
This story, though, not well told
Is not that old
It's not that funny, it's not that great
But I know it to be true
Because late at night, I have an angel
In my dreams, in my sleep
And as she runs her fingers through my hair
As I lay on her lap
And she says, "poor you, poor you
No one understands you, poor you
Poor you"

Romantic feelings manifest as physical pain for me.

The one "moral" I value is honesty and I feel like I won't ever be able to fuck a girl if I don't lie to some degree.

Nigger

>>8644737
No one can truly dispose of their problems anon, you just gotta keep them in a place in your mind that will give you closure, or at least the closest thing to it,

There are so many beautiful things in the world that I want to see, read, and experience; yet there is so little time to do it all.

All I want is the one I see in my dreams since I can never have the one I see in real life. I will be dead soon, and I've finally found a reason to be happy about it.

If I could sleep with a white girl just one time, I can die happy.

a lone a way a last a loved

Between Scylla and Charybdis: I'm mocked because I'm scrawny, and I'm mocked if I try to lift because I look pathetic and weak while doing it.

>>8659847
This is a healthy feeling anon, don't fret.

starting my own company is fucking amazing, I feel so happy working every day, but I feel so god damn anxious right now.
I'm trying a bit different concept, and I can't stop thinking if it's going to be lame or not. I am so damn scared to be quite honest with you family.
And that's not even all of it, I also need to make some money soon to pay my god damn rent. I don't need a fucking fortune right now, just enough to fucking live a few months so I can peacefully grow my brand. DARN IT.

>>8661917

What does your company do?

>>8661922
I make spinoff fanart and flash games of Steven Universe to sell online.

>>8661928
really funny lad.

>>8661922
clothing brand.

>>8661945
What kind of clothing?