*Yawn* Yo pops, can you tell me a bed time story?

The most tempting idea of having kids for me is reading stories to them at night.

Not even kidding

Cue cricket noises.

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I dare you to last more than 4 pages

>>8629573
>Once upon a time there was this guy named Stalin...

>>8629573
Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a razor and mirror lay crossed.

riverun, past Eve and Adam's...

>>8629573
Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in my son's bed?

>>8629584
I'm with you there dude, i just want kids to tell stories to, teach them to read and write, and make them laugh.
That's all i want.

>>8629846
Maybe I should adopt a shy but smart kid who is already past toddler stages

>>8629853
if you're male and/or single I've heard it's very difficult to adopt

>>8629856
Fuck

But I'm white, do I get any privilege?

>>8629857
Nope, it might make it even harder

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>>8629859
Why is it so hard to end up with a child to call my own and instill a love of the English language in

Well Treyvenionquan, There once was a young black man named, Ed. Notice anything different here right off the bat? Anyways, Ed was a good kid, he wasn't an A student or anything, was ok at sports but not great. All throughout highschool he drank and did mushrooms and stuff a few times, but that was about it. When his friend Thugnutinnus, asked him if he wanted to rob a house, in order to buy some new sneakrs, Ed said no and informed his piece of shit friend that Ed had a job and could afford his own sneakers.

Ed went to college and got a some dumbshit degree in computer engineering or some shit, but never got a job at it, and it didn't really matter because he still got a job at a bank and made good money and lived a happy life.

So you see...that if you tell your dumb, stealing nigger friend to fuck off, you could lead a normal life like everyone else, and not end up in jail or getting shot by the police? Pretty fucking weird, huh?

>>8629860
tis but cruel fate

>>8629778
Are you seriously going to read him that John Greene and trash or is this just a meme?

>>8629860
It's not. Unless you're really unattractive

Once upon a time, not too long ago, when people wore adidas and lived life slow

>>8629889
You nailed dem dang ol niggers anon! let me try.

"Well Austin/Tyler/Timmy/ your mom is a fucking whore and if she keeps talking to me like she isn't beneath me I am going to fucking kill her. If i was a degenerate i would let have let her get the abortion and be done with her. Why did I ever think she would stop being a whore? I paid her for our first fuck! I should have gotten a chink, at least they don't talk back. It's your mothers fault that my life is ruined, remember. She's the one who didn't force me to wear the condom. God damn I hate her Timmy. Tommorow you are going to do all your chores or I will fucking hit you with the belt. And if you tell anyone what I said, I'm going to bring Uncle John around again."

This is the superior 4chan patrician in 20 years.

>>8629573
There once was a child from Atlanta
Who drank naught but grape juice and Fanta
He moved from the south,
Stopped breathing through mouth
And went on to discover a species of manta.

>>8630985
You never hit the sublimity of Thugnutinus. Try again after you get a scholarship for being poor.

>>8630988
Atlanta doesn't rhyme with Fanta you dog fucking idiot

>>8630999
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvLv35VqoQc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFXkXU8_Nuk

>>8629796
that would be a great thing to read to your kid from age 3 to 10 (then they start reading it to you). by the time they're an adult, they might understand it.

My daughter will be white

>>8630960
I hope you realize that's the opening to Ulysses.

Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo...

https://youtu.be/HjNTu8jdukA?t=28

>raps Ulysses

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>>8629573

>>8631437
>Schwartz
>Zimmer
>In a Dark, Dark Room
How inspired this tale must be.

>>8629573
>Implying I would be there to take care of my son.

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>>8629573
Imma tell yo 'bout them ancestors in Egypt son.
Once 'pon them time WE

>>8629573
"After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take his Kanye Test. He forgot to brush his teeth. Did he run out of Kanye Crest? His neighbor stole it, what a Kanye Pest."
>"thanks, john"
>"sleep tight tyrone, love you, wife's son"

>>8629796
Shut the fuck up

>Not reading your black child Infinite Jest
Are you even trying?

>>8629573
In Greek mythology, Philomela was the daughter of Pandion, a legendary king of Athens. Her sister Procne married Tereus, king of Thrace, and went to live with him in Thrace. After five years, Procne wanted to see her sister. Tereus agreed to go to Athens and bring Philomela back for a visit. However, Tereus found Philomela so beautiful that he raped her. Then he cut out her tongue so she could not tell what had happened and hid her. He told Procne that her sister was dead.

Unable to speak, Philomela wove a tapestry depicting the story and arranged for an old woman to take it to Procne. When Procne saw the weaving, she asked the woman to lead her to Philomela. After rescuing her sister, Procne planned revenge on her husband. She killed their son Itys and served him to Tereus for supper. At the end of the meal, Philomela appeared and threw the boy's head on the table. Realizing what had happened, Tereus chased the women and tried to kill them. But before he could catch them, the gods transformed them all into birds. Tereus became a hawk (or a hoopoe), while Procne became a nightingale and Philomela a swallow.

Now sleep tight you little shit

>there was once a boy who wanted to do sweets. when he was adult he became a baker and ate only gherkins
it's trash tier

>actually having a kid

lmao spooked idiots

>>8631842
AY HOL UP
*yawns*
HOL UP
*removes the sheets*
U B TELLIN ME POP
*rubs his eyes*
THAT
*erects himself*
WE WUZ KANGZ AND SHIET?!

>>8631875
Why kill the innocent son and not the husband? Talk about not keeping your priorities straight.