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Human Kind:
Across earth we differ
Both from spirit and from skin
We debate and berate
We seldom capitulate
And rarely look within
We battle and we dominate
Dehumanize deteriorate
We murder we and scheme
Often blood in streams it gleams
The word of war we have deemed
In every land the word is screamed
Who was once up now is down
Our arrogance In it we’ll drown
The story does indeed repeat
What’s bitter once is never sweet
Standing on shoulders of those now gone
Steers us to a path of a true new dawn
What knowledge has been gained?
What secrets have been unlocked?
What progress has been made?
What wisdom have we mocked?
If only the mighty could be humble
And fully comprehend
That the "enemy" is simply
The missing part of them
The ONE fact remains
That to no One goes the glory
No One, No race, No single face
Can tell the Human story...
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>>8602235
You sound like an edgy SJW with some crudely honed rap lyricism
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>>8602235
So the game is lost
And we're all the same
No one left to place or take the blame
We will leave this place an empty stone
Or that shining ball
We call our home
>>
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>>8602294
cool structuring, but the phrasing isn't the best
1st 2nd and last lines are the issues for me.
The re purposing of the word place is really nice and a technique you don't see often ( using the exact same word in a grammatically/denotatively different way)
place around with it and push your images harder.
i'm assuming this is the poetry crit thread btw
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>>8602304
Hold on, no, no. Bait, stop
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>>8602326
what?
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>>8602335
Don't propagate bad bait
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>>8602342
>propagate
Are you saying my advice was bait, or their piece was bait?
Thread posts: 8
Thread images: 2
Thread images: 2