Critiques only on X-rated literature

I dunno man, I'm not author but I think it has some potential. Seems to follow a lot of storytelling guidelines right?

>>8491207
It could use some work, the structure is good, but I don't think I perfectly understand the real lust The Sex Goblin has for Michael. That could be conveyed a bit better, other than that, it's pretty much what I would define as perfection.

I could really feel each thrust, each moan, each little whimper that Michael would let out. The author definitely has a way with words. Looking forward to reading more of his work.

You can't expect a serious discussion about this right? Are you joking? I might delete my wattpad after reading that. Who writes this? It has a good pattern and everything but there's so much homoerotica in it. I even laughed. How do we discuss this in a serious manner its literal pornography of a genre I can not define.

>>8491213
>>8491223
>>8491226
https://www.wattpad.com/298604005-darius-part-1
https://www.wattpad.com/299524755-the-robbery
https://www.wattpad.com/308299627-robbery-part-2-the-fight-part-2-of-the-robbery-the

He has 3 more stories and they intertwine.

>>8491226

Wow, clearly you can't appreciate all forms of literature. You ass.

>>8491239
Y-you're joking right? You're defending this?
>>8491231
Its not art it's basically pornography in word form.

>>8491207

I got a virus just reading about that

>>8491296
It has 5200 reads... Kind of impressive desu.

>>8491297
>>8491207
How the fuck have 5200 people read this and I can't get 400 reads on mine and I've been spamming it since January?

>>8491296
>>8491297

Infectious, one might call it

>>8491328
How is there a virus? I'm reading it right now.

>>8491309
Sex sells, boyo

>>8491226
I really enjoyed this story to be honest. I don't know if maybe you should give it a second read through to see if you missed anything man!

>>8491349
>>8491337

nice try, [name of guy who wrote the thing]

File: notevenkid.png (4KB, 430x128px) Image search: [Google]

4KB, 430x128px

>>8491464
nope

>>8491309

Because OP has been inflating his page like he's been inflating this thread, to wit
>14 posts
>7 schlubs
>OP of which is
>>8491213
>>8491223
>>8491231
>>8491297
>>8491337
>>8491344
>>8491349

File: noplsno.png (10KB, 627x283px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 627x283px

>>8491499
no just 3 of those were mine and i was replying to people.

>>8491510
Can confirm. I'm a separate person who fell upon it by unfortunately frequenting 4chan. It has real potential imo if the right person sees it...he will have to draw the struggle out and be more detailed but i see it!
>>8491510

>>8493027

dude just let your thread die and be free of its misery instead of prolonging its sad life by bumping it like that

>>8491207
It's trash. There are definitely X rated gems out there, but the subejct matter is rarely vanilla.