Write what's on your mind.

I just want to jerk off.
There are three girls I could go have sex with right now. I don't want to fuck any of them right now because I love a whore. Then I think I should go fuck them anyway. I don't have difficulty leaving.
I got a nice Albrecht Durer book the other day, I don't have anyone to enjoy it with.

>>8470566
I hate New Yorkers. Why do they think NYC is the coolest place in the country? It's really not.

>>8471176
This movie takes place in Chicago.

>>8471176
The only decent part of the US is the west coast.

I want to be successful but sometimes I feel locked out from my own genius. I'm a god. I really believe that. I should be able to do incredible things and have an amazing life. I just want to see some evidence. Evidence that life can turn out better beyond my wildest dreams.

>>8470579
>>8470579
Humans are so wonderfully complex. Technically I could've fucked every girl I saw today, I just didn't want it bad enough to even try.

>>8471205
>I'm a god. I really believe that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFqn8gTmEQw

Why are people so self-centered and narrow-minded? Maybe I'm projecting too much, but it doesn't seem all that difficult, or all that hard, to think of others before yourself and to entertain new ideas. It's actually really easy once you get into the habit of it. Is it just that most people don't know how? Do they need someone to teach them?

...and there was only silence as he sat against the door, watching his friend disappear from the edge of the building. He tossed the cigarette away from his mouth once it reached the end, and the faint sound of sirens echoed into his ears.

Bon soir, Elliot.

>>8471211
Funny how when people assert their worth they're compared to a sociopathic faggot.

Play a game? Which one? Read a book? Which one? Watch a movie? Which one? She looks like Remy Lacroix so i'll check this thread out.

I'm not very happy.

It's hard to think that I'm not the only one in her life, but she is the only one in mine.

She's so perfect. I was, too. But now I'm a jealous mess.

I can't stand that picture.

Her life is the one I realize I've really desired.

She's so happy.

I'm so sad. All the ingredients are here for me to be happy, but here I am.

She has a loving and compassionate family. Many things. She has everything I've strived for.

The things I can't change about my life to match hers will kill me.

What's wrong with me? Good god.

I'm not sure why she loves me back.

I'll probably mess it up.

I'll say, "I had it coming."

I have the most unhelpful people around me.

My mind is unhealthy. I still want to kill myself.

I need to go to bed.

I really can't stand that picture.

I sit in trash, scattered pens, empty milk bottle, hand cream. Dust in my head, wind in my heart, wind in my heart, drive them away, drive them away. Not foreigners. I see crumbs of bread in growing number, crumbs of bread on the table and unclean keyboard. Make sure to clean, vacuum, parents are coming. Plastic bag for garbage. Snot at the nostriledge. Take it out. Recycled paper you use as a mousepad, and scissor cuts all over it. Turn off autoplay. The next one sucks.

I awoke early this morning, but until I felt the sun upon my face, I did not labor myself to rise.

All this should one day be put together into one long stream of consciousness book.

>>8471278
I feel you bro. You need some physical work. Always helps me

What is the point in living if we're all just going to die?

>>8471176
The fact that you hate me fuels me.

I just wrote something that I was actually quite proud of. This is my first time. Most other times, my prose was immodest and ugly, and it didn't have much of a voice other than "edgy and experimental". Now it's actually nice to read and engaging.

I'm too lazy to type out an excerpt, but anyone else share this feel?

When I was about 9 or 10 my parents moved from the Southern US to Canada, and as a result I've always had an accent. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but I was fat and poor as well. Picture in your mind a fat little kid with chubby cheeks and a cowboy drawl, waddling himself around in his oversized outdated secondhand store pants. This was the misery of my childhood.

Needless to say, when I started going to school I was beaten up every day. A group of more interesting, more athletic, less different boys would get together every lunch break to hit and kick me, or throw me into prickle bushes. In a perverse way I even enjoyed it; it was the only time anyone ever payed any attention to me. For a good chunk of my childhood I didn't have a single friend.

Once I entered highschool I mostly hung out with FOB immigrants. I felt more comfortable around them than around the people who'd used to bully me, as well as an affinity towards their outsiderness and intelligence. While this made for a good, or at least better than expected, highschool experience, it didn't help with my accent.

Afterwards graduating highschool I traveled the world for two years. I lost a lot of weight. I learned several foreign languages. My English speaking ability decreased significantly.

For years I hated my accent. No matter who I talked to, they'd detect a strange and incoherent accent underlying my every word. In the very town I'd grown up in for years, people would look at me with a kind of disgust and condemnation on their face and ask me "where are you from"? I feel like a kind of perpetual foreigner, markedly out of place no matter where I am.

Recently I got a letter from the government informing me that, as someone born outside the country, any children I have, provided they're nor born on Canadian soil, will not automatically be considered citizens or welcome here.

It seems to me that humanity is like a pack of dogs ripping each other apart over scraps of meat, and when I reflect on how I've done compared to the people that used to bully me I can't say I don't enjoy it. Most people I knew when I was younger are now single parents, or drug addicts, or just plain stupid, and none of them seem to even realize what miserable failures in life they are. On the other hand I can speak four languages. Fuck them.

The fact that my mouth refuses to coincide to a geographical location is actually a sign of nobility. Schopenhauer said that everything common is deplorable, so what is language? When a group of people all sound exactly the same, its not something to be proud of, but a sign that they're all equally plebian and common.

Greatness seems to me like a grand suicidal endeavor. Kill anything recognizable in yourself, anything weak, and make yourself into something greater. For all society talks about "individualism", nobody realizes that individuals are made by beating the herd out of people.

individuals are made by reading great books

bloom was right all along

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>>8471350
I keep seeing groups of people and thinking to myself, "they should worship me". "they should get on their knees and kiss my feet". "their wives and daughters should be ceded to me for the good of the race".

Of course when i ever voice these opinions in even the slightest way people react like I'm some sort of monster.

>>8471212
Do you know who thinks of other's before themselves? fucking idiots.

>>8471278
she's probably getting banged out by chad right now.

>>8471280
I'd say your writing is pretentious, but really it's just vapidity masquerading as pretension.

>>8471286
we did this already and it sucked

>>8471365
>I'd say your writing is pretentious, but really it's just vapidity masquerading as pretension.

I just typed what I saw on my desk and the lyrics of the song playing in the back. How's that pretentious? It's literally the blandest thing I could've typed, and as simple as it gets.

Song related
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEluoeMLTCI

I'm procrastinating.

I'm supposed to be copying out the last 1000 years of a 300,000 year timeline I did for a project.

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Nothing.

i love these threads so much desu

>>8471261
We all have a little bit of Supreme Gentleman inside of us.

>>8471263
I compared them to little girls.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNsUKRG4hS4

>>8471434
Me too

>>8470566
Jane Austen reads very much like a shoujo manga. Or should I say that it is shoujo manga that reads like Austen?

>>8470566
BITCOIN ALL MY MONEY IS IN BITCOIN FUCK SELF PUBLISHING

I am truly happy and fortunate.

I feel like I'm at a weird stage in terms of social life (I'm 25 fwiw). I don't really enjoy drinking and going out to bars like I used to but it seems that's what my friends like to do so that's what I do... I'm ready for the next step but I'm not really sure what that is.

I think I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm no longer young enough where getting married and starting a family are laughably far out on the horizon.

Finally watched Bladerunner last night. It was pretty damn good. Funny how it inspired so much Ghost in the Shell, which would then inspire the Matrix.

>>8472092
Welcome to the tipping point. Focus on health, hobbies, caree and relationship. It's a much better phase than the amateur shit you were preoccupied with.

i've wasted my entire life, have no chance of ever having any satisfaction or happiness, and wish i were dead, but im too much of a pussy to kill myself.

>>8471176
NYC has the best avant garde scene in the world.

>>8471207
Ya man, because I happen to use /lit/ it means there is no way I could fucking those three again. You retards need to lay off the memes.

>>8472128
Hesitating to kill yourself isn't "pussy", it's literally your brain trying to save itself.

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>>8472127
Yep. And I think i'm feeling this more now than ever because for the first time since I graduated I feel like much of my house is in order--I don't need to distract myself with alcohol/drugs.

>>8471176
Its a kind of Stockholm Syndrome for some people -- they need to justify their high rents to themselves. I love it here though.

>>8471201
Truly spoken like someone who has never lived there

>>8472161
What's there to hate?
>besides the taxes

But seriously, I was on the east coast until a few years ago. It's so nice here, people are a lot friendlier than they were in NY. You would have to drag me kicking and screaming out of California.

I feel so stagnant. Like a lake without any connecting tributaries, where all this fucking filth accumulates but can't filter out. I'm regularly depressed and I've begun losing interest in things I was once passionate about. I guess I need a (real) job, and I've been applying, but none of these positions even sound appealing to me. Been considering manual labor of some sort. I know it will make my parents disappointed, though, even if they'd never admit it. I was, am, supposed to be the one who 'made it,' broke away from the blue collar, put my degree to good use and achieved traditional success. Too bad I don't want to spend my time sitting in an office, acting as some executive's manservant, performing tasks that nobody actually wants done or cares about.

Wish I could sign up to hunt whales or some shit, like in Moby Dick.

I'm 28 and I've never had sex

>>8472191
Not all office jobs require you to be an executive's man servant. Work for a charity, a nonprofit, shit you could even work as a civil servant -- choose a path where you can make people's lives better.

>>8472187
i just bailed on CA after growing up there and doing undergrad there. I don't miss it. Geographically its great but other than that...

>>8472205
Seems like we both had a "grass is greener on the other side" moment. Living in the same place for 20+ years can definitely be a drag.

>>8472196
Why haven't you killed yourself yet, friendo?

>>8472209

too scared

>>8472196
27 here bro, no doubt i'll make it to 28.

I think I'm having an identity crisis.
I used to think these things didn't really exist, or were some kind of extension of self pity. Essentially I thought that these problems could be solved by manning up.
After having gone through a rough year and failing my first year of uni, my self image has been severely deranged.

It's not so much that I've nothing I want to pursue in life, if anything it's the exact opposite.
Everything strikes me as interesting or mildly interesting. All the things that used to be so clear cut, such as the things I liked or the things I were good at have turned into a jumbled mess, and I don't know what the fuck to do.
Do I just pick something and go along with that? Or is that how I even got in this mess to begin with? These thoughts are what's making my mind wander, and I'm unable to concentrate.

>>8472198
I've applied to a couple, so far to no response. The majority of openings that come my way are corporate though.

>>8471298
what's the point in living if that's all we do?

ass and titties

>>8470566
Back again from that omission of grandeur, Count Eleansile, away for a brief bit before casting himself further and damnably on a pile of fragmented thoughts and ripe corpse flesh. I observed with paramount curiousity the unusual mannerisms he held so dear, however, perhaps, prominently pessimistic they were at the time. In his mind seemed to me a crevice deep and dark, where once gay and eccentric ambition shone about in that haphazard way of geniuses. Oh, harken back you, Master o' Masterful, to the mind you once had! How I cannot help but miss you so.

>>8472127
>Welcome to the tipping point. Focus on health, hobbies, caree and relationship. It's a much better phase than the amateur shit you were preoccupied with.
this

normies should keep being normies

>>8472219
>>8472196
So presumably you come on here and post your opinions and shit. How do you feel about that? Do you find it hard to feel authoritative? Or do you overcompensate? Or something else?

>>8472658
im not quite sure what you're asking. is it difficult for me to feel authoritative/knowledgeable about unrelated topics due to the fact that i've never had sex? no.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWy5_H3xrUQ

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>>8470566
Urban Fiction and Womens Fiction are the worst genre I have ever seen.

One day during my lunch break I lay in the grass under an apple tree. It was hot and before my eyes everything swam in the light green air. The wind swept through the tree and through the beloved grass. Behind me lay the dark edge of a forest with its somber, faithful firs. Desires swarmed through my head. I wished for a lover to match the sweet-fragranced wind. Then, as I lay there comfortably and languidly on my back, with my eyes closed and face directed toward the sky, summer humming all around, there appeared from out of the sunny ocean- and sky-bright bliss two eyes that looked on me with infinite kindness. I also clearly saw cheeks drawing nearer to my own as if they wanted to touch them, and a wonderfully beautiful, as if formed from pure sun, finely curved, voluptuous mouth came out of the reddish-blue air close to mine as if it wanted to touch my mouth as well. The firmament I saw through my eyes I had pressed closed was completely pink and hemmed by a splendid velvety black. I looked into a world of pure bliss. But then all of a sudden I stupidly opened my eyes, and the mouth and cheeks and eyes were gone and all at once I was robbed of the sky’s sweet kiss. What’s more, by then it was time to go back down to the city, back to business and my daily work. As far as I remember, I was reluctant to get up and leave the meadow, the tree, the wind, and the beautiful dream. Yet everything in the world that enchants the mind and delights the soul has its limits, as does, fortunately, all that inspires fear and anxiety. With that I bounced back down to my dry office and kept nicely busy until closing time.

my abusive brother just moved back in with us.

I feel like I should watch a film tonight or something.

I just want to fap all day

>>8473760
What an easy life that would be.

>>8470566

I am ashamed to admit it but I am a glutton. When I was 13 I asked my dad for some chicken tendies. We lived way out in the middle of no where so he had to pick them up on his way from work cause I was not going to walk for an hour to get them. When he got home I was excited cause I was starving. I emptied the paper bag and there were 5 tendies, fries, ketchup. I got angry because there was no honey mustard sauce though. I yelled "what is the point of tendies without honey mustard!?!?" I called my dad a faggot and tried to hit him. He sent me to my room. I gave him the silent treatment for a month and then to my utter dismay he died from a heart attack (undiagnosed heart condition). So now I eat tendies with honey mustard sauce on a daily basis (at least 20 strips and 4 orders of fries divided into 3 meals). I will often incorporate chicken and french fries into other meals like sandwiches, pizza, macaroni and I only ever use honey mustard on my pizza and in my mac instead of ranch. I am 5'6, 300lbs and won't stop eating until I double in size and die. I am 19 btw

>>8473616
I'm thinking of just posting all of my liked YouTube videos in this thread. But, don't give your pearls to swine and all that.

I'm most likely going be strictly a consumer for the rest of my life; nobody is every going to enjoy my creations. I currently feel like my life is in the last ten minutes of a movie; I have no goals that are certain right now so I have nothing to look forward to.

I realized recently that the reason I haven't killed myself yet id's because I'd have no legacy yet but I don't have enough motivation to create one so I'll probably be stuck in this limbo of being a loser for the remainder of my life. I think this is also why I dream off being a serial killer, because of the high amount of notoriety you can achieve with such little work. Also why I wish I was born a trust fund baby.

When I was a little boy I would suck basically any of my friend's dicks that I could get my mouth on. I've just been thinking and jerking off about that for a little while.

>>8470566

I'm writing this shit just because I need to stay awake or I'll lose the fucking train because I am too retarded to understand how an allarm works -actually I know it but i feel that if I am going to sleep now not even the train itself running on my penis could wake me up- so enjoy my visit I came in peace and I leave very worried because my eyes are sinking and not even smoking continuously is keeping me alive.
if I fall asleep and my cigarette burns me this is the last thing of me to stay in the world so please tell my girlfiend I tried very hard but I failed

>>8474199

if this is your kind of creation, my suggestion is the rope

>>8474262
I don't want to be a author; writing is for fags.

>>8470566
I've spent years on r9k but finally decided to not go back there any more. I also went on a string of intense acid trips a couple weeks ago, and now I'm thirsting for more of "the world", and Lucy told me that she will show me more if I actually start using my noggin again, but to think about the big ideas, so I talked to my younger sister and she recommended that I start getting into philosophy. I started on an introduction to philosophy textbook because it's my belief that philosophy will broaden my understanding of my own thoughts and inc

tldr; acid told me to not waste my time being a miserable person and think bigger because I can make it if I apply myself

I don't know what's worse: regretting doing something or regretting not doing something.

>>8474279
alright notfag, enjoy your creative whatever but if it resembles in any way -as in fact does- what you think and you are, use it to choke yourself. I think complainig is for fags, but maybe is this consumistic society that makes me feel I want to see people like you consumated

>>8474309
regretting to regret looks terrible

>>8474309
The latter. Always the latter.

I've moved to a place where I don't know anyone and therefore don't have friends.

I have my first part time job in a long time coming up in this place. I'm worried I'll make an idiot out of myself by not being competent in front of all the other co-workers and end up being fired.

WEED AND HARD LIQUOR

>>8473760
Nothing is stopping you, friendo.

I didn't ask for life. As a matter of fact, I don't want it, but I'm here, stuck. Born into a world with its own rules, a world that does not care about me. Some of the hardships I have suffered I would not wish upon my worst enemy. She has experienced her share too, so it perplexes me why she wants to bring another human into this. Is it because she wants what most people seem to do? Or is there something more to it? Either way, there is nothing that would change my mind. I'm lost.

>>8474464
Enlist in the military.

>>8474243
That's kinda gay

>>8472133
Avant garde film in the Bay Area is also exceptional.

I'm furious.
All the first-semester chicas either have a good face and a bad body, or an ugly face and a good body. I'm on a dry spell and this isn't helping. Some gave me looks but I couldn't focus because, like all first-semester students, they had too much fucking powdered milk or whatever the fuck they put on their faces.
Her tits juggled as she ran down the stairs like water balloons on cocaine. My gaze went up a couple of inches and all I saw was a face of a barbarian disfigured dwarf, covered in powder milk. I'm disgusting.

Someone asked me yesterday? When you wake up tomorrow will you be happy? So when I woke up, I thought about whether I was happy or not. I had to think about my happiness, so now I'm not happy. Cunts.

I've wasted my life and it's only going to become worse.

>>8475332
>chicas
You're white bro

>>8474464
The biological drive to reproduce is strong, anon. Consider yourself lucky that you aren't bound by it and find a new girlfriend.

>>8474387
My man.

>>8474386
It's just a part-time job. You'll probably be more competent than a lot of your coworkers are.

>>8474302
Good on ya. Stay off /r9k/, it's poison. As an occasional psychonaut, I'd recommend not taking any insights you had on your trip too seriously. Philosophy is nice, but the best way to see more of "the world" is to go live in the world.

>>8475820
>white
I'm not.

I'm sitting here at 12 noon alone. All the joys I once had seem to have disappeared like a puddle in the hot southern sun. I don't know what to do with my life. I narrowly evoided a disastrous fuck up in life and now I can only look back and see clearly my mistakes, but they're unfixable.

>>8474387

DMT AND CHEESEBURGERS

Whenever my mom gets drunk, she gets this look in here eyes like she's braindead or severely retarded. It's the most vacant, expressionless face i've ever seen, and for reasons im not sure of it makes me furious every time i notice it. I get a white hot urge to punch her in the nose or push her down a flight of stairs. The worst part about this is that, when i was a pre-teen and first figured out she was drinking, that's exactly what i'd do. One time, she ended up slicing her finger open with a cat food lid when i made her chase me around the house. We ended up in the bathroom, where she tried punching me. She lost her balance and reached for the wall, where she left a small streak of blood. whenever i visit, i still see it there. I wonder if she remembers the incident, and if my dad knows what i did when i was younger.

also want to jerk off to some femdom videos, but im sure that's unrelated.

>>8471286
I did that, OP. I made a thread for my Paterson-esque epic, but i forgot about it and it got 404'd. Actually, i think i'll try that shit again. You're welcome to post, if you see it.

Should I pirate some more PKD books? I liked A Scanner Darkly, but I don't know about some of the others. I feel bad about """stealing""" books and music, but that's never stopped me before. I can't get my brother to talk to me unless the power's out or the mumble is empty. It would help if he would stop playing touhou whenever there's nothing else to do, and instead would do anything normal. I still have 600 posts to check in Clover. I hope that pseudo-trans-post-ironic neo-meta-humor-based /tg/ game we were planning pans out, unlike our last one. The Trial is pretty good so far. I wish /g/ had less shilling. Why does the only respite from opressive heat have to come from a hurricane? I wish I was in the mountains where it's cool in the summer, and has a cold, snowy winter. I should buy a sound recorder. One of the people in my mumble got married and that's profoundly disturbing to me. I've only been in one relationship, and that was in the 9th grade. I don't know if I could keep a relationship alive if I found myself in one. I can't believe this hasn't broken 1500 characters yet; I'm rambling. I should play Deus Ex: HR, but I don't have a good enough computer to finish it. I should play STALKER. I should watch Stalker. What made me decide to start going to /lit/ today? I wish the project I was working on wasn't abandoned by the creator. Why do I have to fling myself in to the friendzone every time I meet a girl? Typing with a real keyboard connected to a phone is strange. I should get a mechanical keyboard, but I only really like white and clear switches. I hate community college for academics, but I didn't get accepted anywhere else. I hate commuting. How did I fuck up so badly? There's a /g/entoomen in my gym class, which is nice because I have someone to meme. Meme isn't a verb, or at least it shouldn't be. I wish I could suspend living. I'm lonely, but I can't socialize well so I guess it's okay. 1953 characters, I need to wrap this up. Why is my dog barking? The post limit is 3k here? Okay, I'll keep rambling. I need to get a job. Why did I get out of bed today? I have nothing important to do, and I won't do anything anyway. I hate driving. I'm socially pathetic. South-east Virginia is hell incarnate for people who don't love swimming through humidity. I don't want to leave but I don't want to stay. Western Montana seemed nice. I want a large cabin in the mountains, with a library and a fireplace. I can't imagine living anywhere for an extended duration without a real fireplace. I need more money. Autobahn is a nice album, I'm glad I picked it up on vinyl. I can never pronounce vinyl right. I'd like to get my Ham Radio license, but I'm too poor to get the equipment, save maybe a handheld. I could easily blow $2K on things I want to buy right now. I don't have much more than that. I don't like spending money, but an order from amazon is one of the few things I can look forward to. Here's the real post limit coming up.

Oh well. I'm Fucked.

I feel a kernel of literary insatiability somewhere deep within me, but every time I attempt to read a lot in even a single day (to speak nothing of a regular habit of reading a lot) I can't find the necessary resolve. I don't get enough sleep and I have a perpetual backache, and while both of these certainly contribute to my failures, there is some sort of greater malaise that I can't make sense of. Have any of you ever found yourselves in similar circumstances?

"Sometimes a waltz is being played, and against the green background the black profiles whirl obstinately like those cut-out silhouettes that are attached to a phonograph’s turntable. Night comes rapidly after this, and with it the lights. But I am unable to relate the thrill and secrecy that subtle instant holds for me. I recall at least a magnificent tall girl who had danced all
afternoon. She was wearing a jasmine garland on her tight blue dress, wet with perspiration from the small of her back to her legs. She was laughing as she danced and throwing back her head. As she passed the tables, she left behind her a mingled scent of flowers and flesh. When evening came, I could no longer see her body pressed tight to her partner, but against the sky whirled alternating spots of white jasmine and black hair, and when she would throw back her swelling breast I would hear her laugh and see her partner’s profile suddenly plunge forward. I owe to such evenings the idea I have of innocence."

>>8476176
Pirate VALIS. Don't feel bad about shit, PKD is dead.

>>8470566
I really oughta get started on my trip. Maybe I'll leave on Thursday, but then I don't want to be separated from my usual environment right now.
I'm certain it was the right decision to cut that one guy off. I don't want him to further ruin my relationship and I'm looking forward to his whining.
My three papers for university ain't gonna write themselves.

There's a party in my mind and i'm not invited.

>>8476176
bravo

Estuvo el hombre, con ropas elegantisimas. Sus manos apretaron su cinturon. Su cuello y sus hombros estan atras. Sus gluteos apretaron sus mismos. A su espalda estan dos guardios, con armaduras grandes y lanzas largas. En frente de ellos, un grupo de muselmanes y sus caballos.

"Khalifa, yo soy el Imperio Santo Romano."

"Usted es un hombre muy inteligente", dijo uno de los muselmanes.

"Para el papa, no?"

Ambos grupos rieron.

"Qué es su plan?", preguntó un muselman.

"Chocar los estados papales... sin sobrevivadores!"

"Jerusalem es tuyo", dijo un hombre estuvo caminar a fuera el grupo.

>>8475970
Familiarity breeds contempt.
Be nice to her though. She's fighting a hard battle, and she's your mom.

life seems to constantly hand me L's and im pretty sure im still functioning beyond my breaking point.
i always come her to see if i can pull some hot guy to make me less depressed about my luck with hot guys in general, if that makes me sense. im stuck between wanting a boyfriend, living in a period where monogamy kinda isnt "in", and maybe not being emotionally, or financially ready for one. I wish i could get me a "real boy".

>>8476469
im in the same boat Anon. i enjoy the idea of reading but can't find the resolve to remain consistent. reading is one the few things left i enjoy, but some holes you just cant dig yourself out of.

Wagecucks so proud of their slave jobs earning coins to buy poison. I want to be NEET, just let me be NEET you fucks.

it strikes me that my youth is beginning to fade. i still have some time left (23) but i'm basically at my physical/mental peak right now. feel like i have to take advantage of this before it's gone. i want a relationship with a girl while we're both in our prime. or at least some sex.

my 45 year old cousin exclusively dates girls in their 20s. maybe i can just be like him. he's fairly /lit/ too.

>>8478251
is he rich?

>>8478298
no, but he does alright for himself. he teaches high school.

I've disappointed everyone who loves me
My dad is disappointed in me because he didn't like the college I chose, grandparents are disappointed because I'm poor and don't have a job, and my mom is disappointed because I'm a depressed alcoholic who is "wasting their potential."
To top it all off I broke the heart of the only girl who ever loved. She gave me so much and was always there for me. She tried to fix me, but I cheated and lied to her. I got a text from her last night saying that she wanted to love me again but that she couldn't because I let her down and broke her trust. All I responded with was "I know."

really wanna die senpaitachi

>>8470566
Wow 7chans /jew/ is great. Too bad I cant enjoy rival sites.

>>8477169
El fuego se incrementa

I recently confessed my love to my best friend of 12 years, who I briefly dated in high school, who has been dating another guy for 8 years. I realize how painfully stupid this decision was.

I don't want to stop being friends with her, she is a huge part of my life, and I know it would hurt her just as much if I cut her off. But I don't know how else to move on with my life.
And I can't help but be a little mad at her, because our relationship is very close and I can tell there is something else there. She has even told me that she has loved me and it would be easy to fall back into that feeling. So when she tells me I'm not allowed to not be friends with her, it feels like she's being selfish. She wants to keep her boyfriend and also keep me on the side.

I feel like I'm waiting for her to make up her mind, but she's confused and a little scared to do so. I'm confident that she would choose me if she had to choose, but I can't bring myself to pull away and force her to make that choice. I feel like I should just be happy for her, and be happy for how close we are already. But I'm selfish as well, and even as close as we are, it's just not enough for me.

>>8478338
Riperoni in the pepperoni

but srsly, it doesn't matter what those people think(except maybe that girl).

Your dad isn't the one going to college so it doesn't matter if he likes it, as long as you do. Your grandparents aren't responsible for you so it doesnt matter if they disapprove of your financial state. If you are a depressed alcoholic then maybe you should get help, but if not then ignore your mom.

You should try to make amends with the girl if she really was good.

Stay strong pupper

>>8478571
lmao, if you want her, go for it. jesus fuck, what is wrong with you.

i was in a similar position although with much less history there. if shes uncertain and scared, its up to you to be confident and make the decision.

just dont serve it as some whiny ultimatum

it worked out fine for me. i didnt let her know of my feelings convincingly at first and even then got another shot at it.

and if it fails, youll bee free of the stress of having less than youd want constantly in your face.

What's the point of posting if all threads die in the end?

>>8471278

Been there man. Particularly with the picture. Time to move on. Sometimes it feels like she's the only good thing you've got in your life but you eventually realize she's the primary thing that taints the enjoyment of the rest. If anything, she's an opportunity cost. Someone better could fill the whole, and won't treat you poorly. You deserve better, even if you think you don't.

>>8471370

Don't listen to

>>8471365

He's just being needlessly mean. Ignore what he has to say.

>>8470566

School technically starts again tomorrow, but I don't have class. I'm volunteering for welcome week stuff so that'll be fun. Can't believe I'm already a year in. Have to buy stats book tomorrow. Girlfriend bought hers today online so she can just pick it up from the store and not have to wait in line. She hates lines. I realized that I actually want to go wait in line; something about the ritual of going and buying the book is appealing to me. I don't mind lines. I think I miss the yearly back-to-school shopping I used to do as a kid. The book is written by a professor at the school which has me worried about it's legitimacy. But it's only $26 so I can't complain (although that also might point to its quality...).

I finished the fourth episode of Ulysses tonight. Bloom is much more fun to read than Dedalus, and is markedly happier. I'm glad I'm not depressed anymore. School is going great and I get to apply for my first job in my field this week. The co-ops are supposed to pay really well. I'll finally get to stop relying on money from my parents. Dad and I had a stupid fight over a year ago and I still haven't forgiven him. Wish I didn't need his money. Can't wait to not need it.

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with cater certåentie, sir galahad never wouldov'é

seria muito doloroso
és um gajo grande
para ti

>>8478571
Say you thought it through and realized it shouldn't happen nor be considered.
Cut her off.
Been there. Only when you cut her off you'll realize it's stupid to like her and will eventually ask yourself why you even liked her. Not projecting, this is how these things go.
From an egoistic pov, should've bailed when she said she's confused and used the word 'choose'.

I always preach about how meaningless life is, how we have no impact on the world, happiness is just a chemical reaction and so on, but when a little girl who had fought cancer for 7 years, from the age of 4 to 11, I can't stop crying about how unfair it is. You didn't live a normal life and you didn't get the chance. This universe is truly chaos and I wish you had the chance to live in it

>>8478906
this is just u girls being girls desu i will never understand u lot

>>8472128

I feel the same way my friend. Not really sure how to not feel like this.

say you will save me fat

Comment je fais une sieste avec une pelleteuse dans mon jardin

I have a lot of smart friends but they waste most of their time on pointless introspection. All of them have depressive tendencies.


I know this partly because that was me once, and it makes me sad to see them sad, but also knowing they need to stop focusing on every tiny aspect of their being, going over their actions and personalities with a fine-tooth comb.

You can't teach people that shit though, and its seems rude to call them self-centred (not selfish, just self-centred).

I feel bad for getting annoyed or bored with it, but I just don't see an end in sight, and they are all brilliant smart people, their thoughts are just so misdirected.

haven't kissed anyone yet

I can't help but remind myself of my own mortality everyday. It gives me terrible anxiety to think over 1/5 of my love is already over. Recently this has forced me to try to live life to the fullest, but the thought is still there when I wake up. I wish I could have one but not the other: the experience without the anxiety. Part of me wants to be a businessman and achieve great things for myself and my people. The other part wants to live a simple peaceful life like the ferryman siddhartha. If only I could split in two...

>>8479085
life*, typed from phone. 1/5th of live

>>8475970
>but im sure that's unrelated.
hmmm

I've only just realised you can put in work to live better just like you can put in work to be a better writer or runner.

I am such a slow learner.

All I do is work, I have no time for me and bring myself to exhaustion each week just to pay the bills. My girlfriend is so fucking lazy she won't work more than 16 hours a week and pretends to study so she can bludge off of welfare. I am so sick of paying her way just so she can sleep all fucking day. And then when she cleans the house that I am never there to dirty, she uses it against me at every turn. Why say you feel bad when I spend all my money of you? Of course I fucking am because you don't actually earn any money.

I think many people don't like the idea of eternal life because it seems daunting to consider what to do with all that time. We're so often geared towards thinking of life as short, but what if it wasn't? What if life went on forever? Would we run out of things to do?

>>8478906
im at the point where instead of feeling bad about young children dying of terminal illness, i feel a kind of envy.

>>8479085
Fun fact: no matter which path you choose, you'll regret it :^)

wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me wish she would text me

>>8481058
What would you say if she does.

>>8481058
i wish i had a girl to text with
T_T

>>8481058
sent ;)

>>8481093
i would pretend i'm still mad at her

>>8481113
Why

>>8481139
because i can't just pretend nothing happened like she expects me to

>>8481157
You could actually, what you need to do is find some girl that will make her jealous, get back together with her once she is attracted to you, cheat on her with said girl, or another girl it doesn't matter, and enter into years of dsyfunctional semi-romance which will erase any possible notions of decency in romantic relationships that you might have had, then you are free to hurt yourself and others as much as you wish

I think I just realized what I want to do with my life. I think I just realized, that what has been holding me back all these years was some relatively irrational anxiety and it kind of scares me that I don't want to kill myself right now, and that I don't really understand, why I ever did, anymore


Doesn't matter, gonna fuck it up as always
If I haven't disqualified myself already
Must have been all the valium I've been taking

>>8478632
Is this an allegory for life?

>>8470566
I fucking hate the Vietnamese. You think I'm racist? Visit the country and you'll find out exactly why only 5% of people who visit the country return there.

>It'd be nice if one day the government mandated that people stop beeping their horns in traffic. Most of Vietnam would die in a week because they're too stupid to look before they turn or walk across a street.

Can you kill someone wtih carbon monoxide? I was thinking that you could use a small mason jar with charcoal burning just right with filters for the smell. Connect the jar to a tube and put the tube above a person while they slept. Bam, painless death.

Does this sound right? Would it work?

>>8471365
lmao love it

>>8470566
I don't think I'm particularly intelligent, and that upsets me. I've been told I am before, often. But I feel like it's all a fake.

I did reasonably well in high school, then drifted about for a few years. I've done some interesting things, I've done cultural exchange programs, I've read some literature and a little philosophy. I try to keep up with the news.

I'm also definitely mentally unstable. I'm all right now, enough anyway. I'm starting an intense college program. I'm trying to quit smoking. I've got some control over my emotions. I've been in much darker places.

I had a manic episode that made me quit my job. I went into a mild psychosis. I was paranoid and I didn't sleep for two weeks. I couldn't stop thinking, My brain pounded on my skull. I saw and felt everything. I wanted to escape. I sang and dance and didn't leave the house or my bathrobe for a week. I became my own God. Not that I literally thought I was God, but I felt something holy in the air.

Off the street benzos helped with the sleep deprivation. I never did see a psych. I just walked myself out of the darkness. I'm afraid of when it will come again.

Albedo. Portion of radiation reflected by a surface

love this word

>>8481510
I've tweaked that parameter for sky textures in blender a hundred times and I never realized what it meant.

Thanks, anon.

>>8481571
you're welcome

actually your comment made my gloomy day better

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>>8481623
In a way, so did yours.

>>8472144
This picture kinda looked like a Rare Pepe™.

>>8473862
I wish you were real, faggot.

>>8470566
The past 2 months have been some of the worst of the year, and yet I don't feel depressed or too anxious, I sleep just fine. I wonder if I'm an unsensitive person, or if I'm secretly sensitive and my mind turned off after being overwhelmed. I don't know. I also seem to be unable to laugh as much as I did, but this could be for a number of different reasons. I just realized I mostly think about myself, I wonder where the line between being self centered and introspective is. I'm most likely the former. I've always lived by myself for myself, I turned to be an autodidactic and independent person out of necessity.

I wanna stick my dick into someone.

I'd also like to be a skinny girl with fair skin and mental issues who is (un)conventionally attractive.

>>8470566
A bit ago I loved a girl who didn't love me, and meanwhile I didn't love a girl who loved me. Now I don't even think about the girl I loved but I can't forget the girl I didn't love.

I'm 3 years into college and I can barely stand it anymore, the only reason I haven't dropped out yet is because I get a large amount of money for "housing allowance." Majoring in political science probably wasn't the best choice, but it all means less than nothing to me, honestly. I live with my parents, too. I'm not really interested in anything except playing music and watching films. I end up disliking just about everything I make, which is fucking agonizing.

How do I ride in the Tour de France?
I'm pretty good at drawing Mako from Kill la Kill.

Fuckin patti smith is jim morrison if he could actually write poetry

>>8481058
Send her something like: If you dont wanna see my gross face again ill leave flowers at your door and a goodbye note?

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>>8481815
Same situation but different personal outlook. Now I think of neither. Bitches are disappointing.

>>8470566
I'm really want to do a change in my life, erasing all my bad habits, start again to meet something special and evolve in a better human

I hate my literary and language class. I really want to learn about these great men, but two jack-asses are enough to destroy any will. The teacher says how some writers used alcohol and opiates to distance themselves from the world, and one screams 'AND WOMEN' and the class laughs with disappointment.
Then he speaks of the returning to the poem, and the other screams 'AND WOMEN' again.
I want to learn, I wish they never were in my class.

We distinguish the rational from the emotional.
Does that make emotions irrational?

I want to kill myself, but only a little bit.

Just a little bit of suicide, that's all.

I love this time of year.

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Why more people can't see the true light?

>>8484287
What's astounding is that even the blind enter the kingdom.

>>8472196
>>8472219
19 y/o virgin here but ive gotten all the way up to the point right before actual penetration once and a decent amount of kissing and whatnot with a few girls.

How far have you guys gotten? How do you feel about prostitutes? Did your sense of shame plateau at some point or do u find knew ways to be sad about urself?

>>8471201
hahahahaha

ok dude

t. oregonian

My therapist diagnosed me with a personality disorder and I stopped visiting my therapist. I'm cheating on my girlfriend with a 17 year old girl. I'm broke. I need to live off $200 this 1.5 month before I get some funds from my dad's inheritance and then I don't know. Reading the bible.

>>8485549
Which personality disorder is it Anon? Borderline? Schizotypal?

>>8485557
Borderline, why?

shut up shut up keep looking lights fun lights make me thin see see me thin go invisible ape shit Keith ape is spring time flower who is ma ma you want wake up next your mother Richie like Hal 9000 print fuck man with computer cyberstalker fare walk nature do cartwheels find happy happy in go go suit she likes dig ginger hazmat is sinister Spanish class finding better words with Japanese flavor shoujo or pollo I think dinner makes me plastic dinner isn't enough I'm up 3 o clock my money is my mine mine people don't like the shoujopollo odds winning my favor the hunger games play for two hours ha I winner PlayStation was you juice tan I'm beets I'm beets I'm beets what's the juice tan if you got a perforator to blow dust on put dust on make Kobe a fan I'm plus tan I'm plus size I get crazy encouragement for my Amazon wish list my Amazon wish list bubble buddy and two Afro futurist saimese authors is the ludacris plus size game going downhill I enjoy it on television make me my ham man witch are you goin to the bathroom slip on the mannequin mask of sky anakin weed walkers

>>8485561
Just curious. Your actions matched the symptoms.

im showing a few symptoms for schizoid personality disorder but i dont care enough to do anything about it desu

I'm the most interesting, talented and beautiful girl I know. I have sex with rich men for money but I love my small town boyfriend. He doesn't deserve me. Too bad I'm codependent. Too bad I'm emotionally stunted. And too bad I have no self respect. I'd kill myself but I'm too arrogant.

>>8482003
>are you me?
third year bachelor student, really not liking it at this point, only continuin because I at least get a degree out of it.
Living with parents, trying to spend as much time as possible on reading and music, only stuff I really like

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I am not only a writer, I am an ambitious writer. I read Homer and Dante and Melville and Joyce and want to follow in their footsteps. I want to write a work that will be one of the greatest works ever, something that will be read a thousand years from now.

I wonder if it's not all just vanity, though. Maybe if I dedicate it to glorifying God, it won't be.

Sometimes I melt down myself with Andy Murray when I watching tennis on TV. this new I playing gargantuan 6hrs matches against respected players while my Texan fiancée heartily nods towards me out the staff box under a Panama hat

>>8485670
die

>>8485809
my fucking sides, anon.

It's my birthday today. I wish my mother would have aborted me 24 years go

>>8472133
Shame it's filled with try-hards trying to be "avant garde"

I get to die a dragon's death. I am happy.

>>8471176
Correction:Why do all think NYC is the coolest place in the country?

>>8471365
For the record, "vapidity masquerading as pretension," would still be pretentious.

If something is pretentious, it is attempting to appear to be more than it is. I get that you're trying to be witty and condescending, but it failed.

>>8485670
God is an afterthought in your plans. No one, save yourself, would glorify or be glorified by such narcissistic desperation.

Also, (I hate to be the one to tell you) you're a meme. Congratulations, Salieri.

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>>8485820
Happy Burfday

Im a failure. I have no strength of will. I cant finish anything I set out to do and when I try its just garbage anyway.

>>8486186
could you please explain what this you're a meme stuff is? Not OP of post you replied to.

>>8470566
I'm 24 and I still wet the bed. I'm fucking depressed as hell.

>>8486131
Dragons never existed i don't get what u mean

>>8485482
Not those guys, but 23 here, and my only remotely sexual experience was a few years ago during college, when I was trying to find friends. I was drunk with a small group of people. One of them basically forced himself on a girl in the group, making out with her. She quickly broke away and then forced herself onto me, I guess more as a way to reject the first guy's advances than an actual proclamation of desire for me. I think she viewed me as almost asexual, and thus the most neutral or non-committal of her male options. I tried texting her afterwards but she ignored it and me for quite some time, and when we later met up again she claimed to not remember anything from that night, despite not even being that drunk- she was basically an alcoholic, and could hold her liquor.

Ended up hanging out with her a lot throughout college, but nothing else ever came of it. I guess that made me an orbiter in /r9k/ lingo. She was a nice girl anyway, and at least gave me a friend during those years.

>>8486234
I feel for you. I stopped wetting the bed at 14, but what an embarrassment that was.

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>>8481024
Is this a common thing? I just recently realized that I will probably be always disappointed in my choices and I was wondering is this common for most.

>>8486360
I stopped when I was 15, but accidents still happen to me a lot.

>>8486408
Why do you care if other people are disappointed or not? Live your own goddamn life.

>>8486408
Absolutely. Recently I've been regretting foolish decisions I made a few years ago and it's caused me quite a bit of distress. Only now am I realizing that if I hadn't made those foolish decisions, I'd almost certainly be sitting here regretting that. Life is disappointment.

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>>8485670
As a fellow overambitious dreamer
1) Don't listen to the nay-sayers, they're really more dissatisfied with their own lives than with some random dude's
2) Don't let it get to you, this whole thing is just a game of culture, it isn't really your problem unless you submit to it--but then the point is that a genius-type are those who don't submit, innit?
3) Now tell me you plans

>>8486231
"Meme" comes from the Greek word, "mimesis," to imitate.

So when people say something is a meme, at the core, they mean it is imitating something. It is a representation, no matter how crude, of a type.

When people are called a meme, it is because they are fulfilling a certain expectation for the behavior, mannerisms, style, diction, etc., of a group or type of person.

In other words, they have become an archetype.

The general feeling of this accusation is one of derision, and being considered a "meme," or an imitation, is not often used in a flattering context.

Also, because of the popularity of image-based memes, many of which are comical in nature, this insult contains a connotational layer of sardonic irony, as well.

Basically, I am saying he represents a type of person (In his case, this type of person can be found in all fields of study), and that he should be ashamed to be that sort of person.

>>8486480
>he should be ashamed to be that sort of person.
Why though?

>>8486495
Mind you, I made my comment based on his post, and so all inferences with regard to his character are derived from that singular expression of self, but to explain why he should be ashamed, first I should probably explain what sort of person I perceived him to be.

He starts by saying, "I am not only a writer." His first action in sharing with us, is to draw a wall of separation between him and other writers.

It is interesting to note that in this case, "only," could be replaced with, "merely" without any perversion or loss of meaning. There is an attitude of condescension present from the first half of the very first sentence he writes. It is not the words alone however, it is his tone. A tone which continues throughout, as you will see.

What quality sets him apart from other writers? Ambition.

Really? Ambition? Okay, fair enough, I'll be quiet on that for now. First explain to me the standard for what you consider Ambition.

His standard for Ambition, is to "write a work that will be read a thousand years from now." Oh sure, he cites four of the most celebrated authors of all time, but what does HE specifically celebrate about them? What is it that is TO HIM the mark that they are the "greatest works ever?"

He speaks nothing of how they are written, or what makes them great. The authors themselves share no obvious commonality other than that they are all famous and celebrated. The only measure given is that they are works which will be read far beyond their time.

Also, that kind of name dropping is just a very self-congratulating thing to do.

You may see what I mean when I point out that you could take out the second sentence in his statement, and his overall sentiment would not be diminished at all. The names are only there for aggrandizement.

Back to "ambition." His view of ambition is shallow. What is ambitious for one man is not necessarily ambitious for another. Whether or not something is ambitious depends on your base level talent, knowledge, and experience.

If a man who has never ran before says, "I'm going to run five miles." That is ambitious. If a marathon veteran says, "I'm going to run five miles." That is recreational to the point of being negligible. A person without much talent as a writer may consider it ambitious to get published in a student letter.

What I'm getting at is, the sentence, "I am not only a writer, I am an ambitious writer," is not present to provide any greater depth into his perspectives or problems (though it inadvertently does), it is there to relegate him to a class above other writers, and, therefore, nearer to those men whose greatness and, primarily fame, he envies (which is a part of why I called him, "Salieri").

He could have simply said, "I am a writer, and I want to write a work that will be...etc." The meaning would be the same.

(con't)

>>8486861
Next, we ponder vanity. Vanity can be interpreted in slightly different ways, so we must look at them. Vanity can mean that the act itself is intrinsically empty (which, if it is rooted in a desire for fame, is typically true). In other words, that even if he succeeded to write a great work of literature, it would possess no meaning.

Or, vanity could have meant that his desire was simply one for self-glorification. In that case, I think he is displaying some self-awareness.

That may sound harshly critical, but it would actually be a positive thing. People rarely improve without first seeing their flaws, and a flaw which would pollute the pursuit of pure artistic expression is harmful to the artist, his art, and his audience. It diminishes what might have been, and in worst case scenarios can even destroy it altogether.

Anyway, the real kicker is the Finale.

>Maybe if I dedicate it to glorifying God, it won't be.

i.e., Vain, empty, selfish.

This is insane!

Okay, first off, how is God characterized in the Bible?

He is called, "Holy." In fact, He is called, "Holy, holy, holy." This is a rationally flawless categorization of God. The meaning of the word holy is largely connotaional. It implies perfection, purity, or being set apart or above, as well as intimating similar things.

No matter the religion, even if it is polytheistic, the god, or gods are perfect, set apart, or above in one of more ways.

Aphrodite is beauty. Athena is wisdom. Shiva is creation and destruction. Amaterasu is light and the sun.

In other words, gods always represent an idea or a thing in an undiluted form. The more abstract and unwavering the form, the more god-like it appears. The more variant and realistic the form, the more human it appears.

Therefore, a monotheistic God is logically some type of conglomerate of many undiluted traits.

God, in the Bible is Holy. He is a representation of the perfection in the Judeo-Christian view. This is realized in many forms: Love, Justice, Creation, Destruction, etc.,.

(con't)

>>8486863
Take, for example, one of the anecdotes of the life of King David in the Old Testament.

David has been living on the run from King Saul for years, and finds himself homesick. Speaking to himself out loud in an offhanded way he remarks, "Oh, that I had water from the well in Bethlehem." Overhearing this, three of his men go and fight their way to the well in his hometown of Bethlehem, then occupied by enemy forces, to bring him back a drink of water.

David, unaware of this plan, is in shock and awe at its realization. He says, "Far be it from me to drink this," and proceeds to offer it to the Lord by pouring it out on the ground.

The water represented the act it took to acquire it - a willingness to sacrifice their own lives to bring David happiness and respite, and therefore, represented a shadow of one attribute of the purity of God - the love which makes self-sacrifice possible.

Do you see my point? Things offered to God must be pure. They absolutely cannot be tied to, nor driven by, self-interest. The idea, that you can simply take a personal desire, and say, "this is for God now," and have it magically go from being vain to being holy is rooted in a fundamental lack of understanding the nature of God, and therefore, what could glorify Him (this is the other reason I called him, Salieri).

Altogether, in his few short sentences, the anon gives me the impression that he is narcissistic, bourgeois ((because of the very typical name-dropping) and therefore pretentious), and one of the types of people that irk me the most - people who do things "in the name of God," but in reality are completely deluding themselves and whose "unselfish acts" are mired in hypocrisy. However, they succeed in giving the impression to people who are unfamiliar with religion that they are religious, therefore cheapen what it means to be religious, and, worse, to do something to glorify God.

I consider these things shameful.

To be clear, I do not consider it wrong to be ambitious. Nor is it wrong to want to write a great work, and certainly not to do something to glorify God. The root of action plays a part in determining its nature - whether it is honorable and worthy of praise, or shameful and worthy of condemnation. In this case, I am condemning the attitude, not the ambition. The perspective, and who that perspective makes the man who bears it, not the man at his core, or who he may be able to become.

I decided to answer you in full because I felt it was a reasonable question.

Please keep in mind I'm writing this all spontaneously, and it is an attempt to expound on what were largely subconscious processes of reasoning.

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>>8486861
>>8486863
>>8486865
So basically the problem is that he's using being a Great as a façade, in order to perpetuate himself above the Rest, and that façade is only done so in imitation, in an imitation that lacks understandment of what made the imitated what they are, and is only concerned by the opinions of others and not the object of imitation, and so becomes typified, i.e. presents himself as shallow, like a fossilized ethos, which is passed around not as wealth but as currency, abstracted and stripped of all detail--that he is, in a word, a "selfish meme", reduplicating itself and only itself like a virus?

Is that sort of it?

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>>8486287

Dragons have always existed. Dragons will always exist. We are an emergent species. As long as there are men, there will be dragons.

>>8471298
You're here anyway. Might as well try to have fun while you can.

I feel like the biggest under-achiever in life.

I went to an ivy league school and triple majored in philosophy, theology, and math.

I graduated over a year and a half ago now. I'm 25. I live with my parents and I'm unemployed.

I feel like I have too much anxiety to do anything in life. The thought of work fills me with anxiety. I feel like I can't accomplish anything. I feel like if I got a job that I would just fuck up the work and get fired right away. I feel incapable of doing anything useful in life.

I don't understand how I got this way. How are people able to go through life without anxiety? It feels like such a natural thing to me. How does it happen to some people, and not to others? How are people not seized and paralyzed by anxiety? It seems to me that all it takes is for a certain thought to enter your head, and then it just happens. Do normal people not allow themselves to think certain thoughts? Are they incapable of thinking certain thoughts? Could I paralyze someone with anxiety simply by speaking a particular sentence to them? Do words have that kind of power?

When someone like me has been gripped by this kind of paralyzing anxiety, is it possible for them to recover? How can I ever forget this feeling, or the thoughts that I have? Is my life just completely fucked because I had certain thoughts? Is it possible for me to be healthy?

Welp. That's what's on my mind.

>>8486965
I know exactly this feeling, I went to Oxford, im 26 and havent really achieved anything. But everything just feels too much for some reason.

>>8471298
What is the point of dying if we're all just going to die?

>tfw nobody responds to your post

It's highschool all over again

>>8486917
Yes, but I wouldn't say a "meme of selfishness."

A meme of a type of writer.
A meme of a type of literary fan.
A meme of bourgeois.
A meme of the religious hypocrite.

And these are all contained in his perspective. Not in him, personally.

If the perspectives can be shed, like fogged and fractured spectacles, and new, constructive points of view adopted, he may see, and attain, his goal.

I like your imagery with the viral currency. Imaginative and chilling.

>>8486965
>>8487007
You guys need to meditate and do small stuff and stop masturbating

This girl im dating is really into me but also very new in this dating thing. So it's hard for her to warm up to me, I just want her to tell me what is on her mind but she's not so comfortable about it.
Anybody know how I can get her to be more comfortable in communicating? Should I just give her more time?

Thinking about the Peace Corps or AmeriCorps or something like that. Anyone here have any experience with either?

>>8471298
What's the point of mirrors if our eyes aren't real?

I'm failing at things I used to excel in before. Its already 4:39 am. My parents are still treating me like a child even though I'm already 21. I've finished my degree in accounting. 4:40. I should really be the main breadwinner in the family, but with my meager earnings, how will I surpass dad's millions? 4:41. My friends all have their own college degrees too, but they don't seem to do any work at all. They just leech off of their rich parents' money, and fuck off to whatever countries they please to visit. What are they even good for? 4:42. My parents tell me similar things. How I can just spend my whole life not working or whatever. They always say "why not? we can afford that lifestyle anyway". 4:43. But I feel so empty. 4:44. I want to make them proud and reach great heights for them, but I'm failing. 4:45. If I fail to deliver, I hope I go first than my parents.

>>8487621
you seem to have a very narrow perspective with fragile basis. deconstruct it to its pure form and work up and i'm sure things will get clearer.

>>8487076
Have patience but keep pushing lightly through the awkwardness, don't force, give her openings instead, let her do the talking, don't overthink or overdramatize stuff.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-iUHlVazKk

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It's hard to make friends and date when you only enjoy working and drinking. I don't even really like shitposting anymore.

>>8486480
thanks

Vanessa

>>8486172
>That delayed butthurt over polysylabical words

>>8488580
doncha mean polysyllabic?

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>>8471176

New York scares me. I'm from suburbia. Canadian suburbia. I barely know how to ride the bus, it's pathetic but it's true. On the rare occasions I drink alcohol and can't drive my car I have to get my friends to coach me through it no pun intended. Once when the car was in the shop for it's yearly car check up I took the bus all by myself and I was very brave and nobody took pictures of me to put on tumblr.

I would almost rather take my chances with Compton than NY. At least it's still a suburb and I could have a garage and a lawn. It doesn't look that much worse than Surrey. And the houses in Compton are literally one tenth the price of houses in Vancouver. You can't argue with that kind of a deal. What could go wrong?

>>8489348
Compton isn't that bad. Nowhere out here is as bad as it was in the 90's when these areas earned their reputation. I'd say Oakland and Stockton are some of the only hood areas left in CA.

t. 562

>>8470566
sauce?

I hate being submissive and docile. I think that, above all else, that's what I am at my core. And with time, it's warped into me being gay because I know there's not a woman out there who could care for me and protect me like a man could. Sex? Rubbish. It's just a shallow way to connect with someone physically. I lust for someone's desire, someone's feelings, someone's devotion. But gay people are notoriously shallow, or fucked up in some way, or just in it for a fetish. It's never for a sense of fulfillment as a person, it's always just for a fucking fetish. I get miffed for people defining themselves by a fetish, but fuck me if I'm not doing the same, just on the opposite end.

>>8470566
Somebody once told me this is the end of me... no actually wait that's not what I thought. Recap! Internal workings of Front National autistic discourse must make tired sheep munter, so say I. Portobello needs more sauce.

>>8489377
>I lust for someone's desire, someone's feelings, someone's devotion.
What's that gotta do with being submissive? You think dominant people don't want that too?

I spent $50 on a complete illustrated collection of conan the barbarian stories and I only regret it because it has a Stephen king quote on the back

>>8470566
i just want to sit on a bench and be.
Let the world float by, not engage it in any way.
I wish i could have an excuse to do so. to be a missfit cunt, so i did not have to follow any rules.
I want to spit in the face of rules.
Muster up all that hate and misery i have carried over all these years and kill it with all my might. I want to see death, and the blackness of nothing.I'd let it swallow me whole with a smile on my face. only then can you really see me.

I've spent most of the morning browsing /lit/ and /mu/ and was thinking of how rad it could be if people were able to discuss shared interests/differing tastes without it degrading into some hipster pissing contest.

A man can dream.

>>8470566

First time posting. I recently found out that by thinking about the underlying nature of reality I can boost my productivity and rid myself of negative thoughts. Kind of neat actually. The side-effect is that now I'm obsessed with philosophy.

>>8490258
Shut the fuck up

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>>8490500
You've made me laugh senpai. Dubs also confirm

Do I need to go to sleep?

>>8490500
I dont know why i found this so fucking funny hahaha

>>8490500
Agreed

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Aimless.

Disconnected.

Tired.

I want to be so badly fuck by a young priest

>>8491168
why

>>8491305
having catholic friends and been in a catholic school that are always talking about how these people can't make mistakes and how good men they are, really turns me on

>>8491329
i can respect that. what gender are you?

>>8491330
why

>>8491350
idk, it become more interesting if you're a dude, suppose it doesn't matter

>>8491353
yeah sadly I'm not interesting

>>8491356
well i didn't say that now did i

People are fucking morons, why cant more people learn to think critacally, form educated opinions about everything that has ever come accross their minds. What a damn shame to see were human intellect is heading, straight to the abyss of idiocy. Most of everyone just tags along with the heard, the skill of deep thinking is likened to that of diving, the deeper one wants to go the greater the effort. Anyway, im fed up right now, my cousins husband is just lounging around the house, he didnt feel like going to work because of his lazyness, what a damn shame.

Im thinking of moving out, my "roomates" are slum filthy. Its like a crackhouse, but with no crackheads.

The cigar seems to be a phallic representation of the African male. It looks similar, after all: thick, brown, veined, and used orally. Perhaps this was on purpose. But we must think again of what one does with a cigar; the phallic object is burnt, it's contents pulled into the mouth and throat, then pushed through the lips. The phallus is destroyed, but what does this mean? Is destroying the phallic object domination if said phallic object was inside of one's mouth, entering ones person? Is it a mutual display of submission and domination?

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Consciousness is a virus

My kitten bit a squirrel earlier. She's turning into an impulsive cat. Or a really long dig.

>>8491405
Tommy please go finish that next novel, you don't have the time to be shitposting.

J'ai une partie d'Exalted demain. J'ai vraiment hâte, j'adore les amis avec qui je joue. Mais j'ai l'impression d'être fatiguant des fois. Trop motivé comparé aux autres. Et quand ça arrive, je veux plus voir personne. J'aimerais vraiment toujours savoir ce que les autres pensent de moi. C'est ce qu'il y a de plus important. Je veux être le meilleur ami, le meilleur amant, être aimé par tous. Mais en même temps je ne veux pas, car je sais que la méchanceté existe dans le monde, et que tout le monde sans exception en possède une part. L'idéal serait d'être seul, et de ne pas avoir besoin des autres. Avoir que soi-même à gérer.

Si ce n'était que ça... J'ai peur de la mort. Je ne veux pas mourir. Je sais ce qu'il y a après la vie. Rien. Un rien inimaginable. Je ne veux pas rien. Je veux être seul, éternellement.

God, I want him to respond, I haven't heard back in weeks. I read the books and listened to the poems he recommended. Looked up the painters he talked about. I wonder if he's touched the copy of Faust I sent him. I wish he'd just drop in to say how he's doing. I wonder if sending a long message every week bothers him. I wonder if he's secretly annoyed of me but too nice to say it. How busy are people pursuing PhDs? I try so hard not to think of him but he always seems to creep up on me.

short hair is great I've never had it this short I love feeling my scalp I love feeling my scalp sssssshhhhhh all across my t e m p l e I love feeling my scalp twin peaks is odd watching it makes me feel odd I want a beer I'd like to get a beer "Please get me a beer?" I have to get myself some bu bb ly I have to get up I have to get off the
old
couch I have to walk to the fridge why won't Maggie walk why won't Maggie go outside and pee why does Maggie sit around in the middle of her walks something is
got up no beer had to talk to Maggie dog she made a weird noise is she okay? is she okay? drama queen or something is wrong I hope drama cause her mom loves drama her mom is a bigger drama queen than her but if it's not drama her mom will be : - (
I hope mom's alright I hope she's not avoiding this I hope mom's arlight I hope momm I hope her b p o l i a r d i d o d e r i s s t back that would really break me I'm already on meds that would break me here is your prescription CVS was closer to my office that would break me

I really want a beer

>>8470566
I am really annoyed by how this gif isn't a perfect loop, someone please fix it

Is there objective moral truth? Cue existential crisis v643

I could be having sex right now if my phone didn't fuck itself up.

What is with /lit/'s obsession with Blood Meridian? I've read some of McCarthy's other novels and think he's unnecessarily edgy and overrated. Is it worth reading?

>>8491405
You fucks and your phallic symbols. You look around and all you see is dicks - I'll never understand it.

>>8470566
I drank two bottles of jameson last weekend.

I stayed in my room so that my roommates wouldnt find me drunk. I woke up in the morning with blueberries sprinkled over my carpet and realized that I had blacked out and had broken my rule of staying in my room. I waited for a few hours to sober up, took a shower then ventured downstairs to feel out the mood of my roommates toward me.

i have a history of getting drunk and being self destructive, and they have witnessed it and want to avoid it like I do.

I saw my roommates and they treated me normally.

I got away with my debauchery.

I realized that I could have easily met a grim result than have met a neutral one. And in the past I have met with grim results of my blackouts. They unlock my self set shackles which keep me tame, and give free way for the ghosts which reside in me to act freely. Ghosts whom only desire more of them-self, anger, sadness, and loneliness.

uppers on alcohol leads to alienation from the force which binds me to others, love.

"anon is broken"

message me
don't you want to know me?

>>8492126
no

>>8492131
but I want to know you

>>8470566

Really wish I could remember the tune I heard in my last dream. I'm sure it was during the part where I'm in a fancy cinema with a free-viewing section with a snack bar directly behind the seats. It started playing the moment I noticed that there was a cat at my feet. He was probably listening to it. It was pretty catchy from what I can remember.

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i feel that i must know more that i must know everything that what i know and what i do are not enough
what is the source of this ambition? what am i trying to do? i don't think it's just vanity? am i just prone to oblige? why do i want to do something as stupid as please the entire world? why am i so hungry?
i don't have enough time
i wish i was born rich only to give back greater riches unto
it's ridiculous

>>8492118

get over yourself, pussy

ill never b a cute trap. my face hurts from shaving and now i gotta remove this makeup. Went on omegle for 1 hr and noone talked to me, my ugliness must be potent

Why do I come here? I feel like the complete opposite of what I imagine most people here are like. I'm a complete square: no drinking, no drugs, abstinent, neat, sucking up to authority. I may be a lonely, practically friendless college student, but my social skills are fine. I don't really sympathize with the desperate anarchy and provocation that many people use this site as an outlet for (not to say it distresses me so much either).

I feel alienated from a group of people who are already defined by their collective alienation.

>>8492187
anon I bet you're cute as hell. write about it

>>8470566
No.

>>8470566
I met this girl at work, we talked a few times and found out we have a lot in common. But she's 5 years older than me and isn't interested in dating someone just entering their 20's... and she doesn't even want to be friends. I see her every day and we don't even talk or even acknowledge each other. I have a friend who's the same age as her, has his life together, and has more in common with her than me and she just moved to the town he lives in. I can't help but feel completely inadequate. I know we're never going to be together and I'll be alone for another how many years, and it's incredibly likely she'll meet my friend and they'll fall in love. I mean they're literally the same person, it's almost scary how similar they are. Just feels bad, man. I'm tired of being alone and I thought this was my one chance at a meaningful relationship.

This is probably a jumbled mess and reads like shit I'm a bit drunk and apathetic.

>>8492165
Thanks anon

>>8492210
i look like im in a glam rock band from the 80's

My feet have long been saturated in riveries
dancing fleeting beams from sunlit trees,
the flailing bee and setting sun all around me are
and my dick swells swerving up and down on indirect quotations and their referenceless danse.

niggeria will plummet down a flight of rushed stairs,
while the world chimes peering onto its sorrowful despair,
the sound of lips conjoined reminds of my dog licking his ass,
the fast track to death will come when we all reunite together as one.

>>8492231
If you loved her you'd be happy with her ending up with someone who you know is better for her than you.

So don't worry, what you're losing isn't all that great, if it were that great, it would not hurt you to lose it anyway.

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tfw the true reason that I shitpost is because on the inside I am an empty person

tfw I spend time posting worthless content on the internet to make up for my lack of personhood

tfw I'm too much of a talentless meme to do anything else

tfw my life is a series of wholly uninteresting events strung together

tfw I will die unloved

tfw death will come to us all and when you die there is nothing

>>8492126
I'm shy. Message me.

I don't know how to maintain a conversation

>>8472153
i envy you anon

i can't believe how low /lit/ has sunk. this thread is /r9k/-tier faggotry

>>8492126
kik me i'm free for the next few hours

>>8491829
just ask him out you slut stop being a little bitch dramatizing bullshit. sorry for being slightly offensive i dated someone like you and i left because of the attitude you both share, or appear to share, let's not get pedantic.

>>8491356
self loathing is disgusting and pathetic. it makes you repulsive. everyone shares it but don't let it be a part of you and your personality. faggot

>>8492516
everyone is a little bit of a faggot, but /lit/ is now coming to terms with it and accepting it instead of fighting it and changing. in a few years, we won't browse here but i imagine it'll be even worse than /r9k/ now

>>8493046
Hey friend, no need for name calling. He's in another continent and chances are I'll never see him again. I want him in my life but the infrequent Facebook message is all I have.

>>8493047
shut the fuck up

>>8493115
>He's in another continent and chances are I'll never see him again.
virtual friendships/relationships W E W

>>8493118
pathetic

>>8493128
Not like I have any friends in my vicinity. Why do you have to rub salt in my wounds?

>>8493143
sorry for my being a retard, but this won't end well. so save yourself the pain, and end it quickly. it feels like a cage right? i know how you feel but it's really unhealthy. i'm sorry again.

>>8485482
When I was 18, the frustration became too much to bare so I hooked up with guys (3 guys, on individual occasions), and had sex with them.

I'm straight but I have my eyes on the prize.

>>8471263
Well, having a God complex is pretty sociopathic imo

>>8493151
Don't sweat it. How do you deal with the loneliness and the longing? I keep myself busy but the walk back from the library gives an awful lot of time to think.

>>8493170
it goes away with time. when you cut ties, you might stalk them and think about them excessively, but it fades. i remained somehow obsessed with her for two months but after that, i just stopped. now it's been a long while and when some things remind me of it, like your post, i start wondering why i liked them in the first place, and i get slightly angry with myself for being so dumb. i think this is why i sounded slightly offensive.

>>8493193
Thanks for the advice, friend. It's just been a long time since I genuinely liked someone. I guess I'll just sit it out and try not to ruminate on him.

I used to be a whiny depressed little shit. Then I realized that reality is an illusion and so is my suffering. I've been pretty happy ever since. To all the depressed whiny shits that have turned this board into /r9k/ I implore you to consider this.

>>8493241
>then I realised that reality is an illusion and so is my suffering

Unironically what led you to this conclusion? I'm a whiny shit and I'd like to become more easygoing and optimistic

>>8493228
yes i know, you probably can't remember liking someone as much and can't imagine liking anyone as much in the future. all this will eventually end i think. if you want to talk a bit about it email me or use skype [email protected]

if i tell you the truth, expressing my thoughts here or anywhere isnt worth.

and that is my thought right now.
i wish i find a reason why i should.

>>8493316
not gonna lie something about the words you left out made that interesting to read and reread

>>8493316
>worth """""it"""""
could you be any more unespecific

>>8493316
>a reason why i should
You're anonymous on a land filled with other anonymous faggots

>>8493332
meant any satisfaction for me
>>8493350
reason above

>>8493256

Nothing too intellectual, just stuff based on my emotions and how I feel about the world around me. I wish this was something I could pass on to others, but I haven't found a way to do so yet and I'm quite shit at expressing myself through words. But I'll give it a try.

It was a gloomy winter afternoon, I had an apartment with a fireplace back then and I was staring out my window at the thick snow while listening to the crackles of the burning wood. As was usual I was gripped with anxiety about being alone and my life going nowhere. Outside I saw a tree covered in snow and I realized I hadn't a single thought about that tree. That led me to think about how something exists first and then we attach meaning to it after, along with our feelings and thoughts. Something I'm sure I got from Sartre. So I started looking at things without placing any meaning or thought to them. I looked at the snow, the fireplace, various books around my room etc. And while I did this I started to realize that everything felt more and more illusory to me, like they weren't really there but rather I just perceived they were. Eventually I started thinking about myself and my anxiety to the same effect. I began to saw everything, including myself as an illusion spawned from the void that we will all return to some day. That void or nothingness felt so endearing to me that I couldn't help but feel better about myself and my life. Thinking like this became an obsession of mine I would think about it whenever I felt bad about something and I could rise above whatever was causing me distress. It didn't make me feel better instantly but I felt like I gained some higher worldly perspective that definitely lessened the impact that my emotions had on my attitude and my mind. And the less I was ruled by my anxiety and emotions the more productive I became, ironic since this belief is basically pretty much entirely based on me 'feeling' this way about the world. I think my brain tricked me into some form of therapy that helped me get my shit together. And I did, when I look back at how miserable I used to be I can't believe I used to be that person. I hope you'll find whatever works for you as well, anon.

>>8490852
Stahp