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I wrote this when I was drunk over a year ago.
What does /lit/ think of this in terms of a very short "slice of life" story?
"Are you good dude?"
The propensity flows over me, as it has many times before.
"Yea man, I'm fine....I'm definitely good to drive."
He looks at me with a slight look of concern
"Whatever you say pal, have a good night."
"Yea, you too."
I take off from the front door, stumbling to my car. "I should have stayed over," I think to myself as I unlock the car door. I know I'm in no condition to drive, but I certainly don't want to impose on my friend. He lives with his girlfriend now, I wouldn't want to interrupt any plans he has with her.
I step in my car and start the ignition. Pulling away, I try to act as normal as possible.
"Well here we go, let's hope we can make it home without getting pulled over."
Through the streets I drive. The highway is my destination. I must make it there. I must make it home.
Gunning my vehicle, I make my way onto the on-ramp.
"I must make it up to merging speed," I think to myself
Swerving ever so slightly, I make it up to sixty five miles per hour.
"I need to keep it at this speed, so I seem coherent with the flow of traffic."
Pulling around the bend, I keep track of my speedometer like a hawk.
"Look at these people around me," I muse,
"They can't drive worth a damn!" I think as I floor past them. Good drivers are like attractive women, so far and so few between. Onwards I go, towards my exit.
"Easy, easy...I'm doing well. I just have to keep en-between the lines, and the cops won't notice me."
Racing towards my destination, I blend in with the other vehicles. Making my way upon the intersection, I see my exit is coming up. I must prepare to merge onto my exit.
Merging goes smoothly, and I'm on my way. I'm so close to home, but something could happen.
Going down a close side street, I tighten up, every small movement is exaggerated and amplified, and analyzed.
So close to home, got to keep it together.
Finally, I'm on my street. I pull into my drive way, relief flooding over me like a tsunami .
"Well, that was interesting." I think to myself.
"I should really be more careful, before I drive home drunk."
- END
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>>8462927
Pretty good.
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>>8462927
Kind of pretentious. Also lacks proper motive. No person drunk enough to think they're okay to drive would ever question if they are ok to drive. Plus he was offered the night why didn't he just stay? Its not that odd. The narrator also seems to be relativley clear of mind. If I was that hammered and I got on the road my mind would be somewhere between dazed and delirious. The road, the trees, the cars would all be remembered as a blur, and your writing does not reflect that. Theres also no sense of suspense. Although we (the readers) are aware the mc is taking a stupid risk and is going against better judgement to do something extremely dangerous it never feels like hes going to get hurt. Its almost like one could tell that you were going to end with the mc getting home safe within the first couple sentences. All things considered, I'd give it a 6 maybe 7 out of 10. If you want to make something decent work harder at your writing, and read more. Otherwise you'll be stuck in mediocrity forever.
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>>8463750
I thought it was pretty accurate to driving drunk...I never feel good about it, no matter how drunk I am. You're always conscious you're driving drunk and that you could get pulled over. Maybe some drunk drivers just don't give a damn, but most reasonable people are conscious like OP, in fact driving drunk can be sobering because it makes you nervous.
That said OP I like it but some of the wording is a little awkward.
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>>8463793
I guess I've never felt bad about staying over at friend's houses'. I've only ever considered going out once while inebriated and I was already relativley sober, but I immediatley reconsidered without a second thought. I never take risks where I could harm anyone else, that is just careless. Needless and frivilous actions like that are rarely required, and if weighing the benefits against the risks you decide that you absolutley have to get home that night and there is no other way to do it, that should be the only time you get behind the wheel while drunk. I don't want to die in a horrific accident just because some asshole wanted to sleep in his own bed that night.
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>I keep track of my speedometer like a hawk
cliché
Overall, it was pretty good, but it definitely could use some editing. Be more descriptive, I would say—though, that could change the piece's tone.
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>>8463793
There is awkward wording, I agree....this was never edited lol.
I like writing but rarely do, since graduating college a few years ago....
I'm one of those POS lazy creatives, and will probably forever remain in mediocrity because Iack willpower.
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The writing doesn't reflect that he's drunk. Neither does the dialogue. If you didn't mention him being a drink driver at the start it would be impossible to tell through his actions and thoughts.
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>The propensity flows over me, as it has many times before.
wew that's overwritten
"habit"
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>>8464605
I disagree...it's at the very beginning. I WROTE this while drunk....
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>>8462927
Most drunk people inner-monologue is more like "haha dude... Im so fucking blasted. I'm like the bestest driver that ever lived, I wonder if I can get this car past 95mph without crashing into a tree xDD?" not "It seems as though my consiousness is slightly altered by the alcoholic beverage I had consumed earlier, I shall make sure that I abide by all traffic legislation as to not injure any pedestrians."
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>>8464627
Then you must be one ostensious drunk asshole.
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>>8464645
Ostentatious*
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>>8464692
You must be the type that thinks one glass of chardonnay gets you twisted.
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>>8464759
No....I am one of those people who used to drink too much. Like 4 times a week. Whats with this ad homenim filled discourse anyway?
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>>8464627
Exactly. He says he did but nothing of the rest of the text makes me believe it. I don't picture these to be the actions and thoughts of a drunk man.
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>>8464641
But the MC does, so what's your point?
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