Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

It's fanfiction that JK canonised.

I just finished reading it and what the fuck. That was the strangest experience. How did the initial idea for the plot not just get shot down straight away?

has jk lost her fucking mind

>>8387789
Tell me, does Harry die at the end? I read the synopsis of Part I on Wikipedia but I was too afraid to go on.

>>8387795
No. It's not that type of story. There's no consequences or really any threats. It's just a big weird mess.

>>8387697
(((Someone))) read Bruce Charlton's blogpost about how HP is in many ways a deeply Christian and British work, so a slapdash and incredibly shallow WE WUZ HERMIONE N SHIIEET play script (?) was thrown together.

So when Harry is going nuts and telling Albus how he and Scorpius can't talk to each other anymore and he'll basically use the imperius curse on him if he doesn't obey, was that because in that alternative timeline Harry was a terrible person? They didn't make that clear. It seemed like that was meant to be the original Harry.

The trolley witch takes the cake though. Nothing is more baffling than that scene.

Its fucking retarded they're not making a recording of the play, the most beloved children's property of all time gets an unexpected addition years after it ends BUT only for rich people who live in london.

>>8387697
I generally don't like HP on my /lit/, but yeah. I read it. I threw the book across the room when the fucking train thing happened...
>throws it like a grenade
End me now. Fucking awful.

>>8387841
>>throws it like a grenade
Oh shit I forgot that, fuck. I had to stop reading at the trolley witch and wait for my laughter to pass. I'm still not over it. It's the most baffling thing in the fucking book.

Remember the scene where 14 year-old Albus kisses Hermione, his aunt, multiple times and tells her he wants to have another baby?

BRAVO J.K

>>8387853
Why was that included?! Who exactly thought that was a good idea? I mean it's weird enough to kiss the wife of the person you're impersonating, weirder still to tell her you want another baby, and just completely cringe-inducing when it's your aunt. What the fuck?

>>8387904
Because they thought it was funny, I guess. And on the surface I see how it could be but if you think about it for a few seconds it's actually a really weird and disturbing scene. Especially how the stage directions specified that he kissed her "firmly".

>>8387853
MASTERPIECE

>>8387910
I was laughing, sure, but for the wrong reasons. It's a damn shame it was such shit. I mean HP has never exactly been fine literature, but I've always had a good time... But this...
I should have known the first time Scorpius brings up the rumor about his heritage. I was reading with my family (passing lines back and forward, which was fun) and when we got there we just stared at eachother disbelieving how stupid the book was about to get.

>>8387921
>I should have known the first time Scorpius brings up the rumor about his heritage
That's when I first started laughing in disbelief, too. Holy shit. Even though I knew the big spoilers about the play before going into it, that still caught me by surprise.

>I was reading with my family (passing lines back and forward, which was fun)
That sounds really fun. Makes me wish I had a handful of friends I'm comfortable with that like HP. We could have thrown like a little CC party and done a read-through of the book (different people playing different characters, etc.). Would've been great to have other people to laugh with and share the sheer bafflement.

Pirate link where? I haven't read it and I'm not going to buy it.

>>8387853
I think Rowling didn't actually bother to read the script and she just approved it because she's busy with the new movie.

>>8387940
Honestly that wouldn't surprise me much. But even a brief description of the plot should've gotten a hard no from her.

>>8387940
I'm going to hire a hitman to kill her if the movie is as shitty as this book.

>>8387949
God forbid there's a film.

File: 1470883337216.jpg (62KB, 851x233px) Image search: [Google]

62KB, 851x233px

>>8387946
Seriously. At first I was like "well the writing is fucking awful but that's not Rowling, that must be that Thorne guy".
But it's HER "original new story"!

>>8387951
Imagine the /tv/ memes if there was though. Trolley Witch could be the new baneposting.

>>8387970
The fuck is this Trolley Witch shit?

>>8387972
https://www.buzzfeed.com/alannabennett/holy-shit-trolley-witch?utm_term=.fqeKpEEzvD#.rcKVN88X1E

>>8388010
That shit is too bizarre even for HP standards.

>>8388010
>her hands transfigure into very sharp spikes

This shit is crack fanfic material.

>Wow. Squeak. My geekness is a-quivering.

>>8388017
Actual dialogue.
It's like the writers WANTED to antagonise the population against them

>Um, what? I was beyond excited to read the play as a die-hard Potterhead (I had a very awkward phase in high school where I had an HP-themed Tumblr with a couple thousand followers and considered myself “Tumblr famous”; I still cringe at the memory). I read the article with the collection of tweets calling the play a fan fiction, and disregarded it. But after reading this, I’m deeply confused and troubled. HER HANDS TRANSFORM INTO SPIKES? Do I read it and risk compromising my love of the HP universe? Or do I ignore it and constantly feel like I’m missing out on part of the cannon? I’m conflicted af.

Not even the Tumblr fangirls like this shit.

>>8388038
Of course they don't, it's abysmal. It's probably even worse for fans like that because they've been reading/writing fanfiction better than this for years.

This is the closest I've ever seen /lit/ come to a book discussion. You should all form a book club and stop lying to yourselves about what you actually enjoy reading.

File: money.jpg (27KB, 450x450px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 450x450px

>>8387789
>How did the initial idea for the plot not just get shot down straight away?
pic related

File: ScorpionKing.jpg (67KB, 600x933px) Image search: [Google]

67KB, 600x933px

My favorite part had to be how Scorpius becomes the Scorpion King. It made me cringe right before laughing for 45 minutes.
>I'm laughing thinking about it now.

>>8388077
I still don't get it though. Any HP play/book would've made loads of money so why did they settle for something so bad? Especially since Rowling didn't even write it so it's not like it took effort from her. She could have just been like "yeah do a play but don't do this plot because it's absolutely terrible. do something good."

But then, if you believe the cover, the story idea came in part from her anyway. I don't understand how somebody could lose their creative judgement in such little time. I guess becoming a billionaire does that to you.

>>8388088
What did that even mean. At first it looked like a schoolyard nickname but at some point Snape referred to him as a king and seemed serious.

>>8387697
STRETCHED

>>8388092
That "Scorpion King" shit was real as fuck homie. As real as the Blood Ball all the bitches wanted to take him to. Some 'My Immortal' shit right there.

>I'm laughing because of how corny and terrible this shit was.

>>8388127
How about those screaming mudbloods in the dungeons that apparently Scorpius, a 14 year old student, came up with the idea for? The only downside to torturing people at your school is that you occasionally get some blood on your shoes though. You wouldn't want that on Voldemort Day.

File: 1440386970915.jpg (8KB, 200x200px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 200x200px

>>8388088
Sweet jesus, I thought it was a meme. Then I looked it up.

>>8387812
What in the fuck are you talking about

It's been a few hours since I've finished it now and I still can't believe this book is real.

File: 1467651626227.jpg (69KB, 458x727px) Image search: [Google]

69KB, 458x727px

>>8388148
It's cringey but funny as fuck man.

>>8388143
>The only downside to torturing people at your school is that you occasionally get some blood on your shoes though.

Awww yeah! Just in time for the Blood Ball.

>>8387841
>>8387845
The grenade pastries are so weird. It's very hard to believe that at no point over the 190 years did a kid throw one of the pastries at another kid. It's also really baffling why this crazy nameless trolley witch was making the foods anyway? Especially stuff like chocolate frogs which come in packages and include trading cards. Did she make the trading cards too?

>>8388062

The best bantz is true, thank you based anon

>>8388062
Fucking kek
Complete truth spoken here.

>>8388252
>>8388062
>>8388284
hey what are you trying to say and why

>>8387936
Go get a fucking library card dipshit, you don't have to buy it.

>>8387951
Hahahahhahahha

>>8388291
That involves leaving the house

>>8387936
I got mine on the pirate bay

>>8388291
>>8388295
>That involves leaving the house
and would probably also involve waiting for weeks

>>8388017
I don't think I'm ever going to get over this line.

>>8388340
What's the context? Who says it?

>>8388370
Scorpius says it after he sees Bathilda Bagshot, who's a famous historian.

Anybody else here pronounce "cursed" as cur-sed? Is that biblical?

>>8388422
Sometimes I intentionally say it as "cur-sed", because it feels more right in certain contexts. Like the title of this book sounds sort of underwhelming if you pronounce it normally.

>>8387697
>54 replies

come on /lit/, you act all high and mighty, then you go and read this shit?

>>8388434
read the thread. everybody is saying how terrible it is

>>8387837
>BUT only for rich people who live in london.

J.K. is a total lib so this fits perfectly.

>>8387837
>>8388457
That's why they released the script though, so you can still read it if you aren't able to see the play

Wait, so who's the cursed child? Albus? .. Because he's... Sad and lonely? "Cursed"?

>>8388470
Scorpius is literally Voldemort's kid.

>>8388473
Isn't that just the rumor?

>>8388475
I don't believe so... but then again I haven't actually read the book.

>>8388470
It could refer to three different characters, really. Cursed by their father's legacies, I guess.

>>8388475
>>8388478
Yeah, the rumour was that Draco was shooting blanks so his wife traveled back in time to when the Dark Lord was alive and cucked him.

>>8388516
Wasn't Voldemort incapable of love, though? Or any warmth towards human beings whatsoever, while we're at it?

>>8388531
He does have a kid but with that weird girl that can see those funny horse like things because she saw death. He has a daughter. Scorpius is actually Draco's it's just people being mean to him.

>>8388516
>>8388535

Fuck, JK signed off on all this?

This is literally fanfic tier and not even the top layer of the shit heap.
>Time travel
>Voldemort's kid
>"Cute" lines

I decided not to read anything from Rowling since she went full SJW

>>8388535
God I'm half asleep. He had a daughter with Bellatrix, dunno where I was going with the other one.

File: basedgraham.jpg (259KB, 907x766px) Image search: [Google]

259KB, 907x766px

>>8388038
>cannon

>>8388538
She's like, half-SJW, dude. What are you talking about. She fucks up with SJW stuff constantly..

>>8388537
Yeah it's really confusing how this happened.

>>8388703
She's just enough SJW to survive as a writer in the current climate.

>>8388792
Sure thing, /pol/.

>>8387697
>caring what's 'canon' in fiction
Did you just blunder in here from some other part of the internet?

>>8388942
We'll aren't you a special little boy :3

i feel like this was just made to troll everyone who likes this dumbass franchise. its literally my immortal.
my grandfather used to call me "daughter of voldemort" to make fun of me during my goth phase. someone please ask me to the blood ball

>>8390759
Nudes first then maybe I'll ask.

>>8390759
I would be honoured to take you to the Blood Ball, Augurey.