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What the fuck /lit/ how do I stop writing such shitty dialogue? Any rules or suggestions? Here's the shit I made so far between two girls in the olden days
"Ava you look bright this morning, did you get a good nights sleep?"
"Oh, you jest. If anything you look better yourself"
"But you look so much better, You seem more alive"
As much as she wanted this useless conversation to end Ava didn't Falter in evading most everything she said in the brightest manner she could cope until Mary began speaking, "You know, me and my parents said it was alright if you could come to my house, and we could play chess or something."
"I would love to but unfortunately I
have to work in the house this evening and as much as I love chess I don't think I could indulge in walking a single other step than into my own bed."
"Oh, sorry to hear that, but please don't be scared to come to my house whoever you can!" She called out when Ava finally began walking the opposite direction, twisting the edges of her face into a frown and glaring at her husband who noticed Ava and shrunk back into the house like a frightened rat
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>>8346597
Whenever*
I'm sure there's more mistakes but you get the idea
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>>8346601
Talk to people. Start random conversations with friends, acquaintances, strangers. Read. No other ways really. Maybe do what my 16 year old sister used to do, make lists of talking points for specific people.
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>>8346597
This image is from Loomis' 'Fun with a pencil'
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i think people overthink dialogue. use dialogue as a tool not a necessity. if something has to be said directly make sure of it. make sure what is being said fits the mood, atmosphere, tone
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>>8346658
I thought it would be a funny reaction image
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>>8346597
It's overwritten. Try to make every piece of dialogue have a point, rewrite and rewrite. Dialogue generally isn't that interesting because it's not very descriptive, so in stead of saying "Ava you look bright this morning, did you get a good night's sleep" say something like "You look good, sleep all right?" and then describe the way she looks. That way it stays interesting and emotive.
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That's stupid. Why are these losers speaking to eachother?
"Oh, I just wanna talk about dumb shit," Ava said.
"Wow, maybe you should fucking kill yourself instead of doing that," Mary replied. "Maybe you should take a knife and just neck yourself so no one will have to suffer through this garbage ever again. Eat poison. End it."
Ava had considered that many times. People had always called her cardboard, wooden, lifeless. What would it matter if the lifelessness of the body reflected the lifelessness of the spirit?
"Off myself..." Ava murmured. "Maybe that's a good idea. Maybe I will."
"You don't have the balls," Mary said. "You're a coward. You're a lowlife. You're a woman."
"Maybe I am."
"What?"
That was the last Mary ever saw of Ava. They found Ava thoroughly necked the next day. Mary turned up at the funeral with flowers, but it turns out Ava had requested that mourners explicitly not bring flowers to the funeral because she'd been allergic to them in life. Mary had to be forcibly removed by the funeral home director. She died many years later.
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Why is this dialogue even taking place?
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>>8346666
I like these 6s bro, and I like the image. I was reading the book today and thought I'd comment on the coincidence.
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>>8346674
>>8346682
I forgot to post a version with the suggestions, sorry not sorry if I fuck it up even more. Also if you're wondering about the context Ava is basically a sort of phsycotic woman living in the 1600's where she must act properly among puritans if she doesn't want to get hanged any time soon. Mary is a lively young girl of about 15 who actually takes an interest to Ava, though Ava really wants none of it.
Ava you look, did you sleep right?" She said, Looking at Ava's pale, yet spotless skin which seemed to radiate heat.
"I appreciate the compliment though I'm not interested" she replied, taking certain liberty in the fact that Mary was Mary.
"Oh no I certainly don't mean it in that way."
"In what way?" Ava said, expressing disgust though laughing internally
"No way at all! I mean, nevermind. You see me and my parents said that they would be delighted to have you for dinner at our place. It could be fun."
"I would love to but unfortunately I don't want to."
"Oh, sorry to hear that, but please don't be scared to come Over whenever you can!" She called out when Ava finally began walking the opposite direction, twisting the edges of her face into a frown and glaring at her husband who noticed Ava and shrunk back into the house like a frightened rat
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>>8346636
>Talk to people
Yuck
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>>8346597
Dude I usually try to keep it positive and constructive but that was fucking terrible like possibly the worst dialog I have ever read.
They are way too articulate, aren't they suppose to be teenage girls? Watch movies, read books and alk to people.
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>>8346597
It's neither realistic nor lyrical. Choose at least one and focus on it, depending on the style of the book.
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>>8347204
Do you think being a faggot can be excused by always starting sentences with "i dont suck dick regularly"?
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