No idea what other board I would put this on so here it goes

>>8320480
No

>>8320493
What's wrong with it?

>>8320480

It's correct if you take out the dash and use a simple comma instead:
>With each step he took, the voice in his head telling him he was being stalked kept on getting louder.
Your impulse to use a dash could come in handy in clarifying the sentence a little; see what you think of this option:
>With each step he took, the voice in his head–telling him he was being stalked–kept on getting louder.
This sets that 'telling...' phrase apart (it's not an essential part of the sentence) and gives it extra emphasis. (You could also put it in parentheses if you don't want to emphasize it as much; either way will make the main part of the sentence stand out more clearly.)

>>8320495
you swap from past-tense to present-tense, then back to past-tense narrative

>>8320508

Stop. Go and read up on participles and subordinate clauses before commenting on other people's grammar.
OP, don't pay attention to this.

>>8320508
So what would be correct?

"With each step he took, the voice in his head that was telling him he was being stalked kept on getting louder."

This or?
I am mostly asking because of tenses
I'm having trouble with them while writing the most

>>8320505
Yea I could do that, thanks anon, but I'm mostly asking for the tenses

>>8320547
10/10

>>8320542
So you're saying my sentence is correct?

The thing is, my new boss which pays me for books has been annoying me about my tenses since the second book I wrote for him

I never had anyone complain about them before, so maybe my other bosses didn't notice or care they were incorrect?
I just don't know and want my boss to get a properly written book from me

>>8320547
>the voice in his head that was telling him
You could do that. Adding 'that was' makes the sense and the tense more explicitly clear. It isn't necessary though (it doesn't change anything) and in fact is a little wordy, so I wouldn't recommend adding it.

>>8320567
Yes, it's correct.
Also, avoid 'which' whenever possible, and especially don't use it when referring to a person; use 'who' instead for that, if anything

>>8320586
I was thinking this, it made the sentence too wordy and I figured it didn't have to be there

But I bet my boss is still gonna point it out as a mistake or whatever