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Time in Porcelain
The death far away is silent
The death far away is short
A blue sky looks down at me
What earthly affair could break my green reverie?
What end of life could ever make me want some more?
If your favorite day stalks then the gray is at a core
If your next trip shoots then one thinks into four
Lines of paper await to be inked
Several books of eternity lie in the eye of a blink
Took me away did the city did say to another
Vale of trees, flowers, and white do wait for two brothers
Stay free away to see drink water as cold as ice to hold back feelings like rubber
I do know the light is my lover
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>>8317674
It's hard to read because your rhyme scheme is nonexistent; also, some of the writing seems rushed (eye of a blink? Okay concept but when you think about it... does not connect).
Overall, just seems a lil disjointed and without central premise to me. Keep trying though. also, put it in the poetry critique thread, wtf you doin
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