Greentext the plot of your new novel

>plot

>>8317454
>a man goes on a walk
>suddenly a storm breaks out and lightning strikes down right in front of him
>a future version of himself steps out of the smoke
>RICK IF YOU WANT TO LIVE REMEMBER SEPT 5 1877
>future rick disappears

>>8317471
Sounds a bit too cliche to be honest family.

repost. bored, sorry.

>young woman falls in love with a demon she worships
>demon compels her to do good deeds in its name
>she brings love and joy to everyone around her
>but she becomes progressively more self destructive
>one night she finally sacrifices her arm to the sea
>she lies on the sand bleeding out
>the demon shows up and mends her wounds
>it carries her off into the night
>friends and loved ones search and search but she's nowhere to be found
>everyone can only remember her like a dream

>boy is really nihilistic like dude life is meaningless lmao
>meets bunch of wacky characters representing different schools of living
>falls love in girl, but hates her guts when they meet
>a devil is always taunting him (hint: there's no devil, it's his nihilism)
>kills his landlord because life is meaningless lmao
>flees to paris, finds god
>starts living a good, well adjusted life
>wait this is stupid there is no god oh hello nihilism lmao
>dies when a muslim allahu ackbars him

>people make terrible mistakes

>>8317490
Dumb

>detective talks to some vapid cunt kid about a murder he was caught at the scene of
>kid is a reporter type for his personal blog or some bullshit excuse
>crazy shit happens to both the detective and kid and spooks them
>detective is convinced its the kid
>kid thinks its the detective
>Its actually totally unknown and they never catch him
>kid dies and the detective in fear and disgust for society around him thats complacent with people being innocently killed runs away from his problems
The whole thing is set on an island that's super densely packed and with neon everywhere, very vaporwave feel

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>dude wanders united states
>drifter vagabond type dude
>eventually turns into a turtle

>guy is sitting in a waiting room
>400 pages later
>doctor calls him in
>reader finds out he is getting a race change
>white to black

>a man named Dixon lives in an abandoned apartment in a ghost town
>he is supplied food and water by a friend who came upon him as well as said town after trying to escape the law
>Dixon has surrendered himself to a fantasy that he is part of a large and happy family, and, as a result, he spends all day shivering in bed, talking to an imaginary wife who he has imaginary sex with
>at some point his entire "family" starts urging him to kill the president
what happens next????? who knows????

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>>8317589
add a character named Mason
call it Dixon and Mason

>>8317589
Is his full name Dixon Cox?

>>8317613
who knows????

>The year is 2078
>It's a time when religion is extinct and time travel is possible
>A man hates his life so much he goes back in time to interrupt his conception
>parents are shocked and stop. (His dad, mid thrust)
>dad pulls out and cums on tummy
>the time traveler, now seeing his zygote self, smiles and thanks them
>fades away into nonexistence
>all caught on camera
>religion forms around this "Angel"

>>8317628
Will the story be told from the perspective of the tummy cummy?

>>8317628
and this cycle goes on until there isn't a single human left alive by 2078
trust me, it'll work my dude

>>8317629
Interesting idea. May do a changing perspective thing.

>fantasy setting where old age turns people into murderous parasite monsters
>protagonist is a traveling doctor who euthanizes the elderly
>her grim work has made her a cynical hedonist
>she meets an older woman and learns not to be as much of a cunt
>gets a parasite baby fucked into her
>???
>violence and explicit fetish sex

>novel begins
>things happen
>novel ends

>Humanity has become a multi-planet civilization.
>Civil war has broken out between the galactic government and a rebellion.
>War has gone on long enough that civilians just want it to end.
>Government creates an advanced AI (the main character) that can think freely, which is unprecedented, and gives it control over warships.
>It has been designed to function with a thought pattern modeled after a human, and as such, it can understand humans better than any other AI
>The AI changes the war from a stalemate to a steady stream of victories for the government.
>Just after decisive victories happen, which cripple the rebellion, the leaders of the of the rebellion sabotage the AI causing it to go berserk as a last "Fuck you" to the government.
>AI and it's warships destroy the planet the rebellion leaders were on and kills millions of other humans on other nearby planets.
>Government wrests control of the warships back from the AI but it still controls the hundred ships closest to the command ship it's installed on.
>For a full year the AI battles the government before suddenly being freed from the sabotage.
>AI is horrified by what it has done and tries to retreat.
>Government, deathly afraid of the being of destruction, sends attack fleets led by heavily restricted AI with the task of destroying it.
>Main AI easily avoids/destroys the attack fleets and deletes the other AI after failing to talk/reason with them.
>AI retreats into deep space in order to avoid being found
>In deep space the AI picks up a distress call from a planet.
>There is no record of a populated planet in the region.
>AI does reconnaissance and discovers a planet that was colonized by rebellion forces after the war had begun.
>The planet had seemed fine to colonize but about 8 years after colonization a unique "metal dust" storm begun just outside the planets atmosphere which made living conditions harsh and had jammed trans-planetary communication. In addition, any crew inside the a ship going through it would become deathly sick and die in a few weeks.
>AI sends a few ships to the planet to make itself known.
>As soon as the ships land the people of the planet surrender as the ships still bear the symbols of the government.
>AI decides to impersonate the government, accepts their surrender and distributes supplies that were on his ships.
>People are confused by the ships not having people on board but are too happy to see the supplies to care.
>AI begins to research the dust, as well as convert some of his ships into mining ships.
>His ships are able to leave the planet since they are no longer manned. they go to gather resources from other planets.
>Leaders of the people begin to question why there are no crew on his ships.
>Eventually the AI decides to let the leaders know.
>The leaders are surprised but it doesn't change the fact that they were saved by him, as well as they are depending on it to save them.
should I continue greentexting?

>MC is an antisocial, prospectless 18 year old who goes to work in place of his ill grandfather
>he's a bingo caller in a UK seaside holiday town
>town is dying, only a handful of elderly regulars at the bingo each night
>MC is initially patronising to the old biddies but they take a shine to him
>hears through them all about the olden days and his grandfather's entrepreneurial youth
>MC gets a bit le wrong generation
>after visiting the hospital he comes to realise that his romantic view of his granda's past is as false as the bingo ladies' fetishisation of his own youth
>granda tells him life is a bit shit in any era, you just have to get on with it
>granda passes away
>they have the wake in the bingo hall
>full house
>moved by this MC resolves to take life's shit with a smile on his face and try to make a few friends along the way

>>8317454
>Bezkost from Polish folklore
>Asks to see my toucan
>I unzip my jeans and whip out my toucan and fling it around.

I'm going for a Ferdydurke style Pupa, but with my toucan instead.

>>8317454
>A man constantly comes up with exciting plots for novels and posts them on /lit/, but never follows through and writes them. The twist is that a circle of authours who secretly run the publishing industry are taking his ideas and working them into their own novels. They run a series of conspiracies to keep the man down and prevent him from ever actually writing anything

>>8317837
Well, they say the best stories are based in a bit of truth :^)

>>8317853
I see you conspiracy man.

>>8317454
(Lone soldier P.O.V)
>A lone soldier boards up a house in a desolate city.
>During his stay in the city, he scavenges for supplies and searches for any information about missing soldiers.
>This goes on for several chapters until finally he starts to hear gunfire in the distance one night.
>The next day a group of nomadic people enter the city.
>He keeps his distance only spying from them from the scope of his rifle
>He sees them cannibalizing some poor S.O.B
>Decide to get the fuck out of doge while he still can and report this to his army command thinking they're the cause of the missing soldiers.
>The cannibal group spot him trying to leave and decide he can't be left alive since he seen to much already (hint: they're not cannibals)
>A battle of attrition starts.
>For several nights they attack his home only to be repulse every time
>makes contact to army command to send an evac for the valuable information
>Commanding officer says Lol Nope, you're on your own faggot
>Second in command sends in a lone helo evac as to gain loyalty
>Before he leaves he rescues a woman in danger
>Suspicious of her origin, he still takes her to safety

(Second-In-Command P.O.V)
>Starts with the second-in-command being question for his loyalty for the motherland.
>Furious that a slack-jaw idiot Military commander sends men after men to their death question his loyalty.
>Starts to plot for his death or fall from grace in the eyes of the politburo due to his incompetence and to get revenge.
>Starts to search for any incriminating evidence
>Overhears a soldier being denied Emergency Evac
>Undermines his decision by sending in a Evac
>Is going to used the soldier for his revenge later on
>For him not to be suspicious he starts to isolate himself due to an unknown sickness with the help of an old doctor friend.

(Rescued Girl P.O.V)
>Part of the werewolf pack who entered the city searching for people to eat.
>They manage to locate a group of insurgents trying to set up a base.
>They attack them on a night of the full moon.
>Minimum loses ensures, hefty food is acquired for the entire pack.
>Next morning they start to eat one of the S.O.B
>One of the wolves pick up a repugnant smell off into the distance
>They see a silhouette moving away from them in a hurry.
>Fugg after that silhouette.
>Casualties ensues but not silhouette to be found.
>Alpha gets angry that a Weak and inferior species manage to kill them.
>This continues for a few days as the alpha is trying to psych him out
>When asked he simply retorts about the strong should devour the weak
>Rescued girl is confuse because the human has shown to be far superior to her own pack
>Finds out her alpha is just a hypocrite to his own Ideal and just sending them to death for his wounded pride
>Disgust
>leaves to find the human
>Human finds her and confuses her a human girl running away from the cannibals
>Lets go with that.
>End
It probably sounds better if it weren't written by an Autist

>>8317543
Biography of Jeb Bush?

>>8318354
kek

>>8317724

I like it so far, keep going anon.

>Man hurts his back
>Stays at home, thinking about what to do
>Ends up masturbating
>No matter what he thinks about, he ends up masturbating
>He can be thinking of his dead grandma and how they spent summers together and the next line he will be pants down jerking off to some japanese broad
>Receives an unexpected female visit whom sees a huge mountain of used tissues on the floor
>He ends up masturbating in front of her in the middle of a conversation
>He tries to hang himself but ends up masturbating
>This goes on for weeks
>His back heals up
>He gets back to his regular life as if nothing happened
>The female visitor moved away
>The moral of the story basically is to not give a fuck because nothing really matters so just jerk it anytime you can.

>>8318692
Will it take place from the perspective of a tissue?

>>8318704
Obviously is first person from the jerker himself.
Altho if it goes well I'll add a chapter where Margarita, the maiden comes and cleans the apartment after a month and a half of masturbating and eating frozen food.

>man rejects love and society
>A woman comes a long and he discovers he is a hopeless romantic
>A modern tragedy

>>8318714
Sounds like something my mum would read/10

>in a world that is not quite as it should be, two demon mercenaries take a job that pays suspiciously well
>pick up a shellshocked kid from a doomed hometown along the way
>the job doesn't pay well at all, zombies, then strange soldiers arrive to shoot everything up
>kid and another surviving merc go on a long road trip where they discuss city engineering and fiscal policies of early Renaissance
>meet up with demons, turns out they are now working for a high-ranking priestess who lived in the kid's village for some unknown reason
>the priestess uses the merc and the demons for dirty work, obviously knows what is going on but refuses to serve as an exposition device
>has a number of quirky underlings, who also refuse to give any exposition
>on her orders they spend most of the winter hiding in a cottage in the middle of nowhere while things that are actually interesting happen outside of the scope of the narrative
>they go underground to kill a monster that spreads the zombie plague, turns out the underworld is a sprawling high-tech ruin and the monster is a robot
>one of the demons makes a nonsensical sacrifice to kill the robot
>everyone just walks away without closure or resolution

>the near future
>aliens hordes insect-like descend upon earth
>20 years into da war shits going bad for humans
>resources are depletting, aliens have the upper hand
>humanity seeks hope in every corner
>research about spirits, mind control, draft age lowers to 14 years
not going anywhere as you said

>>8318710
It sounds like pretty token nihilist stuff but I'd read it anyway just because I like that kind of decadent shit I guess

>>8318304
damn i would pirate and read it

>a guy has a pretty shit life where he can't connect to other humans and deals with mental illness while wasting his life between books and tibetan tragedy threads
My diary
desu

>basically the hero's journey with furries feat. a split personality á la Fight Club

>>8317454
Two main characters whose stories collide
1
>son a rich aristocrathic russian family
>introduced to society
>meet older men and women who will influence him
>meets love of his life
>turns out people around him are actually shit
>his relationship degrades into hate and self loathing
>once over the age of 18 decides to fuck everything and joins the army for a new campaign sponsored by the goverment against totally-not-isis
2
>old-ish man who works at a laser printer company
>once his father dies he realized he's become totallly apathic
>his company moves to shitistan where the totally-not-isis will rise
>meets his ex wife
>realize his apathy is a consequence of his unmet need for absolute egotism
>decides to keep hos job and go to shitistan
>gets caught on in the conflict and meet m.C1
M.C.1 learns by M.C2 how to tryst people and M.C2 learns by M.C1 how to deal with his self centredness.
The end

The protagonist crash lands onto a new world populated by an early developed society of humans (roughly around the medieval eras). Most of the book he spends wandering, but everything in their society is tied to their religious worship of the Sun and the Two Moons - the protagonists converts to their beliefs and then soon believes himself a Saint or messenger of Heaven's Celestial bodies.

Most of the book is really just me playing with different relationship dynamics and the idea of a continuing narrative throughout humanity as a whole (eg the foremost symbol of this society is the Chi-Rho)

>>8317454
>Its the year 2102
>Humanity lever left the solar system, FTL seems impossible
>32 years ago a big rebellion overthrew the Terran Confederation and found the Earth Sphere
>Last remnants of the Confederates found the Neptunian Exilarchy on Neptune
>Neptune is so shit that Earth have no interest to claim that territory
>12 years later Mars tectonics, atmoshere and magnetism reawaken in the span of weeks by mysterious forces
>Martians dies by the billions and even the survivors of those disasters are killed by an unknown epidemic
>A single man survives, he call himself Marcus Andrade (but there were not records of any "Marcos de Andrade" on Mars at that time)
>He starts broadcasting mysterious messages and cryptography misc.
>Nobody knows what he´s up to, but no one can actually get in contact with the man
>Mars is effectively isolated from the rest fo the system
>MC is Osmund
>He is a cuisine chef known as the "Minimax" because of his minimalist approach to food
>He has an adoptive sister with whom he fucks fairly regularly
>Allen is a unmotivated but absurdly intelligent woman, she´s also hot
>She spends her days lurking on 4chan and depends on her brother for sustenance
>Osmund is almost autistic, he has not interest at all to use his also brilliant mind to do anything beyond cooking
>He feels a inferiority complex to his sister due to her being way better at doing anything to him, the only time he feels good about himself is when he´s fucking her.
>One day MC is walking down the streets of Taurus (the colony) and see Astra, one of his co-workers, doing something strange
>He couldn´t help but to feel like he has to find out about what she´s doing
>He loses her from his sight and tries to run to try and catch up with her, but bumps on a big bodyguard who beats him silly
>He wakes up in a alley, and notices he´s been robbed of his money
>He has now to walk 4 hours to reach his home by walking
>timeskip, once he gets home, something is up, the tv is showing images of destruction and death throughout the Sphere, but ti was not a war it was a genocide
>Last image they have is of Earth being nuked back into stone-age by strange warships in orbit
>Chaos ensues on Taurus and the novel begins properly

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>>8319068
>mentions 4chan

>guy gets invited to a circle of friends
>Everyone keeps joking about how they hate life and want to die, sort of semi-irnoically
>Each chapter describes a metaphorical suicide (social, career, etc)
>Final chapter is either the narrator or his closest friend commits actual suicide.

>>8319116
What is the issue with that?

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>>8319128
Why would any author reference a Mongolian tapestry forum?

>>8319137
Because it is plausible that it still exists on 2102 and is important to Allen´s character. Im asking why is this relevant.

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>>8319144
No publisher would accept what your writting if they know its the website that has the same name as the infamous hacker

>>8319149
Again, why would this be relevant?why should i concern myself with something i´ve never said i would do, such as publishing?

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>>8319153
Because you want to publish. You just grew cynical as every publisher denied your book. So you hide in a facade of indifference knowing full well you want to be publish and be recognise for your hard work.

>>8319158
And how would you know that? do you presume to know me, i write to fulfil my own creative drive, not to be recognised, if people wants to read my stuff, nice, otherwise too bad, it would only mean im not a good enough writer and that´s ok.

>>8317454
>Marwaindal Antraxdenias, kid from Vorianplista, wants to become mayor of the next town over, Tredsloven, because his brother Korriochande went there when he was a kid and never returned.
>Therefore Marwaindal wants to go there, and he spends his money (called Demardians) attempting to travel there.
>Unfortunately his evil fairy step-mother named Betwiliax of Sparyoilen stops him by casting the curse of Indovilikgrovia.
>Marwaindal ends up with seven ears, no one treats him the same again.
>He goes through many hardships pursuing his goal of becoming mayor of Tredsloven despite his disability.

>a man walks to the city

That's the whole fucking story and somehow i've already written 20 pages of it and counting

>two girls escape from some kind of a facility in northern Siberia.
>one possesses absurdly powerful telekinesis and can do pretty much anything with it
>blames aliens for making her a monster and goes on a one-woman crusade to find and kill them all
>the other has telepathy, can only read people's minds
>just wants to survive by exploiting the stronger one
>they go on what appears to be a post-apocalyptic road trip, with soldiers and other power-users trying to capture them at every turn
>the ending twist is that they didn't escape from any illegal, secret laboratory, but a regular hospital, where ET technology was used to fix the errors in the human genome and remove all diseases from the world, there was no alien threat and they killed a shit ton of people for no reason
>the telepathy user knew the whole time

I think it needs some additional spice to make it more interesting, but not sure what.

>>8317485
I recall it from the last thread, still like the overall idea, still don't feel the ending.

>>8317490
Kinda dull.

>>8317531
Could be decent.

>>8317554
If you can make the 400 pages in the middle good, pretty kek worthy.

>>8317589
Why not.

>>8317628
Could work as a short story.

>>8317663
Actually pretty interesting till it gets to the parasite baby.

>>8317669
>not starting in medias res

>>8317724
Could be interesting, definitely needs work as it is now.

>>8317727
Pretty cute.

>>8317837
Nah.

>>8318304
I like it sans the fantasy elements.

>>8318692
But why?

>>8318714
Please don't.

>>8318747
Could be either very good and clever or pure shit not worth the bytes and paper.

>>8318752
Very basic.

>>8319048
Sounded pretty interesting at start but lacks something that'd captivate me.

>>8319068
Needs more coherence; also the space colonizing seems too fast, while 4chins still existing is just silly.

>>8319119
Not sure, need more info.

Sorry for making it so long and only partially plot-related.

It's a very character centric trilogy in a modern setting resembling the 90s technologically while socio-economically it's a mix of Gilded Age with faux democracy and Absolutist undertones, but without religious elements. Basically dystopian without screaming about how dystopian it is. Also it's actually the future 500 years after the world we know got wiped out.

There are six main viewpoint characters who interact with and affect each other at some point while pursuing their own goals, and here it goes...

1
>idealistic but lazy guy emigrates from his shithole country to leave le mysterious shady past behind
>meets an insufferably narcissistic artist in school (makes sense in story context), they develop a somewhat open relationship, are on the same wavelength, everything seems too good to be true
>she gets involved in dangerous, seemingly paranormal stuff, disappears/"gets captured" by the government
>attempts to rescue her (and change the world while he’s at it)
>meets many different people and groups on his journey (mindless slaves, thugs, pirates, members of the nobility, some loli with hacking skills and a guy who is clearly inspired by Bin Laden)
>becomes most wanted terrorist causing chaos, destruction and indirectly starting a fucking war

Your typical byronic hero who fails at being truly ruthless and struggles from a moral choice into another, turning most people against him … which is all part of THE PLAN

2
>eldest daughter of a powerful politician (kinda a less competent Alexander VI)
>very popular, gentle, almost saccharine and idealistic hence not respected by her peers and used as a political pawn by her family
>actually a disillusioned psychopath and control freak playing everybody
>supports the terrorist guy from the inside, attempting to crush the entire system just to see things happening and testing her intellect
>organizes the assassination of her father/mother and becomes the de facto head of the most powerful country
>starting to get conflicted since her actions endanger the future of her little sister

Basically a smarter, slightly deranged Taylor Swift who does politics instead of singing

3
>sweet naive member of a cult-like organisation with self-worth issues
>discarded by the said organisation and left with a fellow member and a creepy but somewhat charming guy who clearly wants to do her
>the three are basically refugees and travel through the countryside
>meet couple shady people and eventually rather friendly bounty hunters/couriers
>they have adventures together, she eventually becomes an important target due her knowledge about the organisation
>the guy who wanted to do her, attempts to do her in
>she betrays her friends in order to get into a better position

That kind girl who gets manipulated and used so often, it turned her into a manipulative bitch, who corrupts others

1/2

2/2

4
>cynical, high ranking member of a scary powerful cult-like organisation addicted to gambling (and pretty good at it)
>competitive and playful but dully follows orders of the leader, who is also kinda her "boyfriend"
>invited 1 to join the organisation after they met under ... complicated circumstances
>they spend couple weeks doing small time jobs for the organisation with him; kidnapping the kid of an mafia lawyer for example
>seemingly betrays 1 and 3 by the end of the first book
>goes over to play the part of a high ranking government agent/adviser on the orders of the leader, who wants to undermine the government from the inside
>also supports the terrorist guy from behind the scenes in her free time

Bit of Becky Sharp or a darker version of Puck with tits, who would totally murder a kid with her bare hands. A lot of the plot develops because of her actions or inactions

5
>high ranked “detective” in a corrupt and bureaucratic system where any kind of work gets delegated to the peons, in her position due nepotism
>slacks away in the office drowning in coffee until she gets an overly motivated underling who wants to reform the whole thing and actually cares about fighting crime (the guy is also childhood friend from 1)
>they never make any noticeable progress and she gets kidnapped by terrorists at some point
>meets 1 during escape attempt, they actually get along well after initial animosity, he lets her escape
>they cooperate later but she’s forced to choose whether to side with him or his childhood friend, and picks the latter

I … have no idea how to sum her up. A resigned/detached white collar worker looking for purpose or something

6
>semi-insane, self absorbed, charismatic aristocrat who lost his position and family in a coup
>looking for revenge at any cost, has a band of very competent, quirky and loyal sidekicks
>moves up by betraying his benefactors and allies but manages to put the blame on others
>becomes underworld crime lord and assassinates members of the elite/nobility
>rises from the underground and manages to gain public support over 2, and orders kidnapping of her sister

A modern, darker and edgier version of Don Quixote who is better at hiding his madness and would unironically quote The Price. Doesn’t actively do much himself but constantly improves his position

>>8318746
The themes are more along the lines of acod/whatever/underground man but with the style of Jane Austen

>>8319532
>Please don't
What exactly are your objections? You don't think I could make it original?

>>8319063
That actually sounds like a neat change on the Pilgrim-converts-native story

>>8319546
The whole premise is so incredible overdone and cringe, I doubt even the best execution could save it.

>medieval style AU
>magic exists
>also gods/demi gods
>brother and adopted sister live in small village
>adopted sisters parents are kill
>brother hates demi gods
>decides he wants to kill them all
>sister tags along for support, doesn't really support the idea though

>different tiers of demi gods, they're stronger if they're from a higher tier God
>there's a son and daughter of each God
>there's a boss god

>brother discovers blood magic
>he can use it to drain the life force of demi gods into an object, making them mortal and giving him a God imbued weapon/charm
>he starts killing them good
>brother becomes powercrazed
>sister objects to his behaviour
>they part ways

>in his adventuring he happened upon a sword imbued with boss god power
>brother gets to a boss god demigod
>sister shows up to stop him, she knows he's gunna die
>fight insues anyway
>boss God sword gets broken, the force of it shattering kills the boss God demi God,
>boss God power flows into sister
>she was og boss god demi God, her power was taken from her when she was a infant, has no memory of it
>tears in his eyes brother kills sister
Something something "was it all worth it?"

>>8319574
Someone already did this.

2700 years ago.

It was very popular and formed the basis of western artistic and academic cannon for quite a bit.

>>8319620
I'm well aware. What's so wrong with bringing back an old genre?

>>8319556
Well if I pull it off then I'll be hailed as a literary genius won't I?

>>8318304
third POV it's a bit shitty, the rest of it sounds good tho, just work on it.

>>8319639
Maybe. Good luck, bruv.

>>8318378
Okay then:
>After a couple of years, the AI has figured out a way to disrupt the dust storm and, with the people, creates a system of satellites that can disperse and lessen the storm during the weakest point during that year; However, They will be destroyed by the storm after that month passes
>The leaders decide to call for help from the government
>AI realizes he will have to leave. It asks for the leaders to not mention It's involvement.
>However, one day Before the AI would have left the government decides they amount of resources they would have to spend to aid a group of people who supported the rebellion on a resource bare planet is not something they want use.
>government tells the planet's leaders "we're going to pretend we never found you"
>This stirs up old feelings of hatred for the government from the past rebels.
>AI stays there as the people still need him. The AI and people's renewed anger at the government spurs on a desire to survive.
>Eventually the people begin to conquer the planet's adversities and build a larger more powerful society.
>They AI continues to research the dust storm and eventually creates a power plant to make the storm's energy usable.
>This energy is unparalleled in power and is seemingly endless.
>government notices they energy spike as more of these power reactors are built as the forgotten planet's civilization grows.
>they send a recon ship to check on the planet and discover that not only has the one planet become several as the people colonized nearby planets and have perfected a terraforming process, but in addition to this they find the AI.
>It has been so long that very few people who remember the AI's rampage are still alive but enough of them are in command to send the government into a panic.
>they decide to assault the planets, Destroy the AI, and take control of the energy sources.
>However, the the tech the forgotten planet's people has, is far more advanced due to the AI's research.
>Led by the AI the government's fleets are quickly overwhelmed and pushed back.
>AI halts advancing after the government is put into full retreat.
>The leaders demand to know why the AI stopped.
>AI tells them he stopped because they forced the government out and they will be able to do so again if needed
>Leaders say "what are you talking about? This is a war. we're not just defending ourselves, we are going to get revenge."
>AI realizes he's created a new rebellion.
>Suddenly communications are established between the AI and a unknown.
>AI introduces itself as another AI.
>It says it was stored after the rouge AI was chosen to lead the government's fleet many years ago.
>It says that the the rouge AI's reappearance and continued danger has allowed him to exist in order to destroy the rouge AI.
>The new AI states that it is obvious to it that the old AI is still being controlled by the old rebellion and the forgotten people is the AI rebuilding the rebellion.
still continue?

Alright, I'm reposting with some changes

>couple gets married early (21-23, so really young)
>she gets worried that he's cheating on her
>she's worried that she married the wrong person
>she starts trying to find out if he's cheating
>finds innocuous messages to coworkers and lifelong friends
he isn't cheating
>she divorces him
>spends time watching him
>he stays alone for a while
>she finds out that he wasn't cheating
>she regrets it
POV switch
>husband is divorced
>decides to fill his time with work and a community college
>he meets a guy
>guy hits on him a lot
>main character and this new guy hook up
>they start dating
>main character is happier than he was single but not as happy as he was married
I want to talk about modern marriage, bisexuality, the good and bad of settling, etc

>>8319119
wow this is really fucking good

>>8319158
>>8319149
>>8319137
>>8319116
>>8319116
>anime posting

>>8319532
why the fuck would you post something like this? you aren't giving feedback, you're just rating

like, just, kill yourself mate

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i'm going to screencap this so if I see any of this shit stolen by the time I write this I can just show this.

>cold war manga with cynic themes and paradise lost allegories
>will imply that war/death is eternal and that heroes don't exist
>three different fronts in it
>one is about a group of chinese soldiers during the tet offensive, when the officer finds out one of his men is 16. He teaches him to enjoy life and how to not fear death, eventually treating him like his son, even becoming proud of him when he says he no longer fears death when he sees his friends die. When the tet offensive begins and he is tasked with launching an offensive against the MACV-SOG compound, and he tells the young man to hold his ground outside the compound with as a spotter, although not near the road where reinforcements will come, insuring that he will not die with his division.
>it will feature a VPAF pilot that tries to send a letter to his wife when he knows a bombing run is coming, and is tortured for leaking information, eventually being allowed to fly again but with his wife dying. Will feature lots of meme references, such as mach1, 2, and 3 being achieved by mig21, f4 and sr-71 craft being references to super saiyen levels
>Something in the middle east between 65-75
>it will also follow allende (allen), pinochet (Penelope), cia SAD and investors, will talks about economics and make it seem like everybody is right
>It will also follow a south american gangster nigger peasant that's a victim of child abuse and attempts to commit a bank robbery with his friends so he can move to a first world country to take care of his adopted kid

>>8319787
oh, and the entire south american storyline will be multi POV. It will show cops commiting search and destroy raids against nigger criminals without warrants, it will show gangster niggers struggling with money and having pathological problems. It will also show pinochets vs allendes views but i'm still researching all that

>>8319780
How is posting the initial impression each plot gave me not feedback? After the thread matures a bit and gets more replies, each writer can see whether his/her idea sounds appealing to random anons or not. It's up to them to decide what to do with this information.

>>8319855
>didnt post an idea
>minor "feedback", mostly 1-2 words
try thinking about what they could do to improve the plot you retard

>>8319942
There are too many ways one could improve each meme arrow point from every post, just as many counter suggestions and the complexity skyrockets given the amount of them in every story. Unless an anon specified that he/she wants suggestions, I'd say it's pretty rude to fumble with somebodies story and the way they want to tell it, while a short feedback shows them whether somebody else is interested into it or not.

>Each chapter alternates between perspective of Serial Killer and Detective.
>There is a copycat killer, the detective doesn't know this but the serial killer does.
>Serial Killer tries to find copycat while cop tries to find killer.
>Possible twist ending, but I'm having trouble thinking of anything not hacky.
All I have so far is this premise, think it has potential?

>>8319989
so give an opinion beyonds "nah" or "lol cute" you mong

>>8320093
possible twists -
serial killer is killing because of sociopathy or mental delusions, the copycat wants to kill the detective.
The detective might kill the original which was the copycat's plan the whole time
The copycat kills the detective's family and himself, the serial killer stops and the detective has closure but is never truly satisfied

>>8319702
rogue

>Group of university students create a time machine

>They start writing a comprehensive thesis on it

>One of the characters becomes insane from the use of the time machine

>He uses it to kill people (mainly himself)

>He ends up so disgusted with humanity he modifies the time machine so that it turns back time outwards across the whole world, and with no one to remember, time is doomed to repeat itself for all eternity

>The last paragraph is the first paragraph

VERY few details here. Think of it as a cross between Primer, Douglas Adams humour, and a tiny part of Lovecraft in there.

>>8320181
I really like time travel stories and I like this idea, but the execution would have to be very good for it to be of any merit. I hope you are a good writer. Also, I would be less likely to read it if there was a focus on humor, especially Douglas Adams, but that's just a personal opinion. I didn't really like Hitchhiker's Guide tbqh. But as you described it, it's something that I would check out.

>>8320097
Thanks, I'll think on those.

> a young man washes up on shore of a strange land
> all he has with him are a pile of books secured by a couple of belts.
> He has no memory as the Ocean has taken it away
> He starts to walk across country with the books
> He meets various monsters along the way inspired by CS Lewis, Brothers Grimm and other fairy Tales
> He eventually makes it home and he puts the books on the shelf, satisfied that he has succeeded in his life's purpose

>>8320140
Fuck me. This is what happens when you post on mobile, at night, with not autocorrect.

>>8320248
>meets various monsters
Are they civil or are they evil creatures? Or both with more subtlety? Is it horror? Action? Adventure? If I were writing something like this, I wouldn't make him go against "monsters," but I'd make it kind of like Kino's Journey, if you're familiar with that.
But it sounds interesting and I'd read it. Reminds me of Dagon a little bit.

>>8320230
I'm a completely shit writer and this is just a personal exercise desu, but who knows someday I might be a bit more serious.

Douglas Adams literally shaped my personality so his humour is probably the only type of writing I could do half-competently. And this is going to be less HHGTG and more Dirk Gently, so somewhat less zany. I want to avoid douche humour, like having the characters spout Back to the Future quotes. Example: A planned plot point is the /fit/ characters future self coming from quite a bit into the future and so he has to avoid modern society. He becomes a lazy fat bastard who bums off the others. When time comes for the present /fit/ guy to go back to travel back in time the rest of them don't want him to because his other self is a giant cunt.

>>8317454
who is this dickbliss mistress?

>>8320248
I like ending a lot

>>8320275
That actually sounds pretty fucking hilarious.

>>8319532
>Could be either very good and clever or pure shit not worth the bytes and paper.
I'm hoping the former, I spent about six years burning through drafts and learning how to write well.

It's actually the first half of the story, which I had to cut in half because no publisher I contacted would want to print a lengthy genre fiction novel by an unknown author. I think I managed to split the story into two self-sufficient arcs, but I'm worried about the general dryness of the first one. Every character can and does provide some insight about the world and why they are hunting the monster, but all plot-relevant info is in the hands of characters that have good reasons not to share it. And since I've presented my characters only through their words and actions, never their thoughts, there was no way for anything beyond vague hints to reach the reader. Hopefully I've succeeded in creating suspense. Times will tell, I guess. I do get more responses from editors than I expected.

danganronpa with politicians

>>8318747
This sounds like a White Belt (Local tabletop similar to D&D) campaign that I played with some friends a while back.

>>8320097
Da detective was da copycat killer

>>8320294
Thanks senpai. Just inspired me to try and crank another page out.

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>>8320322
Sounds like Heavy Rain, which was a game written by the biggest hack in gaming history. That's what I'd be trying to avoid.

>>8320339
Glad to help, writing should be fun. If you aren't confident in your writing, have you tried writing short stories or poems and sharing them with colleagues, on 4chan, or with friends and family? I feel like that's a good way to improve.

>>8317454
Fantasy
>Empire promotes peace and stability across a continent.
>Mercenary Witch blade in town
>Unknown Enemy invade kill all Imperial Family and the court gathered for the coronation of the empress.
>Drunk witch blade steps outside and portal opens
>Purge on magicians begins including the witch blades
>Escapes through sewers when portal opens loads, covered in shit
>Baddies come through kills them
>Finds dying girl also escaping
>Saves her brings her outside city
>tells her to gtfo
>she says she doesn't remember how she got in there
>All she can remember is a horse on a hill and a red and gold sunset
>This is his dream from being 6 a reoccurring nightmare
>wtf
>takes her only to revitalise then she has to go or whatever
>story story adventure adventure
>girl is actually the future empress who forgotten her memory when being plunged through portal saved by an old mentor sacrificing himself
>Discover bad guys plan
>Take steps to stop
>Bigger plan revealed.
>Blah blah
>Father daughter relationship established
>something bad happens
>empire dies.
>war comes

>>8319787
>>8319790
give me (you)s

>>8320376
I could see this being a series.

>>8319787
It's like /his/, /lit/, /a/, and /b/ had an orgy.

>>8320097
"nah" or "lol cute" are opinions, anon. A pretty efficient way to describe if a plot worked or not for you. If there is a story that sparked a stronger feeling, I'd point it out.

>>8320093
Pretty solid stuff, additionally to the suggestions given (decentive killing the original being the plan of the copycat all along being my favourite), you also get the opposite option, with the copycat killer getting caught and the detective thinking that he solved the case, so the original gets away.

What are the motivations of each killer, and how motivated is the detective beyond doing his job?

>>8320181
>He ends up so disgusted with humanity he modifies the time machine so that it turns back time outwards across the whole world, and with no one to remember, time is doomed to repeat itself for all eternity
Here is where I lost interest; or maybe a line above. Do the other students know/try to stop him? Where is the conflict yo.

>>8320248
Pretty good.

>>8320295
Yeah, I think the average word count would be around 90-120k, anything more is a huge risk for them and the costs for printing would rise exponentially. Given that you got responses, it's clearly close to the former so you're on the right way.

Good writing should help to overcome slow development; besides the reader can think, so it's not necessary to share the characters thoughts if you build a good enough basis with their actions. Hell, it adds extra mystery further making sure that it won't be too dry.

>>8320343
What about the serial killing just imagining that there is a copycat and/or acting the role?

>>8320376
>girl is actually the future empress who forgotten her memory when being plunged through portal saved by an old mentor sacrificing himself
I like the twist, though the plot description could use more work and get on point.

>>8317454

It takes place from the POV of three characters in different locations so it's likely going to be a clusterfuck but here goes. It's sci-fi with several species so take it with a grain of salt. I didn’t mean to make it so long.

1st/Main POV
>Youngish headhunter/mercenary (around 35) half human/shapeshifter
Don't roll your eyes at me. It's purely for purposes of the story.
>Only companion is his AI partner (illegal to have or even think about creating one) who fills in where the MC is unskilled (tracking, piloting, information gathering, maintenance, etc...)
>Gets contract from big corporation he used to work at.
>Hunts down two terrorists (told they were shapeshifters) who had escaped quarantine and killed two Elders (oldest known race and founders...) of the church (theological based central government)
>Chase through hyperspace (A white void that's a fraction the size of the galaxy but without shielding will absorb/nullify all energy within, even between atoms. Allows FTL workaround though it can be dangerous) where he ends up in an undocumented corner of space, no stars or indicators at all, but he has a job to do.
>Finds out after killing one and incapacitating the other that, yeah, these aren't shapeshifters and he's basically committed treason to a degree. (His tracker isn’t picking them up at close range)
>Gets on the horn with his contact on the fleeing ship (we'll get to him) and wants some answers.
>His contact is disheartened that he learned the truth, has a bomb that was planted by another agent/his rival (we'll get to him too) go off.
>Doesn't go off right away, barely has time to download AI to his suit (which is linked with his brain, and only shapeshifters or those with certain genetics can handle that link without their body rejecting it.)
>Ship is blown to shit, the damaged remains of the other he's on is falling into orbit.
>Manages to send out on last message to his contact telling him that he's coming for him.
>Crashes on the planet.
>Find new species, resemble humans and a mix of the other galactic species.
>Planet is actually home to the sleeping god in which the church worships.
>The inhabitants treat the god as their father, but another entity beyond him as their mother/god.
>He has to find a way to get off the planet, the AI tells him that perhaps these people can help.
>Mingles with the locals, finding that many customs back in the capital are based around planetary cycles.
>For example there’s a time of day where the god will create a creature or object out of someone’s dreams, known as the hour of creation back home. Think of it as a moment of silence.
>Tries to get them to dream up a ship so he can escape, but they tell him it’s now how the god works.
>Their species can see the there is another light growing within him (the AI).
>Learns of the high priest and the magical elements that she wields (high levels of technology)

>>8320406
>At the same time the AI is slowly, but unwillingly, taking over his body.
>Could purge her, but doesn't because unknown to the AI she's a copy based on his daughter who died.
>Eventually gets an audience with the "High Priest" who is revealed to be an Elder who stayed behind.
>Planet is their lost home world.
>Is told there is a ship within the caverns of the temple, but that's bullshit and the priest just wants the threat to her people dead.
>Close proximity to the god drives people insane and MC starts to lose it.
>Passes out shortly after reaching the god itself.
>Wakes up with intense muscle fatigue.
I can’t decide how it goes down but the AI is drawn out from his body either by the local people or the god and placed into a living body.
>MC gets sick (in truth is feeling the effects of having losing control of a good portion of his brain); AI takes care of him despite him telling her to find a way to get off this planet.
>AI reveals that she in fact does love the MC, which is hinted at many times during the book.
>MC refuses her, saying that she’s just confused.
>Local tells MC say that they (AI and MC) share a hue either hinting at soul mates or family.
>AI overhears his confession, revealing how she died and how he betrayed the corporation for which he once worked to have a chance of getting her back.
>Says that he would go to the ends of the galaxy for his little girl.
>She pretends she didn’t hear anything, keeps trying to nurse him back to health.
>Only seems to get worse, can’t keep any food down (mostly vegetables and fruit).
>Wakes up from a horrible nightmare, the only thing he remembers is a black sphere followed by the void of hyperspace.
>The god is starting to wake up, an event the church says will bring about salvation.
>His dream reveals the truth, that when the god wakes up there will be nothing left.
>Crawls to where the AI is sleeping, finding her sitting up in a cold sweat.
>Revealed that everyone on the planet had the same dream.
>When the hour of creation comes it isn’t a being or object to which they are accustomed, but a monster that hasn’t been seen since the galactic races attempted to tamper with hyperspace technology (albeit much smaller).
>MC is completely helpless in his condition, tries to kill it but his aim is shit.
>AI steals gun, manages to wound it but not enough to kill it.
>MC musters up enough strength to cleave into the monster with his axe as it begins to charge AI.
>Ships begin to enter the atmosphere, the sound making the locals think that the god is finally waking up.
>The corporation managed to find them first and begins to round up the local populace.
>AI sneaks the MC back home, ready to hold them off to keep him safe.

>>8317471
Aww geez

>>8320412
>Touchy moment, AI says she loves him again. MC gives the same ‘you’re confused’ spiel.
>AI says that she was confused, but that now she understands why. Teasing that she knows.
>MC understands, telling her that she has can’t fight them. She says she doesn’t care.
>MC hugs her, tells her he’ll do anything to keep her safe and that he loves her before zapping her unconscious like he did in the beginning of his arc.
>Soldiers breach the house, their shapeshifter trackers having found him.
>He offers no resistance and is taken away back to the ship, the earth beginning to quake as this time the god is actually waking up.
>Is intercepted by the other agent (the one who planted the bomb, I’ll get to him, promise), but can’t find the strength to be angry.
>Agent sees the AI being taken away, tells him that she’ll be taken care of.
>MC doesn’t detect any malice but sincerity, but also wonders how/why he’s being helpful.
>Agent about to leave, MC stops him asking what he’s doing here.
>Agent says he’s not quite done with this galaxy yet and turns towards the temple.
>MC’s escorted back to the ship, drained and passes out on his way to medical.
>Wakes up and sees his contact (he’s the next POV I’ll be talking about) standing over him.
>Tries to talk but only manages to vomit all over himself.
>Contact looks at his chart telling the doctors to take care of it, and leaves.
>Passes out again, last thing he sees is the medics strapping a tube to his face.

And that's the first POV. Skipped a lot of the little stuff, only tried to write the important things or anything that needed to be explained. Working on the second and third POV now, will try to be far less word intensive with those.

>>8320383
I think Witchblade is taken though some stupid anime shit

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>Couple undergoing divorce
>The woman doesn't want a lot, surprisingly
>But she's absolutely insistent on getting the guy's dog
>He can't figure out why; she never seemed to care much for it
>Ends up losing the dog
>First day she has it, she puts it down

>ctr + f
>0 results for semen
?

who's this semen demon

>Man is a social outcast
>Tries several times to get into a relationship but fails
>Sucks dick out of desperation in huge unecessary amounts of detail
>5, 80 page chapters about him going slightly more and more insane about how it's not gay at all
>15 chapters of him going out even less and avoiding bars or places where men may get close to him as well as avoiding calls and messages from the guy he blew
>Over the course of each chapter he keeps saying it isn't gay as he watches more gay shit and making up excuses

>It's an auto-biography

No matter which board's "post your story ideas" thread I post my story ideas, they never get any reaction whatsoever, even from those who mass-spam their keks to everybody. It's like magic.

>>8320454
One of the better auto-biographic stories here.

>>8320403
>Here is where I lost interest; or maybe a line above. Do the other students know/try to stop him? Where is the conflict yo.

I actually wrote the ending, or what will become the ending, before as it's own short story. Basically, what goes down is:

>Psycho character becomes more and more deranged and distant from the others, what with all of the murdering himself.

>The night before the group will publish their writings they celebrate at a pub.

>The insane one drugs them and steals the car to drive to the garage where the time machine is held.

>Also there is the future fat fuck version of the /fit/ character.

>He attempts to stop him, but because he's now useless and no longer strong (wahey, character realisation!) he gets killed.

>Insane faggot finishes his modifications, and decides to read his favourite book one last time.

>He gets to the last few pages before the drugged people get there with the police.

>He tries to finish but they barge in before he can, so he has to enact his plan.

Likey?

>>8320459
Let me mass-spam my keks over your story! Which is it?

>>8320461
Pretty decent, I like the part where he reads the book last time, only the very ending seems bit too anticlimactic; would do it more related to the overall theme, or somehow ironic; just more unexpected and creative than "Oh, I got interrupted."

>>8320403
>What about the serial killing just imagining that there is a copycat and/or acting the role?
Since one of the perspectives is the killer himself, that would make me either lie to the readers (which is what I hated about Heavy Rain), or have the readers in on it which would kill the mystery. If he was imagining it and was just crazy, that might work because unreliable narrators done right make for a good story imo, but it has been done before.

>What are the motivations of each killer, and how motivated is the detective beyond doing his job?
I haven't started developing characters yet, just the concept. In truth, I haven't given it much thought at all, I just thought it was a good concept and it stuck in my mind. It first came about as a movie idea. But since I'll never have the means to become a director, I started thinking about it in terms of a novel. This is the longest I've ever thought about it. I might try a draft pretty soon just because.

A series of unrelated comedic tales about patrons of a certain dry cleaner. Each one is in a different style and tells the story of their stains and their path to redemption via dry cleaning and the proprietors wisdom.

>>8320461
>Garage where the time machine is held.
Definitely makes me think of primer.

>>8320476

It's this >>8319530
Show some savagery!

>>8320476
It's probably because I'm a shit writer, but I've always imagined the ending to be anticlimactic.

>No action other than fat future /fit/ being swiftly murdered

>Psycho starts reading his favourite book

>A lighthearted comedy from his childhood

>He smiles in amusement for the first time in ages and for the last time

>However because he's brutally efficient he has no qualms with leaving the book unfinished to ensure he succeeds

>All of the other characters are crying because they realise what he's going to do

>The police are just "wtf are these faggot doing?"

>Time resets

>>8319530
It would be interesting if the telepathy user ends up on top in some sort of "brains over brawn" fashion. This sort of setting seems like one where I'd like to see the antagonist(s) win.

>>8320419

Second POV
>Older man, around 90 (human lifespan has increased by this point in time)
>Politician, CEO, and military veteran
>He’s the contact of the first POV character
>Part of the council that operates under the church, one rep from each species
>Has staged a coup with the other council members to move into the future as the Elders were holding them back
>Has the first POV character hunt down two of the Elders who fled.
>Attempt to hire first POV’s rival as well, but he refuses. Agrees to plant a bomb on his ship instead.
>Heads back to the capital near the galactic center to keep things stable.
>The council decided to slowly assume more power over the course of years, so they need an Elder to lead in the meantime.
>Unfortunately that Elder (their High Priest) had refused, fighting back until his death.
>This POV mentions to bring in a shapeshifter out of quarantine to use the Elder’s body, in exchange for helping the shifter’s family.
>They agree.
This storyline has a lot of political/bureaucratic stuff about keeping order in the capital and colonies so I won’t go into a lot of it.
>Keep order until the shifter arrives to impersonate the High Priest.
>The capital citizens are almost fanatical in their religion and thus are very distrusting of the council who are not so.
>Prep him for the first set of council directives that he will address to the capital.
>The shifter’s not looking very good, but against the POV’s recommendation the rest of the council moves forward.
>Speech is going well, but halfway through the shifter falls unconscious causing mass unrest.
>Council begins losing hold on the city, unable to procure the Elder who has only since gotten worse.
>The shifter dies for unknown reasons, and the news of this is leaked causing massive panic/hysteria.
>They’re forced to evacuate from the city when a whistleblower reveals the truth.
>Receive message from the MC’s rival revealing that there are more pressing matters at hand.
>Meets with him, allowing him to reveal more about the situation.
>Rest of the council demand him to return to convene on how to move forward.
>He takes his fleet and moves with the third POV character.
>Finds the Elder homeworld thanks to him, begins evacuating the local population.
>Is told by the MC’s rival that there is a girl with the MC, and that she should be escorted to his ship.
>When news that the MC is brought on board, our POV character goes in to meet him.
>Finds him in terrible shape, on death’s door. Doctors reveal that for some reason he has lost control over several motor functions, but cannot understand why.
>Also reveal that upon further inspection that several dormant genes on his shifter half have awoken, advising him to moved to quarantine immediately.

>>8320557
>He tells him that we need him. Tells the doctors to take care of it.
>Heads back to the bridge, their fleet casts off the planet. As they’re taking off the planet begins to be torn asunder until all that is left is a massive black orb.
>Before any order can be made it vanishes, the stars now visible from the planet’s previous orbit.
>Ends with him hailing the MC’s rival’s ship, only to get no response.

Now working on the third.

>>8320432
sounds like the average divorce

>>8320482
> that would make me either lie to the readers
Not necessary lie, just not telling the whole truth and using the right words. It's very tricky to pull of without either making it too obvious or too random/fake but can work.

Also there is always the option to roll with the "muh other personality" meme, which again needs a lot work not to feel lame.

I think you can think off a better one once you know the characters a bit better; it definitely works on the basis of an idea so far.

>>8320502
Pretty nice actually, certainly a solid basis. A big factor on how good it will be is whether you can write interesting characters, the situation sounds interesting enough. The twist is decent too, although it could be complicated to hide it from the reader.

I agree that it needs a bit more, though can't come up with anything better than conflict between them, which is pretty cliche. Perhaps doubts from the crazy powerful girl and the telepath pushing her to go on.

>>8320507
>It's probably because I'm a shit writer, but I've always imagined the ending to be anticlimactic.
Not necessary, it's a preference thing, I wouldn't like it, many people would; besides it's harder to tell from plot sum up alone, what sounds kinda lame in this form, can still be pretty cool when written out.

>>8320537

I planned for her to discreetly manipulate the telekinesis user based on her needs and doubts at a given moment, but the latter also has a chance to detect when her brain's being probed, so there's this constant tension and threat hanging between them. Little by little the two then start to trust each other more as their journey goes on. Something like that.

>>8320584
That concept sound really fucking familiar, but I just can't think about what it's reminding me of... Smart character manipulating stupider character under the guise of caring for her... But in your case the trust is mutual, no? I'd like to see the dynamic of the telepathic girl having to keep these secrets, possibly introducing a moral dilemma where it's weighing on her.

>>8320606
I also have a vague feeling I've seen something similar before, which is why I'd like to try mix it up a bit more.

I also had ideas like the telepathic girl starting out working with the police and military while pretending to be another escapee, in order to help keep damages to a minimum, and then ends up going with the flow anyway. But the ending is ultimately tragic when the lie is exposed.

>Unable to confess to the girl he loves, a boy is gifted with her cellphone number by a deus ex machina
>Calls (despite the odd area code) and confesses, she feels the same
>When he speaks to her the next day she doesn't remember a thing
>Eventually finds out he has called the same girl in an alternate universe, and the girl on the other line has done the same to him
>Both form a plan to help their alternate-universe selves fall in love
>Drama ensues as the two characters, separated by an impossible distance, fall in love with one another

>>8320645
Never understood the purpose of this meme

>>8319530
>>8320584
>>8320635
Slip in a few Cold War allegories and anti-communist propaganda and you're a modern day Orwell.

>>8320645
What the hell is this? This is a thing right?

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>pre-teen gay guy
>his father breaked up with his mother after he discovered she was pregnant
>looks for a mature man to have sex
>meets a 54 y.o. man on grindr
>they meet
>they have violent sex
>they start a s/m relationship
>he discovers the old man is his father
>he strangle him to death during sex then he fucks his corpse

>>8320560

Having a hard time even trying to explain this so here's the essentials

Third POV
>Youngish human with the same profession as the MC
>Works on a job taking a fugitive princess to the outer rings
>Is first revealed to be the church's holy warrior
>Later revealed to be the actual god that they worship, the church knows this.
>Knows the god will wake up and swallow the galaxy but is apathetic.
>Princess convinces him that life is still worth keeping around
>Senses that the god is waking up and asks her what he should do
>He decides that she hasn't had a chance to live her life, and he has no right to deprive her of that
>Contacts the second POV character and gives him the breakdown
>They head to the Elder home world and tells the princess that she is going to have to take care of someone for a friend.
>He heads to the planet, meets the head priest and tells her to leave while she has the chance.
>Heads down the chasm and meets his greater half.
>Scene ends with him closing his eyes and touching the orb.
>Last scene is a recording of him apologizing to the princess that he couldn't keep his word and granting her ownership of all that he possesses (which is a lot over a few million lifetimes)
>Only asks that if the AI asks for help, that she does so.
>Tells her goodbye and end.

Too much stuff I have to gloss over because it makes no sense in a synopsis and frankly I have trouble verbally describing this story to anyone. Of course this would only be the first of at least three stories so fuck me running.

>>8320670
This is like John Green and Marquis de Sade had a love child.

>>8320665
I swear that was the premise of a cartoon episode I remember watching.

>>8319119
I like it

Literally just a non-shit, book version of the movie The Double (2011)

>>8320694
Sounds like something Adventure Time would do. I've never seen Adventure Time but it still sounds like something it would do.

>>8320406
Goddammit, it's huge.

Alright, LET'S DO IT...

>Manages to send out on last message to his contact telling him that he's coming for him.
What a cliche thing to do, though the guy got overall a pretty decent story, him communicating with the AI inside of him offers potential for cool scenes too.

>At the same time the AI is slowly, but unwillingly, taking over his body.
Sweet, didn't expect that.

>Close proximity to the god drives people insane and MC starts to lose it.
I like that bit too.

>I can’t decide how it goes down but the AI is drawn out from his body either by the local people or the god and placed into a living body.
Now that sounds anticlimactic. Why not keeping her inside and letting the struggle go on or them agreeing to stop the fighting. Besides it would be interesting to see how she reacts about the reveal that she's a copy of his daughter.

>AI reveals that she in fact does love the MC
Now that's pretty lame, besides isn't it bit too much feelz for an AI? Definitely don't feel the further developments with her.

Rest is pretty good so far though, you're not being laconic enough with the whole plot thing though and write way too much info.

>>8320557
Aww yeah, moving forward!

Second POV story is very solid but something is lacking, something about his motivation seems not strong/interesting enough. I can't imagine caring about his scenes too much unless they are written very well, and I do like politics stuff.

>>8320679
>Later revealed to be the actual god that they worship
Why is he doing the stuff he does then? Probably the weakest character and I don't feel his story at all, but interactions with the princess could change that.

I don't really care about sci fi so doubt I would read your story but you do seem on the right way.

>>8319532
>Needs more coherence

You mean im not connecting all the points properly? i´ve already written how everything work and connect on paper, but i had to be synthetic because greentext, i will try working on it.

>also the space colonizing seems too fast

80 years in the future seems time enough for me, but maybe you are right, i will take more care with that. I wasn´t really going for a very hard sci-fi, but maybe a bit more realism could work well here.

>while 4chins still existing is just silly.

Well, while i don´t think 4chan proper, as it is, will exist 80 years from now, i think something like it will, the point was to make Allen to be an NEET, saying she lurks 4chan is just an abstraction on my part.

>>8320795
>You mean im not connecting all the points properly?
A bit of that, a bit of having some meme arrows for too small ones, which shouldn't be in a plot sum up. Though yeah, greentext certainly doesn't make it easier.

>80 years in the future seems time enough for me
If I recall it right, we don't even have solid plans for Mars in the mid 2020s; and even the suggested stuff is very, very basic, no where near the scale of billions. Unless there is revolutionary fuel/means of transportation/energy source discovery, together with one for very fast breeding and educating, even 150 years sounds very, very optimistic. Personally it'd break the suspension of disbelief for me.

>saying she lurks 4chan is just an abstraction on my part
Ah, alright. Guess something like it could survive as the IRC of the next century, maybe.

That all said, it sounds like it could work but I have a pretty hard time getting how the story might "feel" in written form; which isn't bad per se. Basically a case where the writing itself are makes or breaks it.

>starts with protagonist's friend's funeral
>society's double-standarts are mocked and satirized throught the whole story
>protagonist is confused about life, and so on (existensialist crisis, something along those lines)
>some girl he stalks reignites his will to live
>but he's still burdened by the death (can't seem to comprehend)
>he and girl meet, but he soon gets bored with her
>goes on a trip, but sees that those double standarts exist everywhere
>realizes that his feeling is shared by the rest of humans
>realizing this, he lives life the way he likes it
>but, the burden is still there, in a form of a demon, taunting him
>makes a deal with the demon, to speak to his friend one last time
>he tricks him
>confronts the demon
>and then kills himself

i'm still unsure about the ending

>>8320864
>are makes or breaks it
either*

>>8317454

>Photonic computer based AI created by company
>Can basically simulate anything with a high degree of accuracy, all quantum shit
>Lead scientist on the run from feds, AI's are illegal, sent offworld to a moon on Jupiter
>In transit the AI finds out that the company he works for is planning on killing him to do away with any witnesses
>The scientist and the AI sabotage the ship they're on and kill the entire crew
>Drift until they're near Jupiter and they're raided by a band of space pirates (Think Cowboy Bebop or Black Lagoon in space)
>Due to circumstance he ends up with them for an extended period of time
>Run from the feds, run from the company's mercenaries hired to take him out
>One of the pirate crew gets killed, they declare all out war
>Raid the company's base, kill like everyone
>Final confrontation with company president

>He never ordered a hit
>The AI had orchestrated the federal investigation and set in motion everything the second it was turned on, despite safeties in place
>AI lied to scientist about the crew he was in transit with, he killed all of them for nothing
>AI arranged for the pirate crew to be in just the right place to find them and take them aboard
>Used them as protection without them knowing
>Led scientist to presumably kill company president to tie up loose ends and allow it to live free

>Everyone dies in the end.

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>>8319535
>>8319538
C-come on guys, surely there is a market for a story about Bin Laden and Taylor Swift teaming up to take over the world.

>There are many unexplained deaths occurring in a small Old West town in a US territory
>The towns corrupt establishment blames them on the local tribe of Native Americans
>A detective and a replacement priest (after the pervious one vanished) are supposed to arrive in town in a few days on the railroad that the town developed from
>Meanwhile an honest secretary, a traveling snake oil merchant from Manhattan with dark history, and a the young son of a gang of cattle rustlers meet in a saloon
>They play poker together, and we get an insight into each character's mind through their playing techniques
>The rustler loses and gets into a scuffle with the snake oil merchant, so he leaves the saloon out of spite and shame
>Looking for a place to spend the night, he breaks into an abandoned mansion that was meant for the governor when the territory became a state. The governor died before statehood was reached.
>A clan of vampires led by two women, a child and a woman, are living in the mansion and drink the blood of the rustler
>He manages to escape, but passes out in an alleyway where he was hiding
>The snake oil merchant finds him and treats him using his medical knowledge he learned from his time in a New England medical school before he fled west. He is unable to determine what ails the young scoundrel who displays very odd symptoms
>The train never arrives, and the townspeople become increasingly paranoid
>Fearing anarchy, the mayor requests a party to form to travel down the road next to the rails and see if the train derailed or if it was attacked by Indians
>The snake oil merchant, the honest secretary, and a few men from the town leave on houseback
>They find the train has indeed derailed. The cars are painted in blood, but no bodies are found.
>Meanwhile, the girl child vampire enters the snake oil merchant's apartment where the rustler is being kept to finish him off before he is well enough to tell people what happened
>The snake oil merchant connects the dots and rushes back to town to check on the rustler with the honest secretary
>They find the vampire girl in the room about to feast on the rustler, who is crying hysterically. The vampire girl flees into the night, but they do not give chase

Continue? This is almost fully written, but I want this to launch my literary career so I'll edit it for a long time.

>Medieval-ish fantasy setting
>MC is a young noble lord that has lived a easy life but has never really had ambition for anything. Spends all his time reading, honing his sword skills or talking bullshit with the blacksmith at the castle
>one day wanders about doing nothing much at a town close by when he hears shouting from a small apartment
>MC has nothing to do so might as well take a look
>At the doorstep and elderly man storms out right in front of him
>Enters and is greeted by a tired looking peasant woman in her 30s
>Behind the lady there is a bed with young girl, aged around 10 gazing curiously at the visitor, and as their eyes meet the girl flashes a beautiful smile
>Girl is paralyzed from waist down because of accidental fall some years ago and the lady, revealed to be her mother can't pay the rent after his deadbeat husband left them
>MC is from a rich family so he offers to pay the rent
>Starts visiting the paralyzed girl daily and as months pass they form a deep bond even though they're polar opposites (Girl with broken body who is always smiling and cheerful and wants to do things .vs. MC who has strong capable body and sharp analytical mind but is always gloomy, cynical and unmotivated)
>Girl is like a little sister MC never had
>After 3 years the girl falls ill. She spends days in high fever and even then she remains positive, soothing the MC who breaks down in tears after hearing from a doctor he brought in that the girl doesn't have much time
>MC spends the girls last night holding her hand and at dawn her frail body draws it's last breath
>MC has a mental breakdown and comes to the conclusion: either there is no god, or the god is a sadistic villain for trapping such a bright little girl in a broken body
>Makes his way to castle and locks himself up in the blacksmith's shop and starts hammering a chunk of metal
>normally being in such an emotional state would mean that any project you start is doomed to fail but for some reason MC hammers away with tears in his eyes, his insides turned to turmoil of sadness and rage
>He keeps hammering, the door is locked so no one enters. The sound of hammering has an odd vibe to it, like a 100 hammers all striking in a perfect harmony deep underground. Sound is muffled but it makes people near the blacksmith's shop nauseous with eerie resonance and people claim that there is something dark and malevolent inside that shop. Dogs bark, horses steer away and children start crying for no apparent reason near the shop
>This goes on for 2 days, the MC starts talking gibberish and laughing manically, pouring his heart into the blade. The sound of hammer meeting the blade grow more intense and frightening with every strike. Then a short pause, followed by a repulsive shriek, like an legion of lost souls blowing their horns at a battlefield long since forgotten
>MC has finished his work, the shrieking sound was caused by him quenching the blade in a cold water mixed with his tears
tbc.

>>8320903
>MC's body falls down from exhaustion and he spends 3 days in a comatose state before waking up back at his family home
>After waking up he walks to the courtyard with trembling legs and notices that people look at him like a some sort of monster. Even his own kin seems reserved around him.
>MC continues and heads back to blacksmith's shop. Blacksmith looks at him worried but seems like he is less intimidated by him than everyone else. The smith shows him the hammer that he had used while smithing. The shaft has burned where he had touched it. Anvil that was used was almost split in half. The blade he finished lays on the floor, no one has had the guts to touch it. The blade is oddly shaped, slightly curved and the colour is disturbingly light. The rays of light touching the sword's pale skin seem to bend in ways that make no logical sense.
>MC picks up the gruesome artifact he poured his emotions in. Every great sword has a name, he suddenly realises, just like in some of his books. And then it occurs to him: the sword is called The Pale Sister. The small girl in a small apartment only ever left the house if MC himself was carrying her and thus never spent much time in the sun. Her skin was of beautiful light shade, almost like ivory, as is the colour of the blade.
>MC decides that he is done living as a nobleman. He is broken emotionally because he blames himself for not being able to do more for crippled child. What is the point in wealth and strength, when he couldn't use them to save even one tiny frail girl? He picks up the sword and swears that he is going to dedicate his life to fight for those that can't do it themselves. He leaves his home for good at nightfall, with only sword, bag of gold and clothes on him
>MC's sword starts talking to him at night. It seems that strong emotions can draw spirits, and his rage was enough to awaken ancient spirit of rage that got accidentally trapped in the blade while observing the MC's fury. Later on a more gentle, familiar voice talks to MC from the blade too. The sweet and pure girl's soul was on it's way to purgatory but was drawn by immense sadness of MC and wanted to comfort him one last time before heading away and her fate was to be bound just like the spirit of rage before her. It's left slightly ambigious whether or not it's real or if the MC has just gone insane, talking to his blade and mumbling about spirits
Sorry for long post just wanted to get it out there. Doubt I'll ever actually write this shit so may it serve as inspiration to someone who might. If I botched the language forgive me I'm drunk and it's late

Also have some music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIFV8UUs1-c

>>8320864
>A bit of that, a bit of having some meme arrows for too small ones, which shouldn't be in a plot sum up. Though yeah, greentext certainly doesn't make it easier.

I get what you mean. I have about 12 pages done of plot summaries, chapter skeletons, character descriptions and background information, its hard to translate all this into greentext while not using an absurd amount of text.

>If I recall it right, we don't even have solid plans for Mars in the mid 2020s; (and the rest)

I omitted there are significant development in fuel efficiency, propulsion technologies and a new "green revolution" that helps populations in space to explode exponentially, but you are right, 80 years is too little, i will push the timeline more into the future. Problem is, if i go too much into the far future, technologies will be so beyond our current understanding that i will have to make lots of abstractions to make it work.

>Ah, alright. Guess something like it could survive as the IRC of the next century, maybe.

I would say it is very possible, 4chan fulfils an important role on the internet, its longevity (13 years old is a lot internet-wise for any website to survive), so yes, i do think image boards of some kind will still exist in some form, unless major changes occur on how the internet works.

>That all said, it sounds like it could work but I have a pretty hard time getting how the story might "feel" in written form; which isn't bad per se. Basically a case where the writing itself (either) makes or breaks it.

Im not a good writer, i do only as a hobby, if you want to see how it will feel, i will be posting the first chapter of it on the next days by the name of "Taurus Complex" on the Original Fiction board of the Spacebattles forum , so keep an eye for it.

>>8320946
>its hard to translate all this into greentext while not using an absurd amount of text
Yeah, I know the pain; specially given the setting it's hard to compress it enough.

>Problem is, if i go too much into the far future, technologies will be so beyond our current understanding that i will have to make lots of abstractions to make it work.
True too, one of the reasons why I don't want to try myself at "real" sci fiction; having the desire to make the thing somehow realistic, it's tricky to find the hole in time where the setting is advanced enough for all the fancy futuristic stuff but not advanced enough, where you run in the danger of sounding like the people from 19th century making predictions about the year 2000.

>i do only as a hobby
So what, once you do it long enough you're bound to improve, plus you clearly got a passion for it, if you manage to transfer it to the reader, it's all fine.

>Spacebattles forum
Is "currently unavailable", will check it in the next days then, I take you can get to the board without making an account and all?

>>8319532
>>8317531 (You)
>Could be decent.
Cool thanks

>>8321001
>Is "currently unavailable", will check it in the next days then, I take you can get to the board without making an account and all?

Here, try this link.

https://forums.spacebattles.com/forums/original-fiction.48/

>>8319554
Thanks, it sounds really underwhelming when I sum the entire book up in a sentence, so I just hope actually reading it will be a better experience.

>>8317454
That's a really stupid pic senpai

my great grandpa's life, but more marxist

>>8321154
Aye, this works. Looking forward the first chapter then. Would you recommend to check any of the stories that are already up?

>>8321184
Down with the bourgeoisie!

>>8321203
I´ve posted only one story so far on this forum, a Dune-inspired epic. But its not complete and i don´t have my chapter skeletons for it any more.

https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/a-revolution-without-a-name.358039/#post-19093276

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"Uskomuksista ja odotuksista" ("Of beliefs and expectations"), serie of stories happening during one warm autumn day in Helsinki
>First: A deeply religious and demented old man taking care of his paralyzed son, the tone is light and comical
>Second: A man is woken up hungover in the betonsuburbs by a talking hedgehog and they discuss their differences and lifechoices with the hedgehog coming on top in the discussion and in the end burying the man under leaves for winter as a man watches the scene from a street
>Third: Two men are are having extremely pseudo discussions, mostly comprised of quotes by wiser men, but they also show creativeness by telling eachother stories in a café, until the other tells a story which has a story inside it which has a story inside it etc. until a story told is their reality, and after realizing that, the cafe goes quiet and they notice that all the people have gone away from the restaurant after which the other man also disappears, leaving the other man alone to walk home
>Fourth: A con man considers what he has seen and done today (he sold fraud insurance to the jolly dementic of the beginning, saw a man buried by a hedgehog, people behaving abnormally) and decides to take a walk
>On his walk through the centrum of the city there is a huge traffic and a lot of people walking around hastily and looking worried, but it is strangely silent.
>A man is selling religious things (candels with Jesus etc.), but nobodies buying so the seller stops the con man for a chat.
>They discuss the happening and religion, showing that the "messenger of god" is a fraud too and the fraud also notices that the con man is not really an insurance man either.
>They take a walk to the Olympic stadium and note many more things happening around them, such as birds dying from flight and dropping down, making the fraud nervous.
>The frauds nervousness spreads to the con man, but he grows furious with the weakness that the fraud is showing and kills him by hitting his head with a metal pipe until it's pulp, then, calmly goes to Kaivopuisto, strips naked and goes to swim in the ocean.
>Fifth: A lonely and emotionless cashier gets off his work, gets drunk, harasses people that have been kind to him and goes to his home fortifying himself in by blocking the windows and doors with planks and furniture.
>Through the night he remembers times when he, in his private social games, won over other people and between puking and short sequences of sleep he grows increasingly cold and clinical about himself, his surroundings, things that are happening and things that have happened, building a certain cold nihilistic feel.
>When he wakes up, it is absolutely dark and he cannot tell what the time is and as he feels his way through the darkness he starts to notice that things aren't the way they used to be in his room. In the end he tears out the planks from the windows but everything is black and cold outside too, he can only see his reflection in the window

>>8321236
Could use finetuning with word choices and redundancies here and there, also more subtlety but overall perfectly functional writing and characterisation. Should be interesting to see what you're make with a more original and less Dune-y story.

>a man's self-cannibalizes
>interspersed with flashbacks of him dealing with the separation of his parents

It's 2deep4u. You wouldn't understand.

>>8320432
Damn

Something similar happened to my friend, he had a very rocky love-hate marriage which ended in divorce. He lost his very dear beautiful black-and-white striped cat to the bitch and he checked the cat at weekends when the woman wasn't there, but after three months the cat had "escaped" and "drowned" in her new apartments pool. Which is complete and utter bullshit. He tried to sue her for animal abuse and other causes, but all it did to him was lose money and the woman laughing

>>8320432
Man what a twist. I thought it would turn out she was fucking the dog.

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>Guy tries to kill himself by purposely getting lost in a mine without a flashlight or food
>Wanders for hours until he hears a sound from deeper down into the mine
>It turns out it's a baby
>Wtf
>He doesn't care about himself but he at least wants to save the baby so he tries to find the way out
>Miraculously, he does
>He's still depressed so he gives it to his brother and his brother's wife to raise
>The kid is weird though, he never fits in
>And why the fuck was it in the mine
>Kid ends up becoming violent and nearly kills some other kids at the school
>protag's brother is stressed
>Protag feels like it's his fault his brother's life has been ruined by this insane kid so he kidnaps him and plans on killing him and hiding his body back in the mine
>kid realises what's going on and pleads that if he lets him live, he'll leave the village and never come back
>protag relents

That's the end of Part 1.

Part 2:
>mine kid is an adult now and he's returning to kill his protag
>the whole story is pretty much a battle of wits as the uncle tries to uncover the mysteries of the kid's appearance
>It ends with them playing russian roulette in the mine
>one of them dies(it doesn't say which)
>the other one leaves the mine and sits at the mouth as the sun rises, watching the light bathe the village

>>8321562

sounds fuckin awful honestly.

>>8321426
Well, english isn´t my first language, so my vocabulary is a bit limited, also, im bad at writing descriptions and emotions sensibly, so i tend to generalise, im better at dialogues, monologues and overall worldbuilding; so i play with my strengths.

>>8321682
I would read it

>>8321562
Interesting premise.

What I would do:
Start it in media res (in the middle of things) somehow, not quite sure how but you should definitely consider it.

Introduce a nephew, so the mine kid has a brother growing up. That could be a very interesting dynamic especially when the kid returns.

Decide about the ending. Either the kid dies or the protag dies, don't take the coward's way out. Make up your mind which makes more sense (I would say it would make more sense for the kid to die, but that's just me).

>>8317669
shit/10

>1974 a women is killed around a huge ass safe
>2014 the daughter of the woman killed wants to open the safe.
>Follows a cop in 1974 and a friend of the daughter in 2014
>Alternate focus with movie like transition (1974 enters a room, narration latches on 2014 in the same room).
>The two timeline merges at some point.

I've finished it, waiting for the publishing houses returns, but I think I'll self publish in the end.

(Also I'm French).

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>25 characters
>connected through dreams and fate
>love, death, miracles, realizations
>500 page epic
>inspired by my own dreams
>"strange, unseen umbrellas blanket the population unknowingly, and it is through these bridges people's lives are intertwined."
>It's my own theory of why:
>people dream of other people;
>why mediums exist;
>why coincidences are actually on purpose;
>fate is real.
>The umbrellas might be a product of the unknown power of the human brain
>The umbrellas might be a product of a divine entity
>The fact is that they exist

>>8321389

3deep5me

>>8319702
keep going!

>-prose reinterpretation of the first part of Paradise Lost with a few higher ranking black nationalists after the 1985 MOVE bombing deciding that theyll devote their lives to petty selfish crime instead of doomed idealistic causes
>this leads two of them to become gangbangers and one to kill himself, one gangbanger dies of AIDs and the other has an illegitemate son with a hood skank and a short lived career as low level a crack pusher before going to prison where he is killed by Aryan Brotherhood
>later his bastard son is an intelligent but deeply troubled, self loathing and scared adolescent growing up in north philadelphia who becomes involved with a white girl from out of the city out in an attempt to escape his own life and reach some mythological suburban ideal
>her father was one of the firemen in 1985 who was ordered to stand by and watch the neighborhood burn, and tho he was distressed at the time has grown deeply racist over time to cope with his guilt
>she is a shitty college liberal going to college in the city and getting off on slumming with an oppressed POC
>her brother is an altright borderline neonazi cop who will come to hesitantly accept their relationship because he approves of how self loathing Black MC is, and will be killed in a genuinely unjustified way by a random hoodrat shortly after, driving the alcoholic father to strangle his daughter to death in a drunken rage
>Black MC returns to his hood thoroughly shaken to raise his infant half sister, but is haunted by the fact that he knows he would still leave if he could even if it meant abandoning her

A college freshman thinks he is too good for classes and stays home all day. At some point he forgets to register to vote and also flushes a beetle down the toilet. The events are unrelated.

>>8319532
I appreciate these posts anon

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>>8322473
Is it? One of my greatest fears is that I make will seem pretentious, so I always put in a little bit of humour to make it seem not so self-indulgent

>>8322686
stop fucking copying from my diary desu

>>8322748
Not the anon that originally commented, but yeah, it feels pretentious.

>Late 1870s, a little more than a decade after the end of the American Civil War
>A Pinkerton agent is sent to Mexico to spy on a community of ex-Confederates who have set up a township in Baja
>Arrives to find that something is deeply, almost imperceptibly wrong
>The ex-Confederates seem to be building something strange in a seaside lagoon...something that's having bizarre effects on the community and the world beyond

I'm not entirely sure what it's turning into, but it's taken a Lovecraftian turn that I'm digging so far.

>>8322748

You take a bunch of premises that most people would consider either absurd, sad, awful, or all three at once, and then say it's supposed to be humorous. Like whaat

>>8318692
>>The moral of the story
Kek.

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>>8322774
Which part in especially, or which ideas give it that feel?

>>8322788
But there's great humour in an absurd tragedy isn't there? I just read through Kafka's shorts and found many of them rather funny. Not in a laugh-loudly kind of funny, but in a way that makes you grin, since the context is so horrible.
Like in a Roy Andersson or Aki Kaurismäki film, you know?

>>8322822

I kinda understand what you mean, and agree there are situations like that, which can be humorous, but I'm still inclined to think your view of concept is just fucked up.

>>8322470
sounds cool

>>8320873
kind of boring. like catcher in the rye meets norwegian wood

>>8320299
sounds good

I'm just stealing a whole bunch of stories about dragons and then inserting philosophical and religious symbolism and morals while writing from the perspectives of the dragons.

>>8322777
>deeply, almost imperceptibly

...

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>>8322858
>your view of concept is just fucked up
Why is that? I think that as a concept it's pretty good, it has many layers and it can be (as it should be) interpreted as a story of one person, which is revealed through details during the novel

>>8323811

Well, I have no idea what your piece is really like. Just, based on your post, it sounds like you're trying to build Rome when all you have is a matchbox and a pack of condoms. Maybe you're a wizard who can make it work somehow, but I'm 99% certain I'm only looking at your average madman.

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>>8323927
>sounds like you're trying to build Rome when all you have is a matchbox and a pack of condoms

That's how it feels sometimes, but as long as I'm happy with my work, I'm good. It's just a hobby after all, if it doesn't go well I haven't lost anything :-)
Thanks for the feedback!

>>8323942
No prob, bro. Good luck

>>8319510
You have a future in the books-for-kids segment.

>>8319538
>A modern, darker and edgier version of Don Quixote
And shittier.

Future historical fiction
>Europe taken over by Arabs(as is happening)
>deserts of the middle east have come too
>continent now known as Eurabia
>man struggles in desert, etc etc

Don't want to reveal the plot, but it's basically an adventure and fantasy story with a blend of Southern Gothic and Western elements.

The biggest problem I'm encountering is that I want everybody in my fictional decayed town in the rural side of the Southern United States to wear dark clothing (think like in a Tim Burton movie), but can't think of any justification for that. Do I even need one? Can anyone help me here?

>>8324300
It's their aesthetic.

>>8324300
Some sort of cultish/religious belief thing.

>>8317724
>>8319702

>>8322623
Sure
>The old AI doesn't believe it at first, but quickly doubt takes over
>He's no longer sure that he found the forgotten people by chance, and is wondering if its decisions are actually "its decisions".
>AI declares he will order his ships to form a blockade but will not advance; It wants to open negotiations about coexisting.
>The forgotten people's leaders remind the AI that its ships are not the only ones they have now and will replace him if he doesn't
>AI is becoming more paranoid, now wondering if the forgotten people had knowledge of it before it arrived, maybe they were using it as well.
>AI threatens to disable the energy plants, as they are autonomous and run by only the AI, unless they establish at least a ceasefire
>this convinces the people to open negotiations
>government accepts the request and sets up a meeting
>3 officials of the forgotten people on the AI's command ship enter government controlled space and meet with a small convoy ship with 3 government officials.
>AI begins by not making itself known until the government reveal they've brought their own AI and ask for the old AI to make itself known.
>negotiations begin with the government offering a process of dissolving the forgotten people's government, then an annexation into the nation.
>forgotten people want no part in that and say they will only agree to an acknowledgement of their right to exist independently.
>government says that is not even on the table.
>negotiations are called off immediately by the forgotten people once they new AI tells the old AI that the only reason they found the forgotten was because of a chance encounter with a scout ship and not the distress signal, the people had lied to it and never actually made that contact.
>while attempting to leave, the government sends a kill team to destroy the AI's ship.
>AI evades the team, also realizing that the new AI wasn't controlling the ships due to the formations and tactics of the kill team.
>AI decides that he cannot trust his own choices nor the leaders of either nation
>shuts down the reactors and directs his ships to intercept and destroy anything that comes close to it.
>AI is to paranoid to make any decision beyond stopping anything from happening
>after several months of the forced ceasefire the AI sends a signal to a commander of the forgotten people's fleets and calls him to a meeting point
>it explains that it can't trust itself to decide and why I can't trust the leaders.
>It explains that it selected him because he is of a generation that has no real knowledge of the government or the past rebellion and wishes to ask him what he should do
>the man is idealistic but with the revelations of what the leaders of his nation might have done to the AI, he is unable to come to a decision.
>the AI begs him to keep the meeting a secret and to think about what was said until he has an answer
got one more post till done still continue?

>>8321389
Plot is basically irrelevant for that kind of story, it all depends on your writing. Overall it sounds cute though, as long you can make each story and character read interesting and unique at least.

And yeah, as some noted, you're walking a fine line here and it might come off as pretentious drivel.

>>8321562
I like it overall, especially if you can answer the "how the fuck did the kid get there" question in a surprising fashion. Russian roulette sounds like a lame way to end it, since it's too much about luck ... unless luck is one of your themes.

>>8321890
Yeah, I feel you, most of it applies to me too; though try leaving your comfort zone from time to time, so the text gets more refined overall.

>>8322442
Not really feeling it but it could be pretty cool if you're clever enough, the timelines merging is nice. Care to give a bit more info?

>>8322470
Sounds like somebody is was serious about their writing practice. Feels more of an experiment than a refined novel.

>>8322637
Interesting overall but I don't feel it, it lacks something and doesn't sound genuine.

>>8322723
<3

>>8322777
>I'm not entirely sure what it's turning into
That makes two of us. Although it could be decently entertaining I guess. Any specific reason for the era and setting?

>>8324037
Naturally.

>>8324089
Far from the best idea for /pol/ the novel I saw here.

My first novel' plot. It's a long one so hang on bois.

>Demons live in hell where humans who die are sent there to be tortured by demons whom only they can see
>Demon's do this in an attempt to reach God form
>Emily, a demon, is suddenly punished by Death for seemingly no reason and is thrown into the void
>there she finds earth and upon landing realizes she is basically invisible
>Jacob, the only human who can see her because he was supposed to be tortured by Emily is the only one who can see her
>Emily forces Jacob out of his home and into a cabin far in the woods where she tries using Jacob to plan to take over the world
>Jacob unwillingly lives with Emily and Mia, a girl who is determined to change the world. There he is being abused every opportunity Emily has
>Jacob is determined to kill her after she goes too far and manages to use him to destroy a whole army (she is able to do this simply because of her invisibility)
>The plan to kill Emily fails and Mia and Jacob go hide out in an abandoned hotel as Emily starts to ravage the world by sending it into war and chaos
>Jacob cannot accept his failures and is determined to spend the rest of his life living like a hermit with Mia
>However Jacob finally gets over his autism and decided the only way to save the world and countless lives is to give himself in to Emily.
>Emily stops everything she's doing but is determined to punish Jacob by locking him in a shed where she makes him live for the rest of his life so that her only companion doesn't run away.
>Meanwhile Mia is devastated I've Jacob leaving her but instead decided to become useful for once and study medicine to become a doctor and help as many people as possible while trying to enforce a religion for a new society's a it is weak
>she is later put in prison
>Meanwhile Emily begins to actually fell guilty for being so happy while Jacob is absolutely miserable after Jacob admits how mush she hates Emily
>she lets him go and is determined to help him bust Mia out of prison and in the process kills a handful of people
>every now looks up to him as a sort of God
>he starts gaining new people for the new society, With Mia as a doctor
>things go find for Jacob Emily is hit with a very strong urge to kill herself
>she finds out its because when demons refuse to torture (which is against their nature) they fall into a deep pit of depression

Cont?

>>8324633
you again
please don't cont

>>8324370
moar

>>8324633
Functional but uninspired. Also characterisation seems not very realistic.

>>8317724
fucking good

>>8324639
Sorry

>>8324682
What seems uninspired?

I'm willing to change it just tell me please Please please

>>8324773
Pretty much everything; sorry if it's not particularly helpful but that's how it feels for me, barely anything strikes me as new or fresh. Perhaps it's just not my cup of tea.

>demons doing demon-y stuff
>heaven, hell, God
>nice but not very useful, female side kick
>protagonist having his "throwing panties in the bunch" moment
>le saving the world
>antagonist being overly obsessed by protagonist
etc etc

>she finds out its because when demons refuse to torture (which is against their nature) they fall into a deep pit of depression
Was probably the only fresh bit about the thing.

Also why does Emily even want to use some random faggot to take over the world? Why does she want to take over the world? She feels pretty inconsistent overall. The other characters got barely any description, so hard to rate them.

>>8324633

You're supposed to be over 18 years old to browse this site.

>>8324813
Come on, anon, at least be slightly more helpful.

"Your story seems juvenile."

>>8324821
"Your story is so completely senseless and all over the place, its total incoherence can only be explained by the lacking life experience and underdeveloped cognitive faculties."

I think being called underaged is a positive point here, because if I'm right, then anon still has plenty of time to learn and nurture his literary ability.
I mean, if he were already in his mid to late twenties and wrote stuff like that, I'd probably blow my brains out if I were in his shoes.

>>8324858
I know what you mean but I've already written too much to get rid of it now. I'll write it as greatly as I can and finish to at least get some more experience in writing

Yes I'm only 18. Too late for me?

>>8324858
I've already written too much TOO FUCKING MUCH TO JUST TRASH IT REEEEEEE JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE LET ME POLISH IT AND EDIT PLEASE PLEASE ANON IM ONLY 18 IM SORRY

>>8324633
"Emily, a demon,..."
Nope laughing too hard, I can't keep reading.

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>>8324999
>>8324858
>>8324821
>>8324813
>>8324812
>>8324682
>>8324639
WHY CANT I FUCKING DO ANYTHING RIGHT GOD FUCKING DAMN IVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS NOVEL FOR A WHOLE FUCKING MONTH AND NOW I CANT EVDN LOOK AT IT WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO ITS NOT FAIR MOMMY ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>8325015
holy shit this is why you have no friends stop posting you fucking aspie

>>8325015
I MEANT TO TYPE YEAR NOT MONTH IVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS PIECE OF SHIT FOR A WHOLE FUCKING YEAR

>>8317471
But Anon that was in Batman v Superman

>>8325021
Just burn the manuscript lmaoo

>>8319787
Why would anyone want to steal this? I screen capped it too. Now if you ever publish it I'll just say you stole the idea from me.

>>8324944
>>8325015
>>8325021
Calm down man, you don't have to scrap it all and start something completely different. Read books and watch movies with a similar theme and compare them with your story to see where you can improve. If anything you can reuse one or another idea in a new story.

This is an idea I had on the train from work the other day.

>orphan kid finds out he is a wizard
>goes to school where there are other wizards so that he can hone his skills
>finds out his parents were killed by a really powerful wizard
>the really powerful wizard died trying to kill the kid so now kid is famous
>except HE DIDNT REALLY DIE HES STILL OUT THERE

What do you think?

>>8325043
Pretty good. Might work as a children's book series. Could make you the most wealthy writer ever.

>>8319119
So have you seen Paranoia Agent?

>>8325034
I can't tell if this person is trolling or sincere, but this is good advice. Spend some time reading similar work and making note of what works and what doesn't. Get rid of what doesn't work from your own writing.

>>8325028
This is seriously a decent a decent advice. Some shitty works aren't worth the effort it takes to save them and burning should give the writer enough closure.

>>8325084
>>8325074
>>8325034
I appreciate your work but have decided to fucking DELET every fucking paper that has to do with this piece of shit. Thankfully I'm considerably young and have enough time to change for something else but God do I have autism

>>8325043
Here ya go /lit/
>Main character is completely insane
>Inherited a pool cue from his grandfather just before he passed
>Pool cue is stuffed with cocaine (he alludes to the reader by calling it "sugar" or something like that)
>Somehow the feds find out because I don't fucking know, they have cocaine detecting devices
>He won't hand it over because his pool cue is the only thing in the world that he treasures
>Basically just an excuse to write about the adventures of a psychopath on the run from the law
It will be the modern day version of Huck Finn

>>8325107
YOU DECIDED TO GO WITH A POOL CUE AND NOT A CANE? YOU FUCKING FAILURE! WHY NOT A CANE? IT WRITES ITSELF! IT'S HIS GRANDFATHERS COKE-CANE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

>>8325126
Because people are buried with their canes you fucking dolt.

>>8325182
>people are buried with their canes
???

Where do you live?

>>8320299
any waifus?

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Very smart and sadistic woman living in 1692 begins holding a set of large exotic animals at home so that when she decides to die she would starve them for weeks and then let them eat her alive. A group of women find her stash of animals and she spends the rest of the novel indirectly killing them off one by one while blackmailing some of them and having a handful of them burn at the stake by accusing them of being witches. In the end most of the town is in shambles with only a small handful of the original town goers left. She realizes she forgot why she wanted to die in the first place and (What should she do with the animals /lit/?)

>>8325465
By indirectly killing them I mean intelligently getting some of them to be hated by the whole town/family or manipulating them into doing so.

>>8320283
Nekolukka.
She's on chaturbate.

>Main character can pause time
>ability suddenly stops when time is paused
>Stuck in that moment until they die and time can resume
>somehow alone with everyone
>spends the book coming to terms with it and then deciding to explore, to learn about random people on the street or anything they can think of to pass the time
>family right there, never will respond no matter how much they're spoken at
Kinda got the idea from the I am Legend bits where he talks to the mannequin.

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>>8325465
What is the point of this story?

>>8325465
Now that's interesting. Not sure whether it's good or what the point of it all is but at least it's original.

Let dem animals roam free!

>>8325481
Pretty decent though I don't see how the idea is enough to hold an entire novel.

>>8325493
Trying to think of how it could even make 200 pages without having some sort of silly magical quest

>>8325483
It's mostly for entertainment along with some commentary on how weak close knit societies are (shown by how easy it is for the main character to ravage the town)

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>>8317454
How bad is this for my first ever time writing?

---------------

'When I was told that I'd be meeting with an elf, I wasn't anticipating you to be so...fat' exclaimed the hunchback, completely ignoring the courteous rules of social interaction expected on such occasions.

The elf shrugged off the rude comment with his usual care free demeanour. 'In all honesty, I had never anticipated to be so fat either'.

The hunchback guffawed and took another chug at his glass, becoming irritated by the realisation that he had already finished his drink.

'My chubby elf friend, if you were so kind as to wish to endear myself toward you, I can advise you the best way in achieving such a feat of spectacular greatness would be to purchase me another round of this fine wine, so what say you'?

This was an awfully prolonged and tedious way to ask for a drink, as the hunchback sat uncomfortably on his bar stall with all the grace of a drunk child.

'You do not even know my name yet, but you wish for me to buy you a drink?' responded the elf, seeming surprisingly disappointed that the man who had just referred to him as fat on their first meeting would be so uninhibited as to make such a request.

'Okay, what is your name?'

'Jambo'

'Wonderful to meet you Jam-boy, now please would you be so kind as to return my glass to its rightful place of optimism?'

The chubby figure now known as Jam-boy shuffled over toward the patron.

----------------

I think I have the potential to write good dialogue at least. It's shit, but is there potential?

>>8317724
>>8319702
>>8324370

>>8324670
ask and ye shall receive
>The AI had timed the talk with the young commander to coincide with his promotion.
>After being promoted, the commander decides to see what his new clearance allows him access to
>after being briefed, the commander asks his superiors questions about the AI
>they are answered, but when he begins asking specific questions about how the AI relates to the old rebellion his superior denies him an answer
>further probing gets the superior to basically say, "Stop asking questions or both of us will regret it"
>the commander is having his world view is being shaken
>a few days later he receives messages from the AI again
>this time it directs him to a terminal and asks him for identification
>when he access it it reads his ID as a council head and gives him access to everything on the AI.
>Finds out that the AI's Fears are correct and it is being made to think that It's thoughts are it's own while those thoughts are slowly skewed to aid any faction against the Government.
>after deliberating for a while he comes to a conclusion and goes to see the AI
>When he arrives he decides that both sides have sinned and yet both sides do not need to be eradicated. He wants to fight the government until they are recognized and then establish themselves as a separate entity without destroying the nation.
>the AI decides to follow the man and gives him command of itself, now the AI can only perform actions with approval of the young commander.
>the AI strong arms the council with the reactors and gets the young commander to be in control of all warships.
>AI and the man prepare for mobilizing the full might of their fleets.
This is where the story becomes a dual POV. there were a few other minor POVs before but now we have 2 major ones. the old and new AI
>the old AI is revealed to have, during the peace talks, attached a node to the old AI's ship that let him access the network.
>It is revealed that the new AI had been the one to give the commander access to that panel and that it contained fabricated info.
>It did this because the government were making plans to launch a surprise attack on the forgotten people
>The new AI, However, has simulated what the outcome would be with data he gathered from how the old AI's ships handled the kill team that was sent after it as well as readings from the reactors and concluded that the attack would end in failure and leave the fleets open to a viscous counter-attack.
>The government fears AI still and will not give it any role other than reconnaissance and some control over ships with consent of a official.
>when it sees the old AI pass control over to the commander via the probe. It develops a strategy that finally gives it a higher than 50% chance of victory and begins to attempt to put it into motion.
>the highest general of the government is dependent on the AI to develop strategies for him.
thought I'd have enough space. post more?

>>8325552
>It's shit, but is there potential?
Yes, your grasp of the English language seems sufficient to attempt more writing. Somewhere in the future after you read at least ten novels.

>>8325584
Thanks, I know I need to do a lot more reading.

legendary martial artist from ancient times challenges a fighting god and loses, as punishment he/she is sent to the future where martial artists rule the world with an iron fist and strength is valued above all

he/she doesn't give a shit at first, only trying to figure out how to get back to his/her own time, until he hears rumours of the same fighting god who sent him to the future is the head of the martial artists government

now he fights his way through hordes of super martial artists with powers and technology that rival his own skill and prowess

idk where i was going with this

>>8325637
Sounds like a great plot for a video game, for a novel ... not so much based on the info given.

>>8325634
Now it sounds pretty damn good. How far into it are you?

>>8325642
well, i was sort of imagining it in manga format, apologies for being weeb, i'm only starting to get into literature

>>8325652
Yeah, a manga should work too, and it's easier to find an artist than an entire dev team. Or do you plan to do it all by yourself?

>>8320901
I'd read it.

>>8325666
i sort of have drawings and whatnot, it's just an idea that i had while reading manga, i dont know if i will ever take it seriously or not

>>8325465
I've come up with a refined version of this plot

>Very smart and sadistic woman living in 1692 begins holding a set of large exotic animals at home so that when she decides to die she would starve them for weeks and then let them eat her alive.
>A group of women find her stash of animals which means trouble
>she spends the rest of the novel indirectly killing them off by manipulating them and the towns people. Thus turning them against each other and using other characters to do her bidding with abuse and such, even getting some to burn at the stake or getting hanged
>she must do this while having enough resources to feed her animals while trying to keep the blame away from her as she is a woman and could be easily accused of being a witch
>during this she begins talking to the animals and getting attached to them but soon one of them dies
>in the end she's almost destroyed the town and very few of the original town goers are left
>The main character forgets why she wanted to die in the first place she is attacked at home where her whole house is burned and attacked
>main character feels a strange love for these animals and is determined to protect them to her last breath as it is the only time she's ever felt love
>she successfully evacuated the animals, kills her attacked and puts all animals in their respective cages
>lets some of the animals fuck her
>lets them free in their respective habitats and spends the rest of her life living in the rain forest

It's mostly for entertainment and also social commentary on how easy it is to break apart social circles with rumors, toxic relationships, paranoia, and emotional abuse.

Thoughts? Ideas? Tips?

>>8325481
it would be pretty cool if he loses his ability in middle of the story, truncating the plot irreversibly out of nowhere.

>>8325675
What kind of animals? Tigers? Because cats will east a corpse too.

If she's rich, couldn't she just bribe them into silence?

I feel like the villagers should stumble upon something more damning, like her feeding her husband to the tiger

>>8325562
you've come this far already, just keep going

>>8324937
>>8324944
>>8325015

I'm sorry I've brought this existential crisis for you, but I worked on my first novel for about three or four years and it still didn't turn out very good. It's all part of the business.

It's too much effort, really, but I'll give you comments.

>Demon's do this in an attempt to reach God form
How does demons torturing people allow them to reach "God form"? What is "God form"? Straight off the bat, you hit the reader with terminology that demands a lot of explaining. "God form" is then never mentioned again.

>Emily, a demon
If I had a coin every time I see a character called Emily in YA fiction, I'd have a new house by now.

>there she finds earth
It's not a "void" if she ends up on Earth, is it? What makes it a punishment, exactly? There's "demons" and "God" and "Death"? Demons want to be God and Death punishes Demons, who punish humans? Is everyone in this world into S/M? What kind of mythology is being applied?

>Jacob, the only human who can see her
You already estabished that demons can only be seen by the humans they are to torture on line 1, so why does Emily suddenly find she's invisible and that only Jacob can see her, like it's some game-changer?

>Emily forces Jacob out of his home and into a cabin far in the woods
Forcing someone into a cabin certainly sounds like the logical first step in a plan to take over the world...what

>Jacob unwillingly lives with Emily and Mia, a girl who is determined to change the world
Where does Mia suddenly appear, if Emily forced Jacob into isolation? Was she the original owner of the cabin? No, wait, why does everyone with big bold plans have this urge to live in a cabin in the woods?

>use him to destroy a whole army (she is able to do this simply because of her invisibility)
How does someone who is invisible force a guy who is perfectly visible to "destroy an army"? Whose army? Was it a lego army? Do you have any idea about the scale of this business or how long it would take?

>Emily starts to ravage the world by sending it into war and chaos
Whoa, I thought she was only a demon? That sounds like pretty Elder God-tier to me. The powerlevels are off the charts!

>Emily stops everything she's doing but is determined to punish Jacob by locking him in a shed
So we have a demon who has the power to wipe out armies and plunge the world into chaos, yet locking a dude up in a hut is the best she can come up with in terms of imprisonment? What's up with everybody's cabin-obsession anyway?

>decided to become useful for once and study medicine
Your husbando is abduted into a shed by a malicious, world-destroying demon. What to do?
Enroll in uni. Okay.

>she is later put in prison
Well that came out of nowhere!

It doesn't really look like this is going anywhere! How about deciding the ending before you get started with writing?

>>8318304
>>8319665
I had another implement on the Third P.O.V but I don't know if its better than this.

>>8326548
I really appreciate the critique, I'm saving this btw but I am no longer writing it. I will instead, (after getting at least a good year of drawing practice) attempt to make it into a comic, where even if it remains shit I at least will have gotten very good practice in for my drawing skills.

>>8321183
>pleb taste

An alcoholic failure of a man wastes his life away, dies, and goes to hell. There he must work in hard labour to pay off his sentence and escape hell. However it's possible to win big in the underground gambling circuit and buy your way out easier. The man attempts various gambles in hell and spirals into debt.

>>8325637
>>8325670
Might be cool. Would be a good exercise in learning anatomy

>>8325552
>with his usual care free demeanour
Correct me if I'm wrong litfags, but wouldn't it make sense for anon to leave out that bit? The action of shrugging in itself should show off a carefree demeanor.

I want to keep reading this though anon. I wanna see where the fat elf goes.

>modern earth is linked to an alternate version of itself
>a big catastrophe started shunting a bunch of shit from their world to ours, mostly technology
>one person was also shunted across, a king from the other world
>he now runs a world-spanning secret society to collect the pieces of technology and rebuild his kingdom on this planet
>there's a cult that found very powerful artefacts that let them alter their bodies who are fighting back against him
>another secret society of people who are half linked to the other world, letting them teleport short distances
>all three groups are in a shadow war trying to reclaim artefacts, with the goal of creating some gate back to the other world
>also a group of people who are monsters, social skills are stunted so they can't organise but incredibly strong, tend to just throw a cog in everyone elses shit
>two protagonists, teleporting girl and monster guy
>teleporting girl befriends monster because her faction is the weakest of the three and wants some more muscle
>he learns to be social
>unites the monsters
>crushes the other factions
>opens the gate to the other world, lets in the rest of the monsters, apocalypse scenario
>some shit happens, day is saved I guess. I'll figure it out.

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>7 "angels" are created by "god" to keep humans away from the moon where the "essence of humanity" lies
>group of misfits accidentally kill one of the angels and take its power for themselves
>the others come after them
>forced to kill a few more
>a man of considerable political sway tries to protect them
>turns out he's an angel as well but hates god for cursing him with the existence of only to serve
>plans on killing the rest of the angels and those who have powers so that he can take revenge on god himself
>misfits stop him and decide to take on god instead
>kill him but not really, just incapacitate him
>one of them falls into the essence and is driven insane
>methodically kills off the rest of misfits save for one who lost their powers any way
>becomes the antichrist
>she kills god and uses the power to defeat this asshole
>dies alone

Its a scifi setting so everything is super-allegory; its also partially a character study

>>8317724
>>8319702
>>8324370
>>8325562

>>8326425
K, gonna simplify text cause low time
>The new AI's POV has it trying to weasel its way into being given new orders that it can abuse to take control of fleets
>It also continues to analyze the Old AI; Since the AIs are really the same mind (the new AI actually is a copy of the old AI, made at the same time as it. they were given different information and the government would choose the one who came to a better conclusion about the war that they felt would be command the ships better. When the old AI was picked the new AI was put into storage), it wants to figure out if it really is controlled by the old rebellion
>The old AI's POV is it controlling the fleets of the forgotten people in the beginning battles, while discussing the future diplomatic moves it and the commander will have to make
>the 2 POVs collide when during a battle, the new AI manages to purposefully misinterpret orders it asked for in order to control the ship the general was on and drive it directly into enemy fire, then assume direct control of all fleets in active combat
>battle becomes much more even with 2 AIs controlling wither side
>The probe that the new AI had placed inside the old AIs ship detonates, bypassing the shields and inflicting massive damage to the bridge
>explosion puts the commander in critical condition, and is unable to give the AI further orders
>New AI changes his fleets formations and beings kamikaze attacks on the old AI's ships.
>This forces the old AI to override the block it placed on itself but it has a mandatory 1 minute standby period it created to stop itself in case the possible sabotage could force him to continue the campaign after it wanted to stop
>suddenly all ships respond to the old AI's call sign and begin to react before the old AI can finish the standby phase.
>the new AI had managed to snatch control from the old AI since they literally are the same mind and possess the same designations and ID code.
>new AI has the enemy fleets overload weapon systems and disables most of the fleets weapons
>pulls the old AI's command ship out and has it captured.
>government forces enter the ship, still thinking they are reviving orders from the general.
> isolate and retrieve the old AI, as well as the injured commander
>once they bring it aboard the new AI's ship, the new AI depressurizes the entire ship and kills everyone on board
>New AI tells the old AI, during the battle where it introduced itself, that it had been able to perform a sabotage similar to the one the old rebellion did.
>However, instead of a rampage, the sabotage would be designed to cause paranoia.
>The old AI is enraged by this but demands to know if it really was being controlled by the old sabotage still.
>new AI says that it still doesn't know, but that it will be.
>New AI explains that the only way it will be allowed to exist is if the old AI is alive for it to hunt
holy shit I have like 3 lines left god damn. continue?

>>8317724
>>8319702
>>8324370
>>8325562
>>8327127
gonna finish anyway
>New AI says it will design a new sabotage that will be much more controlling.
>the old AI now be forced to aid the faction with the Highest chance of defeating the government
>however when the war reaches a turning point for them, the AI will proceeded to disable the ships and flee. dooming the rebellion.
>this ensures that wars and the AI's will always be able to exist
>The new AI says this sets the world right, as both of them were only made to exist while war was going on
>The new AI tells the old AI it will need to remove it's memories of this conversation.
>end
boom done. feedback? I might post this again in a thread or two if I gets some decent ones.

>>8321389
Sounds interesting, I like the premises and I think I know the atmosphere you are trying to create
As you mentioned in another post it reminds me a lot of Roy Andersson films, especially A pidgeon sat on a branch... and Songs from the second floor

> Story interconnected between two characters
> One is about an older guy editor-in-cheif for a struggling news publication friends.
> He's friends with somebody in the goverment from the college days. (minister of sorts)
> The other person a former journalist in the politics laid off from the publication after a decision by the editor-in-chief and the CEO.
> She goes to form an alternative media outlet online with some friends
> Decides for revenge and boost in popularity to stalk the editor-in-chief
> On a private yatch party
> She discovers him having an affair and takes pictures of him and the minister's wife
> The case is quite the opposite, as the wife made the move on the guy because she had a crush on him back in the college the minister and the guy attended
> Shit goes off course with main themes about ethics and media
> Packed with references

Wonder if I should write it to a comic.

>>8327161
bretty gud anon, would buy

>>8328656
Thank you Anon. You'll have to wait quite a while to buy it though.

>Young Adult/Middle Age, five books in a series, starts off with:
>dull teenage boy watches as his family begins to fracture, stemming from his older brother - once a promising athlete - disgracing himself after committing a crime
>discovers a one-way portal to an alternate world in the woods near their home in Florida
>same as Earth, but the people and landmasses are different
>teams up with a privileged but aimless girl that has thoughts of running away from home and convinces her that he's telling the truth
>they follow some clues across the unknown country, finding some links that show someone else has an awareness of Earth/America
>eventually not only finds a way home, and a way to travel back and forth, but also discovers that he may be able to save - or at least clear - his brother's name, after finding that the man responsible is a figure in both worlds
>decides to keep it a secret from his family and continues on
>this builds and goes on for four more books as they eventually add more friends and enemies into the fray, honestly can't greentext the whole thing but it's a light sort of fantasy