[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y ] [Search | Free Show | Home]

Hey /lit/, can I implore you guys to help me polish up a short

This is a blue board which means that it's for everybody (Safe For Work content only). If you see any adult content, please report it.

Thread replies: 8
Thread images: 1

Hey /lit/, can I implore you guys to help me polish up a short story? This is going to be a major component in a business proposal for my cafe. I need it to invoke the feeling of escaping to your favorite cafe in a small busy suburb. But my writing is terrible. I haven't written in years so pls no bully ;-;

>I step through the door like I have at least a dozen times since they opened. The aroma of newly ground coffee and freshly baked bagels comforts me while the smooth jazz playing dimly coaxes me to unwind after a hectic morning at the office.

>Over by the window sits a group of health conscious college students drinking frozen fruit waters and eating roasted veggie wraps. All the ingredients here are clean, freshly made, and locally sourced. I take my place in line. The woman in front of me ordering fit her whole office lists seemingly complicated coffee drinks but the barista behind the counter is a master of her craft and doesn't break a sweat.

>I direct my eyes to the baked goods in the display case. Ooh, that looks good. A Napoleon. Almond paste and pastry cream between flaky layers of delicate dough. I'll have to remind myself to pick one up I my way home tonight. I look at the menu board and see that the new bagel this week is jalapeƱo cheddar. That would go really good with eggs bacon lettuce and tomato in the morning. Maybe I'll try a roast pork and broccoli rabe sandwich today. By decide to get my usual. African peanut stew I'm a bread bowl with a Greek salad. And a specialty tea. Yes, lunch has never been so good. My attention drifts back to the counter where the barista is carefully typing the last mocha latte with foam. She pays and leaves and I step forward.

>"Hi, welcome back," The barista smiles. "Your usual?" I nod, "and a white pineapple tea." As she readies my order I take a moment to admire the artwork adorning the walls. It's all from local artists or something. My order is ready, I finish paying just as a small group of people enters. Some people come here to order gourmet baked goods and coffee as gifts. Some are professionals treating their clients to a fresh lunch. Some are on their way to work getting a breakfast sandwich and coffee in the morning. Ann's others come for the power smoothies and frozen fruit waters after a hard workout. Whatever the reason they sure are becoming popular.

>"Enjoy!" The barista waves as I turn to leave.

I don't know how else to end it. Thoughts?
>>
Well, it doesn't seem like a story. It seems like an advertisement.
>>
Either write some generic ad copy or write a decent short story. This attempt at a middleground is just embarassing.
>>
>>8159507
I need it to be both. But showcasing all the different aspects of this cafe. I'm not a writer. I'm a baker. I'm not able to paint pictures with words.
>>
>>8159495
Is this a commercial?
>>
>>8159515
What should I change about it? I know it isn't good that's why I came here.
>>
>>8159526
No. It's just meant to be read in text. In a way it's meant to be an advertisement. Maybe I went a little overboard.
>>
Bump?
Thread posts: 8
Thread images: 1


[Boards: 3 / a / aco / adv / an / asp / b / bant / biz / c / can / cgl / ck / cm / co / cock / d / diy / e / fa / fap / fit / fitlit / g / gd / gif / h / hc / his / hm / hr / i / ic / int / jp / k / lgbt / lit / m / mlp / mlpol / mo / mtv / mu / n / news / o / out / outsoc / p / po / pol / qa / qst / r / r9k / s / s4s / sci / soc / sp / spa / t / tg / toy / trash / trv / tv / u / v / vg / vint / vip / vp / vr / w / wg / wsg / wsr / x / y] [Search | Top | Home]

If you need a post removed click on it's [Report] button and follow the instruction.
If you like this website please support us by donating with Bitcoin at 16mKtbZiwW52BLkibtCr8jUg2KVUMTxVQ5
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Posts and uploaded images are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.
This is a 4chan archive - all of the content originated from that website. If you need information about a Poster - contact 4chan. This project is not affiliated in any way with 4chan.