alright /lit/, I have to write something for school and I need

man /thread

I mean as a single sentence of a minor assignment it works I guess

>>7816129
Totally beside opie's reason for posting, but pic related reminded me of how I once publically pronounced mediocre as mediy-o-core. God was I villified.

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Holy shit that was one of the worst things I've ever read in my entire life. What the fuck are you even trying to say? We all have things holding back our desires? That's basically common knowledge (i.e. not an insightful thought whatsoever), so there's no need for you to put in that forced, cliche metaphor to attempt to make it seem deeper than it actually is.
>As humans
This is laughably unnecessary
> that let the light in, and let us find solace
this is terribly worded
>no matter how small that sliver might be
again, terribly worded -- you can do better
Overall, the entire second sentence has a choppy, awkward rhythm that either needs to be split up or cut down dramatically.

>tfw OP has a "sliver" of self-awareness, enough to be somewhat self-conscious about his writing thus resorting to "inb4" and a title of "mediocre" as an attempt to preempt criticism
>tfw despite this "sliver" of self awareness OP still thinks that his writing/thought is decent enough to make a shitty metaphor about it and to share it on /lit
>tfw OP has any sense of self-worth whatsoever after writing this garbage
>tfw OP's self-deprecating use of "mediocre" to attempt to preempt criticism is drastically over-estimating his own abilities, ironically showing an overconfidence in his shitty abilities

Annihilated.

Just drop out man.

RIP

Yikes!

>>7816129
are you in 8th grade?

legit question.

>>7816129
Here OP.

>We, as humans, are bound to live under the reign of forces beyond our control. We are caged animals- the bars enclosing us are not visible, and if we reach out to touch them, our hands will merely pass through thin air. But we know of their presence because of the inklings of hope that may pass between them periodically. It is in these weak and ephemeral bursts that we are truly aware of our linear fates and the powers that watch over them. Perhaps this is the only true solace we may know.

What's the essay about?

Your metaphor makes no sense, and I'd write up a list of reasons why, but this anon already did so
>>7816208

>>7816389
Do not fucking open with this, my god

We be da people, and this be da cage. Aaaaall the world's a cage, there be cages in everything. The cages where they hold our brothers, the cages where they make you work so hard for so little pay, and the cages of society they trap you in. Y'all be tangled in CHAINGS! Chaaaaings, I say, chaings that be strangling you and your brotha's children while dey in the crib!

But through dem chaings is a light, I say to you my brothas and sissas. I have seen it. And that light is freedom, the freedom that will only let its sweet taste be felt on your tongue when we grab it for usselves. And it be so easy to grab it, not much longer now. It is time to KILL the white man, and all he stands for. And it will be easy, for the white man - deep down - he already want to die. He knows it, mmmhmmm. You see the way they be writing, the thangs they say about themselves. It's time to help the white man commit sudoku and take his women and children for ourselves, yes it is. It's been a looooong time coming but I say to my brothas and sissas that the light of the new day be about to shiiiiiine all over thissa valley that we call America.

PRAISE HALLELUJAH

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>>7816208
damn, you just destroyed the guy

>>7816445
Oh come on, he's the one that wrote it, I was just trying to make it sound at least a little bit creative.

You know that fucker's swaying from the rafters now.
holy FUCKING shit.

>>7816466
underrated

>>7816466
This is the first thing on the internet that has made me laugh out loud in a long time. Thank you anon.

>>7816129
There has never been a good cage metaphor in the history of literature. Don't even try.