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critique my writing
The smell of rotting drywall and mildew circulates throughout my lungs. The cold air makes me shudder as i pull up the blanket i've had since I was as young as four. my blanket is warm but far too small to cover both my feet and my torso. Crash. Dads home, I try my best to not make a sound. The air is still. The smell booze and cheap cigars fill my nose. The door creeks and a series of mumbles follow. He believes i'm asleep, I wish i was asleep. I drift, and I dream, but i never sleep. I can never get my escape.
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>>7708310
Not in critique thread/10
But also 4/10 writing
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>>7708310
In all seriousness, it's YA-tier. It has no complexity or depth whatsoever.
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>>7708323
Besides the lack of depth here are the issues with the rest of it:
1. Your lungs can't smell
2. Capitalize your Is
3.Truncate the second and third sentences "..The blanket I've had since I was four, warm, but too small for my body."
4."Crash" doesn't work too well, it doesn't provide the sense of urgency that I assume you were going for.
I'm a shit writer so this is probably bad advice.
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>>7708323
Same advice I give everyone: play around with sentence length and structure, put more thought into your word choice, and, most importantly, read more.
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>>7708323
If you want advice on how to be a better writer, then read this: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/learning/essay/237886
It's short, sweet, and easy to follow. Good luck OP
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Too many words. You could drop tons of them.
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>first person narrator
Thread posts: 9
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Thread images: 2