Poem I made :>

Why is the rain sad and the moon taunting?

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Gtfo umbra

6/10

>>7696577
I've had depression for most of my life (started around the age of 5) and I've always seen the rain as something of beauty and the moon as a friend.

>>7696545
Metre without rhyme is patrician.
Rhyme without metre is awful.
You should learn this before you continue writing.

>>7696545
London/10

>>7696545
>No metre
>abab rhyme
Please actually read poetry before you write it.

>>7696545
trash

>>7696769
>the rhyme is aabb
>criticises others for not reading

roses are red
violets are blue
potatoes are brown
oranges are green

>>7696545
meh.
>wallS
>fall
i fucking hate this shit

>>7696763
>tfw can't into if something is iambic or trochaic

>>7696748
How does this answer my question AT ALL?

I'd like to know what processes go through your head when you read a concrete question, don't address it in a response but write as if it was an answer.

>>7696769
year zero you fucking bitch

>>7696818
>The RAIN CRIES with me in the MIDdle of the NIGHT

How is this metrical?

>>7696902
no no, i was speaking of myself, how I can't into it, not commenting on the poem.

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>>7696788

>>7697003
Oh I see. Read Stephen Fry's "the ode less travelled", it's okay but teaches you about metre very well.

>>7697062
would this be a good introduction for people wanting to get into poetry in general? I've been browsing here for a couple months and while I really enjoy reading and the occasional poem I'm awful at analysing them both. Part of me wishes I had studied humanities so I could learn this stuff.

>>7696834
I never liked to think inside a box but i enjoy it physically.

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>>7696545
I like it. I imagine you sitting on a roof, silently watching the city lights in the rain. Neat picture too.

I don't know shit about poetry, but here are some ideas for language improvements:
>I see dead souls climbing and scattering up and down the walls
I'd replace the "up and down" with something else ("upon"?), so you don't stack two X+and+Y expressions.
Maybe use the present simple for the verbs ("climb", "scatter") to make the line cleaner?
>walls, fall
*wall (to make it rhyme?)
>most scariest
Is "most" intentional? Otherwise it's redundant.
>As I feel my throat get tight.
I'd skip the "as" to give it better flow.
>I feel my throat..., I feel like there...
Kinda repetitive but whatever.
>I feel like there is nothing for me to keep or give, So what is the point for me to live?
Skip one or both of the "for me". The "I" is enough for us to understand that they're your feelings.
>Blinded by my own words I put my hand in the air and stared.
I read the sentence as if it were in the present, and then it suddenly switched to the past. Use another word instead of "put" (e.g. "stretched") so stupid readers like me won't get confused.
Secondly, if you end with a comma instead of a period you make the transition to the next line grammatically correct.
>escape and fly.
I feel like "escape, fly" would make the line more impactful.
>I'm to childish
*too
>As I pull out the gun.
Same as above. Skip the "as".
>...happy ending, life from...
Semicolon if you want to be grammatically correct.
>Last paragraph
You probably put the lines like this intentionally, but in case you didn't, I think it'd read better if you make the first line "'No one.' I pull out the gun." and then split the last line into two.

Lastly, your commentary told as much of a story as your poem. Kinda cute.
>I have a few friends who were suicidal so i wrote this poem based on thier experiences, im srry if this is super stupid and cringey af k thnx here u go

>>7697184
Yes, I always recommend it to everyone I know who wants to start understanding poetry.

Mind you, it's good for formal poetry, not free verse.

>>7697242
Cheers anon, I suspect free verse is more the kind of thing you'd want to get into after spending a while studying more formal stuff anyways.

>>7696545
What you wrote is middle-school tier garbage. I tried to fix it, but you can't make a castle out of shit.

The rain cries with me
As the taunting moon shines.
souls climb and scatter the walls,
"Why don't you cross a bridge and fall?"

What if they're right?

There is no one to grab me
As I pull out the gun.

ITT:

Heartless autists discuss the metric of a poem made to make depressive people feel worse about themselves.

You fags disgust me.

>>7697283
ITT:

Someone posts shit on a basket weaving inspired image board dedicated to circle jerking about mediocre classics and expects to not be treated like the vapid untalented faggot they are.

>>7697184
A better book is Western Wind by Nims. It looks at different techniques and has tons of great poems as examples

>>7696545
>I'm to childish to live in such a reality
This is the worst line

So, what, is this the poetry thread now? Because this is just the worst poetry thread.

>>7697242
>>7697248
You don't really need any sort of intro for freeverse because it's all about just doing whatever the fuck you want. Meter+Rhyme or just Meter is definitely the way to go.

If you're going to do anything out of the ordinary, it's more fun to make up your own non-standard metrical arrangements than to just ignore structure altogether.

>>7698953
Make a new one then. Or actually, I will.

all of you are fags