So as I came out of the hospital this afternoon a dude came to me and invited me to his wedding and asked for my help to kill the light inside of him so I gave him some dubstep songs and I left him with his imaginary friend to go to my father's highschool , as I sneaked inside I remembered that my father never went to highschool and that I was in a Barbie factory that was full of drunk Mexican unicorns with lightsabers , I tried to tell them that my leg was made of rubber but they just left using their teleportation powers , I decided to not text my friend cause he was being mean to a dog that we found eating some hamburgers leftovers the other day and I came out of the factory and met this girl telling me that she caused the big bang and that she will make a black hole swallow a meteor coming towards us , I closed my eyes to see into her soul but she didn't want to so I left her and went to Indonesia to meet the unicorns, I finally found them in a cosplay shop in Japan trying to convince a dude to buy a pink sword for 60¥ but the dude complained about it being too small for his taste so I tried to ask them to teach me the teleportation technique and the oldest looking one of them came to me and told me that I had to go into the center of the planet to mess with gravity and earn the ability to fly first so I did it and india started to float out of the atmosphere , I was just sitting there watching Indian people burn in outer space as a giant space ship came by and stole the diamond that one of the unicorns was wearing on his left ear , but a dude named Yamada came to me and said that the girl from before failed on stopping the meteor and that I have to go to the sun's center and ask to meet a massive quark and bring him to mars to generate a gravitational pull enough to change the meteor's trajectory, but as I realized that the sun's center is 25 000 000°C and that i had to get something To protect my hair from burning , the meteor hit earth and destroyed it , as I floated in the blank space around me I heard a voice in my head telling me that everything wasn't lost forever and that I can bring everything to normal but I'll be the only one to remember what happened , I decided to give humanity a chance and see if anything would change but I was wrong and nothing changed , I still hear the voice in my head saying that I should've left it destroyed and created a new planet but unfortunately i didn't know i had that kind of power at that time and now....now I'm stuck in this body....
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Anon, I hope you're not planning on driving today with a BAC like that.