Hey guys, what do you think of this poem I wrote?

>>10029212
Reads like something a liberal would write

>>10029212
Not even meming but you've stolen a shitload of imagery and direct phrases from a prose poetry thing I posted as part of a novel I'm working on in a crit thread a while back. Last time I contribute sincerely to this hell-hole.

Thanks for severing another addictive tie to this place you fucking pathetic weasel.

>>10029212
looks like someone just discovered ginsberg
don't worry op, i wrote like this when i was 14 too

>>10029240
Not OP, but could you offer proof?

>>10029248
Why would I do that now? People will fuck with me even more especially after getting annoyed about it.

>>10029251
Sorry, anon. I didn't mean to upset you. It's just an interesting accusation, and I've considered sharing here before, but if you're accusation is true, I'd rather not. That's why I asked for proof.

>>10029262
His accusation is not true.
Either it's a coincidence or anon is a schizo.

>>10029240
>he stole my 'candle blown out in wind', 'blood/wine', 'unknown other side', 'neurons of the sky' imagery

wow

>>10029267
>>10029276
Believe what you want. My prose was a lot better but there are absolutely direct phrasing just chopped up with enter Rupi style. I don't care what you think, I'm not sharing here anymore. Don't care if you think that's pathetic or shame me for it. Fuck this place.

I'm fine with criticism, in fact I welcome it.
But what advice would you give me to improve my writing?

>>10029309
The imagery isn't that good or powerful anon (I guess it could be, but the execution is pretty pedestrian here, so if you have something better, I really doubt this theft, if it's real, hurts you in any way.)

>>10029512
Honestly I think it's just the straw on the camel and the source of anger is mainly my addiction to this place even though I hate so much about it and the cost outweighs the benefit a thousandfold.

>>10029212
Why do you call it a poem?

you need to
write
the truth
and
only the truth
because
anything that is good
is
anything that is true
ask Nietzsche

>>10029514
Don't come here for serious critic, anonymous people will destroy anything. Work on your own stuff, try to publish, etc. Writing can be ungrateful, and it takes a stupid amount of work for very little reward, but getting angry here is pointless.

>>10029528
Yeah, I agree. Problem is I have no connections I respect enough to get good crits irl and I got excited about the possibility here so I think I'm venting with disappointment that it's not a valid option. Thought I'd found a tribe to help me get this book finished (it's at 95% after about ten years off and on work), but that's not going to happen.

>>10029521
easier said than done.
It's hard to find the truth. Truth isn't fact. Truth is something like a mirror made of metaphors that reflects your face without distortion, showing all your pores and imperfections


still, good advice

>>10029516
why shouldn't I call it a poem?
it is, by definition, a poem

>>10029514
you're not well, mentally. seek professional help. I'm not trying to poke fun at you. I want the best for you, and that is to seek help

>>10029621
If it's really 95% done, finish it and send it out and start something else. It's no good to keep working over 10 years on a single book, especially when it's your first one. If you need support, look for local writing groups or workshops.

>>10029673
You're an arrogant sonofabitch as well. Yikes.

>>10029916
How so?

>>10029953
Well for a start you ask for people to help with your writing, then someone asks for some rationale and you throw it back at them like it's self-evident when it isn't. Then, instead of empathy you use condescending bullshit to basically call an anon insane for being rationally disappointed in the outcome of sharing his work on here - something you'd do well to pay attention to as you are doing just that now.

>>10029673
>it is, by definition, a poem
What's your definition of a poem? It's fine to let go of rhyme, meter and rhythm, but this is a string of clunky comparisons with random line breaks in the middle of sentences. There is no movement and innovation either. It looks like a poem, but it's like shaping a ball of ground beef in the shape of a dog.

>>10029981
Here's another poem I wrote.
It's called "sleep":


zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

>>10029243
>don't worry op, i wrote like this when i was 14 too
This. People can be harsh, but critiquing is easy. Just continue writing and you'll get better.

>>10030021
See? There's already some improvement. Seriously, everyone has to start somewhere. The OP is not really a poem according to my definition anyway; it could pass as slam poetry maybe, but it's good that you have the guts to put your stuff out there. Keep working at it and some day you'll laugh at what you used to write.

>>10029212
Stopped reading at
>O

>>10029212
Post in the crit thread

>>10029974
Take your meds and get off 4chan

Everyone else: sage this piece of shit