DAE feel like they "murdered" their sibling?

>>8851258
She wanted to be a girl all along.

>>8851263
I just don't understand how someone could be so good at repressing that they'd be 100% comfortable for 17 years. He was proud of his masculinity, his deepening voice and growing shoulders. Femme trans people just don't think that way in my opinion. My core identity disappeared in the matter of months and it just doesn't make sense to me.

>>8851377
once upon a time, there were people growing up in country which wasn't full of faggot pride, and told that such a thing is not omly impossible, it's highly wrong. needless to say those people built up more and more selfhate and just tried to fit in aka repression

tl;dr: just be happy you grew up in an aware, accepting environment.

File: RIP.png (33KB, 300x250px) Image search: [Google]

33KB, 300x250px

Rest in pepperoni Mila

>>8851407
I'm not sure why missing my former-self makes me mentally ill? I just wish the person who I used to be got to live on separately. I never had a brother though, so maybe I'm projecting those thoughts on this or whatever

>>8851462
Well, duh
but even if you think trans women are still men, I am still in some ways different from the person I used to be just a year ago. My life's trajectory is completely different now and I think that the person I was shaping up to be before this happened shouldn't "cease to exist". it just feels wrong

>>8851258
This sounds a lot like legit DID, actually

>>8851487
You killed countless 'potentials' to be the person you are right now, so why mourn few specific ones?

>>8851776
don't know 'em, don't care for them
I lived as a cis guy for almost 2 decades and loved it, so I feel weird about this whole thing.
Like, why did I let this happen? Why can't cis me come back and turn everything back to the way it was? I keep trying and trying but nothing works

>>8851258
AGP
G
P

>>8851867
I'm ace though?

>>8851258
Id probably feel a lot guiltier if john wasnt such a shitshow of a human. I might be a bit of a stranger now but at least im not some reclusive neckbeard. Reclusive transexual is an enormous improvement tbhon.

Is it weird to wish you could meet yourself as a dude just once to see what that was really like? Talk about things?

Why the fuck do trannies all seem like they all have quasi DID? They start talking with themselves, creating these little LARPing personalities they think are real. What, is it tulpameme?

>>8851258
This thread is creepy af.
t. mtf

I mean I don't feel like I killed anyone, that person was me, just the same as I didn't kill some baby when I grew from a drooling idiot into a screaming brat with actual thoughts and opinions. I mean I guess I do feel sorta guilty for depriving my family of the 'me' they'd hoped I'd be, and it does feel weird how different my life used to be, all those memories I have from before just seem so alien and different, I can't even remember why I would do the stuff I did back then, but it's still me.

I'm ftm and that's kinda how I feel about my female self. It's sad that she never got to get married, never got to see her 25th birthday, never got to graduate college. She wasn't who I really am, but she did the best she could.

Yeah I get what you mean anon
Ultimately that person was unhappy inside and would have likely killed themselves soon anyway so really the loss is unavoidable
I'm writing a screenplay atm that touches on some of the things you describe

>>8851919
It's a coping mechanism. Our society is so fucked up homosexuals and gender non-conformers have to have two personalities to deal with the stress.

>>8851258
caitlyn jenner?

>>8851258
No, I've always been a girl inside, my body just grew wrong for a bit and I was miserable but now everything is going how it should have gone when I initially hit puberty

>>8851442
>>8852439
>>8852449
How can you see your pre-transition self as a separate person?

>>8852643
it's definitely not as literal for me as it seems to be for OP but the psychological effects it has do affect your personality (in good ways and bad), which in a way makes it as if you are a different person, plus going from reading as masculine to reading as feminine makes enough of a difference to how your appearance is perceived that looking at old pics of yourself is like looking at pics of someone you know has since died, along with all the expectations and plans you or others may have had for that persona before no matter how fake it might have been

Imagine someone who you've known since childhood randomly turning out all of a sudden to be a massive shared hallucination/mass hysteria and then disappearing forever
even if it wasn't a real person you'd feel strange about it and feel loss and even grief

>>8853422
>>8853431
Then it's a result of having a masculine (or feminine for trans men) persona?

>>8853431
You need to set down the crack pipe, Robin.
I swear your mind is going...

>>8851258
shit's weird, sometimes feel like that old personality resurfaces to protect the new from itself and help it grow as it fades away

>>8853500
explain?

>>8853484
I do ket though, not crack
uppers make my heart feel like it's gonna burst

>>8853507
it's like old me is protective big bro who keeps me safe when things are bad

>>8853534
how do you switch? examples?

that makes it sound sweet, less like op's tragic.

It's been a long painful journey. I stand at the peak of the mountain trying to convince myself its time to pick a side to go down. I've decided I dont want to go down the same path I came up. Enough with the metaphors, I'm stuck at the first step. I'm extremely afraid and need to hear some advice if anyone could give any for someone just starting to transition. I have a very open family and I am fairly confident they will accept me but I am afraid of the rammifcations it may have on them if I do transition. T hasnt gotten the chance to fuck me all up yet, wat do?

>>8853551
it seems to happen at random but sometimes it helps when I'm hysterical, they tend to make rational decisions like handing my meds away when I'm at suicide risk. around my gf I'm me all the time though