Serious Talk about Depression

thinking of taking all my ativan and jumping tonight

typing is hard because im so full of rage and misery

>>8834954
I lapse into resentment and spite.

There is nothing you can do to stop the misery. We are born into imperfection. We live in a sinful and impure world.

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>>8834954
I take 200 mg of Wellbutrin every day. It honestly keeps me sane; I'm way too prone to existential dread and questioning otherwise.

I'd also recommend finding either a therapist or some sort of mental health program that does DBT.

>>8835014
im on 300 and it helps me function, but lately i cant deal with dysphoria at all

I'm teary eyed and I feel very sad, why did I have to be gay, I'll never find love. Other guys are only interested in girls, I don't understand why they can't love me or why they think girls are better.

>>8834965
>>8834979
Want to talk about it anon? Maybe it helps to calm down a bit... I'm sorry you're feeling like this

>>8834997
I know... The only thing depression "blessed" me with is a mentality where i don't get affected by anything people say or do. Everyone is heading into a void but some can enjoy this world illusions of joy.

>>8835024
its too late to be calm. talking doesnt help anymore.

>>8835022
do you have nice feet?

>>8835019
How far into transition are you?

Also, if you're getting worked up about it, I highly recommend doing something that forces a bodily chemistry change. You can do this by either taking a cold shower, or just trying to hold ice cubes or frozen limes in your bare hands. I know it sounds weird, but just try it.

>>8835022
>Other guys are only interested in girls
You do realize that half the reason the LGBT community exists is so gay guys and girls can say "we're not alone", right?

>>8835047
no, they're gross

>>8835058
been repressing for years because im super masc. was gonna have access to hrt in a few months but i dont think i can make it anymore.

its not fair that people get to be girls and i have to be some hideous freak.

>>8835064
you are probably just saying that.. I bet they are real nice.. would you let me massage them and handle them?

>>8834954
The best thing I've found is exercise. Jogging, yoga, working out. You can't think about things when you're exercising, and you're too tired to dwell on things afterwards. I never used to exercise but I am now and it's drastically improved my life because I'm too exhausted to be depressed and I just walk or jog until I want to die and fall asleep.

>>8835077
maybe, but I'm sure you wouldn't want to touch my gross pale feet

>>8835024
E-mail?

>>8835070
At least try HRT for a year, OK? I know it's hard, but otherwise, you're giving up before it's even started. I won't hold you to it beyond that point.

And what the anon said about exercise is right: being sedentary causes your brain and body to start to shut down, making you depressed and feel hopeless.

>>8835097
do you want to be my friend? i don't really have anyone I can go to for guidance on these things...

>>8834954
I feel you OP (except I'm not trans). I just feel constant emotional boredom, constant exhaustion. I'm supposed to go to classes, find hobbies, talk to people, etc but none of it makes me feel anything. Not happy, not sad. Nothing. If it doesn't do anything for me now, why would it ever? Why even bother continuing if I'll never be fulfilled? I'll just always have this mental weight with me, this is just who I am. And then if I just sit in bed all day I still feel like shit. It's funny you mention killing yourself at 30 because I've been planning on doing the same for quite some time.

>>8835022
Are you thicc?

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>>8834954
Same tbqhon.

I'm not trans, or maybe a really repressed one. I'm thinking about hrt because i'm so depressed about my body i'll either do anything for it or give up entirely. I tried many drugs in the last years, none of them helped, they made it worse. Now i sit here and wait for death, when i'm not at university studying something i don't care about (But it's the only thing i can force myself to learn) or playing the same songs on my old guitar.

And that's funny, i have the same plan. When i was young, i've thought about ending my life at 40. As the years passed by, i've adjusted my death clock. I plan to go when i'm 25, if nothing interesting happened, or at 30~35 if life is "ok i guess". I'll have to endure the pain until then, as i'm still 18.

I've also ghosted everyone. I feel bad for this but conversations were just awkward. They always asked me "How's life going", "Are you working?" and the answer was the same, didn't matter how many months passed by. Sometimes i don't want to talk with people because i'm feeling really bad, so i listen to some music while the hours pass by. It's hard to maintain contact with online friends because of this. Most of them don't understand and i feel bad but can't do nothing about it.

I care about my parents and some friends, that's why i put a big smile on my face everyday and repeat the same routine over and over. My friends will forget me someday. My parents are getting old. And i will wait for my time to come.

In the meantime i'll see where hrt brings me.

>>8835332
>tbqhon
you are mtf

>>8835342
I'm a HON

But seriously, i have no desire in presenting or being treated as a girl. But you can't have hrt boobs and call yourself a man so... idk what to do (if i ever look cute on hrt ofc)

>>8835373
Its easy. You transition into my gf

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>>8835388
I'm an assexual freak...

> SSRIs don't help, they induce apathy
Have you tried SNRIs? If not, Lamictal works pretty often on depression, especially if you have people in your family who are bipolar.

Also, get a GeneSight test and find out if there's anything weird about how your body processes medication. Turned out my twelve years of untreated depression was because I had a genetically broken folic acid cycle, which tl;dr means my body had problems making folic acid into the form it needs to be to get into the brain, so I don't actually produce enough serotonin, meaning SSRIs do nothing because there's no serotonin to force into the synapse in the first place.

It's possible you have treatment-resistant depression, but it's more likely you either haven't tried the right drug or have other problems with processing the drugs at all.

>>8834954
There are currently only three clinically proven ways to effectively treat depression; therapy, exercise, and medication. Try one or all and find what works best for you.

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>>8835464
You forgot about death.

Every now and again I just completely break down and become unable to function, usually late at night when I'm alone watching youtube or whatever. I just have a total emotional breakdown and start crying uncontrollably about the state of my life.

It hurts and I usually end up in a YFYL thread over at /wsg/, crying to myself about how I'm such a fuckup until I feel tired enough to go to sleep.

I tried Zoloft years ago and it did nothing positive for me but just made me feel numb so I stopped taking it, I don't want to try antidepressants again.

>>8835463
lamotrigine gave me a retinal cyst

Jack'n'coce, camels, dissaciotion, distractions, cynism

Pre-everything mtf

>>8835070

Try for a year, all changes are reversible at the 1 year landmark. Freeze some sperm before, just in case. If after a year you don't like it... stop. It won't be detransitioning since it wasn't a complete transition anyways

I shitpost the pain away.

>>8834954
Alcohol.

>>8837152
Same tbhonest familia

>>8836005
That sucks.

Well, there's always MAOIs.

There are antidepressants that aren't SSRIs, ssris are just the first drug they try and it doesn't work for most people

Ultimately you need to create your own meaning, the universe has no inherit meaning and you are unwilling or unable to adopt societies version of meaning. So you must create it yourself, you must become neitzsches nobleman or ubermensch

>>8834954
I totally understand. I had diagnosed depression long before I found out I was trans (I'm FTM, if that matters) and being constantly dysphoric can make it worse. I just think that I'm never going to be able to be truly male and it just... eats me up inside. Like I'll just be in public, and the idea that I'm too fragile and small to be seen as an actual male just sort of starts bugging me and I can't focus on anything else. Basically when I'm not at school I just try to stay holed up in my room to avoid that. ADHD meds sometimes just stop making you feel emotion, if that's what you're after. Usually I try to just distract myself by just listening to music or playing Animal Crossing. Sometimes I draw or try and write music (it's never any good) but just being able to mentally seek my teeth into anything other then how miserable I am can help.

>>8834954
>So, how are you feeling, /lgbt/?
Angry.

How do I do it? Like shit.
Lying on the bed, with bottle of Jack Daniels, listening to Pink Floyd's Final cut on repeat and collecting last remains of my mental energy to not reach towards my Sig Sauer.

t. shithead who's repressing mechanism for dysphoria are crubbling down.

Reminder that MANY people in the first world suffer quietly from two depression-causing deficiencies -- magnesium and Vitamin B12. I recognize that's not the cause of everyone's depression, but if you haven't specifically checked on those, you may strongly consider it. Turns out I was short on those (plus C and folate) and that WAS my depression cure, so it can definitely happen.

I wish I had more to offer.