Escape

The miracle ended about 6 or 7 months later. She got knocked up by a 'mutual friend' of ours and our relationship ended, and I spent the next two years swimming around the bottom of a bottle.

I gave up on pretty much everything except focusing on my work, haven't dated, haven't had sex, haven't even so much as entertained the idea of ever finding someone again. Obviously there was a reason I was left, so being the trainwreck I am - I wouldn't want to put anyone else through having to deal with and put up with me.

I look in the mirror, and I see 33 years of regret, self hate, loathing, and failure staring back at me. Wishing for what could have been if the resources had been there and I had not been in what was essentially 'the bible belt'.

Some, asinine part of me still dreams, and the dreams I have only make me all the more depressed and angry with myself.

Fairytales aren't real, there are no happy endings, you're born, you live, you work to make someone else money, you learn to give up on dreams, and you die.

That's my story. Sorry for wasting your time and bandwith.

Life sucks for a lot of us unfortunately. I'm 24 a NEET living off NEETbux haven't been in a relationship since high school. I'm trans as fuck but couldn't admit it to myself and waited until I wouldn't pass to accept it. If I could've accepted it sooner maybe I could've gotten help instead here I am a NEET shit posting machine with no hope in life. I hope somehow you feel better about yourself though anon.

>>8750813
im a NEET, haven't been in relationship, and what the fuck is neet bux ?

>>8750824
SSI the shit they give to people that are deemed unfit to work. Basically I get a thousand a month just to exist.

>>8750824
>doesnt know about neetbux

HaH

>>8750831
>>8750838

how to get it?

It's just too late.

>>8750788
Want to play league sometime? :)

>>8750867
I've not played in...a long time. Years, don't even think I remember my login information anymore.

>>8750788
>>8750790
>had not been in what was essentially 'the bible belt'.

I know what you mean, I was stuck in a christian school for 14 years. Everyday I was told how disgusting I was, and now I just can't seem to stop hating myself.

It took me a 22 years to finally have a mental breakdown and transition but it was way too late.

When I was young I would have had a chance. But now not so much.

I went from attractive male with a job, a degree and a social life to an unemployed shut in that lives with their parents and vomits at the sight of their own reflection.

I hate my life.

The only reason I'm still here is that I somehow ended up with a girlfriend who just so happens to be the most wonderful person on the planet.

I see a lot of you on this board always saying "I'm in my twenties. I waited too long." It's simply not the case. I have looked at pictures of myself in my teenage years and I looked the same as I did in my 20s.

You're out of your mind if you don't think teens or 'early transitioners' go through the same shit when transitioning. That they don't get the same 'everyone around you knows' mentality. That they don't get misgendered by their classmates.

They go through the exact same self loathing you do. They still suffer the 1-2 years of torment that you deal with in your transition.

Time doesn't make a difference. Even genes don't to an extent(FFS, etc). 90% is just not being a depressive hunched-over hon with an I-don't-give-a-fuck voice pitch. The other ten percent is just eating right and not being a fat slob.

You need to stop giving in to despair. I have been there. We have all been there. Passing is a state of mind. You can be the ugliest hon who ever lived- if you talk and act like a women people will regard you as one without a second thought.

>>8753169
How do you learn to talk and act like a woman instead of, as TERFS call it, "a parody that exists only in your own male mind"?

>>8753169
I can't agree with you on any level.

At early 15 I was probably the prettiest boy in my school, by mid 16 I was mannly as anything and my chance to pass was gone for good.

Also, voice means nothing in person to person social situations when your face is unpassing.

>>8750790
yyeah...
I should've offed myself years ago, Im effectively dead anyway, I have zero life, I just sleep and stare at this screen and its been like this for a long while

>>8750850
live in a country with wellfare for a start?

>>8750788
>>8750813
I'm sorry anons. Life really isn't fair.
>>8750813
When did you accept it and when was the last time you could've passed?

>>8753945
yes, but what to do to get neet bucks in your country?
no matter where I live the process is probably the same, but I never heard of anyone being paid for just being unemployed

>>8750788
>>8750790
Females play around when young and eventually inevitably get pregnant and make the shift to motherhood. Men spend their time trying to lock down a female then surrender themselves to become a lifelong workhorse providing for her and her offspring. For anyone who is a little touched as far as gender or sexuality, anything other than cishet, they're basically gonna be sidelined in life and it'll be sort of a ghost life. The real deal is that females' life experience is completely and radically different because females were born with a womb, whether they choose to use it or it breaks later is irrelevant, it totally creates a different life experience. No amount of anything can really induct a male born person into that life experience, not current medical science, not a sympathetic female friend, not even determination and heart. And if that male born person also rejects a male sex/gender role then basically its a ghost life for them.

>>8750788
Have you ever spoken to her since?

life sucks senpai welcome to being a tranny i hope you dont have to transition and you can live semi normal though

>>8754373
>never heard of anyone being paid for just being unemployed

ughghg look it up for your country, there is literally unemployment benefits wellfare but it's on limited time, if you cant work due to disorders you obviously need to go thru healthcare system to get all the paperwork, if you are in FInland you could get like 800 euro for functional autism

>>8754537
fair enough about most women
but like half men dont care nearly as much about familiy and kids and even back in 80s abysmal divorce rates in wester world where largely attributed to men not giving a fuck and its only gotten worse