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Recently a transgirl was introduced into my friend group, and we all hit it off well with her. She's got a great personality and fits in well. However, I got kind of a weird question when it comes to addressing her.
I don't know why, but ever since I was young I talked like a cartoon surfer and I have this habit of calling everyone dude and man, even my cis girl friends. It's a pretty noticeable feature of my natural speech. I feel like I should avoid calling our new friend 'bro' or 'dude' or anything like that, but I'm also worried that she'll realize I'm only making this effort for her and not for our cis friends. What do?
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Don't change your vocabulary.
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Don't change your vocabulary, my dude.
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>>8744348
>>8744355
Thanks for the input, anons. I would love to trade my Gondolas with you.
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>>8744357
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>>8744359
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>>8744366
your Gondolas are cute lol
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Ask her whether it bugs her or not?
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>>8744369
Perhaps you'd prefer something a bit more high brow.
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>>8744341
I'd say don't change ur vocab, she'll probs pick up on it and may feel like you're treating her differently which can feel super isolating but if you're really concerned just ask her :) she'll probably be glad you care enough to consider her feelings about it.
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>>8744372
You don't think that would be awkward? I don't know her very well, and I'm kind of paranoid when it comes to making people uncomfy because I'm a diagnosed sperg
>>8744374
A very tasteful piece! Gondola always makes me smile, no matter what situation he's in
>>8744376
Thanks for your opinion, it sounds like asking her might be the thing to do after all
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>>8744392
Okay I bed.
Good luck in situation.
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>>8744401
Good night. Always carry the observational spirit of the gondola with you
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>>8744363
Ooh, I like this one.
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It's always immediately obvious when cis-people are treating you as an "other" so don't do that. Just treat her like the rest of the girls. It just sucks to be treated differently. Good intentions that cause some of the worst dysphoria.
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>>8744713
But what happens if he calls her "dude" and she hasn't yet picked up on him calling the other girls that? At that point you either defensively mansplain "i call everyone that", or you stop (and have already ruined things) and you're back to square one on 'treating her as "other"'. At least being up front shows he's trying to be respectful but isn't sure how.
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>>8747531
cease to care so much, the fact that you're even using terms like "mansplaining" means you let the thoughts of pedantics influence you far far too much.
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>>8747545
I'm just saying, if she *does* interpret a 'dude' or 'bro' as misgendering her, that's a bell you can't unring.
Regardless of how a mature "I call everyone these things, are you okay with that?" up front will be received, it is guaranteed to be better than "ACKSHUALLY i call everyone that so your feelings aren't legitimate" after she already feels like crap because she thinks you see her as a man.
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>>8748051
Why do people make themselves feel like crap because of how somebody else sees the world?
I've never understood why you give other people this power to control your moods.
Stop caring what other people think.
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>>8744392
So, I'd say either ask her directly ("Hey, I call everyone dude, but if you'd rather I didn't refer to you like that, just say so and I won't"), or just call her dude and if she asks you to not, stop
You seem like a pretty good person, honestly, that you're concerned about this
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>>8748167
Oh dang anon, just like that, it's all better. If only I'd thought of just *not caring* what people think about me. Oh, all these years and therapist visits have been for nothing, you've shown me the truth!
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>>8744341
Personally, I find it more awkward when people treat me as a special case, like, "Hey guys! *looks directly at me* ...and girls". If you call everyone dude and bro, that's probably the way to go.
But you might want to talk to her just in case, she'll appreciate the thought, and it could help you avoid making things awkward between you two in the future.
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Checking back on my thread, thanks for all the replies!
>>8744713
It makes sense to me that a person dealing with gender dysphoria wouldn't want the extra pain of always being made to feel like an outsider. I genuinely see trans people as the gender they want to be, it makes no difference to me. I just want to make her feel included, but also respected.
>>8747531
Another vote for just asking and being honest. I'll think about how to phrase it best so that I don't make it weird for her.
>>8748221
It's nice of you to say I seem like a real human bean. I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings for no reason. I know that trans people experience a lot of pain in their lives, but I also know they don't want to be handled like glass and just want to live life as the gender they feel in their souls. We're all gonna be dust someday anyways, might as well live how we want to right now.
Thread posts: 24
Thread images: 12
Thread images: 12