Accepting it

>>8737021
Coming out to yourself takes time.
You could try reading books about trans people and seeing if you identify with their thoughts and feelings.
Maybe try cross-dressing as a woman sometime when you are home alone and see how it makes you feel.
Don't worry.
You have some time to think about this.
People say you need to start taking estrogen early in order to pass, but it is mostly genetic whether or not you will pass, so make sure you are really trans before you start HRT.
Maybe try talking about your feelings with a counselor or therapist or a friend that you trust.

>>8737021
You remind me of myself a lot. Probably talking to a therapist is the best option, but I don't think any therapist would be able to solve this. I've decided I'll order Cypro and E and I'll try and see what happens, at this point it's the only way to see wether I'm trans or not.

>>8737367
Can you tell me more about you and about how I remind you of yourself?

>>8737389
The whole "not sure, it's probably OCD" thing and how you could write it but not admit it. I tried to convince myself of the opposite (i.e. that I'm not a tranny) but at the same time I tried to convince myself that I, in fact, was. I've now reached a point where I'm so confused that I've decided I'll try HRT to see if I really am. Could you tell me more about yourself? When did you start questioning it, why, how did you feel?

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>>8737021
I've been in this board for years looking for this answer, i've used to feel like you, SSRI's weren't the answer, nor lifting weights in the gym (wich actually made me feel worse), the only progress i've noticed happened after "accepting" being more feminine (see, not actually accepting being trans).

I stopped trying to be manly, wich felt unnatural to me. Now my hair is long, my body is shaved, i'm dressing in more neutral clothes and colours. Things feel a little better, so i'd recommend trying small things to see if you feel better. Shave yourself, get a new haircut if you don't want to grow it. Lose weight (in a healthy way), Wear more neutral and skinny clothes. Crossdress, like the other anon said, to see how you feel.

I'm still considering things, and should make a decision soon now that i turned 18. I have lots of cypro and E pills in my wardrobe, and i'm considering it. If i'm not trans, i am sure i'm some kind of femboy. Because i don't really want to live as a girl fulltime (i think), but i'm pretty sure i don't want to be manly nor have my few soft features destroyed by T.

That said, take your time. Don't let anyone push you into anything in life. Feel in peace with your decisions and then, slowly figure out what you want and how to achieve it. Maybe you find peace in being a feminine boy. But if you feel better with being feminine, but thinks it can improve and you would like to present and be treated as a female, make your choice from there. Good luck.

Paranoia bump

>>8737021
>I used to try to convince myself that I was in fact transgender because I shared some symptoms and was depressed and I felt that life would be better as a girl.
Cis people don't only get off to the thought of being female.

You feel like life would be better as an anime girl right? Doesn't mean you're trans, girls feel that way as well

transitioning won't give you anything you want

>>8737021
Try not wondering if you're trans and instead thinking what you want to do personally and what is possible for you to do. I noticed once I mentally changed the whole definition of trans from something you are to something you just become by transitioning I started getting much less anxiety about it, ultimately it's all it boils down to in society too, nobody cares about your inner gender
That said if you have OCD attached to it it's not much of an improvement, you'll just switch to wondering about bullshit details instead


But don't hold back on non-permanent stuff like crossdressing or growing your hair out or even voice training, it's okay to experiment and it's good, remember how you feel when you do stuff but don't overthink it


>>8738179
HOCD is a thing and detransition too

>>8738194
>[cis] girls feel that way as well
not the same way

>transitioning won't give you anything you want
doesn't stop her being trans

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>>8738194
Is there someone that feel like life would be better as an anime girl? Like wtf? I know animes are happy and shit like that but really?

>>8738217
>HOCD
doesn't cause AGP.
>detransition
ed AGPs are still trans.

>>8738333
>>8738194
anime is shit and I hate this website for propagating it and I hate all of you too for worshiping icons all day long

inb4 why r u hrerrr lol b/c i hate myself

>>8737477
I first started questioning in freshman year of high school; I'm now going into m first year of college. I really don't remember why I started. I don't have dramatic stories about hating my genitals or praying to be a girl; I do, however, have memories of thinking that the women in my life were better than the men and one memory of cross dressing and liking it. Most of my real-life role models were teachers or school staff, all they were almost all women. The male role models in my early life were actually pretty negative. I grew to admire the qualities associated with women such as maternity, calmness, prettiness, frailty, and purity. I dislike the traditional male qualities of strength, aggression, independence, and confidence. I never really had genital dysphoria, but during my transgender questioning, I started trying to discern whether that is really the case, and thus I think I'm trying to convince myself that I do have it. As a result, I'm uncomfortable, no matter what. Growing up to have a bulky body and masculine features kinda unnerves me, and sometime I imagine myself as more comfortable in a feminine body with breasts, smaller shoulders, and a high voice. I want people to see something pure and feminine in me. Perhaps I've just associated goodness with femininity; I really don't know. There are parts of being male I like, I think. When I try to perform some thought experiments to discern my feelings, I end up wrecked and anxious. I don't trust my imagination. My worst fears are repressing and ending up miserable beyond repair or transitioning to discover that I was wrong. Repression is a bigger fear, I think. These thought experiments are a product of possible OCD, but I'm afraid of ignoring them because I think that might be repression. My mind and emotions feel completely detached from reality. Another reason I think it might be OCD is that I've had similar issues with other quests for identity. I've had similar anxiety and depression about

>>8738403
becoming a composer, writer, or artist. Basically, I find some sort of identity, and I aggressively cling to it and try to alter myself to fit whichever mold I picked so as to compensate for my feeling of being identity-less. I do feel as though I have no self, in a bad way. At this point, I'm anxious when I think about being trans, but I don't know whether that's because I don't want to be a woman or because I'm currently repressing and I'm afraid of being myself. As I said, I don't know what "myself" really is. I've questioned other facets of my life, too, even ones that were rock solid. I doubted my sexuality for a small time, feeling a desire to identify as gay, even though I have never been sexually attracted to a non-crossdressing male. I doubted my lifelong love of science. Another OCD symptom is my fear of discovering something about myself that is deeply disturbing, such as being a pedophile, a murderer, or a coprophile.

>>8738333
Everyone's life would be much easier as a cute young girl

>>8738415
I don't know whether this is important, but I might as well add that the only famous people I ever saw with my name as a young boy were girls. I also was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Lastly, I'm experiencing pretty bad depersonalization and derealization. I don't know whether I am depressed or not. Sorry for the outcry-ish information dump, I just want to add anything that could be relevant. I'm almost desperate.

OP here again. I forgot to add that the feelings of being transgender come in waves. When i don't feel like a possible MTF, I have a similar crisis over a different identity, like becoming and artist as I mentioned. This makes me think it might be OCD. I always have to have some sort of identity or way to label myself and thus to know myself. It's like breathing my own character in real life. I think this is true, but I doubt my own thinking.

>>8738426
>Everyone's life would be much easier as a girl
FTFY

>>8738442
Not to be mean, but you sound like a normal teenager to me. Asking these kinds of questions about yourself is healthy and you will find the answers over time. Don't rely on others to tell you what you are, figure out what bits of yourself you already like and capitalize on them. Worst case scenario you turn into the kind of person you wanted to be anyways.
Maybe bring up these concerns to some close friends who won't flip their shit about it? Test the waters and if they're cool ask them to covertly usee female pronouns with you or point out girly things they think could interest you. It could give you an idea as to whether or not you would be happier living as a girl.

You're not mean; quite the opposite, actually. It's not only the questioning, but the feeling of wanting to be a woman that bothers me. When I oversimplify it like that, it sounds like an obvious case of gender dysphoria, but it isn't. I am interested in using pronouns as an experiment. Someone on this thread referred to me as "her" and I want it to keep happening. I don't know how I felt when I saw it; I want it to keep happening here so that I find out how it feels.

>>8737021
As a trans person with OCD I'd just like to chime in that, even though OCD is different with each person, it was easy for me to separate the two before transition. I definitely knew what I had was dysphoria.

Originally though I thought I would be happy just being a bit more feminine, but once I started hormones it became harder and harder to separate the two. I'm constantly running to mirrors because I terrified that I'm suddenly becoming more masculine. I carry a little mirror with me everywhere I go just in case the thought comes into my head. I try to limit myself to only checking twice and hour or less, but often I will go over that and it really hampers me.

I have a lot of trouble actually telling what I look like anymore, before transition I had a clear mental image of myself but now it can get distorted easily and I need mirror sessions to reassure myself.

My advise to you is that, if you can't tell if you have dysphoria then don't transition. I knew before hand and went in with rationality and a relatively under control case of OCD. Now I'm a nutcase again for multiple reasons. I dare say if you tried and you weren't dysphoric then you'd probably be in a worse position.

Is it possible to have trans OCD and be cis just as heterosexuals have gay OCD or healthy people have cancer OCD? Asking for a friend haha

sounds like denial/repression with and extreme fear of coming out, possibly due to family? ik vague, but I speak from experience

Look, OP, I'm basically in a similar situation, only in the past I have had dysphoria. From what I can tell, it could very well be OCD + negative male role models, but there are indeed some things that make me think that you might, in fact, be trans. I have reached a point where I get nervous just thinking of it after months of overthinking it. The only way I can think of to know for sure is to either get a brain scan and all that stuff, or try HRT, for a period short enough that it doesn't give you physical changes but long enough so that it gives you the psychological changes. Then you should know, if you're trans HRT on its own should make you feel better, while, if you're not, it will make you feel dysphoric. This is basically what I'm gonna try.

>>8738336
when did op even suggest they have agp

>>8739759
Her self-description is obviously AGP.

>>8738907
Yes
It's also possible to be trans and have trans OCD
OCD does not discriminate

>>8739773
Op here. How is this in any way AGP? I thought it definitely wasn't. Certitude is unusual for me.

>>8740316
This screams AGP:
>I felt that life would be better as a girl. I have obsessive thoughts about testing myself to see whether I'm trans or not, and i no longer can tell what some of my true feelings are.

>>8740409
I thought AGP was a fetishistic thing? My feelings are nothing sexual. What's the actual definition of AGP?

OP again. I'm currently wearing a little bit of makeup and it feels nice. I think my face actually looks feminine, a bit. I don't feel uncomfortable being a pretty femboy; the discomfort arises when I think that's too close to being trans and I fear I'm repressing. When I was younger, masculine and feminine things meant nothing to me, as did body types. I didn't care either way, I think. I'm trying to stop fearing being a freak if I transition.

>>8739594
Can you elaborate when you say that there are some things that make you feel I am indeed transgender?

>>8740425
The sexual part is one side of it but not every AGP has it. See this conversation >>8739828 or this thread >>8683288 for full details.

>>8740461
That makes sense. The romantic idealization of oneself as a woman; that almost puts words in my mouth. Not the full description, though.

>>8740510
>The romantic idealization of oneself as a woman
This is a big contribution from Anne Lawrence, one of the main AGP scholars.

>Not the full description, though.
AGP varies a lot. Even just the sexual part alone has very different parts that different AGPs experience.

>>8740456
I'd have to read the blog post again. I'll do it later, I promise.

How quickly can one go from not seeing a therapist to starting HRT?

>>8741342
I went a few days

>>8741777
Is it like a trial period?

>>8742805
That's not how HRT and dysphoria work