About to jump on hrt but i'm scared asf

I'd say just do it because i can relate to your situation, but when i pushed myself to start hrt i was pretty sure i'm trans. I smell confusion in your post. It looks like you may be trans, but you're questioning it.

Do you want to be a girl at all?

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I guess there is a difference between wanting to be seen as a woman and just wanting to be cute. If you want to be cute just keep with the finasteride, starve yourself (be careful with that) and wax your entire body. I don't know your facial features, but if you try hard maybe you could look like Gerard Way in his prime (his my definition of cute male) or something like that.

We are almost the same age, but when I was 18 I was confused about everything, so be careful with what you do... you might regret it later.

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>>8686876
>Do you want to be a girl at all?
I don't know for sure... I would like to be treated like a girl if i were a girl in my own way... i mean, beng myself, with my interests, i don't want to emulate a woman stereotype if that makes sense. If i have to, i'm better off identifying as male

>>8686927
That's true, people always tell me i don't need to take such step to achieve what i want. I think that i'm scared to lose what i have now, to age with t, and i see hrt as a way to "save myself" (to extend my hapiness actually, i know everyone ages even if you're on hrt, but to know i'll end up looking even manlier at 20, in less than two years, i'm really afraid and sad, i feel like i didn't even live yet because i've spent my teens being a neet and now it's almost over)

I may be overreacting but i notice every change and spend hours thinking about this, like my facial hair getting worse everyday.

>Be careful with what you do... you might regret it later.
I'm scared to come here at 24 crying because i regret not starting earlier lol... But you're right. Doesn't matter how much i think, it's hard to decide something like this, if i like it i'll be ok but if i fuck up i'll have a big problem

I really appreciate the help, thanks to both of you

Bump because I share a whole lot of feels with >>8685620 and want more input :\

I'm scared, I'm anxious. I don't know if I'm making up excuses to go on HRT or avoid it. I look at the effects and want them, but I can't stop thinking about whether it would be reversible and how much harder it is to reverse T.

I'm young and fem, I feel like I could go make either look work, but I'm terrified of aging as a man and finding out about dysphoria the hard way. Missing out on trying my luck with transition to see if it actually helps the concerns I have but don't fully understand sounds like a bad idea too.

I don't know what I want but it probably involves androgyny of some kind. I feel like if I saw a psych I'd get tossed out for not being unhappy with being male.

but if I'm so happy being a guy then why can't I stop thinking about how to change that uuuaaaaaAAAAAAAAA

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>>8685620
>>8687336
see a gender therapist bud.

feel better, and stay safe. best wishes

>>8687336
>I don't want to emulate a woman stereotype
You don't have to, you can be a girl with your current hobbies and interests too, there's a lot of cis women with less feminine and more masculine interests, and nobody cares.

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You sound literally like me, anon. I was on hrt for 3 months before I got scared of how my cones were coming along and switched to Ralo + Bica. Right now I'm contemplating what to do next.
At times I feel like it wouldn't be that bad to live as a male because I find guys to be cute but most of the time the thought just repulses me. Part of it for me are millimetrical signs of MPB too. Makes you feel on an even worse time limit with your decision.
People tell me I'd most likely pass if I transitioned but it's scary.
I want to be cute and desirable for guys and eventually marry one. Doesn't help that I'm agp although my attraction to guys is legitimate.
I wish there was something to do against growing cones honestly. I can't imagine hiding it from family for too long if I continued with hrt.

How to reverse testosterone: You can't.

How to reverse estrogen: Stop treatment and get a mastectomy.

What's the most neutral option? In 10 years, how are you going to deal with the added masculinity. You have no idea how much things change after 18, it's horrifying. You also don't know what effects or side effects the medications are going to have until you take them. So there's no point in worrying about them now. Estrogen is mostly reversible so I'd recommend taking it now

>>8685620
>>8687336
Are you sure you are not posting those pictures of girls because you want to look like them?
It seems to me that you wish to be a girl but you are trying to convince yourself that you don't because you don't think you are gonna pass.

I'm literally just assuming this, not throwing it out as a fact. I hope you find your answer anon, good luck.

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>>8688355
This would be good tbqh but where i live there's no gender therapists. But thanks mr skelton

>>8688403
This sucks... I'm worried socially about the cones too... Even if i stay as i am without changing (to hide i'm on hrt), it will be hard to hide cones. Right now due to some hormone imbalance or because i was fat idk, i already have minor gyno... I'm scared my tits will grow up to a point i can't hide them, as i can't take ralox

I hope we find our answers anon

>>8688771
>Are you sure you are not posting those pictures of girls because you want to look like them?
You got me there, i don't know how to answer this... But anyway that's 2d aesthetics and wanting to look like them would be foolish of me. I'm striving to think about it deeply because that may be true. But this can be just some kind of Schizophrenia or confusion, specially given my age...

>>8688770
>You have no idea how much things change after 18, it's horrifying.
This is the thought that triggers a panic attack and makes me sure there's something wrong and it's not only a phase.

I look pretty "feminine" when compared to my relatives. But that's bc i'm still "young". i WILL end up like them. This is so fucking disgusting, so bad, soon my body will grow into some disgusting thing, just like them, everything will get out of control up to a point i can't even look feminine by shaving etc. This is exactly my thoughts when i think about this. But seconds later i get all confused and think "But is going through hormones the right thing? I can't really do nothing after coming so far".

>>8690838
>But this can be just some kind of Schizophrenia or confusion, specially given my age...
You're 18. You may be confused but you're NOT idiot and if you're so worried about this, DON'T try to ignore. Sorry, i can't give you the answer but i hope you don't stop looking for it. Because this is how you come back here at 25 crying because you did nothing when you were younger.