FTMs, did you have sex before transition?

Was in a 4 year relationship with my best friend, who was a guy. I was the dominant one in the relationship. I was able to sort of live out my fantasies though him in a sense, it was like his body became my own. Not sure how to describe it, but it helped with coping.

At the end of the day though I was still depressed as shit and I hated what I saw in the mirror every day. PIV was never enjoyable, but I tried. It never felt good. Sex ended up being very one sided as it was almost exclusively me doing my best to please him. And in the end we parted ways after I started HRT because he's not gay.

3 years later, I'm honestly still heartbroken. Sometimes I question if I made the right choice, but I know I had to transition. I'm a lot more comfortable in my skin these days, it's like a 2 ton weight was lifted off my back. But I miss that relationship. I feel like I lost my soulmate.