Repressed Homosexuals

>>8617851

Nice academic analysis, what do you suggest for repressed gays like me? I have always struggled with being gay and haven't come out, and I've tried to have relationships with women (they have never worked out).

I'm also not aggressive or 'easy to spot', and have accepted that I will be alone or find a bf, but I can't face up to admitting that I'm gay in public or to my loved ones

I don't understand how people are able to lie to themselves, I've never been able to do it... though I guess I never wanted to be able to do it, either.
I struggle to lie to other people, even when it's in my own best interests. And I can't stand putting on affectations of any kind. It all just seems exhausting, being boring is so much easier.
How do so many people go for decades living lies without going crazy?

>>8617911
The fact that you appear to have accepted that you're gay although unable to be happy with it or to come out to those around you means you're in a healthier position than the subjects of this thread who are a long way from being able to admit that. As long as you're not living a lie your heading in the 'right' direction.

>>8617960
>How do so many people go for decades living lies without going crazy?

In many it's a strategy for coping with homophobic abuse when they're young, frequently from a primary care giver. In that kind of situation it may seem like a life or death choice to reveal ones own true nature so they end up repressing it and create a false self.

The longer it goes on the harder it becomes to go back and rediscover that true nature. In some cases it may result in irreversible brain damage.

>>8617960
Some people put others in front of themselves, often at the cost of their own happiness, at which point that selflessness becomes a hindrance. Maybe they feel guilty for not living a life that their loved ones would approve.

Before coming out, I always fantasized how good my life will be when I have this huge burden off my chest and that I'm finally able to open myself to the world, and then sure enough the reality of potential rejection kicks in and then you start feeling bad. I stopped believing that I would be selfish and uncaring if I came out and I am a lot happier, although I did lose relationships because of it

>>8617981

This is what I mean, I only lie outwardly, I used to lie to myself but that just led me to have anger issues and probably let me to suffer from some physical symptoms that disappeared when I 'came out' to myself

>>8618001
>brain damage

4 reel? My parents are supportive of gays and have told me and my siblings that they'd be fine with any of us being gay, wonder why I still feel this way

>>8618003

How are you happier for coming out? I can't see it making much difference

>>8618014
Primarily it's a massive sigh of relief knowing that you don't have to hide certain things about yourself. Secondly, and yes I'm quoting a fucking drag queen, but as a gay person you can choose who you're around. A fair amount of friends I had were casually homophobic and before coming out and had to walk on eggshells so my cover doesn't get blown. When I did 2 of them outright said that they don't want to associate with me, so I had more time to hang around new people who didn't care.

>>8618039

Makes sense, I'm used to hiding though so probably wouldn't make much difference to me.

I made a little mental checklist for what I apparently find attractive in women if asked, straight people don't really care if you can just be like 'yeah I'm a boob man' or whatever, never been difficult for me

I'm glad you are happier now, and thanks for your reply

>>8618014
coming out felt better than I ever could have imagined (I'm trans)
it felt like such a relief to feel like I didn't have this dark, hidden secret
still I'd be very selective on the people you choose to tell

How old is too late? I'm a 22 year old virgin who's only just getting over rabidly conservative Catholicism

>>8618069
I don't really there's a "too late " unless maybe like 40 with children and 20 years into a sham marriage with a woman. I've been steadily coming out over a period of years, with my cousins overseas not finding out until I was 24. It doesn't have to be instantaneous or and overt exclamation. You can even start the process by just answering honestly when someone outright asks if you're gay. It happens surprisingly rarely, but at least you'll be in the head space when it does happen

>>8618063

No-one so far, we'll see what happens in the future

Never understood why people treated it as a dark, hidden secret, yes not everyone is gay friendly but do what I did and think about how to answer awkward questions and things could be at least a little better? idk

I stay in the closet because of people like those on /lgbt/ and because of the LGBT community and its offbrand LGBTQWERTY.

You all (and Tumblr too, just basically any fag community) is why I pretend to be straight. Even my faggot friends agree with me.

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>>8617851
>tfw used to be try hard lifter homophobic closet case
>tfw now softhearted and kind, loving muscle sub with my masculine protective and nurturing strong older boyfriend
>tfw heart fluttered and flipped when we first kissed
>tfw feel ecstasy being a bottom and being made love to by a man
>tfw love waking up in his arms each morning