Boymode General

File: 1472523223735.png (807KB, 1024x640px) Image search: [Google]

807KB, 1024x640px

>>8610454
Anyone else have a face similar to Butch from Fallout 3

fuck this, even FFS won't save me.

File: image.jpg (53KB, 528x776px) Image search: [Google]

53KB, 528x776px

>>8610454
Horribly disfigured by a disease and dying. What else is new? The gag is I'm not even really mtf.

File: 1499875738491.jpg (46KB, 500x575px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 500x575px

I am a disgusting, unlovable, androgynous abomination and a crime against nature.

>>8613476
what disease. Disphoria?

>>8614836
I like to call it BDD

But getting psoriasis was the final blow

File: 300px-Psoriasis_on_back1.jpg (17KB, 300x293px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 300x293px

>>8615025
>psoriasis
shit

>>8610454
That's a nice place to ask...

How long can i hide boymode? What are the hardest effects to hide in my body and mind besides boobs?

>>8615025
>BDD
I feel like i'm going to kill myself someday because of this, i know the pain anon...

>>8613500
Androgynous is cool, i'm sure you're beautiful don't worry
Because nature doesn't give a fuck about us anyway

>>8615230
you could be in boimode forever, thats what HRT femboys are lol. decreased strength is hard to hide, but boobs are prob #1 problem

>>8610454
how can you boymode on hrt if you have a transphobic bf who reversed your coming out to him and basically scared you out of it.

how do i keep it secret from him

>>8616946
fuck him and break up with him, he's an asshole and not worth your time

>>8616946
>someone im in a voluntary relationship with is a complete piece of shit idk what to do cant crack this code

>>8616972
>>8616983
hes my first bf ever and ive been alone forever and am 22. i cant afford to be picky.

i dont know if i could get anyone else

>>8616986
That is rough. But it isn't worth it to be with someone abusive af. You are worth more than that. You'll find someone better. Till then hang out with your friends and just make a circle of friends that love and support you. Best of luck anon.

>>8616946
no man is worth fucking up you body and ruining your chances of passing forever

>>8616986
Oh god this hits way too close to home...

I'm really happy repression general evolved into this general. I think this is a far more healthy approach than going full sour grapes.

>>8617038
yeah. As long as you can get ppl on hrt, even if they dont socially transition, they will be happier when they eventually do instead of just being hons or an heroing as they watch their bodies morph into a disgusting figure

>>8617038
/repgen/ still exists...

>>8613476
>>8615025
Hey, psoriasis is treatable. Please don't give up. You can fix things.

>>8617044
[spoiler]Not for long[/spoiler]

>>8617053
w-what?

>>8616995
>>8617015
>>8617019
when i came out and he shot me down i used the tiny bit of courage and resistance in me to say now and he got angry and we broke up and i became so suicidal and depressed without him and lied about qutting hrt and stayed on it for another 3 months and now i have to quit before he notices and my mental state has gone whack and he knows nothing

>>8617094
just tell him you need to do it, but as long as you are with him you will still be a boy

>>8617094
Christ you poor kid. He is an abusive fuck. I know it hurts but you can't stay with him. He's controlling and either going to hurt you mentally or physically at some point.

If you can see if you can afford therapy through your healthcare to work through your depression. I know therapy sounds lame af, but it is actually super helpful and most of the therapists out there are super nice and supportive.

File: anakin kills.gif (496KB, 500x202px) Image search: [Google]

496KB, 500x202px

>>8617106
he will be so angry
he encorages me to lift weights and be manly

>>8617038
What do I a repressor have in common with closeted transitioners who will be out one day?

>>8617117
Judging from the gif you posted, you're already well aware he's an abusive shithead.

>>8617114
i have a therapist and she knows about him and his disapproval, i even though of going on serms to hide it from him (no boob growth)

but they arent 100 percent effective and cant be used long term

>>8617117
thats not you idiot. You cant be with someone who wont let you be yourself. It'd be like you mom telling your dad to become a hon

>>8617094
Please, please don't let him hurt you. Move on. Please. You can do this. No man is worth ruining your life over.

>>8617128
well he has ammo against me, in my repression days before i met him, i lifted a lot to deny being trans and the whole thing collapsed

>>8617130
the first time he said something really horrible "your such a weak pathetic piece of trash, the only time you stand up for yourself as a man is for your "right" to mutilate yourself. you disgust me"

if i do this. ill pretend ive gone homophobic and taken the hetero pill.

>>8617126
You can go to therapy long term! Really just depends on the situation. Plenty of people just go to mentally detox every month or so. You just need to make sure you have a support net between your therapist and friends, and break the fuck up with him. It will suck at first but you can get through it.

>>8617147
the thing is ive built up this image to my friends that hes great and with a few of them in relationships i see it as a mark of shame and failure to be single and i resent when they are not single but tell me not to rush in. so i am scared of being the single loser again, let alone single tranny loser.

>>8617161
I feel you. It hurts to see everyone having something great when you have nothing and feel like you fuck up everything. But it is better to be single and who you want to be than letting a controlling fuckwad ruin your life.

>>8617161
And if your friends aren't willing to help and support you, get new friends.

>>8616734
>decreased strength is hard to hide
good thing I'm already really weak

>>8617186
they would make me break up with him so i lied

>>8610454

I tried

I failed

Now I regret the lost years

This will happen to you too.

Dysphoria never goes away, accept it, accept yourself, start a new life

>>8617383
It is what you need to do. Just tell them how bad it has been. Let them love and support you. He's a prick who doesn't deserve you. You are worth so much more than your relationship status.

>>8617401
this anon is right.

>>8617401
i tried to do this before.

once at the time when we werent "real" to each other, just anon accounts, then another when we broke up when i came out, and after that i crawled back to him because i missed him and became suicidal and he didnt forgive for a month

>>8617410
He didn't forgive you for wanting to be happy? He's an awful person. That isn't love. Your friends and therapist can help you through the worst of it. Just let them support you when you need it.

>>8617427
its just a part of me that listens to him when he says that all trannies are mentally ill men and its not a real thing, and says masculine men can still be submissive in the bedroom and be men in their lives and that im "becoming my sexual identity"

like what if i could be cured. and my mind feels torn. is he my enemy? or is the group of friends and trans friends who encourage me?

>>8617433
Being trans is about so much more than your bedroom fantasies. It isn't a mental illness, it is just who you are. Love yourself. Your bf is a raging cunt who is absolutely trying to control you and break you.

>>8617443
yeah, he said that woman are for reproduction and thats "why" trannies are worthless

and all the "fakery" of voice training, makeup and hormones he says denies who you are naturally and that i only wanted to be a girl to escape my self hatred and become something "new"

totally depressed me. too terrified to talk about it again.

>>8617481
Well his argument is fucking dumb. Men are part of reproduction too, yet he's gay. He's at least as useless for reproduction as someone who is trans.

But even then, there is plenty of research showing that having gay and trans people can be good for a community, as they can fill in roles when parents are sick/injured/dead, and thus it makes sense from an evolutionary stand point. I'm not sure I buy that 100%, but evolution is just meaningless trial and error that runs in an uncaring universe, so I think fuck it and be what you want to be anyway.

Your self hatred sounds like it comes a lot from your dysphoria. So his argument is dumb af on that too. You just want to be who you are.

Long story short, he's a trash human being who deserves to have his testicles crushed in a trash compactor. Fuck him.

>>8617481
Fuck I haven't even met this guy and he makes me so fucking mad.

>>8617481
this guy actually sounds insane

File: 08.jpg (36KB, 480x640px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 480x640px

>>8610454
5 years boymode and im still alive, but my heart hurts from drug abuse

>>8617519
>>8617534
Just came off a long call with him.

I become a different person with him. Like I really am a boy and life shouldent be worrying about my gender.

"I'm so happy you got over your trans phase, hearing your real voice and seeing the real you, you're so cute" and I was able respond positively and be totally in agreement with him and grateful for his patience
It's like I'm hypnotised I just wanna hear him laugh and see him be happy and smile

>>8618109
That is creepy. He sounds really controlling and psychopathic. Pls get the fuck out of there Anon.

>>8618118
He's not creepy at all, he's handsome, sincere and he is kind to me when I stop worrying and being anxious about this, he says it with this tone of relief, like a friend who's helped a friend get off drugs
I don't think he malicious or repressing me by a mean motive, I think he genuinely cares for my well being.

I wouldn't have stayed with him otherwise. He does build up my confidence, saying I'm a cute boy and very attractive and I shouldent be so hard on myself and worries about me if I'm dieting too hard

>>8618141
See, that just makes me more worried. He builds you up with confidence to act a certain way, then rages at you when you step out of bounds. He isn't building you up and supporting you to be the person you want to be, the the person he wants you to be. He sounds like a very charismatic psychopath.

File: IMG_4870.jpg (49KB, 489x750px) Image search: [Google]

49KB, 489x750px

>>8618157
Maybe it's just what is destined...you know?

Like maybe it's ok for me to be a bit of woman in my head, maybe thats how submissive gays are in their head and all the years alone made me think I was something I could never be
Maybe it's better, I'm too tall, I doubt I'd ever pass.

And if being with him makes it all go away and makes me feel happy. Why should I jeopardise that? Maybe it will help?

>>8618180
Not one is destined to have to be with an abusive asshat. I know plenty of gay subs and they are very content being men.

Passing is a bullshit construct that makes me sick just hearing about it. You should be what you want to be, not have to worry about people judging whether or not you will pass. Plus women are pretty varied, some look more masculine, some really feminine. Being too tall or something is bullshit.

And you don't sound happy anon. You sound very sad and very afraid of him.

>>8618204
I'm not a girly waif or skinny twink. I did lift a lot in my teens, I can defend myself.
I'd have a lot a problems as a transwoman.

Here is good. Here is safe.

>>8618224
Plenty of women aren't girly waifs is my point. Women don't just look like one thing.

And maybe physically, but I don't think you can defend yourself emotionally from him. It sounds like he realized you were insecure and hated yourself, and that he could feed you validation to get you to act a certain way for him. It might be safe now, but being with someone like that long term is not. He will suck you dry for his own pleasure.

>>8618250
Can someone who has said he wants to hold my hand and hold me close and male me feel safe and loved under a starlit night really be all that bad?

>>8618305
Yes. That is a common part of abusive cycles. Sickly sweet for a while, then angry and moody when you displease them.

>>8618330
He hasn't actully been moody since, the only time he ever got angry was when I came out. Otherwise it's perfect and very loving and good between

>>8618337
I have a hard time believing that with how scared you are to talk to him about this. But either way it isn't loving or good to be with someone who forces you to be what they want, and not what you want. How long have you been together?

>>8618472
Over a year came out in febuary

>>8618538
Idk Anon. It still just doesn't sound like a good situation. A good partner should empower you to do what you want, not spew transphobic bullshit at you.

File: File_000 (279).jpg (259KB, 895x1553px) Image search: [Google]

259KB, 895x1553px

boymode with boobs feels
needs to be cold again so i can wear a hoodie

>>8619340
just wear 3 tee-shirts at once, lol
that's what i do and no one suspects anything tbqh

>>8619364
i'll try that tho heat might become a problem with it being nearly 90 degrees

File: edgy.png (375KB, 710x461px) Image search: [Google]

375KB, 710x461px

>>8617397
I TRIED SO HARD
AND GOT SO FAR
BUT IN THE END
IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER

>>8619366
yeah
don't forget to drink plenty of water otherwise you might get a heatstroke tbqh

>>8610454

>be mtf
>knew I should start transitioning years ago
>wont transition as I dont want to lose inheritance from conservative father
>feel like a shallow sell out 24/7

>>8616986
have you considered the idea that he might feel the same way about himself?

Just transition. There is a possibility he might not be able to dump you.

>>8619447
Seems smart to me. I wish I pretended to like my family more. I'm not gonna get jack shit from them when they die.

>>8619458

It may be smart but it feels wrong, like I am selling my real self.....but it is a LOT of money, and they arent the worst people, just not very accepting of LGBT.

>>8619525
this was the same thing stopping me from starting hrt but as of a month ago i decided the money just isn't worth it, even though it's also a lot for me. when my dad sees through my boymode eventually he'll definitely disown me but i don't really care anymore, for me it feels like transitioning is a real chance of being happy in a way no amount of money could match

I just go unisex for the time being as I'm early in HRT. No make up yet, might wait for a year to pass or more, will start with concealer and go from there.

>>8619553

You sound like you have more personal integrity than me, desu I dont know if transition will make me happy, but enough money to put me squarely in the 0.02% seems worth it, especially as being an effeminate long haired tilda swinton looking weirdo isnt really a problem for the family as long as I am cis and like girls (i do and am married).

>>8619577
Oh, inheritance aside the specifics of your situation are pretty different. I'm guessing i'm quite a bit younger (21) since you're married and I like guys, which my dad also really wouldn't approve of anyway. My inheritance would be a bit less but still just in the 1% so it's definitely significant but I'd have to live a real lie for quite a while to get it....

If I was in your situation I think I'd what you're doing, especially since you don't even know if transitioning would make you happy. Hopefully things work out for you!

File: index.jpg (7KB, 280x180px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 280x180px

When ppl notice there's something different about you what do you usually tell them?

I usually say that I have a "thyroid condition" lol.

>>8619618

I am older yeah(27) the perils of repression from a conservative upbringing lol. Transition would make me happier with my body, but overall I dont know if I would be able to deal with the fallout from the social aspects, I find it hard enough dealing with regular social issues.

I guess we are all just trying to muddle through as best we can, I can imagine it is harder in your situation, probably more of a target for unreasonable social stigma, I can at least be with those I desire without a second thought from anyone, I would find all of this much harder without my wife's support. Your decision sound perfectly reasonable as well, I do hope you find hapiness and it stays with you.

How do you know if Femboy or transitioning in the first place is right for you? 20 years old and have had feelings for about 5 years now but always pushed them aside. If I could have chosen at birth I would no doubt pick female.

File: 1476418176482.png (41KB, 293x270px) Image search: [Google]

41KB, 293x270px

Straight dude passing through. Don't be so hard on yourselves.

>>8616946
>>8616986
You're 22, don't give me that shit.

>>8619340
I thought that phone was a paper bag from the preview. I wish more people went that route.

File: portrait.jpg (24KB, 350x478px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 350x478px

>>8610454
Oh my gosh, I almost teared up finding this thread. I came here looking to see if there was anyone else experiencing what I was, wondering I was "real," if I didn't have the guts or the gumption to go through surgery, and because I am closet bisexual.

My family is full of kind and understanding people, but they are what I call natural traditionalists. They just expect what is normative and traditional from each other (and from me), so I've gotten good at acting the part. I have two older sisters and since I was a young, really just felt like one of three.... But my mom and dad were both so happy to have a son, and glad that they got to raise both girls and a boy. My sisters call me their brother, and I always met that with ambivalent acceptance and a resigned smile. I never wanted to change that for them or turn their world upside down.

Much the same went for school life. I mostly had female friends, who clearly saw that I was anything but masculine, however fanciful and outgoing I got, but was still left out of most girl-time exclusive activities, which was a downer for me. I was their "reasonable guy friend," and accepted that role.

I considered surgery, and read all about transitioning, but was scared the results wouldn't ever be what I really wanted, and I was still attracted to some women (as well as some men). I felt fake.

I took courses on the psychology of gender and sexuality in university, and by then decided that I had missed my chance since I was not a kid anymore and transitioning would be that much harder physically and socially, with all the relationships I'd built on being male.

I even feel guilty that I still wish to be female because by all accounts, I have a good male body. Tall, toned, cute butt, blue eyes and wavy hair on a kind-looking, angular face. Despite this, I have been in just one relationship, which prompts some people to wonder what's wrong? I was engaged, but it fell through for other reasons.

>>8619744
>"straight dude"
>anime
Sure thing, ... girl

File: TYbC5A7.jpg (934KB, 1080x1508px) Image search: [Google]

934KB, 1080x1508px

>>8619744
lmfao
i should totally wear a paper bag

File: 1483332426261.gif (598KB, 438x750px) Image search: [Google]

598KB, 438x750px

>>8619757
By that logic, 80% of 4chan's userbase is trans.

File: 1498853899711.jpg (140KB, 500x744px) Image search: [Google]

140KB, 500x744px

>>8619768
God yes, I would love you forever if you did.

>>8619753
>Oh my gosh, I almost teared up finding this thread. I came here looking to see if there was anyone else experiencing what I was,
Nice story but you don't understand.

This thread is not for people who never transitioned but still wish they did but actually for people who are taking hormones but are not full-time.

>>8616986
>hes my first bf ever
very few people get it right on the first try

>ive been alone forever and am 22.
u aint even a 1/4 of ur way through life yet yung blood

>i cant afford to be picky.
yes you can, you are worthy of love and happiness, everyone has flaws

>i dont know if i could get anyone else
you can, literally dating a hobo who loved you would be better than a partner who doesnt respect you

>>8619753
I hope you decide to go through with it after all.

File: renaisance.jpg (58KB, 736x1101px) Image search: [Google]

58KB, 736x1101px

>>8619753
(cont)
And so here I am at 29, feeling mostly good about the life I am living. It's a good life - fulfilling work and solid friends. But it can get lonely, and I keep my secrets to not make waves.
Though I do wish I could meet someone -it would have to be a girl- who understands that I have a feminine soul. I have wanted to be a mom for quite some time too, but I will be the best father I can be if it works out that way, and just vicariously enjoy journying through pregnancy and parenthood with her. She would respect that in front of family, I want things to stay as they are to make everyone happy, but that at home, she would accept... and (please God) love, my private self.

I don't buy clothes made for female bodies because they look unfitting on me, but I subtly express femininity through my choice in fashion. I would want to wear <<pic related<< at my wedding.

Anyway, thank you, whoever made this thread, and to all of you who have posted in it. It means a lot to find people who can relate to these unspoken issues.

>>8619779
Oh. I'm sorry for intruding.

>>8619793
Not likely now, unfortunately. I considered my body too fargone into maleness at 23, and just resigned to having a public face and a private one. I also have a couple good LGBTQ friends who recognize my situational gender presentation.

Thanks for your support all the same. :)

>>8619804
Don't feel like you can't still hang out here..

>>8619779
Actually in re-reading OP, I think you believe the thread is more exclusive than it is. See:
>Boymode is a place for us who have decided to cope with dysphoria without transitioning or are not finished transitioning.

This is a place for me too, since I am coping with the dysphoria without transitioning.

>>8619652
I just say it's because I've lost weight and grown out hair.

>>8619451
He did the first time
I was the one who crawled back to him

Hes dated others before

>>8618789
I was really happy last night and now I'm anxious I'm gonna masculinise :(

File: 1498881339337.png (87KB, 407x402px) Image search: [Google]

87KB, 407x402px

why should I bother if I look like shit compared to real women and cis femboys without HRT.

at what point should I just kill myself? nobody can ever love me like this

>>8620340
:3

>>8619840
>I am coping with the dysphoria without transitioning.
how?

>>8620234
See this just doesn't sound emotionally healthy. You should be able to do what you want, not have him hold things over your head. I guarantee there are better people out there for you.

>>8620500
It's not like without him I'd be any less scared of society and would be hiding things anyway

Maybe he's just the one person who won't hugbox me and doesent want me to be an ugly hon

He has told me I'm a good looking young man and it hurt him to see me so self hating I wanted to be a girl

I haven't actually decided to stay in boymode by choice
I currently live in a transphobic shit of a country (huehuehue monkeyland)
No matter how many suicide attempts i have made because of dysphoria, i still can't do nothing to become more like a girl.
My parents have told me multiple times that if i ever become, quote " a girly-looking faggot" i'll be just kicked out of the house with no money for myself.
Good thing i'm friends with a lot of tumblr people online, so i can get at least some form of validation by asking them to act as if i'm a girl and use female pronouns to me and shit

I'm also super scared of hrt. Ive seen the shit it can do to you at an older age and i fear that if i do it i wont be able to revert later on in my life

>>8620740
I live in a shitty country too and didn't transition either, except I've been on hrt for many years and thank God my mother is supportive

also, wtf are you talking about? what old age?

as a tranny you don't live to old age. you shouldn't want that, if you are dysphoric and only look forward to shitty life of this sort.

I know I don't. But I don't want to die, either. But if I didn't have hrt, I would.

>>8620725
He certainly isn't helping you be less scared. You should be with someone who will help, or open up to our friends who will support you. And your looks don't matter as long as you are happy with how you look. Fuck society.

>>8613426
Yuuuuup

>>8620955
Ive never been the kind of person to not be Afraid of society

I'm too afraid to even dress in anything but anonymising hoodies. Got no individual spark to me.

>>8620982
I think you're beautiful

>>8621106
I know. Society is rough and scary. But also fuck it. If it isn't helping you what is the point to it? Build a group of friends who will love and support you. You'll probably find a better partner that way as well.