/acegen/ - Asexuality General

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these threads always die a slow death. there's no hope in finding an ace girl on here or irl, they're rare.

>no ace gf to love.
>no will to live.

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>>8596659
>implying "asexuality" is real

Every "asexual" I ever met was literally a kinky slut.

Do asexuals masturbate?

>>8596731
>Some do, some don't.

>>8596732
Oh, I didn't see that. So do you all just have low libido or something? You can get your hormone levels checked, you know.

>>8596735
I've been thinking about getting mine checked but don't have the money to do that right now.

My libido is practically non existent.

>>8596685
Kinks are often much easier to fake your way through than vanilla sex. You don't need to be physically aroused to inflict pain, for example. And you can cut someone off abruptly when you get bored and play it off as chastity or humiliation.

>>8596659
>low libido="""""""""""""""asexuality""""""""""""""""
lel

>>8598381
please stop making fun of us

>>8598431
>stop making fun of us
>>Do you guys masturbate?
>Some do, some don't.

>>8596735

Libido and sexual attraction aren't the same thing, although people often conflate he two
Libido is an urge toward sexual release
Sexual attraction is a desire to engage in sex with a particular person
Sexual people tend to desire someone else sexually and end up satisfying the libido without discerning the two aspects
Many ace people have a libido but don't wish to have sex with someone (or for some the desire happens only under specific and uncommon circumstances)

>>8596659
Why the HELL does it say "a*losexual" in the OP?

>>8599908
>asexuality: literally nothing but autistic semantics

well good to know broseph stalin keep on spreading the good motherfuckin word I guess :^)

>>8599944

What are you talking about? 'Allosexual' in the pic? That means 'sexual' (as in not asexual)

>>8599989
Is means sexually attracted to others so why are those 'people' being invited to our thread?

>>8600005

It's not just for the thread; that's the meaning inherent in the color as part of the ace flag. It's a reminder of the significance of allies, not least those with whom ace individuals are in relationships

>>8600054
Dating an a*losexual is understandable but that doesn't mean they have to be in the flag.

>>8600085

That's a fair point. I can relate to this from disliking the suggestion that the A in LGBTQIA stands for Allies
Also your asterisk usage is new to me and I'm curious about what it signifies

>>8600225
Exactly.

The asterisk is because I don't want to say the word. They can use it in their own threads and it can stay away from here.

>>8600247

Okay, thank you, I can definitely see where you're coming from. They have the whole rest of the internet

>>8596679
Ace girl here. Are you ace and alloromantic? If you don't live in too small of a city, there might be a meetup in the area for aces. I found one in my city that I've been planning to check out for a while now.

>>8596679
What? No they're not. I use OKCupid and see you kids on my match list frequently despite specifically gearing my questions/answers to filter aces out.

>>8596659
>Denial General

Anyone have any tips to turn down the sexual pressure in a new relationship?

I'm generally willing to get a partner off either manually or orally as a necessary chore in a relationship but find actual intercourse too intimate to fake my way through. Recently my bf who had previously been very accepting and understanding of the situation has been pressuring me more and more for sex, wanting me to just "do it for him" and promising that somehow he'll be different.

>>8600887
To be completely honest, it sounds like the relationship is probably going to fail due to sexual incompatibility. Your partner was okay with a sexless relationship in theory but not in practice, and his frustration is building. It's not something you can alleviate with words or that will get better over time.

>>8600852
Denial of what, exactly?

>>8600887
End it now, he's trying to "fix" you and anyone here can see the damage he is causing plain as day.

He may be a good guy, but you are not compatible so you can never be.

>>8600887
wait so you're telling me i can have oral sex and still be considered ace?

>>8603319

Do you experience sexual attraction toward anyone?

>>8603366
For what definition of "sexual attraction"?

>>8603405

interest in engaging in sexual activity with the person

>>8604528
By that definition interest in performing oral is inherently not-ace.

"I don't want sex lol" is this entire general summed up in one sentence.

please go back to tumblr

>>8605980
This deserves they bingo card

>>8605980
There are entire boards and sites dedicated to KHVs who do nothing but rage and complain about not getting sex. How is this thread any worse?

>>8600887
Tell him that you want to experiment with something in the bedroom, but he'll have to be open and understanding about it and do what you tell him because this is uncomfortable territory for you. Then chain him to a radiator and leave him there for a few hours. Then come back and ask if he had a good time.

Don't go too far in case he escapes. If he does make it out, be there and say "If you won't do something just for me, why should I do anything just for you?"

>>8596659
Since when demi is spectrum of asexuality?

Since when being attracted to the people you really know, your friends, dating ppl and waiting with sex after getting married and not just trying to have sex with random stranger and getting aids is asexuality.
I'm very sexual , I fantasize about my destined one(I'm going to meet one day) every night. I just don't treat people as sexual objects - does that make me asexual? lol

>Favorite asexual romance stories in literature or film?
Ahsoka and Anakin from SW: Clone Wars

>>8607165
Calling them a romantic relationship is just shipping and has nothing to do with the actual content of the show. They're friends.

>>8598489
So? I want to masturbate because it relieves stress and feels good, but I don't want to have sex with any person.

>>8603319
Some aces perform oral and even vaginal sex just to keep the partner happy. Doesn't mean they want to.

>>8607407
That's abuse, though. Sex is not luke doing chores or paying for pizza or some other thing you compromise on. There is an absolute moral imperative that any couple have only the amount of sex desired by the member who wants it the least, and not an instant more than that. Cross that line and the more desirous one becomes a sex crimrinal and a monster. If he tries to pressure you for more than that, show the world what he is.

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I think Go Siwon from A Guy Like You could be an ace. He really wants to be in a relationship but feels uncomfortable every time his boyfriend tries to make out with him. He doesn't seem to want anything sexual and always tells his bf to be patient and just wait. One of us imho.

>>8607430
>Sex is not luke doing chores or paying for pizza or some other thing you compromise on.
Remind me why not?

>>8607430
I've read that some asexual women are in a relationships with sexual men, and since they are sexuals and the women want to keep them they just have some alcohol and let their partner penetrate them. It's kind of abusive but they agreed to that to keep the sexual partner around. Maybe they are really inlove or the partner is wealthy, who knows.

>>8607430
>he
Because only men can be sex criminals and monsters.

>>8607436
Because it's a universal human right to be able to refuse sex. There is not a corresponding right to receive sex. In matters of everyday non-sexual compromises, nobody's rights are at stake one way or the other.
So if someone wants to have sex with you and you want to have no sex, you don't meet in the middle and have a little sex. You have no sex and either he learns to like it or you make sure he faces punishment.

And yes, technically he could break up with you instead and that is also morally acceptable. If you want to, you can discourage that by breaking him down a little and realize he has no right to expect anyone else to fuck him either.

>>8607513
There's the odd exception, but that's the way to bet, yes.

>>8607599
>it's a universal human right to be able to refuse sex
So if the ace person isn't refusing, what's the problem?

>>8607599
>implying there's no universal human right not to do chores or pay for pizza
You support slavery and theft, but god forbid someone should have sex and get something in return.

>>8607635
Then the ace person is behaving inauthentically and not seizing the power that is their right. It'd be like not voting because you're afraid someone will think you're not nice if you do it.

It's also granting unearned pleasure and gratification to some sex-focused mouth-breather who won't even realize that something is wring if you don't say something.

>>8607165
Demi doesn't mean "not interested in casual sex". It means you literally have no sexual feelings at all except for people they're already close to in some way. So except for a few exceptions, they basically have the same experiences as asexual people.

An allo person might not want to have sex with someone they're not close to, but they still have sexual feelings towards strangers, which is why sex in media is such a big thing. If everyone was demi, there would be no point in it.

>>8607436
Because sex is far more personal and intimate than mere physical labor or financial transactions. It's one thing if an ace doesn't mind having sex with their partner even though they don't experience sexual attraction, but the idea that someone is "entitled" to sex from their partner is an entirely different issue.

>>8607635
As long as they're not being pressured or coerced into it, then there isn't a problem.

>>8607643
People shouldn't be forced to do any of those things, but having sex against your will is far more violating than having to give up some money against your will. The fact that they're getting something in return is irrelevant - it may influence their decision to give consent in the first place, but you can't say "well, I did have sex with you without your consent, but I gave you $5000, so that means it's not really rape, right?"

>>8607718
>People shouldn't be forced to do any of those things
>but one of them is still in a different category as not "some other thing you compromise on"

>>8607643
The problem with aces who see sex as transactional ("I can prevent you from leaving me if I agree to sex" or the like) is that they're paying up front for something they're not guaranteed to get and often aren't even explicitly asking for. Ask anyone who actually turns tricks for a living; none of them do work on spec like that. If you're going to be a sex worker at least do it right.

>>8607797
>they're paying up front for something they're not guaranteed to get and often aren't even explicitly asking for. Ask anyone who actually turns tricks for a living; none of them do work on spec like that.
You mean it's like dating, the guy buys dinner but doesn't know if he'll get laid?

>If you're going to be a sex worker at least do it right.
The other way around?

>>8607863
Well, yeah, if the guy is really just after sex he should say so up front so he's not leading anyone on with the false conceit that he wants a relationship.

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>>8608022
guys are notoriously bad at being self-reflective.
they only very rarely know what they want and are even less likely to be able to articulate their intentions.
but, yeah, it would be nice if they would do that.

>>8608092
I think most guys just want to stick it in. If you always keep this in mind it becomes easier to understand them.

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>>8608135
come up to my level

>>8607736
Yes, being forced to have sex with someone is far more violating than having to give up to $20. Coercion is wrong, but it's pretty ridiculous to claim that being coerced into sex is no worse than any other kind of coercion.

Cis trash here, I've been with this girl for over a year now and we're really solid but we've barely done anything sexual because she's really not sure of her sexuality atm

Like she's said that she's bi but she's also pretty sure she's somewhere along the asexuality spectrum

If it turns out that she doesn't really have sexual feelings at all, how fucked are we? Anyone here been in a relationship with a non-ace person?

>>8608978
>Cis trash here
I think most of us in this thread are cis.
>how fucked are we?
Well, are you happy with the relationship right now? You've been with her for a year. It's not like she's going to suddenly change.

>>8608151
>being forced to have sex
t. can't read

Does feeling sexual attraction per se, but not having any actual desire to have sex because of certain factors fall under ace?

>>8610242
No. That's like asking if you're heterosexual because even though you feel sexually attracted to other men, you don't actually want to have sex with them because of certain factors.

>>8610285
But someone who fucks women, doesn't fuck men, but still likes to look at them is basically straight

>>8610242
Depends. What are the factors?

>>8610315
Sex and genitals mostly disgust or unnerve me, and also trauma related to sexual assault.

>>8607599
>There's the odd exception, but that's the way to bet, yes.
Kill yourself.

>>8608978
It's funny that you ask that as though you have no control over yourself. It's rare that a sexual person has that much self-awareness.

If you want to save this relationship, you know what you have to do. You have to give up on the self-delusion that she'll eventually ask for sex, or that she'll eventually consent and enjoy herself if you're pigheaded enough to initiate sex. You must discipline yourself to make yourself the kind of person who is worthy of her. If you can't do that, you must leave her for her sake.

>>8607599

>And yes, technically he could break up with you instead and that is also morally acceptable. If you want to, you can discourage that by breaking him down a little and realize he has no right to expect anyone else to fuck him either.

If you're going to do this incredibly fucked-up, toxic shit just to hold on to a relationship you may as well just end it.

>>8611683
Thanks?

I mean I love her and even if I wanted to I don't think I could leave her if her mental health doesn't get any better. But yeah I'm not dying a virgin and I'm also not about to become a rapist so I dunno, maybe it's inevitable.

>>8611937

There's some pretty simple therapeutic techniques that can answer some of these questions. Therapy isn't weird, it's 2017 and if you shop around a bit you can find a good one even on a budget (or even free).

I'd offer some advice but I dunno, my definition of a 'relationship' and 'close friendship' sorta blurs together. If that's not the case for your SO, I can't really give much advice.

>>8607599
>There's the odd exception, but that's the way to bet, yes.

Fuck you. You and people like you are the reason guys who get raped don't come forward.

>>8604532

Interest in having sex for the pleasure of having sex, or an internal need of some kind. Even people who don't like having sex with their partner and do it because their partner might enjoy it with someone they are more attracted to (or with some specific fetish or whatever).

If nothing and no-one turns you on, you're ace.

>>8612061
she's already got therapy lined up on her end so that will at least help her to understand herself more quickly probably

we're both really young anyway so statistically it probs won't last but I don't like to think it's doomed

cheers anyway

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Hi everyone. I am considering seeing a sex therapist and want to know if you all think it may be a good idea. I am not aroused by other people, at all. Even when my girlfriend manages to get my penis erect, there is just no sexual pleasure, not like when I masturbate. I am not opposed to sex, in fact I badly want it, but I think I might have a mental block preventing me from sexualizing other people. Do you think sex therapy might help me?

>>8612151

Well, nothing is really 'doomed'. It's just a matter of communication, knowing stuff, and deciding on things. I've got people i've liked for a long time, ever since I was quite young, but it's less of a sexual monogamous relationship and sorta 'close friendship that sometimes had sexual bits'. Being able to trust someone is really worth it regardless of if you're ticking societal boxes or not. Sorting out those sorts of priorities and making sure you're not fucking yourself over by removing possibilities without realizing it is a big part of good therapy, imo.

>>8612153
>there is just no sexual pleasure, not like when I masturbate.
What makes masturbating pleasurable?

>>8612071
>Interest in having sex for the pleasure of having sex, or an internal need of some kind.
>If nothing and no-one turns you on, you're ace.
That contradicts OP, which says lack of sexual attraction, not all sexual interest/pleasure, makes you ace.

Hey, is howl around?
These threads die too fast.

>>8612901
Good