How's your mental health? You doing okay? Autism and depression

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>>8569839
I feel like you're in pain.

Not autistic, doctors confirmed I'm not.
Severe depression and anxiety issues though.
My therapist told me to call and schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist but it's a struggle to pick up the phone and make the call. It just takes so much energy to do.

>>8569843
i am, but you aint a psychologist

>>8569851
I don't cost $250 an hour either. So you've got nothing to lose by talking to me.

>>8569827
Depression's not so bad, but I am fucking COLD, and the realisation that I have to go back to work ON MONDAY is sinking in.
Not signed off due to depression or anything like that; I just had a couple of weeks of holiday time booked.

Being autistic is just a fucking way of life. It's kind of a pain when I have no external structure; I've been living like a NEET this week, and flat-out forgot to eat breakfast yesterday until the hunger pangs distracted me from gaming.
I'm hoping the sun comes out and dries the standing water from yesterday; want to go motorbiking.

I'm autistic... but not depressed. I haven't spoken to a therapist in years.

I feel like I am the only gay guy on the face of the planet that doesnt have any noted mental health issues. No depression, no anxiety, no nothing.

With all the gay guys in my area having something I am starting to wonder if being gay is actually a mental health issue.

>>8569827
Borderline personality disorder pretty bad depression and social anxiety disorder. Not to mention I'm a repressing tranny shit is about as bad as it can get as far as mental health goes.

>>8569827
I feel bitter and spiteful and full of hate. I'm giving up on life and just wish to make others suffer.

>>8569827
Autism, Depression, Repression
Hikki + AGP

It's the ultimate combination of Life is Suffering.

>>8570754
Sounds like an old pal of mine named Justin

>>8569827
>Autism and depression
iktf, it is most definitely not a fun ride

>>8570791
What happened to Justin?

>>8570806
No idea, I hope he matured a bit instead of projecting his problems on others.

>>8570832
What else is someone to do when they give up on their own problems?

>>8570842
Isolate themselves?

/autismo/ here.
I say "self-care" a lot these days.
When I found out what shutdowns were, I became much more mindful of my stimulation levels. Previously I had no idea why I would feel tired, lay down for a couple of hours, wide awake but perfectly still, and get up feeling refreshed.
I used to think had a low tolerance for other people, but now I just ask for regular pauses in conversation and I'm fine.
This summer I've relearned my relationship with food. It had been normal for me to put off eating when I was hungry if there was any other activity I was more focused on, and overeat in restaurants because I was zeroed in on the sensation of eating.
Two nights ago I was kept up half the night worrying, and made the next day bearable by keeping in mind that because I was tired, I would be more anxious.
I called my mom and had her remind me that the things I was worried about weren't guaranteed to happen, and that helped a lot.

>>8570854
Why should they sacrifice themselves to protect the ones who made them suffer?

>>8570864
People like that think everyone made them suffer.

>>8570866
So?

>>8570861
I had never heard of shutdowns this is interesting, thanks.

therapist and i has a wall up, she yelled at me when i asked how she's doing today, proceeded by she won't acknowledge my presence outside therapy building because hippa. she's my age and attractive. literally the choice therapist for me to pickup some feminine mannerisms, if she allows it. i've had three sessions and all i remember her saying so far is who what where when why. feels like i'm talking to a cop who is pressuring me to lead the conversation about why i'm not a criminal. the intake at the therapists was wierd / all fetish stuff.

i feel like i'm being pushed into having to humiliate myself and open up to the therapist about this stuff, and i'm being leveraged with free srs. it's like some pornhub blackmail shit i'd avoid irl.

i'm pretty sure i won the lottery on who my medical professionals are. theyre all creme da la creme. (if jews could eat cream haha)

and after a year the therapist could just refuse to give me an srs letter.

inb4 wait another twenty years for parents to die to buy proprietary pussy.

>>8570898
You're hilarious! "Proprietary Pussy" is my band namw now.

>>8570916
got cereal? i need to get to where i can see the therapist as a confidant, not a cop.

>>8570898
>the intake at the therapists was wierd / all fetish stuff.
?

>>8570938
yeah some dude grilled me for two hours then gave me a hrt letter. ez but don't wana go through explaining that stuff to anyone ever again, exept to myself.

>>8570934
You've got some real reasons to be guarded. It's a delicate situation! You want SRS now, this doctor can keep it from you, and she might have a biased or narrow diagnostic criteria. I don't think there's one right approach to throw yourself into. Experiment with opening up a little bit, see if she has any "tells" about what she does and doesn't want to hear. Any biases. But start out by just believing that telling her your story, believing that you deserve this, will be enough. Try that for a sesh and see what happens. Adjust accordingly. You probably can still be honest, but there might be a certain way she wants to hear things.

>>8570938
Not that anon but I assumed they meant Blanchardian/AGP-type questions.

>>8570952
But why not use him again instead of the sucky female therapist who's blackmailing you over SRS?

>>8570958
You seem rather over optimistic when it comes to therapists.

>>8570962
Definitely, I've had good experiences. But I understand that others are less trusting for good reasons.

>certain way she wants to hear things
yeah i was like 'i cant discuss shit with u' thinking about how we can't even say if we have ever been suicidal w/o getting locked up.
she said some shit about the video game i was playing.
i dont think we were on the same page, but i've been going stoned on weed anyway (1.5 hr drive to get to her. figure she should be connecting with me, not telling me to come in clear minded) (weed bias lol)

>>8570960
that was the plan until i realized i have zero females in my life except family

the dumbeset part of all this (to me) is the male intake therapist straight asked me if i'm suicidal, and i'm like no i have reasons to live.(true). he said that's good because if u say shit we will all lock u up quick.

a month later on 4chan i learned all my reasons for not being suicidal are now null and void because i'm dysphoric for lyfe and staying alive for other people is stupid when they could have told me what is transition when i was eight..

and i can't say shit to the therapists except "oh i wana has me a good steak dinner erry friday and hope sunday is better"

i'm not even suicidal, i love being on hrt, i make new friends almost every time i leave my house now.

may have to masturbate too hard and break my dick to get that free vaginaplasty

>>8570980
>he said that's good because if u say shit we will all lock u up quick.
Yeah they cannot be trusted in the least.

>when they could have told me what is transition when i was eight..
Your family knew you were trans but hid transition from you?

>>8570976
i don't understand what a good experience is.
i've known people who attended therapy most of their lives. all it did for them is change their thought pattern to be a PITA.

a shrink grilled me in jail. i forgot about that haha. good experience. confirmed i wasn't crazy, figured out why i dun goofd, transfered me out.

>>8569827
I'm happy in general than I've ever been. I'm not abusing substances anymore. Although sometimes I wish I could smoke pot again. It reminds me of simpler times.

Sometimes I still get depressed though and like lose motivation to do stuff. I know I was before but I think I've pulled out of it kinda. I'm doing stuff again (gym,dating, still need to get back to my stream), but I still feel meh sometimes. And spend many nights just refreshing 4chan after I do my other things. Which feel a shitty and depressing but I can't even be bothered to load up a game or read or anything. So I'm not sure where I'm at.

Sometimes it's like I'm just watching myself. Not often though.

I haven't wanted to kill myself seriously in a few years though. So wins!

>>8570991
from the time i was in the womb. what family doesn't spot that shit in children?

>>8570998
Mine didn't. How obviously trans were you?

I feel very strange about how happy I am. About a month ago I was determined to kill myself I was so unhappy. But then I started dating my bf. He makes me so happy that I really don't know what to do. That kind of worries me. It basically means that my life is in his hands entirely. He would never hurt a fly and is the most loving person I've ever met, but it still doesn't seem healthy to me. I don't think I actually got better. I'm just head over heels and ecstatic about it. But I'm really just not sure what to do about it. When he holds me, I just feel safe. Like all the problems I could have are just melting away. I don't think I can really live life without him and that worries me.

>>8571006
....they moved me to a small country farmer town after kindergarten. apparently i was bff's with the women and trapping the men. in kindergarten.

i got completed red necked.

>>8571010
your brain is completing the child rearing loop.
congrats, that's the most stablizing influence an adult brain can get (im a stoner)

>>8571013
>i got completed red necked.
How?

>>8571016
Right? I got that nice tingly feeling just reading that.

>>8570993
How can a shrink get someone out of jail?

>>8570993
>i've known people who attended therapy most of their lives. all it did for them is change their thought pattern to be a PITA
Had to look up "Pain In The Ass." I can't say you wouldn't think I'm one. We might have different ideas about what a "good experience" with therapy is.

>>8570998
>what family doesn't spot that shit in children?
mine could tell I was gender nonconforming, but seemed to have had such a negative understanding of transitioning and trans people that they couldn't believe it would be something I might need. Or could ever hope to afford to help me with. So they tried to ignore it. And so did I, until my first whiskers came in and I was ready to kill myself.

how do I differentiate those two?

I'm like reeeally depressed/gender dysphoric and am afraid of what other people think, so I generally avoid social situations, but I don't know if that means I'm autistic...

do autistic people have this "I love you all and I wanna talk" attitude when they get drunk?

>>8571016
I wish I could have children with him some day. But I don't have a vagina. I sometimes feel really guilty about being with him. Like I'm holding him back. He could be married to a cis girl and he could have kids and his parents would be happy for him. But when he holds me and tells me he loves me all those anxieties just flow away. I know that he chose me and he wants me. Even if we can't have children the normal way, we'll figure something out. I love him so much.

>>8571050
I never really wanted kids before. But recently I've been like. Really wanting to get married and raise kids one day. It's so weird.

>>8571029
if u wana be a grill, do it. u dont need reasons to tell other people.

depression is rarely a brain neuron malfunction. it's always something missing in your lifestyle that your genes know should exist.

>>8571050
you're noble about it. i know two stealths irl. cheats, but got to agree with their choosing anonymous/hiding in plain sight skillz.

>>8571026
they could be talking about being transferred into a lower-security section of the prison when the doctor determines that they aren't a danger to themselves or others.

>>8571062
Oh yeah. I didn't want kids before I met my bf, but he fills me with the need to breed! Then again I was an asexual repressor for most of my life so...

>>8571081
lol right. E is great. i wana date a guy, tired of being the man in relationships.

>>8571065
I'm actually not even stealth yet which is one of the reasons I feel so lucky. I'm relatively early into transition and still not full time, but when I'm with him I can actually be myself. And he can see through my boymode self to the real me. In fact when we first met I was in boymode. After all that he's seen of me, I know that he loves me for me. I just feel so lucky to have him.

>can't be affected by social anxiety if you don't socialise

>>8571081
Have you also found yourself having marriage fantasies? I never wanted to get married before but now when unlike a guy I imagine it.

>>8571096
u know you just made like half of 4chan jelly, right?

>>8571120
hehehe

>>8571116
Yes absolutely! I want him to be my husband! I want to grow old with him!

>>8570896
See, that's what tumblr is actually good for. Taught me how to manage the autism from a having-autism standpoint, rather than 'I don't have autism but think this is what you need to do anyways'.
I end up having partial shutdowns sometimes, mostly due to stress at work and people not understanding that 'fuck off and leave me alone' means 'fuck off and leave me alone'.

>>8571085
>i wana date a guy, tired of being the man in relationships.
I know the feeling. I just want to be held and cuddled and treated like a catboy and demand to be petted in the mornings.

I'm fairly certain I have avoidant personality disorder but I don't want to be bothered with getting diagnosed.

>>8571449
>See, that's what tumblr is actually good for. Taught me how to manage the autism
I actually learned about shutdowns on tumblr. any blogs there you would recommend?

>people not understanding that 'fuck off and leave me alone' means 'fuck off and leave me alone'.
I can confirm that explaining stimulation needs to people can be really difficult.
I try to avoid upsetting or offending people, and try to give advance warnings that I might not want to talk or be spoken to for a few minutes.
I also try to anticipate things that seem tolerable now, but might begin to really irritate me later.
Once I was so shut down I didn't even want to say that I didn't want to talk, and that only freaked my mom out even more. She would not leave me alone. She yelled, screamed and cried, and kept leaving the room and coming back, terrified and outraged I was still refusing to speak. I had to figure out a few one-word answers to placate her when I was shutting down.

I can't help but feel a deep dissatisfaction with life, in general.

I don't really like where my life is headed, at this point, and I feel as though I'm sorely missing the presence of a significant other. I've never had a boyfriend. I feel as though some kind of relationship would dull the usual maudlin feelings

>>8571922
>any blogs there you would recommend?
Not anymore. The good ones got shut down, and I dropped out of the whole 'community' aspect of it to just post catgirl porn.

>>8570861
fuck this sounds a lot like me

not even sure if I'm autistic, but like a lot of the other mtfs here, I have crippling depression and anxiety

>NEET
>the world is my oyster but instead i just do nothing all day

>>8571984
Yeah, I was asking for recommendations because I know that not just any autism tumblr would be worth my time. Pity the ones you liked are gone.